The Inevitable: Chapter 1: Part 5

by Vireyda.

Sephiroth watched Cloud out of the corner of his eye. The young man was sitting next to Zack with his legs stretched out in front of him on the bench-like seat. The arms crossed over his chest closed him off to the world. His blond spiky hair jumped with each bounce of the truck, slapping him lightly in the face once in a while. His hard face denied Sephiroth a glimpse into what he was thinking. Sephiroth wanted to enjoy the sight of him but couldn't, knowing he was the cause of the man's animosity.

He had long ago given up trying to talk to Cloud. That night two weeks ago. . . Sephiroth cringed as the memories played out again in his mind. He knew he had betrayed Cloud's trust in him by fleeing from him in a moment of uninhibited vulnerability, right after Cloud had declare his love for him.

Of course, then there was the event that had brought the words about in the first place, namely the spanking he had delivered to the young trooper. Sephiroth didn't know whether to laugh or cry at the memory. He still hadn't figured out what had come over him to do such an uncivilized act. If he hadn't wanted to touch the younger man so badly. . . If Cloud hadn't been so absurdly responsive. . . He knew he wouldn't have done it if Cloud had said a definite ‘no' to him. The sight of the younger man's erection had told him that Cloud was enjoying it on a certain level. He couldn't deny that he had developed an erection of his own that had been caged inside his wet pants. Then, as the session progressed and their breathing became harsh, he had wanted Cloud. He had wanted to make love to the passionate man to feel his skin next to his own.

He hadn't been expecting Cloud to profess his love for him. He couldn't excuse his actions but the shock of Cloud saying those three words, I love you, had reduced his mind to the primal level. He had reacted with fear and had said foolish things. He was paying the price. Cloud hated him now.

‘How could I have been such a fool to reject him like that,' Sephiroth thought. Then he paused, frowning. ‘Perhaps it is better this way,' .

A hard lurch of the truck almost threw him of the seat. They were traveling to Nibleheim. It would be Cloud's first mission, and his. . . well, he couldn't remember anymore. He had stopped counting long ago.

His eyes captured movement from Cloud. He turned his head to look at the young trooper. Their eyes met and the stare lengthened. He thought for a second that Cloud might actually say something more than a required response to a command. Then Sephiroth was practically melted on the spot by Cloud's scalding glare. Cloud whipped his gaze away.

Sephiroth shook his head slightly. This was the longest ride of his life. He had thought that he had experienced every kind of pain in existence. Proving him wrong, the last two weeks and especially the last few hours had brought a pain so sour that he had lived with a migraine almost constantly. The headache had been gone for a while but now, as his vision blurred, he felt it coming back in full force. He settled his face in his hands as nausea over took him.

Cloud glanced back up and saw Sephiroth's face buried in his hands. ‘Good. I hope the man is suffering as much as I am.' Traitorous tears welled up in his eyes. ‘No. I won't cry. Sephiroth doesn't cry. Doesn't show any emotion. I'll be the same. I'll keep everything inside.'

A tear slid down his face when he blinked. His hand wiped at it before any of the other men saw it. Out of the corner of his eye, Cloud noticed Zack giving him a questioning look.

‘Why does Zack keep looking at me? Is my pain more obvious than I hope it is? How the hell does Sephiroth hide his feelings? Doesn't he feel anything? No, that's absurd. The man must feel something. He's human after all. . . Isn't he?'

It hit Cloud how little he truly knew about General Sephiroth. The man had revealed nothing about himself. Offered nothing. Cloud had to practically steal affection from him. The only times he had ever gotten close to the man was when he was the aggressor. He couldn't help but wonder if he had been fooling himself for the last year that Sephiroth would ever allow him to get close. His breathing faltered at the thought that he meant nothing to the man he loved so dearly.

With a shake of his head, Cloud attempted to banish Sephiroth from his mind. He tried to look forward to seeing his mother, although he would be avoiding everyone else like the plague. His embarrassment over not making SOLDIER was still too fresh. He tried to be optimistic about his first mission. Still, underneath every thought was Sephiroth.

~~~~~~

Sephiroth stood outside of one of the Inn's bedroom doors. He couldn't hear any noise inside of the room but he knew Cloud was there. He didn't know what he would do or say to Cloud when. . . if he opened the door. All he knew was that he wanted Cloud back in his life. He wanted to see Cloud's cheerful smile. No smile had crossed the young man's face in his presence since he had screwed up in the forest. He hadn't realized how much the man meant to him until he was no longer welcome in Cloud's life. Their relationship needed to be made right even though after the mission they would hardly see each other.

Sephiroth made a fist and prepared to knock. The hand started the motion but stopped. He bit his lip in frustration. ‘What is wrong with me? I've commanded troops and killed mercilessly. Yet I cannot simply talk to a kid who is nine years my junior?'

Suddenly the door swung open. Cloud jumped and grabbed at his own chest when he saw Sephiroth. "You scared the shit out of me!" Then, as it dawned on him who was in front of him, Cloud's body hardened as his eyes lost their usual sparkle. Crossing his arms over his chest, the trooper blurted out, "what are you doing here?"

Sephiroth's heart pounded in his chest. He clenched and unclenched his hands, trying to distract himself from the dark look in the young man's eyes. Senseless fear overwhelmed him. ‘I can't screw this up. Cloud has to understand. . . Understand what? That I'm sorry? Yes, I'm sorry. Sorry for not being the man that Cloud needs me to be. For rejecting him every time he tries care. I want him to understand how much he means to me.'

‘I want to tell him how much I love him.' Shocked by the sudden thought, Sephiroth shivered inwardly. ‘Do I really love Cloud?'

The idea of love seemed so vague and meaningless and to a SOLDIER it had no use. At least that was what he had always been taught; Feelings were for the weak minded. Now, he still wasn't sure if love had any use but, if it was really love he felt for Cloud, he did know it hurt like hell most of the time.

Apparently having enough with Sephiroth's speechlessness, Cloud growled, "General Sephiroth, unless you have new orders for me, I have the night off. I plan on enjoying it." When the older man didn't instantly respond, Cloud pushed past him and marched to the stairs.

‘Okay, that just went down the drain.' A weakness overtook him. He rested his head against the hallway wall. He knew then that it was hopeless. The man would never forgive him. If he'd only just told Cloud that he loved him too. . .

Sephiroth heard the retreating military boots stop at the stairs.

"Sir, did you have something to say to me?"

Sephiroth clearly heard the turmoil in Cloud's question. The trooper had asked the question with all the strength he had. Sephiroth straightened himself and turned to look at Cloud's back. His heart lifted. Cloud was giving him another chance!

"I. . . I just. . . I. . ." Sephiroth shuddered, unable to help himself as an irrational fear took over his mind.

"Out with it already!" Cloud hissed.

Sephiroth closed his eyes. He thought that maybe if he couldn't see Cloud's reaction, it would make it easier. Then he tried to form the words again, "I. . ." Words failed him. ‘What am I trying to say?'

Cloud took the first step of the stairs.

"I love you!" Sephiroth blurted out before his emotions could constrict him once again. His eyes remained tightly closed. He couldn't bear to discover Cloud's reaction to his admission. He felt as if he would die if the man he loved rejected him now.

Cloud stood paralyzed with one foot on the stairs. ‘I love you.' The words echoed in his mind. A large part of him couldn't believe the words. The whole of him couldn't withstand another rejection. He thought then that maybe he had heard wrong, or maybe the General was just trying to mess with his mind. Cloud knew he would sooner thrust his sword into his own gut then try to piece together his heart once more.

Dizziness suddenly washed over him. His hand rested against the hallway wall for support. He became vaguely aware of the shudders racking his body.

‘I can't do this again,' his mind screamed. He tried to keep the desperate thought inside his head but it erupted from his mouth, "I can't do this again! Please! I can't!"

Quick footsteps echoed toward him. ‘No! I can't let it to happen again!'

Cloud's legs moved as if they had a will of their own. He bounded down the stairs at an alarming rate and tumbled down the final steps. He didn't allow his fall to phase him as he rolled to his feet and sprinted to the Inn's front door.

The door opened as Zack and the other trooper entered. Cloud slammed into them and they landed in a heap on the floor.

"Strife! What's wrong?" Zack yelled into Cloud's terrified face.

Not wasting time trying to explain himself, Cloud heaved off of the two men below him, stumbled between them, and scrambled out the door. He raced past the dark buildings of the small town. Most people had already retired from a hard day's work. He passed the bar, the only place that still had lights on, the place he had planed on wasting himself away in, and left the boundaries of Nibleheim. That was when he heard Sephiroth's voice.

"Cloud Strife! Stop!" the General yelled in the distance.

Thoughts blared in Cloud's head, ‘Stop? Why? So you can hurt me again? So you can tear apart my soul and then act like nothing happened the next day? There was no way I'm ever giving you the satisfaction again. Never again!'

A sudden pain raged through his body, except it wasn't emotional pain like he had expected. It was physical pain. Intense physical pain. He fell to the ground, holding his body. A wet substance hit his face. A hard object collapsed over his head. He struggled to breathe but almost treasured the lack of oxygen. He thought that if his mind would just go away, maybe. . . Whatever covered his face suddenly vanished. When something grasped his shoulders, he screamed at the top of his lungs as pain overwhelmed him. He felt he was losing his mind. He heard more cries and realized they were his own. Then he heard a voice surround his screams.

". . .stop. . . . .oud strife. . .tract atte. . . . .op scream. . ."

Cloud felt a releasing blow to the head and gratefully fell into unconsciousness.

Cloud awoke to a soft touch across his cheek. He could hear muffled voices close by. He tried to make out the words but could only catch a few.

". . .he going. . .happened. . ."

". . . be all right. . . knocked. . .stop. . ."

He gave up trying to figure out the conversation and instead concentrated on the soft warm hand at his cheek. Then he gasped as a pain shot though his head as another hand matched the hand already on his face and pulled his head to the right.

"General Sephiroth! I think he's awake," a soft female voice yelped.

Cloud heard those words clearly. He pried open his eyes. It appeared to be the woman from the Inn.

"Are you all right," the young woman asked. Then she lower lowered her voice as she continued, "what were you trying to do? You almost died! When that monster attacked you. . . What were you thinking? You should just be glad General Sephiroth was there to save your sorry butt! Those Bahba Velamyas practically gutted you alive!"

Sephiroth instantly took control of the situation as he said, "Ma'am, I think that will be enough. Thank you for your help." The General turned to the other two men in the room. "You may retire to your rooms. We still have our mission tomorrow. I'll stay with Strife tonight to make sure he recovers."

The woman glared at the General but turned her attention back to Cloud and attempted to soften her expression without much avail. "Sleep well."

Cloud smiled weakly. He watched her stand up from the wooden chair next to the bed and walk toward the door. Zack and the other trooper watched her leave with an unguarded wanton interest. Sephiroth didn't even glance at her. His eyes never left Cloud's face. Cloud shuddered under the man's gaze. Suddenly he remembered how he had ended up where he was. A renewed fear over took him as the two men left the room and Sephiroth closed the door behind them.

Sephiroth turned back around and stared at him, not moving a muscle. Then his voice crashed into the silence, "Cloud. . ."

Cloud sucked in his breath at the harsh tone. Sephiroth had never used that tone with him before. It sent ice cold chills down his spine.

"What were you doing?" Sephiroth's face was utterly unreadable as he stood motionless.

Cloud closed his eyes tight, trying to escape Sephiroth's voice.

"Cloud. . ." The man's voice cracked with the single word.

Cloud heard the barely concealed plea in the man's voice. His eyes flashed open. He watched Sephiroth slide his back down the length of the door as he unceremoniously sat on the hardwood floor. The man buried his face in his hands and tried to control the shakes of his body.

"We're driving each other insane," Cloud said to himself as he shifted his eyes to the ceiling. A short humorless laugh escaped his chest. He brought his hands to his face and rubbed them over his eyes and enjoyed the colorful bursts of light created by the harsh contact. ‘Well, better I have someone to go insane with, I suppose.'

Cloud decided he no longer cared if Sephiroth wanted him or not, or loved him or not. He was going to be next to the man he loved before they drove each other crazy. He whipped the covers off of his body. Easing onto his side, he closed his eyes tight and attempted to ignore the knots of pain through his body. As he tried to sit up, warm hands pushed him back down onto the bed.

"Don't move. You need your rest."

Cloud looked up at the man above him. The man's eyes contained a fearsome worry. The young man found himself smothered by the beautiful spheres, unable to move. "Sephiroth."

The decent happened in slow motion. Cloud watched every piece of hair fall around his head; the tilt of the head above his as it adjusted to a more suitable angle; Aquamarine eyes disappear as they were covered by lids that sprouted silver eye lashes; The delicate furrow of silver brows; Curved lips that separated slightly.

Just the anticipation would have been enough. Sephiroth didn't even have to kiss him for him to be in heaven. Still, when their lips touched, Cloud felt no more pain. No more suffering. Nothing except love for the man above him.

The soft lips caressed his, then added pressure as the desire for contact became more demanding. Cloud hesitantly returned the kiss, not wanting to scare the man away. Sephiroth deepened the kiss as a soft moan flowed from the man's throat. The sound was heavenly music to Cloud's ears.

Cloud wanted more. Cautiously reaching up with his arms, he touched the waist that hovered over the edge of the bed. The man shuddered but didn't pull away. Growing bolder, Cloud slowly slid his hands up the coat and to Sephiroth's chest. When his hands touched bare skin, Sephiroth suddenly dove his tongue into Cloud's mouth. The young man arched his back as he grasped onto the straps crossing over Sephiroth's chest. Cloud yanked him onto his writhing body and ground his groin into Sephiroth's stomach. He moaned when Sephiroth aided in the effort by cupping his ass with a long slender hand.

Cloud felt like he was going to die of pure ecstasy, and they both still had all their cloths on. His blood sang with every movement of Sephiroth's strong tongue that licked his lips and teeth and caressed his own tongue. His blood boiled with every movent of the man's stomach against his groin. Even the belt that scraped against his cock through his pants threatened his ability to contain himself. Cloud wanted Sephiroth so badly; it was excruciating.

Then Cloud choked from fright when Sephiroth suddenly pulled away, but the man couldn't get very far with the grip Cloud had on his chest straps. "No! There is no way in hell you are going to run away again!"

The young man instantly regretted the words when he realized what the look on Sephiroth's face had been. It wasn't fear as he had thought it would be. It was a lust so unbridled that the man's skin was flushed with desire and his breath verged on hyperventilation. Awareness caused by Cloud's outburst crawled back onto the Sephiroth's face.

Then Sephiroth frowned. The look was appetizing on his face but Cloud couldn't enjoy it since he knew what the look would lead to. Cloud began to panic, unconsciously tightening his grip on the leather straps crossing over the General's chest. Sephiroth would have to either run away with him hanging onto his clothing or he would have to chop his arms off. There was no way he would let go.

Sephiroth suddenly grinned, clearly knowing what was going through the young man's mind "I love you, Cloud Strife. I will never run from you again. I love you." He paused for a few seconds and then added, "breathe!"

On Que, a red faced Cloud released the breath of air he had been holding in a hot explosion. He let go of the straps, grabbed onto Sephiroth's head, yanked him down, and laid feverish kisses over his mouth, nose, cheeks, and chin.

Sephiroth let out a surprised chuckle and started to kiss back just as passionately, cupping Cloud's blushed cheeks to steady his nearly reckless passion. After Sephiroth had practically smothered the man below with affection, he released Cloud's face with a caress as he stood up. Keeping his eyes focused on the blue orbs, he removed his shoulder guards, dropping them to the floor. He undid the buckle holding his coat together at his waist then moved to his chest straps, unfastening his clothing with ease, having done it thousands of times before. His coat and straps and belt fell to the floor in a heap. He only had his pants and boots covering his body by the time he had finished.

Sephiroth studied Cloud's reaction to his undressing. The younger man's eyes had absorbed his every movement. He decided that he enjoyed Cloud looking at him with such an obvious passion. A smile stretched across Sephiroth's face when Cloud licked his lips.

Leaning back over the younger man, he supported himself on his elbows and kissed a line along the narrow jaw. Cloud's head arched, providing more access to the vulnerable region, as he grabbed onto Sephiroth's shoulders. His grip was surprisingly strong as it bit into the General's muscles. Sephiroth slid his hand underneath the man's waist and pulled him close as he kissed and licked Cloud's neck. Cloud arched his back, pushing his frame into the body above his. Sephiroth rolled off of the Cloud, pulling the trooper on top of him.

Suddenly, being on top, straddling Sephiroth's waist, Cloud turned shy. He folded his hands on Sephiroth's chest and stilled himself. "I. . ."

Sephiroth frowned, wondering what had caused the sudden withdrawal. Did Cloud not want to assume some control over their love making? "What's wrong?"

After a pause, Cloud whispered, "I don't really know what to do. I've never done this before. . . I was kind of. . . saving myself for you." A blush rushed across Cloud's face, the loveliest pink Sephiroth had ever seen.

Sephiroth instantly lost most of his enthusiasm as a rush of guilt flowed though him. The kid couldn't have been more than sixteen, too young to be bedding.

Still, despite his reservations, Sephiroth had never been so completely flattered in his entire life. He didn't have a clue how to properly respond to such a gift but responded the only way he could think of, "Well, I'm a virgin too."

Cloud's blush deepened as he searched for a response. Sephiroth smiled as he thought, ‘no, we can't go any further. There is just too much risk involved. And I can't risk hurting him. After this mission, I have no idea when we'll see each other next.' Setting his decision in stone, he said, "Cloud, we should stop."

Cloud's eyes widened as he stuttered, "But . . . but . . . Did I do something wrong?"

"No, you did nothing wrong. . . I just think perhaps this is not the right time." The young man glared at him. Sephiroth continued, almost pleading, "Cloud, please try to understand. I'm not trying to hurt you."

When the younger man tried to pull away, Sephiroth rolled Cloud back underneath his body and lowered his head, trying to give him a reassuring kiss. The younger man gritted teeth, refusing him entrance. Sephiroth whispered against the hard lips, "Cloud, I'm sorry. . . I just can't. . . I can't let this be a one night stand."

Cloud rolled his head to the side to escape the man's kiss. "Do you think this is going to be a one night stand? I don't want it to be."

"You know how Shinra works. After tomorrow. . ." Sephiroth paused. He had faced the truth of their fate over the last two weeks. He needed to make sure Cloud understood what could happen between them. "I can't say when we will see each other next. You'll get your next assignment. You may find someone else you care about."

The last sentence got Cloud's attention as he whipped his head back to glare at the man above him. "There will never be anyone besides you. . . How can you say such a thing?"

"Cloud, I'm just being honest. Try to understand."

Seemingly ignoring the older man's words, Cloud sighed as he smiled and he ran a finger over Sephiroth's lips. "You are so beautiful, Sephy. I'm so utterly in love with you. You aren't going to be able to get rid of me if you try," Cloud promised as he combed his fingers through Sephiroth's bangs.

The General got the urge to laugh at Cloud's abandonment of rational thought. The young man just didn't understand real life. Outside of the Inn's bedroom, they didn't have anything together. Their jobs forbade it. He didn't want to ruin the man's fantasies but also didn't want to see Cloud heartbroken.

A tiny voice inside his head, a.k.a. reason, tried to remind him that he felt the same way as Cloud, that he would give up everything to be with him. Pushing the thought down, Sephiroth refused to fantasize. Life just didn't work that way. Not with him. Never with him. He had to accept his situation. His life was SOLDIER. He knew nothing else.

Sephiroth looked down at the man who was waiting for a response to his bold promise. He kissed Cloud's forehead. "I love you too. Sleep. We have a job to do in the morning."

Cloud frowned a little and then yawned, unable to help himself. The young man was exhausted. "Yea, I suppose you're right. Lets go to sleep." With a push, he forced Sephiroth to lay down on his side next to him, facing him, and wrapped his arm around the General's waist. Cloud studied Sephiroth's face with a small smile curving his lips but soon his eyes drooped shut. He was asleep within minutes.

Once Sephiroth was sure the man was asleep, he tried to move out of Cloud's grasp but the younger man only tightened his grip. They couldn't stay like that. Sephiroth knew he had to sleep somewhere besides the bed. The other squad members couldn't catch them in such a compromising position. He tired to wiggle away again but Cloud began to awaken with a groan. Sephiroth stilled himself before Cloud awoke.

Grinding his teeth in frustration, the General thought, ‘all right, maybe if I just lay here for a while, Cloud will roll over and I will be free to sleep on the floor.'

Time passed. Cloud didn't move. Sephiroth felt his eye lids fall. He jerked them back open. No, he had to stay awake. He went through the same process a couple more times. Then they drooped again but this time he realized that he didn't want to move an inch away from the man he loved.

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