[A-C] [D-F] [G-I] [J-L] [M-O] [P-R] [S-U] [V-X] [Y & Z] Yaoi Only List [Ai no Kusabi] [Angel Sanctuary] [Angel's Feather] [Araiso Private High School...] [Boku no Pico] [Boku no Sexual Harassment] [Close the Last Door] [Earthian] [Enzai] [Fake] [Fish in the Trap] [Gakuen Heaven] [Gravitation] [Gravitation OAV] [Houkago no Shokuinshitsu] [Ikoku Irokoi Romantan] [I Shall Never Return] [Junjou Romantica] [Kashou no Tsuki] [Kaze to Ki no Uta] [Kire Papa] [Kizuna] [Legend of the Blue Wolves/Four Horsemen] [Lesson XX] [LevelC] [Loveless] [Mirage of Blaze] [Nightwalker, Midnight Detective] [Nightwalker, Eternal Darkness] [Okane Ga Nai] [Papa to Kiss in the Dark] [Patalliro Saiyuki] [Pico to Chico] [Pico to Chico to Coco] [Ryokohunohara Labyrinth] [Saint Beast] [Seikimatsu Darling] [Sensitive Pornograph] [Sukisho] [Tokyo Babylon] [Winter Cicada] [Yami No Matsuei] [Zetsuai] Ai no Kusabi: In the world of Amoi the lives of humans are governed by a supercomputer named "Jupiter" which has divided all people into two races; the genetically modified superior race are called "Blondies" and occupy the capital city of Tanagura, while the natural humans are referred to as "Mongrels" and are forced to live in the slums of Ceres. In these slums Riki the Dark grew up and formed a gang named Bison. Within the gang, Riki met Guy, who was quite taken with his leader. But Riki's body belongs (quite literally) to another man; Iason Mink, a Blondie, saved Riki's life. To repay the debt, Riki offered up his body, not knowing he would be made into a Pet. Though it's socially accepted that Blondies have human Pets, the Blondies are supposed to be asexual, and only use Pets as a form of voyeurism. Iason's direct contact with a Mongrel not only gets him reprimanded by Raoul (his second in command), but alerts Jupiter to Iason's activities. In order to shake the mistrust, Iason lets Riki free for a year by removing his Pet Ring (which is essentially a cock ring that can only be administered by a Master to his Pet). Believing Iason has forgotten him, Riki returns to his gang. But, as he promised Iason returns. Distance made his heart grow fonder, and he now harbors a deep love for Riki and captures him, returning his Pet Ring and forcing him to live in Tanagura. In the fray of police chasing both Riki and Iason, Guy becomes suspicious and confronts Bison's leader. Riki admits that he's a Pet to Iason. Overcome by jealousy and indignant rage at Riki's subservience, Guy kidnaps Riki and removes his pet ring the only way he knows how: by cutting off his penis. Iason manages to track the two Bison members down, and is understandably irate when he finds what Guy did to Riki. The two fight ferociously, but upon Riki's request, Iason allows Guy to escape. But before Riki and Iason can follow, the explosives Guy set up in the building are ignited. In his desperation to save Riki, Iason has his legs severed, and begs Riki to leave him. However, under his own will, Riki returns and shares a poisoned cigarette (called "Dark Moons") with Iason. He chooses to die with his master, on his own terms. Reivew: This anime was like a soap opera… With men. And love bots. And giant shoulder pads. Once again the Vision of the Future we all had in the eighties is proven to be horrifyingly wrong, and equally boring. Ai no Kusabi suffered from cramming a manga series into two episodes; the characters are extremely one-dimensional, nobody has a tangible past, and the plot is extremely confusing and badly unfolded. Not only is it difficult to understand, but there’s not enough yaoi content to keep a fangirl’s interest through the random scenes loosely strung together by association that tried to be a movie. While the design was nice in certain scenes, it differed quite a bit throughout the show, as did the animation. Some scenes were incredibly slick, others were dark, off-model, and badly drawn. My main complaint is with Riki’s gang, all of whom look practically the same. I realize Riki’s SUPPOSED to be a generic “Mongrel”, but they could have at least given him a fancy jacket so we could tell him apart from Everybody Else in Ceres. Of course, little things like bad design, forgettable music, and boring characters are nothing compared with the main turn-off in Ai no Kusabi: A GUY GETS HIS JUNK CUT OFF. No amount of soft core boy love will make me want to see that again (or forget it for a very long time). Granted you don’t see it graphically lobbed off, but even just the suggestion is enough to make me revisit my Cheerios. Content: R (Male/Male sex; No genitals shown.) Rates: 1/5 Tapes: Two Episode OAV. Angel Sanctuary: Earth exists as a mirror of Hell. As humans began to pollute and corrupt Earth the demon ranks became weak and began to die out. With God entering a period of dormancy, the legions of angels took advantage of their enemy's weakness and their leader's lack of attention, and attacked the demons, killing without restraint. The Organic Angel Alexiel witnessed this, and was appalled at her race's corruption. Believing that the Demons were more honest, not hiding behind a pretence of entitlement, she joined the leagues of Hell, fighting against the invading Angels. However, her brother, Rosiel, questions her and Alexiel is forced to battle him. But she cannot deal a killing blow to her own flesh, and instead, seals him into the Earth itself using a barrier of forbidden magic. Though she did not kill her brother, this spell used all her power; she is captured and sentenced to have her soul and body separated. Her body is frozen in an Angel Crystal which is locked away in Machonon, the fourth layer of Heaven. Her soul is then set free to reincarnate into human mortals, whose lives would cursed with nothing but pain. In contemporary times, Alexiel's soul is born into Setsuna Mudou, where it lies dormant. Although Setsuna shows strange powers of foresight and stamina, his abilities are quenched by his sister, Sara, whom he loves in a romantic way. Because of these feelings, Setsuna is confused and troubled. He believes being around Sara will do nothing but corrupt her, and purposefully distances himself from her. In attempts to feign normalcy, Setsuna goes about his life as a high school student, but can't escape the backlash of his peers. They dislike him without reason, and Setsuna relies on his friend and upperclassman, Sakuya Kira, to help him out of many fights. However, like Setsuna, Sakuya is not what he seems. Though his body is human, Sakuya's soul is that of Alexiel's Holy Sword, Nanatusaya. When Sakuya was six, he died in a car accident, but before he perished, he and The Spirit made a deal: The Spirit would gain Sakuya's body, and Sakuya would get his wish. Sakuya's dying hope was that his father would feel no grief for his passing, and bid that The Spirit make his father hate him. Because The Spirit always loved Alexiel, Sakuya protects her current incarnation, Setsuna. Sakuya's task of shielding Setsuna becomes all the more difficult when he's caught in the ancient crossfire between Demons and Angels. With the help of his devoted follower, Katan, the seal on Rosiel has been broken, and the Angel is now obsessed with awakening his sister and gaining her approval. Demons have also come to Earth in attempts to awaken Alexiel. Kurai and her cousin Arachne attack Setsuna repeatedly in attempts to force Alexiel's power to surface. However, Kurai begins to soften toward Setsuna after seeing his love for his sister and his determination to live as a human, by his own rules. Meanwhile, Rosiel has been using the same attempts -forcing Setsuna to fight horrible monsters in order to awaken his sister- but to no avail. The more Setsuna loves Sara, the more Rosiel is tormented by his sister's soul belonging to somebody else. Finally, after the pain of separating himself from Sara, and the humiliation of having his love for her discovered, Setsuna and Sara confess their feelings for one another. Following Sakuya's advise to be himself and ignore judgment from those with false morals, Setsuna and Sara elope. This is the final straw on Rosiel's mind- their joy drives him mad. Seeing his master's distress, Katan takes it upon himself to kill Setsuna before Alexiel can awaken and cause Rosiel more pain. He confronts Setsuna and immediately attempts to destroy him with a blast of energy, but Sara shields her brother and takes the full force of the attack. With nothing remaining to tie him to the Earth, Setsuna's personality is taken over by Alexiel's, and his power overflows, destroying the city. Setsuna's soul becomes trapped in an illusion of happiness. But back in reality, Sakuya is mortally injured, and countless millions are being vaporized by Alexiel's uncontrolled power. Sakuya calls to Setsuna, who hears the voice of his friend through his illusion, and returns to reality. Setsuna's soul is once again in his body, but this time with Alexiel's memories intact, and her power under control. With his newfound strength, Setsuna faces Rosiel, and is finally able to get revenge for his own grief, and Alexiel's as well. But as the dust settles on the battle, despite being the victor, Setsuna is still morose; the city is in ruins, his friend is dying, and his beloved sister is gone. Just as he thinks all is lost, a holy light envelops Tokyo, and restores it to moments before Alexiel's destruction was unleashed. The Seraphita (highest level of spiritual being created by God), Adam-Kadamon uses Time Magic to restore the Earth. However, Sara still remains dead. Setsuna demands to know why his sister wasn't resurrected with everybody else. Adam-Kadamon explains that her death was necessary to unleash Setsuna's powers, which are needed to save the world. Adam-Kadamon is imprisoned in Etemenanch in the sacred realm, and if Setsuna does not free him before God's judgment, the material realm will vanish. Setsuna agrees to help Adam-Kadamon, on the condition that he's allowed to rescue Sara's soul from Hades first. Adam-Kadamon agrees, and tells Sakuya to stab Setsuna with Nanatusaya and send Setsuna's soul to Hades. With the Seraphita's blessing, Sakuya sends Setsuna on his quest. Review: I'm sure I'm not alone when I say, ZOMG INCEST. That was really my first thought as I watched Setsuna in his glorious quest to hump his sister. I had heard Angel Sanctuary was one of the big Shounen-Ai flicks, but really, there's very little guy on guy action. Sure, Setsuna and Sakuya are pretty close, but it's hard to love that relationship when Setsuna is quite obviously after his sister's knickers. Rosiel is another potential slash victim -since he's a touchy feely hippy that strokes everybody's face upon meeting them- but a) his a lunatic, and b) he looks like a woman. Somehow, the yaoi fan in me can't get into guy/guy relationships when they look like ladies. So with the slash possibilities out of the way, that leaves us with the plot... The crappy, horrendously paced, convoluted plot. First, they slam you with information. HELLO BIBLE CLASS, I DON'T GIVE A DAMN. You know an anime's gonna be a stinker when it opens up with the History of the Earth 101: A Cracked Out Interpretation of Christianity. They could have, I don't know, "introduced the characters" first. That may have helped me stay conscious during the first episode. The second episode, thankfully, features fun times with Setsuna battling crazy monsters, more family lust, and glorious signs that the plot was going somewhere. I had a thin ray of hope until I realized there was only one more episode left. That's where it all went downhill. The minute he runs off with his sister, Setsuna loses his personality. I don't mean that his dormant Angel Soul woke up and took over- I just mean he becomes a cardboard cutout. I've heard of commitment crushing a man's will, but WOW, Setsuna became a hollow shell within HOURS. Luckily he's brought back to reality full force with Sara's inconclusive death. I mean, WHY? Sure, it was to advance the plot, make Setsuna go all crazy and try to destroy the world. But it got muddy and confusing at that point. He smashes Tokyo because he's sad, then brings it back because he gets Tentative Hope? Which is promptly followed by him DYING to go find Sara's soul? And then, THE END? WHAT. It's like all this was just a really long, weird commercial for the manga. Unfortunately, it doesn't make me want to read it at all. I already got to see Setsuna and Sara do the nasty, and if I have to look at Rosiel's long purple nails any more, I'm going to hurl. So, no, Angel Sanctuary, I don't like you or your boy love. Come back when you've shat out a bit of plot, and inserted a long, hard, dose of yaoi. See what I did there? Butt imagery. That's what this anime needs; less biblical bullshit, more bumlove. Know your audience (wants the money shot). Content: PG13 (Male/Female sex; No genitals shown.) Rates: 2/5 Tapes: Three Episode OAV. Angel's Feather: The Winfield Kingdom Chronicle tells of a lineage of royal men born with white wings on their backs. This trait, passed down from generation to generation, allows them to fight evil and protect their empires. Kai Misonou is the top student at Yuusei Academy; groomed from childhood to be a genius, also heads the Misonou Combine corporation. Though he’s exceptionally successful at a very young age he feels used and without real purpose. But his daily monotony is changed when Hamura Shou transfers to Yuusei. Shou is a brash kendo star, just re-entering the championships after the death of his adoptive parents. Quick to make friends, it’s not long before he meets face to face with Kai. Without preamble, he proclaims that Kai is his long-lost twin, who was separated from him during adoption. Disturbed, and plagued by half-memories, Kai refuses to believe this, and distances himself from the new student. Irritated, Shou goes about his own business- but it’s far from ordinary. There are evil forces at work within the school. While out with his friends, Shou and the others are caught in an earthquake and fall into a pit. There, a monster attacks them. With his life in danger, Shou is overcome and sprouts white wings, and manages to defeat the beast. After it’s all over, he wonders if it was a dream. It becomes clear that Shou’s experience was very real the following day, when the kendo club goes ghost hunting. Instead of finding spirits, they find that Naoto, Shou’s long-time friend, has been taken over. He grows black wings, and begins attacking Shou, saying it’s his fault that his body was transformed. Though Shou doesn’t want to fight his friend, he’s forced to in order to protect himself and the others; Naoto is no longer himself, having been possessed by (the assistant principal) Sakakibara Ran’s power and ordered to destroy Shou. The clash ends with a draw, and Naoto flees, swearing his revenge. Meanwhile, Kai meets with his lover, Nagi, to vent his frustrations over Shou butting into his life with wild accusations. With Naoto’s failure still fresh, the principal brings in Shou and his friends, as well as Kai; he tells them that Nagi has been kidnapped by spirits, and only they can save him. Kai agrees immediately, horrified at the thought of something happening to his only friend. The others agree to go along, as they suspect it’s a trap. Their suspicions turn out to be correct, as Nagi turns into a dark angel- however, his feelings for Kai are still strong, and he shields him while he duels with Shou. Though their powers are on par, Shou doesn’t want to fight, knowing that Nagi is so important to his brother. In the commotion, as Nagi attempts to land a final blow, Kai gets in the way. Nagi is forced to deflect the blow with his own body, and perishes. Overcome with grief, Kai’s power explodes from him, ripping apart the building and all in his way. Fighting through it, Shou approaches, and tries to reason with Kai. He promises to stay by him, and his heartfelt words eventually hit home. In the hospital, the group recovers, and those who still have memories of their past explain that the Winfield kingdom is a real place, to which they all once belonged. But the peace in that world has been shattered by the black-winged rebellion. With a responsibility to protect Winfield, Kai and Shou agree to return there, and take their rightful place in the king’s lineage. Review: What a shitty first day- molested by Ran, attacked by monsters, and… molested by monsters. Shou probably should have gone back to living on the streets with that pack of wild dogs. Generally, I’m not sure what to make of Angel’s Feather -it’s not BAD, per se- the animation is limited, and the introduction is mainly pans of pretty boys on glowing BGs covered in sparkles, but then… MONSTERS. The fight scenes are actually pretty good- the animation steps up, they’re nicely choreographed, but I just couldn’t get into them because the whole time I kept thinking Wait- WHAT? Wasn’t this a teen drama two seconds ago? The resemblance to Buffy the Vampire Slayer is uncanny. Except the transition from “hay, check out these normal yet troubled kids” to FIGHTING MONSTERS AND HEALING WITH MAGICAL FLUTES (not kidding, that happens) is a bumpy ride. A bumpy, confusing ride. I suspect that the fantastical bit wasn’t original enough to warrant it’s own series, so in a bid to make it ~spicy~ they stuck in inappropriate teacher/student touching, an all-male cast, monsters that lick their prey instead of killing them, Kai macking on his boyfriend, and COUNTLESS shower scenes. Essentially this is “magical girl saves the world”, but replace “girl” with “boy” and “world” with… School? There’s something of a lack of Big Picture Goals in this series. Maybe “defeat the school’s administration” is enough motivation for the average middle school viewer, but I kept wondering what the POINT was. Perhaps explaining more about their magical angel kingdom during the plot, rather than stuffing it into two sentences at the very end would have helped. With the complete lack of pacing and inconclusive ending, Angel’s Feather feels more like a snippet from a longer series, and you’re just thrown into the action. It makes the insanely dramatic death of characters and betrayal of friends have a little less impact- with only 90 minutes to develop two dozen characters, it’s a guarantee you won’t give a rats ass about any of them. As a last word, I just have to say- they should have played up the twincest more. There’s a blurry MAYBE flash-back, but other than that the only thing that makes this a yaoi title is Kai being incidentally gay, and I can get that on prime-time TV. Content: PG (Male/Male kissing.) Rates: 1.5/5 Tapes: Two Episode OAV. Araiso Private High School Student Council Executive Committee: Araiso Private High was an all-boys academy until recently, when it became co-ed. Shortly after the change gangs of boys formed around the school, taking advantage of freshmen and bullying them. One of the most notorious gangs is Ootsuka's group. Luckily best friends Kubota Makoto and Tokitoh Minoru are the heavy hands of the student council law and break up violence, even if they have to be a little rough themselves. However, Ootsuka's gang doesn't take too kindly to Kubota and Tokitoh's meddling, and during a school-wide sports tournament, they purposefully injure students in order to draw the two student council boys out. What Ootsuka didn't count on was squaring off against the "perfect pair"; Kubota and Tokitoh easily beat the bullies at their own underhanded game, and peace is restored to the school. The second episode is an old fashioned ghost story; while cleaning up the art room, one of the student council members, Fujiwara, accidentally removes a protective charm. Rumors about ghostly encounters proceed to flood the school. The student council is sent to investigate. At first, all they find are other students (couples trying to find a place to make out, deviants stealing tests, etc). But just when they thought they've solved the mystery, real phantoms start to appear. They find that the school was built on an old war-ground, and the site was not properly blessed before construction. In a flurry of spiritual activity, Fujiwara becomes possessed and starts attacking Tokitoh with super-human strength. Though it seems impossible to fight against ghosts, they manage to lure out the main spirit, and defeat it with its own weapon. Review: So what makes this anime shounen-ai? Innuendo. If you're after some conclusive man on man action, you've come to the wrong place. Araiso is more of a flippant school drama than anything else; it has sports, angry women, and a good old fashioned "maybe they are, maybe they aren't" protagonist duo. Most of the boy love is done in a joking way, with Kubota and Tokitoh making passes at each other, or saying things full of ~deep meaning~. Apart from a couple of boys snogging by night in the school during the ghost-hunting episode, the only obviously gay character is Fujiwara, who falls all over himself with over-exuberant man-lust whenever Kubota walks into the room. Too bad he's the most weinerly, irritating character ever penned. When he's not yelling Kubota's name like an Nsync fan circa 1990, he's complaining about how he's being left out. Oh, here's a thought, maybe it's because you're a neurotic fruitcake who pisses everybody off with your mere presence. As an anime in and of itself, Araiso is bland. Everything it does has been done before, and better. The designs are rough, and often a bit wonky with drooping eyes and questionable design. The animation is much the same, mixing still-frames with limited movement only when absolutely necessary. The deal breaker is the humor- they try so hard it's a bit embarrassing to watch. They rely heavily on physical hilarity, which just ends up being stupid. There, I said it. There's really no reason to watch this- unless you have a compulsive need to watch every anime that has been labeled "shounen-ai", and in that case, I feel your pain. Content: G (Male/Male sentiment.) Rates: 1/5 Tapes: Two Episode OAV. Boku no Pico: Tamotsu is out one day looking at the ocean when he sees a young person, completely nude, washing clothes in the water. He's aroused by the site, but the mysterious figure disappears before he can get a better look. Later that day, Tamotsu goes to a cafe and is served by a clumsy young boy named Pico. After Pico’s shift, they go out for a walk, where Tamotsu finds himself inexplicably attracted to Pico’s innocent charms. Tamotsu eventually recognizes Pico as the figure he had seen earlier near the ocean, and propositions him. Pico is immediately attracted to Tamotsu (who he nicknames "Mokkun"), and basks in the attentions. Being a loner by nature, Pico quickly becomes attached, and because of this, their relationship leaps forward; Tamotsu felates Pico in his car. The following day Tamotsu and Pico meet again and get caught out in the rain. They return to Tamotsu's apartment where Pico showers. When he emerges, he finds that Tamotsu has bought him a summer dress, and wants him to wear it to be more feminine. At first he’s skeptical, but Pico changes into it for Tamotsu's sake. After they've had sex, Pico feels offended that Tamotsu tried to change him. Back at his own home, Pico cuts his hair very short and purposefully dresses as masculine as he can. Still upset, he wanders to the ocean, where Tamotsu meets him and apologizes. Pico accepts Tamotsu's sentiment, and the two frolic happily in the water. Review: Let's get the warning out of the way right here, shall we? This is shota: an older man and a young boy graphically have sex (though in this case all the genitals are censored). Granted, it's consensual intercourse, but the ages are approximately 15 and 10. If you haven't wretched all over your keyboard, let's continue. I was dazzled by the budget put into this; Boku no Pico isn't some twisted lovechild of fangirls and a back alley studio. The entire OAV was incredibly well animated. What it doesn't have in plot or character development (Mokkun is the animated equivalent of every other porno guy; a puppet with 3 lines and a big pecker) it makes up in fluid design and realistic movement. Honestly, this is everything you can ask for in hardcore anime. While the characters moved convincingly, I had a few quarrels with the concept art; Pico doesn't look like a boy. It's a good thing they show you his genitals, other wise I would have sworn he was a 10 year old girl (and we all know that would be just so wrong ;). Mokkun wasn't as confusingly designed, but he did have facial animation problems, namely, BLANKFACE. Throughout the entire film he just has this blank, hangdog expression. Maybe he's sad because he can't score any squirrel and has to pork young boys instead. Or it might just be the fact he’s dead inside form having toothpaste semen. I’m not sure WHY, but the jizz FX in this are extremely goopy. Maybe that’s sexy in Japan, but I found it both distracting and hilarious. When it all comes down to it, Boku no Pico is for a very small demographic of yaoi fan (the type who enjoys little boys getting buggered by sociopathic college students), and isn’t so much a story as it’s a porno with a little added plot for flavor. Content: XXX (Male/Male sex; Censored genitals shown.) Rates: 2/5 Tapes: One Movie. Boku no Sexual Harassment: Junya Mochizuki is an employee at a successful computer company. Though he works hard, he isn't confident in his skills and doesn't feel he deserves to be there. The president of the company, Mr. Honma, takes advantage of Mochizuki's low self esteem, and sleeps with him. After seeing how innocent and suggestible he is, Honma brings Mochizuki with him to a business presentation in Niigata. There, the president of their partner company takes an interest in Mochizuki, and agrees to close the business deal with Honma if he can spend one nigh with his young colleague. Mochizuki is hesitant, but for the good of the company as well as for Honma's sake, he agrees, and the deal is finalized. He's soon promoted, but still questions if he's a fit businessman and what the future holds. Just as he suspected, it's not long before Honma sets him up with another company associate to strengthen business ties. Meanwhile, Mochizuki's best friend, Fujita, professes his love for Mochizuki. But he's forced to leave in disappointment, as Mochizuki's feelings for Honma become clear. Some time later, Mochizuki is promoted and sent to Boston to work with a game company. There he becomes assistant to Joe Niimi, a renowned engineer. Not long after being acquainted, Joe invites Mochizuki over to his house, and starts coming on to him. When Mochizuki tries to leave, Joe drugs him and rapes him. To keep him quiet, Joe films their escapade, and threatens to show it to all Mochizuki's colleagues if he speaks out or tries to avoid seeing him. Feeling trapped, Mochizuki continues to see his manager, unsure of what to do. Eventually, he confides in Honma, who takes care of the situation by out-blackmailing Joe; filming him in a compromising situation, and threatening to reveal his plans to sell out the company. But despite Mochizuki's close call with being enslaved, Honma continues to send him on sexual business meetings to ensure sales. Becoming increasingly worried about his friend, Fujita travels to America to meet with Mochizuki, where he confronts him and asks what he's really been doing to be promoted so quickly. Mochizuki confesses everything, but also concedes that he loves Honma, and does it out of his free will to please his lover. Review: This kid needs to switch which Axe cologne he's wearing, “Sultry Nights with Drunken Japanese Business Men” is clearly not working out. But seriously, who knew the business world involved much buttsex? It's a bit of a laugh, especially with everybody insisting they're absolutely not gay. Never jump to conclusions as to why somebody wants to tap a man's ass- it may be to sell computers. Despite the convoluted pretense of why all these businessmen end up banging, Boku no Sexual Harassment is pretty high budget- good art, animation is sound, and the characters are just bland enough to not irritate anybody. The music is a different story, though. Sweet, sweet 80's... Have you noticed how popular synthesizes are becoming? Sad Vibratone Keyboard is to Japan as the Porn Riff is to Western adult films. You just know when that music starts blaring, you'll turn around to find the cable guy strutting around in the buff. The sex scenes are a mixed bag- half of it is hot consensual sex between Mochizuki and his boss, while every other one is the latter whoring himself out to hideous old men, being bound and raped by Joe, or (and here's the best part) Honma violating Joe with a COB OF CORN. I have officially checked another thing off my The Big Perverted List of Objects Inserted into People. CORN. Boku no Sexual Harassment also has some terrible one-liners, including “you're already wet”. I know this one's common in yaoi, but I reiterate- ANUSES DO NOT WORK THAT WAY. Every time I have horrifying visions of anal leakage. And the second, and probably worst line this OAV came up with “looks like you haven't used this in a while” in reference to Mochizuki's butt. Well, that come-on works with women, but with guys, all I can think of is CONSTAPATION. Not sexy. In the end, Boku no Sexual Harassment is aimed squarely at the “office worker love” fangirls, so if you find yourself fantasizing about what your manager is doing with his male assistant, then this OAV is for you. Content: R (Male/Male sex; No genitals shown.) Rates: 3/5 Tapes: Three Episode OAV. Close the Last Door: Despite being in love with his best friend Saitou for years, Nagai never found the courage to reveal his feelings, and now has to watch the man he loves get married. After the ceremony, Nagai escapes to a local bar, where he drowns his sorrows. He’s joined by another wedding guest, Honda, who works with the bride. Nagai is immediately irritated with the man, as Honda admits the reason he came to the bar was to drown his own sorrows over losing Remi (the bride). Drunk, belligerent and hurt, Nagai demands why Honda didn’t make a move on Remi earlier- preventing the wedding. Though he’s disappointed that his chance with Remi is gone, Honda is taking it all with good humor, and questions why Nagai is overreacting. Drunkenly honest, Nagai admits he is in love with Saitou, and has been for a long time. He quickly follows that up by insisting he’s not gay. Despite that, Honda begins coming on to Nagai, and kisses him. Though he momentarily enjoys it, Nagai accuses him of using his “comforting skills” on him as if he were a woman, and quickly leaves. When Nagai returns home the following day, he finds Saitou at his doorstep, crying. Remi disappeared, having run off with her section manager, a man she had dated in the past. Overwhelmed with grief, Saitou does the only plausible thing, and goes out to get drunk with his friend. When they return home, the two have a long talk; Nagai tells his friend that if he really wants to know where Remi is, they should contact her parents. Saitou is so grateful for all Nagai’s support, and suddenly feels so close to his friend, that he kisses him. He gets so far as undressing the other man before leaping back and apologizing, blaming his actions on the booze. Confused, and still unable to put his own feelings into words, Nagai leaves. He arrives at Honda’s place some time later, and tries to solve the mystery of his attraction. The two make out again, and Honda guesses that something happened between Saitou and Nagai. He tells the latter to spill his feelings, and if he gets dumped, he’ll be there to comfort him. Nagai pretends to be put off by the idea of revisiting Honda’s “comforting”, but secretly he’s confused over his physical attraction to him; all this time he assumed he was straight, but had simply fallen in love with his male best friend. The following day, Honda drops by Nagai’s place, and the two finally consummate their feelings- leaving Nagai more confused than ever. Review: AWWW! Nagai never got to tap his sweet friend’s ass! Count this yaoi fan disappointed. BUT- despite being inconclusive on the friend-fucking front, Close the Last Door is a fantastic OAV. The style is really appealing and the budget is quite high. I was most impressed by the plot- it’s a fantastic set-up, very believable, with minimal ridiculous drama. The characters are loveable and three-dimensional, which is a mark of quality in such a short film. They manage to pack in a solid back story, character development, AND humor. The dynamic between Nagai and Honda is especially funny, and I can’t do it justice in text. Suffice to say they act the way you would expect from straight men exploring their sexuality- awkward, sometimes overcome by their attraction, and prone to making jokes out of all of it when it gets too tense. I simply can’t recommend Close the Last Door enough. Watch it, it’s fantastic, otherwise you’re missing out. Content: PG13 (Male/Male sex; No genitals shown.) Rates: 4.5/5 Tapes: One OAV. Earthian: Eden, home of the angels, has been observing Earth for thousands of years, and have come to the conclusion that humanity is corrupt and Earth must be destroyed. However, being benevolent in nature, Eden sends angels down to give humans one last chance to prove themselves worthy; "plus checkers" and "minus checkers" are teams of angels that disguise themselves as humans and interact, judging them. After a period of assessment, humanity will be wiped out if the minus checkers encounter more evil people than the plus checkers count good people. Enter Chihaya, an angel born in Eden. However, he's been shunned by his kind for having dark hair and black wings, which are typically signs of a Lucifer (a fallen angel, banished from Eden for disobeying god, his peers, the bible, or telling humans his secret). Because he's never found solace in his own kind, Chihaya feels a certain kinship toward humans, and also speaks easily with Lucifers. He is sent to Earth to be a plus checker, along with an Aryan-featured, well-liked angel named Kagetsuya. Kagetsuya becomes the minus checker of the pair, as he hates humanity and is ready to find their flaws and end their terrible reign on Earth. Though Chihaya ceaselessly preaches humanity's virtues, Kagetsuya mistrusts his partner because of his Lucifer-like appearance, and constantly berates and belittles him. Despite that, the two are stuck together, as they must work as a team during their time on Earth. Very gradually, Kagetsuya softens to his partner, and eventually, the two fall in love. Scared by their emotions and relationship, Chihaya and Kagetsuya are forced to hide from Heaven, as they are now bathed in sin. Though Chihaya is less concerned with being banned (as he has no real ties to Eden), Kagetsuya is torn between which side he will choose, and if his soul is truly that of a Lucifer. Review: Say it with me now: PACING PROBLEMS. Earthian was a good manga. Not great, but pretty high by boy-love literature standards (sort of like saying "that was a great Harlequin Romance! There was hardly any smacking of bitches!" :D). Unfortunately, the anime managed to do some chop-block job on it that resulted in a confusing, painful pile of pseudo-religious buttlove. The plot, especially for people who don't already know the story line, is nearly incomprehensible. This problem is compounded by the way they attempted to wrap it up in four episodes, suddenly cutting out characters and bringing manga-centric ideas (which an anime-only audience certainly won't know about) in the final installment. So yes, it's confusing. But is it confusing enough to stop yaoi fans from watching? In a word: damn straight. Although Chihaya and Kagetsuya get together (ONCE. Episode 3, fyi), it's by no means a merry union. It's full of angst and whining and Chihaya being a typical uke, full of tears and confused emotions. The fact of the matter is, since its release a decade or so ago, there is MUCH BETTER yaoi out there. There are also COUNTLESS angel-centric anime, with varying degrees of bible-skewing blasphemy (Oh Japan, you and your piecemeal understanding of Christianity~). So, for once, I end on a good note: you no longer have to settle for watching Earthian, with its limited animation, poor design, forgettable music, and -did I mention?- assed up plot. The future is here, people… And it brought high caliber boy-love with it. Content: PG13 (Male/Male sex; No genitals shown.) Rate: 1/5 Tapes: Four Episode OAV. Enzai: Shortly after the French Revolution, the judicial system is still full of corruption. The bribery and scapegoating is experienced first hand by Guys, a poor youth who is unjustly accused of murdering Jared, a private investigator. When he's brought in for petty theft, a corrupt detective named Guildias tells Guys that if he pleads guilty for murder, he'll defend him in court and get him a soft sentence. Panicked, Guys does so, despite being innocent. But Guildias lied, and Guys is locked up, where he's abused by both his fellow prisoners and the guards. But there's some hope, as fellow inmates Evan and Vallewida help Guys recover from the attacks and lend him a sympathetic ear. Evan tells him that many of the convicts are there for crimes they didn't commit. Before being arrested, Evan was a successful journalist who uncovered information on a government official named Bollanet, who was guilty of many crimes (including murder and thievery) during the war. In order to keep his name clear, Bollanet framed Evan and sent him to prison, where his accusations would never be heard. Once he's comfortable with Evan, Guys brings correspondence from his lawyer, Lusca, for Evan to read (Guys is illiterate). He complains that Lusca is nothing but a lazy drunk, and has done nothing to help clear his name. When Evan realizes that Guys lawyer is his old colleague and friend, he's irritated to hear that Lusca has thrown his life away. He writes an incensed letter, reminding Lusca of what a great attorney he once was, and that he once considered himself and Lusca to be very close. Once he receives Evan's letter, Lusca is inspired. He quits drinking and focuses on Guys' case, re-opening the murder investigation. Meanwhile, Guys continues to be abused by Guildias. While raping Guys he accidentally cries out “Myuka”. When he next meets with Lusca, Guys is reminded that Myuka was a street kid like himself at one time, and went missing around Thanksgiving. Lusca is surprised to hear this, as Jared was investigating Myuka’s disappearance before his death. Lusca returns to Jared’s house, and finds the murder weapon. However, it’s only a small knife, and doesn’t match the wound. Guys approaches Vallewida, who was once part of the army, and implores him to share his knowledge of weaponry. Vallewida agrees that it’s possible that the knife is the murder weapon but due to massive trauma he suffers from amnesia of his war days he can’t be certain. Before he and Guys can come to a conclusion, Vallewida is taken by a prison guard and tortured in hopes of recovering incriminating memories he holds about Bollanet’s war crimes. But he’s unresponsive. Finally, the last piece of Guys case is solved when another inmate, Jose, comes to him with evidence. Though Jose initially abused Guys, he takes a shine to him and agrees to give him Jared’s diary in exchange for sexual favors. A re-trial is held in which Guys alibi is proven, and Guildias’ guilt is revealed. Jared’s notes detailed that Guildias had kidnapped Myuca, and both murder weapons in Jared’s death are linked to Guildias. After indisputable evidence is presented by Lusca, Guildias flees and the court releases Guys. At his manner house, Guildias is tracked down by police, where he blockades himself in the cellar with Myuca’s body. He inadvertently strangled the boy to death in a fit of jealous rage, and tried in vain to cover both the murder and the kidnapping. Suddenly overcome, Guildias shoots himself. Some time after, Guys receives a hand-made cross from Vallewida, with the evidence of Bollanet’s crimes hidden inside, finally bringing to light concrete evidence of the man’s terrible deeds and corruption. Review: I generally don't expect much from game-adaptations, especially hentai game adaptations, so I won't fault Enzai for its meandering plot. It's honestly not that bad- the variety of characters is pretty impressive, and I have to admit, if you're bored enough, the story can be fairly intriguing. What I did expect was good art- the game had nice designs, but apparently they fired that crew. The characters are just PAINFUL to look at. You could grate fine cheese on their jagged faces. All the men look like women with facial hair- except Vallewida, who apparently IS a woman. Or Michael Jackson, judging from his voice. Up until his obligatory rape scene, I was sure Vallewida's Dark Secret was ovaries. Actually, this guy and his subplot in itself illustrate how fucked up Enzai is: Vallewida is taken by the captain of the guard and whipped to try and cure his explosive amnesia, but instead it gives him multiple-personality-disorder. The other personality is a whore, who the captain dresses in women’s clothing, which he then… Whips off. Then, he rapes Vallewida (fuck I’m getting tired of looking up how to spell that bullshit every time) so he can flash back to his time in the army, where he was repeatedly gang-banged by his entire platoon. Wow. As funny as it sounds in retrospect, while actually watching the show, Enzai's pacing is derailed by the constant raping. It's as if they animated all the boneration, then threw it in the middle, leaving the opening and ending incredibly plot-heavy and dry (yes, enjoy the double entendre). And when I say “constant raping”, I mean that literally. There are NO consensual sex scenes in this thing- I have no idea how anybody could add this to their spank bank. It’s all blood and screaming and whipping. Okay, so maybe that floats a couple of boats in the audience, but couldn’t they have added a happy-ending Lusca/Guys romp at the end? NO. That would have ruined the MOOD. However, the whole plot-hole of HOW DO THESE KIDS KEEP GETTING OUT OF THEIR CELLS TO RAPE EACHOTHER was not deemed mood-ruining. To make it worse (or better?), it’s massively censored. Not just a little mosaic around the peen, either. It’s as if they thought blurring out the entire lower halves of Guys and Guildias’ bodies would make up for a 40 year old psychopath raping a 12 year old boy. Finally, the music and animation are just terrible. The sound effects are completely random- guns make the same noise as guys ejaculating, and for whatever reason, anal sex sounds like throwing a tub of yogurt in the trash compactor. And while this cacophony is going on in the background, the characters move like old school zombies, twitching and traveling around with a lumbering gait. Maybe they could have spent a bit more time making people move like human beings if they had cut some of the banging- it’s a dizzy dream, but if Enzai has taught me anything, it’s that you should never give up, even in the face of crippling damage to your anus. Content: XXX (Male/Male sex; Censored genitals shown.) Rates: 1/5 Tapes: Two Episode OAV. Fake: When detective Randy "Ryo" McLane first transferred from Japan to the New York 27th Precinct, he was partnered with the most mouthy and notoriously bull-headed member of the team: Dee Latener. After working with Dee for some time, Ryo began to develop feelings for his partner, but was unsure of how Dee felt due to his constant jokes. But Dee's reciprocation of Ryo's sentiment was far from a joke. Upon learning Ryo may actually give him a chance, Dee was very forward with his intention to claim Ryo, which abruptly frightened Ryo away. In attempts to get Ryo to submit, Dee harasses the Chief of his department to let the two have the same holiday break, and travel to the same location. The Chief relents, and Dee is left alone with Ryo at a secluded English resort. But the romanticism is short lived when, during what should have been a peaceful boat ride, the two discover a body. While Dee wishes to leave the work to detectives who are on duty, Ryo argues that a detective should always be ready when duty calls. Dee relents, happy that the local police decided to let the guests continue their stay at the hotel despite the murder. Dee continues his pursuit of Ryo that night. He tries to get his partner drunk, but ends up being plastered by himself, forcing Ryo to take care of him. While going to fetch ice for Dee, Ryo meets Arisa Bryan, a fellow Japanese-American who's also on vacation at the hotel. Being a very intuitive woman, she tells Ryo that he should express his feelings for Dee. Meanwhile, a local lieutenant has been nosing around the case. He takes a liking to Ryo, which agitates Dee, and makes him critical of the other man's discoveries. But despite his scepticism, Dee is gripped with worry when the lieutenant tells him that the string of murders has been completely Japanese-Americans. In a panic, Dee rushes back to the hotel, in time to see the owner attacking Ryo, intent on killing him. He rants about how his daughter was killed by a group of Japanese men who stayed at his hotel, and he was seeking vengeance. He killed Arisa and her friend, as well as several other Japanese guests, and now has his sights on Ryo. Dee bursts in to the rescue, and the local authorities take the owner away. His last words to the two detectives are that he's seen his wrongs, is ready to serve time, and wishes one last favour: for them to burn the last remaining portrait of his daughter. Review: For such a long warning about same-sex romance, there were desperately few scenes of Dee and Ryo doing the nasty. In fact, all you really get is an eyeful of some kissing, and light groping. As a rabid yaoi fan, this was a little disappointing, particularly because it seemed based on the stereotypical "confused and intimidated" partner that wishes to keep things romantic and not sexual. Yes, we're all sick of that rhetoric. Take off your pants. As for the plot itself, it was a good mystery flick. It wasn't entirely obvious who the culprit was until the very end, which was action-packed, if not a little forced due to the murderer's ultimate reverie. The characters were an interesting bunch, balancing each other’s personalities well, but their designs were off and on. At times, they looked descent, but mostly, they had the Hunky Shounen Syndrome: wide shoulders, tiny head, squinty eyes. Animation was limited at best, save for a few choice fight and action scenes, and even then it was nothing spectacular. In the end, Fake is your typical slash. Trite storyline, unimpressive characters, and convoluted secluded settings all to showcase a little guy on guy action. And if you're up for that, then by all means, get those panties down and lefty ready for action. Content: PG (Male/Male kissing.) Rates: 2/5 Tapes: One Movie. Fish in the Trap: Matsui Takahiro and his friend Yoshino Eiichi are watching an advanced lap race at their school’s pool. Having tried his hand at swimming, Matsui is impressed by the winner of the race, who easily takes the lead and first place. Afterward, Yoshino goes to get himself and Matsui a soda, but when he returns, his friend is gone. Having met the winner of the race, Yuuji, Matsui was coerced by the older man to go out for a drink. At the bar, Yuuji is joined by his gang of friends, who heckle Matsui and goad him into drinking and smoking. Though he allows them to get the better of him, Matsui eventually pulls himself together and leaves. That night, Yoshino calls Matsui to ask where he went; still drunk and out of it, the latter tries to assure his friend everything is fine. Unconvinced, Yoshino meets with Matsui the following day. By that time Matsui is sober and back to normal. Relieved, the two friends go to the arcade. But, unknown to them, members of Yuuji’s gang are there, and recognizing Matsui from the previous night, stalk him. Meanwhile, Yuuji is in a meeting with the CEO of his company. The man wants Yuuji to be the heir to his industry, and train under him as well as attending college. However, the offer is only on the condition that Yuuji give up his gang and irresponsible lifestyle. Irritated, but also eager to succeed, Yuuji excuses himself to mull it over. He gets a call from his friends that they’ve found his quarry from the other night. Yuuji meets them at a local park, where Matsui is being held captive by the gang. There, he takes advantage of the boy, while his gang jeers. Afterward, Yuuji has an epiphany, and, deciding that he will take the CEO’s offer, abandons his friends to focus on his studies and future. Matsui, choosing to forget about that night, continues on with his own schooling. He decides to join the school’s swim team, but gets quite the surprise when he finds Yuuji is a senior member. Review: A lot of reviewers have ragged on Fish in the Trap for being old and having a dated look, but it’s not that bad. It’s pretty much TV quality, and is far from the bottom of the barrel design-wise. What really breaks this OAV is that pacing. Man, it is DRY. I have a high tolerance for slow plots when it comes to yaoi- it’s par for the course that the guys are going to take their sweet time getting down and dirty, but this is just so bland. It’s a boring expose from the lives of a student with no personality and a lecherous businessman… With no personality. If you took out the scant scenes of guy on guy action, nobody would have ever watched this thing, and it would have faded into obscurity where it belongs. Sadly, the yaoi quotient is awkwardly interspersed throughout this OAV, and for lack of a better word, it’s ODD. Firstly, Yuuji’s “gang”: what is with these manly men, these rough-and-tumble liquor-swilling brutes, who think it’s hilarious to kidnap young boys, get them drunk, then let them go? Then watch their exhaled leader lovingly “rape” kids in the park? Secondly, Karakawa: he’s the token slutty member of Yuuji’s gang, and has two scenes un-explicitly macking on his friends. Too bad he’s horrifically ugly- puffy 80’s hair, baseball cap, glasses, pink pants. In my experience, roaming gangs of homosexuals don’t let guys dressed that poorly join. And lastly, the rape scene: Basically Yuuji’s friends see Matsui at the arcade, call their friend, then stalk him until they can get him alone, at which point Yuuji begins to LOVINGLY REMOVE HIS CLOTHES. Then, he porks him… Possibly. It’s hard to tell as the scene is just pans of Matsui’s naked chest, and a few seconds of Yuuji kissing him. Now, I may not be an expert on what to do in a gay emergency, but shouldn’t he be trying to ESCAPE? Stop drop and roll, kid! Wait- why does he look to be enjoying it? Perhaps that explains why, despite KNOWING Yuuji is an accomplished swimmer, Matsui goes and joins the swim club RIGHT AFTER being buggered in the park. To his surprise, in the locker rooms, he meets… Dun Dun Dun… Yuuji! ZOMG. WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT. And that’s the end, kids. It fades to black with the startling realization that joining after school clubs will always get you molested. Content: PG13 (Male/Male sex; No genitals shown.) Rates: 1/5 Tapes: One OAV. Gakuen Heaven: Ito Keita has always been average, save for a lucky streak and a contagious smile. As he takes these two traits for granted, Keita is flabbergasted when he receives an entrance letter to the prestigious Bell Liberty Academy, a school catering to exceptionally gifted boys. Though he’s unsure of himself and secretly believes the invitation is a mistake, Keita gains a bit of confidence when he’s personally escorted to school by Niwa Tetsuya, the gregarious and outspoken school president. Upon arriving at the school, Kazuki Endo offers to help get Keita settled, as they’re room neighbors. Keita accepts gratefully, as the campus is sprawling and Kazuki is already acquainted with it. Feeling as if he’s met Kazuki before, he and Keita become fast friends, and Kazuki is always there to bail Keita out of tense situations with the “colorful” students at Bell Liberty: the terse dorm leader/star archer, Shinomiya; the aloof treasurer, Saionji Kaoru; the taciturn yet kind painter, Iwa; the school’s super-energetic and cheeky delivery boy, Shunsuke; the stuck up and conniving twins, Kakeru and Wataru; and their tennis captain, Naruse. The latter is the most outspoken upon Keita’s arrival, as he immediately develops a crush on the new pupil, calls him “honey”, and repeatedly asks him out on dates. Keita awkwardly, yet politely refuses. But Bell Liberty isn’t all jokes and amusing characters, as Keita soon finds out when his best friend often goes missing for days at a time. Kazuki claims it’s all for club activities, but when Keita is brought in to Vice President Kuganuma’s office and asked to voluntarily leave the school due to his lack of skill, Keita starts to feel there’s much more going on behind the scenes than a regular school council. He pleads with Kazuki to be frank with him, but the older boy remains quiet on the subject of school board matters, and instead encourages Keita to plead his case to the school’s chairman. Eventually, Keita does so, and to give him an opportunity to prove his worth, a school competition called the MVP Battle is held. Keita and Kazuki pair up, and with the former’s luck, they’re able to solve the competition’s riddles and rank first place despite suspicious disruptions from hired guards. Though he’s happy to have won, Keita can’t let Kazuki’s deception go on. He confronts the other boy about his mysterious scholarship, Kazuki’s absences, and the half-memories that plague him whenever he’s with his friend. Eventually, Kazuki relents, and admits that he’s the school chairman, and has been acting as a student this whole time. He and Keita were childhood friends, and at that time, made a promise to one day attend school together. When Kazuki’s father passed away, he took over the company, and overthrew the board in order to enroll Keita, which angered the vice president, Kuganuma. Kuganuma was so irate, that he attempted to have Keita removed in order to assert his power. Once he is made aware of this treachery, Kazuki has Kuganuma fired. Keita is so moved by his friend’s devotion, that he forgives him, and also begins to see that Kazuki’s feelings go beyond friendship. With the school at peace, Kazuki finally admits that he’s in love with Keita. Review: We all know I’m mad for boyluv. I can take a lot of longing glances, soliloquies among the sakura petals, even entire story arcs with nothing but a near-miss-kiss…But, man oh man, this is just way TOO much. Flowery BGs? A Teddy Bear mascot? Piano solo music? Beautiful boys nancing around in water and drinking herbal teas? If this were all women, it would be the biggest porn parade around, but as they’re men exchanging coquettish gazes and subtle nuance, it just turns out to be really UNCOMFORTABLE. Where are the manly men? Apparently BL Academy shot them all- or maybe being a flaming queen is as a prerequisite to entry. Gakuen Heaven is GAY- and not in the delicious boy/boy action way, either. EVERYBODY has a boneration for Keita, and yet nobody does anything except flippantly make passes at him in various inappropriate situations. What makes this weird isn’t that the entire school wants to pork the new kid –hey, it’s boarding school and fresh meat is delicious- it’s that he’s completely blank or vaguely uneasy through all of it. Apparently, he hasn’t learned the subtle art of INSTANT ENAMOURATION. But in all seriousness, it’s this weird dynamic that makes Gakuen Heaven a bit hard to watch- it’s not the type of series that has you clicking one episode after the other just to see what happens, because nothing ever DOES happen. The characters are so one-dimensional, and the plots without any real advancement, that you could watch pretty much any random episode and get the gist of what’s going on. It’s the sort of thing at home in character-driven comedy, but the only kind of laughing I ever did was the awkward type in vicarious embarrassment for everybody. In addition to the plot being meandering and pointless, there isn’t any actual drive between the character relationships. Yah, they’re all fairies, and at first I was sure Keita would end up being the school slut, but NOTHING ever happens. This could have been a three episode OAV, and it still would have been too long. If anything, as the series progresses, the boy love declines until you’re unsure of whether or not they’re just good friends or brothers or just a bit socially awkward- the only thing you’re SURE of is that they’ll never do the double sausage disco. With all hope lost of seeing any hot man action, you’re forced to pay attention to the story, which is just fucking stupid. The school chairman is a talking teddy bear. I shit you not- it gives orders, does paper work, talks in a frustratingly cutesy voice, and generally makes you want to take a rake to your face in the dizzy hope that the pain will help you forget. And what’s with the vice principal? Why is he SO EVIL?? This guy is like Dr. Fucking Claw of the school board- he holds a school competition, which is essentially just a really LONG and TEDIOUS scavenger hunt, then hires a platoon of assassins simply to try and kill Keita during said tournament. WHAT. Not only is that the most roundabout way of killing a TEENAGE BOY, it’s out of character for both the story and principals everywhere. We all know schools can’t afford chalk, let alone assassins. And the whole time, he watches diabolically from his system of webcams around the school, laughing manically when this kid’s in danger, and cursing the heavens when he inevitably wins. Vice Dude, you are FORTY. Go play some fucking golf, read about diverse portfolios, beat your wife- I don’t care, but there are easier and less retarded ways to get a kid out of your school. ~* EXPULSION*~ it’s the new murder! Also, why didn’t Kazuki just TELL Keita about their past friendship from the beginning? They never explained why he didn’t just go up on the first day and say, “hay, I’m the chairman, don’t tell anybody because I pose as a student. I’m your good ol’ friend, and I brought you here because I’ve wanted to bone you since you were six”. But I guess then, there wouldn’t be a series- or else, it would have involved a lot more naked romps in the cafeteria meat locker. … Which, seriously, would have been so much better. Honestly, by episode 12 of 13, I was convinced this whole thing would go nowhere, and I would be forced to smash my DVD player in a fit of angry German fury- but then they went and crammed all the tension, yaoi, and kissing into the last episode… Did the first focus group go on a homicidal rampage, so they tacked this one to quell the fangirls? Save yourself the pain and suffering of the first ten episodes, watch the last three, and rejoice at how cute Keita and Kazuki are when they finally kiss. After a couple of episodes of waiting, it’s cute- after TWELVE? NO. Nothing they can do will ever make up for that fucking endless SCAVENGER HUNT. Or the NAUSEATING MUSIC (Oh, is that Emotional Piano Solo #5 again?! Fuck ya, I wanted to hear that one!), or the bland/hideous designs (Lush eyelashes do not make up for their GIANT SQUARE BODIES), or, worst of all- the nearly complete lack of animation. Whenever something requires a lot of animation, they use still-frame dissolves. FRAME DISLOVES. THIS IS NOT A POWER POINT PRESENATION. It would have been hotter watching a slideshow of Deviant Art’s yaoi section. Content: PG (Male/Male kissing.) Rates: 1.5/5 Tapes: Series with progressive plot on each. Gravitation: Shuichi Shindou and Nakano Hiroshi are the sole members of the little known band, Bad Luck. Under the instruction of their nervous manager Sakano, the band is failing from lack of publicity as well as lack of confidence. However, their big break comes when they manage to get Seguchi Tohma (record executive of N-G Recording Company and ex-keyboardist of renowned band Nittle Grasper) to listen to their first single. Tohma is impressed, but demands the band improves before he takes them on officially. His first step is to assign them a keyboardist to flesh out the band's sound. His cousin, Suguru Fujisaki joins Bad Luck, and though Shuichi initially objects, the three eventually find a very promising groove and begin to rise in fame. Despite finally being taken on by N-G Records and selling 1 million copies of their first release, the members of Bad Luck have sordid personal lives which constantly threaten to interfere with their careers. Shuichi in particular finds himself entangled in an extremely rocky relationship with famed writer, Uesugi "Yuki" Eiri. Yuki's feelings toward Shuichi change drastically from day to day (and sometimes moment to moment), as he can find the boy both endearing and extremely irritating. To complicate matters, Yuki has a shadow in his past that haunts him, and he goes through periods where he has very little confidence in his relationship, and shies away from Shuichi for "his own good". But Shuichi is innocent and hard-headed, and chases Yuki regardless of how many times he's shot down, finding solace in the few times that Yuki is kind to him. Because of their constant quarreling and Yuki's growing feelings for Shuichi, Tohma attempts to break up the couple several times. Having known Yuki since childhood, and sharing his trauma, Tohma believes he understands Yuki best and attempts to organize his life for him, but Yuki is often evasive and cold, not taking any advice (whether it be genuine or manipulative). On the other side of the spectrum is Claude "K" Winchester, Bad Luck's manager. He purposefully leaks information about Shuichi and Yuki's relationship to the press, intending to ride on Yuki's fame in order to promote the band. Although this works for a time, it causes enough stress between the two men that Yuki eventually leaves for America, not only to escape the fame (and being hounded by the millions of female fans that read his novels) but also to avoid his growing feelings for Shuichi. Review: J-pop and boy love- it's a magical combination that seldom goes awry, and Gravitation is one of the staples of the yaoi world. Though it isn't explicit, it has enough angst between Shuichi and Yuki to keep any shounen-ai fan interested. Of course, if you abhor soap-opera-esque drama, then Gravitation is definitely not for you. The sheer scale of the character's emotions and their completely absurd actions (running away to a different country to "Protect the One You Love from Yourself" is a prime example) can easily drive the cynical viewer insane. Other irritants of the series included the fact that Bad Luck only has one song, which is played ad nauseum, the only respite being the few occasions when a new accompanying video is shown. Fortunately, the song itself is fairly catchy, so it's only near the tail end of the series that you start thinking that it's a good thing Shuichi learned to suck cock so well, because One Hit Wonders need that skill. The animation aspect of Gravitation is probably the weakest bit, which is disappointing considering the obvious budget cuts made to the music. This is a show ABOUT A BAND. Sleek music videos and tons of ear-candy should be par for the course, especially when the boy-love aspect is so tortured, incomplete and far apart. In fact, the only HINT we get that Shuichi and Yuki have actually gotten down and dirty down-under is a single piece of dialog ("... and you're terrible in bed"-Yuki) which is cut out in the dub. After all is said and done, Gravitation is a dirty pleasure of anime (even in the boy love sub genre). It's fluffy, mercilessly sappy, and without any real meaningful content or artistic merit. So, it's up to you: avoid it, or just dive right in- chicken wings in one hand, Häagen-Dazs in the other, and Gravitation queued up for an evening of such flamboyant outfits and boy-centred waterworks that you'll keep your love of it secret until the very day you die. Content: PG13 (Male/Male kissing; Implied rape.) Rate: 2.5/5 Tapes: Series with progressive plot on each. Gravitation OAV: Suichi is an aspiring pop idol. He is absolutely infatuated with famed writer, Yuki. However, the latter isn't exactly reciprocal in the feelings department. Though they do have their off-and-on moments, it's revealed that Yuki does indeed care for Suichi, but doesn't appreciate the clingy young boy's juvenile antics. This shounen-ai plot pokes fun at the little nuances of anime that are known to all fans. Review: Unfortunately the subtitles for this were only available in Korean, so I'm not one hundred percent clear on the story line. The animation was funny in a gimmicky kind of way. It mocks a lot of the little distortions anime characters tend to go through. There was a lot of stock footage used for the stage performance scenes which kind of annoyed me, but the songs that were sung did have a certain catchy flavor. They weren't overused, either, which is a step in the right direction. I really liked the plot for the yaoi elements, though there were very few actual scenes with Yuki and Suichi together since they're not on speaking terms for a lot of the movie. Regardless, when I scrounge up enough money, I'll definitely buy the series that goes along with this movie. Content: PG (Male/Male kissing.) Rate: 4/5 Tapes: One Movie. Houkago no Shokuinshitsu: Just out of teacher's college, Mitsuro Kawase takes a job at a local high school. It's not long before he's approached by Kazama, a fellow teacher who's very popular among the female students for his handsome face and brash attitude. But Kazama's sights are focused elsewhere, and upon meeting Kawase, he immediately asks him out for dinner. Being innocent and inexperienced, Kawase accepts, thinking Kazama's intentions are friendly. Soon it becomes clear that it’s romance his fellow teacher is after, and Kawase is left wondering how he feels. He thinks about Kazama often, but can't shake the feeling that the older man is a playboy, and will simply take advantage of him. To avoid him during summer break, Kawase goes to work at his aunt's bed and breakfast, out in the countryside. But Kazama is not so easily deflected, and books a room, in order to be closer to his prey. Kawase is wary, but wouldn't chase away a guest, no matter how uncomfortable it is to have him around. Meanwhile, Kawase's brother is equally concerned, and warns him to not get involved with such a manipulative man. After dealing with Kawase’s avoidance for several days, Kazama finally confronts him, and asks why he would ever lead him on if he had no intention of giving their relationship a chance. He forces Kawase to kiss him, but just as the latter is beginning to enjoy it, they’re interrupted. The following day, the inn’s summer help arrives- a boy named Natsuhiko, who Kazama immediately begins to flirt with, much to both Kawase and his brother’s irritation. Flash forward to the beginning of the New Year, and Kawase has finally had enough of Kazama’s attentions. He’s plagued by guilt and uncertainty about their future, and whether or not they’ll ever marry women and have a normal life. He says he’s ending the relationship. Kazama becomes angry, and threatens to kill Kawase and himself if he leaves. After that night, he doesn’t mention the altercation again, and the two continue on as usual, with Kawase slowly letting Kazama into his life. Unfortunately the peace doesn’t last, as Kazama is invited by the school’s principal to go golfing. When he arrives, Kazama finds it was all a ploy to set him up with the principal’s daughter, Miho. With his job at stake, Kazama is forced to date her. Despite repeatedly reassuring Kawase that it’s purely a social obligation, their relationship becomes distant. Miho has her sights set on Kazama, and monopolizes his time constantly, knowing he can’t refuse her without ending his career. Feeling increasingly isolated and confused, Kawase tries to kill himself by standing in a railroad crossing. However, he’s stopped by an unlikely person- Miho shows up before the train and kisses Kawase, pushing him off the tracks. The following day, Kazama finally comes clean with her, and admits that he never had any intention of marrying her- he’s utterly in love with Kawase. Though Miho is distraught, she accepts this, and leaves. Reunited, Kazama and Kawase voice their feelings for one-another, and, for the first time start a real relationship. Review: OH what in the sweet holy fuck is this shit. I refuse to qualify this as animation. The first ten minutes are PANS- Slow, boring pans of fields, empty classrooms and lakes. Then, THE HORROR BEGINS. Houkago no Shokuinshitsu is papercraft puppetry as done by monkeys with no hands. The characters jump around like rabbits on speed, which they try to disguise with ~high tech effects~ that only serve to make the audience nauseous. Nauseous with RAGE. It’s as if they forgot to animate WHOLE SCENES, and then just tried to cover it up with GLOW and SPARKLES. Well, kids, there are a lot of things glitter can fix, like a discount xmas tree or a busted hooker’s face, but it could not polish this turd. Have the creators EVER seen human beings move? I've seen more convincing romantic acting from a corpse in its death throws. And that’s WHEN they’re animated! Half the run-time of this thing is close-ups of EYES SHINING WITH EMOTION. The designs, if possible, are WORSE than the animation. Not even body builders have shoulders that massive- it's not drawing style, it's a LACK OF TALENT. For the love of all that is holy, they are so broad THEY TAKE UP THE WHOLE SCREEN, leaving their pea-sized heads as a tiny, blurred afterthought. If you told me this was produced by 9 year old fangirls, I would believe you. But I still wouldn't forgive them for SELLING THIS. If you bought Houkago no Shokuinshitsu, I am deeply sorry for your loss of 5$ to the remainder bin at your local underground comic shop. Though my summary may have made it seem like a descent plot line, I can assure you that the dialogue makes it EMBARASSING to watch- Kazama’s proclamations of love/double-suicide/crazy fucking bipolar problems are like Shakespeare without the poetry. “We might die tonight! If you’re upset with me saying such bullshit, then I’m really going to kill you and kill myself.” … WHAT? And he follows up with; “Don’t worry about the future, believe in now!” … DEAR GOD. I still wake up terrified and sweating in the night at the thought that more than one person AGREED this was good enough to warrant TWO EPISODES. SERIOUSLY, I cannot put into words the sheer SHITTITUDE of this. Even the sound FX are bad- dripping water during romantic scenes? What, are the characters incontinent? Because that's what it seems like as they stare blankly, the only sound audible a trickle. Speaking of leaks, bring tissues- not to wipe the tears of grief, but to wipe the BLOOD that will surely pour from your eyes while viewing this. The artist in me has DIED, and with its last gasping breath cried out SHOULDER PADS. Content: PG (Male/Male kissing.) Rates: 0/5 Tapes: Two Episode OAV. Ikoku Irokoi Romantan: Ranmaru is the young master of the Oumi yakuza clan. Due to social pressures, he agrees to marry a woman he doesn't love, simply to end the feud between their syndicates. The woman, Kaoru, is constantly irritated that she has to live her life as a yakuza wife, and with a man younger than her no less. Constantly at odds and completely unhappy with the other's personality, they fight like brother and sister. But regardless, the two are set to be wed on a cruise to Italy, where they will spend their honeymoon. However, they’re not alone on the ship, and the foreign passengers gawk and comment on Ranmaru’s traditional Japanese clothes. Irritated, and not understanding what they’re saying, he tries to pick a fight with them, but is stopped by a curious man named Al. Though completely Western in features, Al speaks fluent Japanese, and is obsessed with the country and its culture. He gushes over Ranmaru, as he’s excited to have finally met a yakuza (as if it’s the final piece to his “seeing all of Japan” collection). Shortly afterward, the wedding takes place, and the fights between Ranmaru and Kaoru redouble. She kicks him out of the room, and Ranmaru goes to sulk in the lounge. He’s confronted by Kaoru’s yakuza clan, and the leader heckles Ranmaru for not being man enough for his new wife. He gets in a fight, and once again, Al appears to back him up. After roundly defeating the rival gang, the two men have a drink together, and end up in Al’s room. So taken with his new friend, Al starts coming on to Ranmaru- who doesn’t object. Since it’s his wedding night, Al insists they follow tradition, and have sex. The following day, Al has disappeared, much to Ranmaru’s annoyance. But he has little time to dwell on it, as he’s extremely hung over, and it’s time to disembark in Italy. As he’s exiting the ship, he notices Al dressed in captain’s finery. Al explains that he too is married- to the sea, but is confident they will meet again. Review: This is more of a comedy than anything else- there’s very little tension between Al and Ranmaru, and their singular romp at the end is one of the least passionate things I’ve seen since Amish copulation. Most of the laughs come from Al’s terrifying obsession with Japan and Japanese men (I’m sure you’ll empathize). His continuous commentary on Ranmaru’s “traditional manliness” and silky hair are, if anything, funnier than the purposeful humor between Ran and his wife. But even if that doesn’t crack you up, you'll shit a brick at the Engrish that gets used on the cruise ship. Once again Japanese voice actors prove that reading a language you don’t understand makes you sound like a jackass. "He's beautiful boy! So Special! Nice guy!", all said by random male passengers commenting on Ranmaru's sexy kimono. Ha ha ha, if somebody told me I looked "so special", I'd punch them too. So, is this OAV worth it? I say- why not? It’s only 30 minutes, the production value is fair, and even if you hate it, you can’t claim it stole precious time from your otherwise busy schedule of sleuthing around LJ for pictures of Prince of Tennis cosplay. Content: R (Male/Male sex; No genitals shown.) Rates: 3/5 Tapes: One Episode OAV. I Shall Never Return: Ken Amafuji and Ritsurou Yoshinari have been friends since childhood, the latter always trying to look after his troubled friend Ken. When Ken's parents were divorced he took it very hard. He dropped out of school, moved into his own apartment, and took a job as a host in order to pay the rent. Though he disagrees with Ken's lifestyle, Ritsurou keeps silent, simply coming over to cook and clean to give Ken a hand. But the tense balance in their relationship is destroyed when Ken becomes jealous of Ritsurou's girlfriend, Moeko. To turn his friend against her, Ken sleeps with Moeko. When Ritsurou finds out, he doesn't immediately break it off with her, even when she explains that the reason she slept with Ken was because she was desperate for attention, and wanted to be seen and loved as a woman. Instead of being offended, Ritsurou begins to question himself and how he feels about Ken. With a new, confusing set of emotions developing for his friend, Ritsurou starts to lash out at Ken, finally speaking up about how degrading it is to be a host, and that he disagrees with selling one's body. Incensed, Ken bites back that he never invited Ritsurou to come over and play his "mother" by doing chores. The two storm away from each other. Oddly enough, it's Moeko who reunites them, as she confides to Ritsurou that she overheard a 'phone message for Ken, in which his mother begged her son to come back and move to Singapore so they could be a family again. Not entirely sure of his feelings, but certain he never wants to lose Ken, Ritsurou rushes to his friend, and they make love. Afterward, Ken agrees to quit his job as a host, and stay with Ritsurou. When she discovers their relationship, Moeko is furious, and purposefully tells Ritsurou that she wants to see him suffer for leading her on, never paying her attention, and preferring his best friend over her. Review: What would yaoi be without heartache and yearning? What if they boys just took off their pants, had sex, and liked it? For one, it wouldn’t be as much fun for crazy fangirls who are sustained on the tears of pretty boys. Secondly, we’d get to see more wang- and I, for one, would like to encourage that. This inconclusive little ditty is ripe with the cornerstones of yaoi: the brash young boy and the geeky boy, host-work, sakura petals, near non-stop running after each other, sakura petals, the imminent threat of moving away, an interfering girl, and sakura petals. There's absolutely nothing good about this if you don't like yaoi. The plot (based on a spanning series of manga) is compressed into one episode that’s confusing, muddled, and contains at least one retarded montage, the design ranges from fairly good to OMFG they are on HEROIN, and the music sounds like it was taken straight from daytime soaps. There's also not any REAL nookie- there's a lot of IMPLIED sexuality, with Ken's seizure-like dancing, him being tied up in bed by a client at one point, and, of course, the post-coitus cigarette, but no- you never see any thrusting. That's a deal breaker for me. I could have forgiving the soggy cheese plot of this thing if they'd actually shown the boys earning their brown belts, but instead, they just cut to SAKURA PETALS. There’s not much else to say about I Shall Never Return. If you’re aching for yaoi, it’ll do ya -think of it as the unsatisfying work-day wank in the loos. Content: PG (Male/Male kissing.) Rates: 1.5/5 Tapes: One Movie. Junjou Romantica: Misaki has been raised by his brother, Takahiro, since he was eight years old, and their parents died in a car crash. Although Misaki blames himself to this day, he keeps his feelings well hidden from all but those closest to him- his brother. However, he gets the surprise of his life when Takahiro, a usually very open and earnest man, suddenly elopes, leaving Misaki in the hands of Usagi. Takahiro and Usagi have been friends for many years- during which the latter never revealed his love for Takahiro. Misaki, on the other hand, sees right through it. Though his first impulse is to hate Usagi, he feels the slightest twinge of sympathy that, with his brother happily married, Usagi's love will never be returned. As Misaki makes himself at home in Usagi's millionaire loft, both men feel especially tense; Usagi becomes more and more attracted to Misaki- who is horrified of both Usagi's advances, and the older man's source of income, Boy's Love novels [many of which feature situations taken from Misaki and Takahiro's life]. However, the more the two men are forced to endure each other's presence, the more they open up to each other, and, against all odds, begin to love one another. Enter Kamijou Hiro, a dour, irritable man who has always held a flame for Usagi. They were only together a single time, in which he begged Usagi to simply pretend he was Takahiro, and they were left in an awkward limbo afterward. Feeling crushed upon discovering Usagi's newfound emotions toward Misaki, Hiro wanders to a nearby park, wherein he's confronted by Nowaki. Unfalteringly kind, Nowaki immediately falls for the taciturn Hiro, and attempts to become part of his life. However, Hiro is annoyed by the intrusion, and refuses to accept Nowaki's feelings. Not to be so easily deterred, Nowaki continues to seek out Hiro's presence, and very gradually, the older man begins to fall for him. However, Nowaki is acutely aware of both the age and social difference between them- Hiro is a teacher, while he is still a student. Intent on being the equal of the man he loves, Nowaki takes courses abroad, leaving Hiro alone to contemplate how much he truly needs the younger man. In Nowaki's absence, Hiro becomes even more stogy and irritable, lashing out randomly at his students. The behavior gains the attention of Miyagi Yu, a fellow professor and overall affable man. He jokes around with Hiro, usually in a sexual nature, simply to put him off kilter. However, he backs off when Nowaki returns, reuniting with Hiro and, after openly settling their differences, begin a life together. For all his teasing, the tables suddenly turn on Miyagi, when his brother-in-law Shinobu [from his ex wife] suddenly confronts him and declares his love for the professor. Being a laid-back “class clown” type, Miyagi's first reflex is to shrug off the boy. He makes fun of Shinobu's overly intense nature, ignores him, and is generally insensitive to his feelings. However, Shinobu doesn't relent in his chase, insisting that his feelings are real, and the age gap makes no difference. The sudden torrent of emotions from the young man brings back painful memories of Miyagi's past- he too once loved his teacher. He was much younger, much more innocent, and in the throws of his first true love, the object of his affections passed away. From that time he kept his emotions hidden behind a mask of jest, but he can't seem to keep up the facade when Shinobu is being so forward. Although Miyagi doesn't immediately fall in love with the boy, he accepts that he has to let go of a memory that has been forcing him to lead a half life, and give love another chance. Review: Misaki and Usagi's relationship irritated me to the point that I was ready to give this up as a bad job. The first few episodes made this series out to be the stereotypical “everybody's gay for the pretty young protagonist”- an overdone, ridiculous plot that I could happily live without. Although Misaki has his comedic moments [generally when pointing out how ridiculous his own situation is], Usagi is an INTOLERABLE character. He's got this Michael Jackson-esque fascination with toys [Stuffed bears. Stuffed bears EVERYWHERE. Having sex atop a pile of STUFFED BEARS] and childhood, despite being a very staunch, proper man around others. I'd usually call such a dichotomy in personality interesting, but this time it's just fucking creepy. I don't care how rich and ~eccentric~ he is. His advances on Misaki are sudden, weird, and boarder on violent- which I suppose you could interpret as his odd personality at work, but yaoi isn't for literary dissection, it's for flippant fappation. Luckily, the other stories are fantastic. Hiro and Nowaki are, by far, my favorite couple from this series- they're sincere, they're believable, and they actually act like adults. I also enjoyed the way their story was interwoven with Miyagi's- it was strangely captivating to see him move from a comedic relief background character to the protagonist for the latter half of the series. His plot too was nicely put together, as was his very realistic internal struggle with how to let go of the memory of an unrequited first love. Similar to the plot, the art is a mixed bag. While well drawn and animated, the design is wavering on the cusp of Horrifying Log Faces. The worst for this is Usagi- amid his many other failings, his wooden visage is the most prominent. Every time there was a slow truck in toward his face, I was overcome with the urge to break into a very special song... LOG LOG. It's big it's heavy it's wood. LOG LOG. It's better than bad, it's good! But just as you're starting to habituate to the design, and perhaps, give Usagi and Misaki a chance, the series ends. It's so random and sudden, I'm lead to believe there's meant to be more- but as it stands, the twelve episodes present two satisfying, complete stories [Nowaki/Hiro and Shinobu/Miyagi] and one confusing and somewhat unnerving series of events that frequently end in implied buttsex [Usagi/Misaki]. And yet, I must admit, if they released a second season, I'd be first in line to watch it. Log... Log.... Rates: 3.5/5 Tapes: Series with progressive plot on each. Kashou no Tsuki: Tsuchimikado Arimasa was born of a fox demon and a human, granting him superhuman powers of healing and divination. But these same powers caused the village to fear him, and as a child he was beaten by his family and shunned by his peers. The only friend Arimasa trusted was a cat he saved; he wished the cat would be a human companion. Years later, Arimasa has grown into a successful priest, serving Kamakura’s shogun, Tohken. Though the villagers still fear his power, Arimasa can predict the moves of the country’s rivals, Kyou and Bakufuu. Though he has long forgotten his childhood wish, the cat returns, in human form. Kagetsu introduces himself to Arimasa, and begs to be taken as his apprentice. Kagetsu also admits that he’s a half-cat creature, and his clan, the Kouga, has no gender until they reach puberty. He offers himself up to bare Arimasa’s children, as no human woman will. Arimasa is skeptical, and though he takes Kagetsu on as a student and cares for him deeply. Though Kagetsu is happy to live out his days with Arimasa, Kohryu, an older member of his clan, appears one day to claim Kagetsu. Kohryu wants to be the one to mate with Kagetsu and give him gender. But Kagetsu refuses, vowing himself to Arimasa, regardless if his master will have him or not. Meanwhile, Monkan, shaman to the rival shogun Taro Mikado plans to discredit Arimasa, taking away Kamakura’s ability to predict their moves. Monkan disguises himself as Arimasa and murders, Shiken, a high ranking politician of Kamakura. Due to the public’s underlying suspicion of Arimasa, he is put under house arrest. While trapped there, Kohryu returns, but doesn’t appear to be himself. He sets the house aflame, chasing Arimasa and Kagetsu out of Kamakura. During a fight with Monkan’s puppets of illusion, Arimasa loses his memory, and in a desperate attempt to save his master, Kagetsu is wounded. The emotion brings Arimasa’s memories back, and in the nick of time Kohryu regains his senses. Together they destroy Monkan’s puppets, and quietly part ways. Kagetsu heals, and he and Arimasa set off to find a new home, happy that wherever they may settle, they have each other. Review: This anime fails at being anything, including animation. I haven’t seen a “cartoon” with this much live action since the Lord of the Rings animation feature. In a sad attempt at saving money, feebly hidden behind a pretence of “symbolism”, there are innumerable shots of live action forest spliced in the otherwise lame animation. With all the money they saved filming the sky outside the studio they could have a least made the drawings passable. Alas, earwax; a sticky collection of tarty characters that frequently go off model in the brief moments where they’re actually animated. The plot does not do anything to save this steaming load. At first, considering the cat-eared boy, I thought bumsex was not far off. But not only did Arimasa and Kagetsu never get it on, Kagetsu turned out to be a hermaphrodite- and not the good sort. The GENEDERLESS sort. That’s NOT EVEN SLASH! Who should see this? Nobody. There’s no slash, the action is weak, the plot is practically nonsensical, and the animation is so bad it went past amusing and into gut-wrenchingly bad within the first ten minutes. The handful of scenes that are actually tolerable aren’t only few and far between, they’re capped just to the left, so save yourself the trouble of Kashou no Tsuki’s foray into inanity. Content: G (Male/Male sentiment.) Rates: 1/5 Tapes: Two Episode OAV. Kaze to Ki no Uta: (1887) Serge returns to his old dorm room and reminisces about his years at St. Croissaille, Laconblade Academy, a boarding school in the suburbs of Arles France. During his schooling, Serge shared a room with Gilbert, a young boy renowned through the school for being very promiscuous. In lieu of going to class or taking tests, Gilbert would invite men into his room and let them have sex with him in exchange for their papers. Though the entire school (including teachers) are at least peripherally aware of Gilbert's actions, they tolerate him because of his guardian (and uncle), Auguste Beau, who donates vast sums to the school. Though he has a very wealthy upbringing, Gilbert has been abused by Auguste since his early childhood, which is why he lets himself be used. In particular, two of Gilbert's suitors, Jack Dren and Max Blough, are fiercely competitive for Gilbert's affections. Through sheer sadism, Blough wins Gilbert and Jack Dren is expelled. With Jack removed from their love triangle, Blough assumes Gilbert will be his without question, but Gilbert protests. Enraged, Blough tries to poison Gilbert, who manages to escape (though still very ill) back to his room, only to find he has a new roommate: Serge. Serge initially takes his roommate’s strange actions in stride because he is so happy to attend Laconblade Academy and follow in his late father's footsteps. Though his parents were killed in the war, Serge works hard to live up to their expectations. However, Serge’s patience runs thin when Jack Dren returns, drugs him, and has sex with Gilbert only a few feet away. Serge recovers and brawls with Jack, forcing him out into the hallway where he’s humiliated by the laughing children and escapes. With Jack gone, Serge puts Gilbert to bed, and calls him out on being a selfish despicable brat. Hearing Serge’s pain, Gilbert relents. But the good behavior doesn’t last, and Gilbert soon turns his sights to Serge, trying repeatedly to seduce him. Though Serge feels no sexual attraction to Gilbert, and constantly rejects his advances, he begins to care for his roommate and is often deeply hurt by seeing Gilbert with other men. The jealousy drives them apart until Gilbert receives a letter from Auguste Beau, telling him he won’t spend Christmas with him. Gilbert adores his uncle and is crushed by the rejection. He turns to Serge for comfort, and Serge accepts, finding that despite Gilbert’s erratic behavior, he can understand the boy’s sentiments. Review: HARRY POTTER SLASH FANS REJOICE. Serge: A dark-haired orphan raised by a horrible aunt and uncle. He finds reprise at the school his father attended. He’s a natural genius at piano, just like his dad. Gilbert: A blonde boy who’s dominated by a rich and somewhat crazy father figure. Pascal: Serge’s best friend. He knows the school really well, but refuses to do well in classes. Before Serge’s arrival at the school, Pascal grudgingly cared for Gilbert when he’s injured or ill. Of course, even if you have absolutely no interest in that particular fandom, Kaze to Ki no Uta is still an excellent movie. It’s well paced, well drawn, and tells a captivating story. All the characters are incredibly well done with multi-dimensional personalities and interesting quirks. The entire story centers around slash, yet it’s not simply smut. Each “chapter” of the movie is interspersed with poetry about youth, discovery of ones mind and body, and though it’s a one-shot, each character grows and develops. To top it off, all this is set to a splendid theme of classical music, which not only ties in to Serge’s musical ability, but compliments the fanciful air in many of the scenes. Content: R (Male/Male sex; No genitals shown.) Rates: 5/5 Tapes: One Movie. Kire Papa: Chisato is an extremely over protective father; whenever his son Riju has friends over, he does everything in his power to chase them away. Despite this, a boy named Shunsuke has stood by Riju's side, withstanding Chisato's neurosis for quite some time. One day, after putting most of his energy into keeping Riju sheltered from the world, Chisato's boss drops by and asks about his new manuscript. Embarrassed by how little he's written due to the distraction of his son's friends, Chisato buckles down and finishes his latest book. As a reward, his publisher gives Chisato a hand-written copy of his favorite author, Saki Shunka's, latest work. As he bids adieu to his boss, Chisato notices Shunsuke leaving as well. He stops him and again harasses him for hanging around his son. Calm and unintimidated, Shunsuke asks why Chisato is so paranoid about something happening to his son. Being in a good mood due to getting Saki's draft, Chisato explains that he was betrayed and assaulted by a friend when he was in high school, and would do anything to prevent the same thing from happening to his son. Shunsuke tells him not to worry- he may be Riju's best friend, but he's in love with somebody else. Later that night, Riju asks if he can go to Shunsuke's to drop off a book the other boy forgot. Immediately picturing all the horrors that could befall his son if he went out at night, Chisato offers to deliver the book instead. As he's readying to leave, he catches a glance at Shunsuke's handwriting, and to his horror, finds it's exactly the same as Saki Shunka's. Arriving at Shunsuke's house, Chisato demands why he didn't tell him that he had been his beloved author all along. Shunsuke admits he thought it would hurt Chisato's pride that a younger man was far more successful than him. But more importantly, he was afraid Chisato would realize all the novels he wrote were about his love for his best friend's father. Chisato reels at the information, as well as the giddiness of having met his inspiration- the author that made him want to write. Confused, Chisato leaves to mull things over, but can't reconcile the relationship in his head. He feels as if he's betraying his son by loving the only friend he hasn't chased away. But Shunsuke is insistent, and tells Chisato that his son will understand- and even goes so far as to reveal their affair to Riju. Being an easy going kid, Riju understands and is happy for the two. After getting over the initial shock of everything being laid out in the open, Chisato admits he loves Shunsuke, not only as the author he admired, but as the person he is in real life as well. Review: This is a FANTASTIC anime. It's short, it's fast, it's fucking hilarious, and it took me by surprise. I went into this thinking 'oh god, another creepy father-son romp that will make me revisit my breakfast burrito'. But no, Kire Papa managed to make a love story that was new and unexpected. There isn't a big flowery love story, rather a compact interesting one. There aren't swelteringly hot sex scenes, rather a realistic and genuine one. What sells this OAV is the humor and pacing- it's fast. And I don't mean “you could have some trouble following”, I mean “that guy just hoovered fifteen rails of coke, step back and try not to laugh directly at him”. Chisato's aneurysm level freak-outs are comedy GOLD. The times during which I wasn't furiously masturbating, I was genuinely laughing. And what more of an endorsement do you need? You will be joyous, and you will whack it- in that order. PROCEED. Content: R (Male/Male sex; No genitals shown.) Rates: 5/5 Tapes: One Movie. Kizuna: Ranmaru and Kei Enjyoji have known each other since elementary school. At that time, Ranmaru was the school's top kendo champion, going so far as winning the national competition. However, his dream is crushed when, one night, the two are walking home and a car careens toward them. Though the hit was aimed to take out Kei because he's the illegitimate son of Takeshi Sagano, a powerful mob-boss, Ranmaru jumps in front of the vehicle to save his friend. As Ranmaru convalesces in the hospital, coming to terms that he can no longer practice kendo after sustaining such severe injuries, the two boys grow closer, and their relationship becomes romantic. Now in college, Kei and Ranmaru lead simple, happy lives. But the past comes back to haunt them, when Kei's brother, Kai, elbows his way between the two. Having loved Ranmaru for years, and admired him for his once prodigious kendo skill, Kai blames his brother for Ranmaru's accident. Having lost what little respect he had for Kei, Kai begins to pursue Ranmaru, attempting to win him over by any means. However, before the intrusion can break Ranmaru and Kei apart, Kai's body-guard/surrogate father, Araki Masanori comes to retrieve Kai. Masanori is a level-headed man, and, knowing that Kai can be rash and hot-headed, interjects before Kai can do any real damage. Review: Many reviewers before me have said it, but it remains true- Kizuna is a solid anime. It brings the romantic aspects and plot/character-heavy parts together really well, and even manages to feature comedy in the latter half. Comedy that actually makes you laugh, and not cringe in vicarious embarrassment. This has also been toted as yaoi for manly men- or women who enjoy seeing manly men be manly together. There's very little angst, no overly effeminate uke, and no half hour soliloquies about whether or not having buttsex is wrong. Kei and Ranmaru are about as normal as anime characters get, with good backgrounds, understandable motivation, and a believable attraction to each other that develops over time. Though Kai is a bit of a sociopath, he just adds a little flavor- without seeming tacked on to appease audience members who find things boring when characters aren't screaming their personality traits at the top of their lungs. Kizuna also has a descent budget. The designs are nice and the animation is fluid. There's really very little to dislike about this anime, and I have yet to read a bad review. Granted, I've also not seen a GLOWING review, but if you want a cinematic masterpiece, go watch Brokeback Mountain. Content: R (Male/Male sex; No genitals shown.) Rates: 4/5 Tapes: Series with progressive plot on each. Legend of the Blue Wolves: In the far future, the human race has spread throughout the galaxy, bringing upon itself alien attack. These aliens take over human bodies, taking their memories and using their bodies as drones. The remaining colonies of Earth dubbed this menace "Apocalypse", and fight against them with psychic soldier powered mechs. One of these men is Jonathan Tyberius, who volunteers to fight for his planet. While training, he meets fellow soldier, Leonard, and the two become good friends. Leonard teaches Jonathan about battle, and dispels his trepidations about shooting an assimilated man. But their alien enemy isn't the only threat to the cadets; the supervising officer, Captain Continental, is a sadistic man who takes pleasure in abusing and raping the new recruits. He corners Jonathan and whips him, ordering him to pledge obedience. However, unlike many soldiers before him, Jonathan refuses, insisting he came here to be ordered on the battlefield, not in private. He's let free, but begins to question the institution and his leader. As revenge, Captain Continental frames Jonathan for being a traitor, and under the guise of "questioning" him, rapes him repeatedly. However, this time Continental does not get away unpunished, as Leonard comes to the rescue, and filled with rage, castrates the captain. The military hushes the incident by striking Continental's records and sending Leonard to the front line. Some time later, when he does not return, Jonathan is sent into space. After fighting legions of alien ships, he comes face to face with his missing lover, who has been assimilated. Honoring the promise he made Leonard before he left, Jonathan ends his friend's life. Shortly after that private battle, the greater war was won by man. Review: Firstly, before I start tearing into it, I have to admit this isn't a TERRIBLE OAV; the animation is high quality, the design is well done (though a bit dated, at this point), and the characters are well developed. It just made some really BAD life choices. Legend of the Four Horsemen is a mech war film through and through- it gets labeled as yaoi because there's incidental man on man action. But is it really worth it for the singular hot scene between Jonathan and Leonard? The answer is no, because every other scene involves Captain Continental, a giant 10 foot tub of lard with a tiny pecker, being a sadistic fuck and buggering people against their will. Unless you have an unusual affinity for battle scenes (or obese men...), I can't imagine why a yaoi fan would suffer through this, or reversely, why any mech fan would risk seeing the horror of a fat old man's junk. The whole series ends with "there are no further installments, the producer went bankrupt", and I'm not surprised. They tried to blend a generally male-centric genre with weird, off-beat yaoi. Nobody was pleased (right, except you in the back who gets hot over Jaba the Hut), and everybody came out with the fully rendered and uncensored vision of a flaccid penis burned into their corneas. Because they show it a lot. I don't know why. But I reiterate: Bankrupt. Content: XXX (Male/Male sex; Rape, Uncensored genitals shown.) Rates: 1.5/5 Tapes: One Movie. Lesson XX: Shizuka and Sakura have been classmates and housemates for some time, but while they act as no more than friends, there's an undeniable tension between the two. Shizuka feels it most acutely, as he finds himself thinking of Sakura intimately, and goes so far as to proposition the other boy. Sakura is, at first, taken aback by Shizuka's advances; he's extremely innocent to both men and women, and is unsure of his feelings toward Shizuka. Shizuka, while sure of his feelings, is similarly distraught; he fears corrupting his friend, and in an effort to save him, creates a rift between them. Sakura is left wondering if his emotions toward Shizuka are real, or just curiosity. He tries to make advances on a female friend, but finding that it's simply not the same, Sakura returns to Shizuka. Shizuka appologizes for acting so uncaring, and the two agree to give their relationship a second chance. Review: Lesson XX has an overall puppy-love feel to it; the juxtaposition of relaxing summer weather and the thrilling angst of boylove make for what would be a surprisingly well put together story- if it wasn't for the insufferable pans of stars. Seriously, there are more pans of the cosmos than there are of naked boys, and that's a real deal-breaker when it comes to yaoi. Thankfully, despite its age, Lesson XX manages to avoid the yaoi cliché of "monstrous women". All the girls featured have varying personalities (granted, some are irritating, but that's life). I was most impressed with Sakura and Shizuka's landlady, Haruna. She's a quiet tertiary character until the rift develops between the boys, when she imparts good advice to Shizuka and cheers him up. Low and behold, the ladies aren't sloughed aside. Similarly, Lesson XX avoided the frequent boylove problem of "everybody is hot for everybody". Shizuka and his other roommate are good friends, but with no romantic connection. All and all, despite being a singular OAV, some nicely rounded characters grew out of a common storyline. My only two gripes with Lesson XX are with the dialogue (which sometimes sounded like it was taken out of a WOW chat full of inept geeks) and the animation. Though Lesson XX escaped its age with the story, the animaton really is sub par, and the designs, while not overtly offensive, aren't anything to write home about. My verdict is, if you're aching for yaoi, go ahead and give this "classic" a watch, otherwise, there are much more enthralling things to have a little slap and tickle over. Content: PG13 (Male/Male sex; Very blurry and brief.) Rates: 2.5/5 Tapes: One Movie. LevelC: Honjo Kazuomi is a promiscuous salary man who was just kicked to the curb by his girlfriend. While walking home one day, he spies Shinohara Mizuki, an 18 year-old fashion model. Enamoured with the boy's innocent looks, Kazuomi approaches him and convinces Mizuki to take him home. Kazuomi puts forth a lecherous proposal: if Mizuki lives with him, Kazuomi will do any favour he wishes. Of course, in Kazuomi's lustful mind, this soon turns to sex, which intrigues Mizuki but also makes him very reticent around the older man. But if Kazuomi has one quality, it's patience. He talks Mizuki through everything, waiting until the boy's fears calm before taking any steps forward. Finally, this tactic proves to sway Mizuki, and the two declare love for one another, settling in to a cozy home life in which Kazuomi stays at home preparing food, while Mizuki continues to pursue his career as a model. Review: To eliminate my bias, I'll just say this: if Level C was about a man and a woman, it would probably be one of the worst hentai ever made. The animation is terrible. It mainly consists of pans and badly angled “money shot” still frames. The few times the characters DO move, it's stiff and lacks emotion of any sort. Mizuki has a total of one expression: slightly unnerved, while Kazuomi sports the permanent "I am horny" eye glint. The music follows suit by boasting a score of 70's porn mixed with 80's JPop. This mixture, as a rule, should never be, particularly when the only dialogue during it is moaning, panting, and cries of "No, that's disgusting!". Which brings me to the plot- the intangible, bare bones, every avenue leading to Sex Boulevard plot. Honestly, have we seen this enough? Little boy isn't ready for the Big Bad Anal, the kindly older man takes him under his wing, and with the ninja skill of Many Blowjobs, manages to get a little nookie in the end. Lovely. Boring. And CENSORED. If you're going to show some bum love, at least let us see what the heck is going on, because as it is, that could well be a heterosexual couple going ambiguously at it. And nobody wants to see that. Content: XXX (Male/Male sex; Blurred genitals shown.) Rates: 2/5 Tapes: One Movie. Loveless: [In the world of Loveless, every human is born with cat ears and a tail, which symbolizes their innocence and virginity.] Aoyagi Ritsuka was always a quiet, introverted kid. The only person he felt comfortable talking to honestly was his older brother, Seimei. But one day, Seimei was found dead- murdered mysteriously and without apparent motive. Devastated, Ritsuka fell into a depression, which was only worsened by his mother losing her mind from the grief over the death of her eldest son. Tormented by the past, she acuses Ritsuka of having changed, and often abuses him for “not being her son”. Along with having nobody left to speak with, Ritsuka feels that he’s lost himself. Shortly after his brother was laid to rest, Ritsuka transfers schools in order to get a fresh start. But haunted by the loss, and he finds it difficult to relate to his peers; he judges the other children harshly, and puts up a well adjusted front for the teachers. When asked about injuries inflicted on him by his mother, Ritsuka tells blatant lies and refuses to speak about his home life. Despite his distant and obstinate exterior, one girl approaches Ritsuka. Tall and developed for her age, but with a very girlish and simple demeanor, Yuiko is awkward around the other girls and is often taken advantage of. Feeling sorry for her, Ritsuka agrees to hang out with Yuiko. But at the end of his first day, Ritsuka is cornered by an older man who introduces himself as Agatsuma Soubi, and claims to have been a friend of Seimei- Ritsuka’s older brother. Desperate for a connection to anybody who once knew his brother, Ritsuka and Seimei spend the evening together. Despite being uncomfortable about Soubi’s advances on him, Ritsuka obsessively photographs each time they’re together, fearing that without the pictures, he’ll forget Soubi as he forgot his early childhood. Contrary to his usual reticence around adults, Ritsuka opens up around Soubi, talking about his fears: of disappearing, of changing, of forgetting. Though he proclaims to have fallen in love with Ritsuka and often shows up unannounced simply to see his young friend, Soubi is very aloof and refuses to reveal anything about the circumstances of Seimei’s death. Frustrated by Soubi’s selective muteism, Ritsuka is torn between wanting desperately to trust the man that claims to care for him so deeply, and feeling that Soubi is extremely unreliable and that he shouldn’t waste his time depending on somebody that’s rarely there when he needs him. Not long after meeting Soubi, Ritsuka runs into a pair of students who claim to have come to battle with Soubi and Ritsuka. Very suddenly, they explain that they’re from a school called The Seven Moons, which teaches a kind of magic that is used by countering phrases. The battle system takes them into an alternate dimension, wherein the two-person teams are divided into Fighters (spell casters) and Sacrifices (a person who takes battle damage). Pairs are chosen by a secret word/name that the two people share. Though Soubi shared the name “Beloved” with Seimei, he insists that Seimei wanted him to become Ritsuka’s Fighter should he ever die. Soubi has the reputation of being the best, favorite of The Seven Moons’ head master, and consequently wins several battles without Ritsuka even being present. But the fact they don’t share a name/connection puts Soubi at a distinct disadvantage, and when a new brand of fighters called “Zero” begin to appear, Soubi fights them alone, both taking damage and fighting by himself. The Zero pairs feel no pain, and are able to gain the upper hand on Soubi, injuring him so badly that he loses the battle. When Ritsuka finds his friend on the brink of death, he realizes that the connection between them is important, and that Soubi will continue to fight alone if he doesn’t learn to perceive when a battle has begun. Gradually, Ritsuka begins to place more trust in Soubi, as well as his friends. After admirably coming to terms with the battles he’s often thrown into, Ritsuka wakes up to the world, the present, and realizes his isolation wasn’t necessary, and by accepting friends, he doesn’t have to be alone. Review: I was pleasantly surprised by the plot of Loveless- despite the cutsey ears and seemingly tacked on magical battles, the core of it is about a boy dealing with the loss of his brother and the fracturing of his family. Despite abuse from his mother, and his created need to photograph all memories so he wont’ forget them, Ritsuka must come to terms with the fact that he isn’t a “different person” from who he was before his brother’s death, but a matured version of himself, made older by the realization of death. He’s torn between fearing change (because he thinks if he loses his old personality, he’ll disappear) and being so consumed by grief that he doesn’t want to go on. Unfortunately, a lot of viewers will miss this, and only focus on Soubi’s lecherousness and the uneasy realization that this man is coming on to a 6th grader. But this is also part of Ritsuka dealing with being thrown into adulthood, and it’s a shame so much of the meaningfulness of Loveless’ plot has the potential (to some viewers) to be lost in the drivel and fantastic elements. I especially liked the realistic portrayal of Ritsuka’s character- he grows quite perceptibly through the series, beginning as a wounded stand-offish kid. He’s trapped between the concrete child-thinking and abstract adult thought; initially he’s defensive, and pushes people away. But despite their somewhat grating personalities, Yuiko and Yayoi manage to soften Ritsuko. With the help of his school counselor, Ritsuko speaks more about his family, the loss of his brother, and ends up lashing out less, and drops the “super-genki” façade he originally fell back on around teachers and adults. As Ritsuko, Soubi, and his friends become more at ease with one another, overcoming mistrust, jealousy, and learning to be open, Ritsuko forgets his obsession with photographing memories, and realizes that in the present, he’s himself, and he’s happy with that. I also thought the relationship between Soubi and Kio was quite clever- sort of a tension-breaker to show a normal human’s perspective. Finally –the ears- even this initially annoying aspect of Loveless grew on me. It became pretty interesting to see the personalities and reasons behind who had them and who didn’t. It’s an obvious way to show innocence, but it worked- once you get past the uncomfortable “furriness” of it all. In the end, what I thought would be a fluffy nonsensical yaoi turned out to be a really touching story about humanity, sense of self, love and growing up- it’s something everybody can relate to, and really should try to watch without bias. Content: PG13 (Male/Male kissing; Shota.) Rates: 5/5 Tapes: Series with progressive plot on each. Mirage of Blaze: A Mandela of the Araki clan, containing hairs of the deceased members, is about to change hands and the spirits bound to the Mandela are stirred. Takaya Ohgi and Ayako Kadowaki follow the tracks to investigate. Much to Takaya's surprise, the original owner of the Mandela is guarded by Yoshiaki Tachibana. All three (Yoshiaki, Takaya and Ayako are possessed by past spirits: Naoe Nobutsuna, Uesugi Kagetora, and Kakizaki Haruie respectively). Takaya and Yoshiaki knew each other in the past, and still have unresolved issues regarding their relationship; Yoshiaki asserts his dominance by trying to rape Takaya, but he relents because he harbors no actual ill will towards his past master, and is simply frustrated. He lets Takaya continue his investigation, and offers to help him as well. Takaya finds that Shimozura Rairen is taking possession of the Mandela in order to use the Araki clan's power as a weapon. Also aware of this sinister intention is Araki Murashi, who has tried on numerous occasions to destroy the Mandela. However, he's frenzied in his attempts and is chased away by both Yoshiaki and Takaya. The only person who stops to ask about Murashi's motives is Ayako. When she first sees Murashi she believes, due to his resemblance to her past lover, that he is Shintarou, and pursues him. Eventually, after hearing the story of Ayako's lost love, and how she's stayed alive for millennia simply to see him again, Murashi softens and explains that the Iikoushuu (lead by Rairen) are after him as a sacrifice to draw out the Araki spirits and use their power. Meanwhile, Takaya is badly wounded in the fight with Rairen. He survives solely because the spirit Sonten acknowledges him and Yoshiaki as Bishamonten descendents and revive Takaya in addition to lending him their power. He summons fox spirits of the mountain to lead him to the Araki spirits. Rairen and his brother Raiyu finally track down Murashi and Ayako, easily overpowering them with the power of the spirits. They open a portal to hell where they wish to send Murashi, forever sealing him as punishment for deserting his clan in his past life. Just as Ayako collapses from the strain of protecting Murashi, Takaya arrives with the spirits of Sonten en mass. While Rairen and Takaya bid their respective spirits to clash on in battle, Murashi regains his memory about the Mandela, and his past wife, Dashi. Seeing her spirit perish forever at the hands of Rairen, he gathers his will and allows his original spirit to be severed from his human body. Ayako then exorcizes him, forever removing Rairen's obligatory sacrifice. With their powers combined, Yoshiaki and Takaya are able to seal Rairen and Rairyu, and the spirits finally rest. Review: There are a lot of things to regret in life, like getting herpes, getting knocked up, or killing a man with your bare hands just for the sheer thrill. Like those things, watching the Mirage of Blaze OAV without reading the comic or seeing the 13-episode TV precursor is something that will haunt me until my dying day. Well, okay, maybe just for a few more hours, but honestly, what of that precious time lost! This is a series spilling over with characters all boasting their own back story, complex personalities, and multi-faceted relationships betwixt one another. To make matters more confusing for the un-initiated, each of the characters has a secondary personality that existed in the past, which has a completely different name and clan affiliation. These names are thrown around interchangeably, old alliances are referred to in nearly every conversation, and with a show that’s 80% talking-about-the-good-old-days it’s a whole lot of NAMES. If I could summarize this in one thing, it would be just that: NAMES. I need to ask somebody who’s seen the entire series and read the comic, do they really need to cram all this BS history in every single minute of the show? Is this an anime aimed specifically at scholars that enjoy collecting and memorizing encyclopedic knowledge in the blink of an eye? Maybe it is. The truth is, I don’t care. This OAV was BORING and ridiculous. There, I’ve shed the shame of Not Seeing the Precursor, and said my piece. It took me four separate tries to get through this, two of which I ended up watching the first episode over again because I couldn’t figure out what the FUCK was going on. Do you know how I finally puzzled it out? I Wikipedia-ed it. They have a lovely little character compellation that made who-was-who a lot clearer, otherwise I would have said fuck it, and not even reviewed this due to an inability to even BEGIN to explain the plot. Luckily, not all is lost, and I can rant my little heart out. It was just the hurried overwhelming plot and cast of a thousand multiple-personality characters that brought the series down, the art was also horribly ugly. The men looked like women and the women looked like men. This is supposedly YAOI, so it’s important to at least make it clear which characters we should be excited to see holding hands. While the animation was sound, there wasn’t much of it- but to be fair, that wasn’t due to laziness. The characters honestly didn’t need to move around that much because all they did was SIT AROUND TALKING ABOUT THE PAST AND CLANS. Clans. Clans. Clans. NAMES. There, that’s the plot. Right there. Luckily for Mirage of Blaze it had ONE hot near-sex yaoi scene. So I will give it ONE point and screencap it for you, dear reader, so you NEVER HAVE TO BE SUBJECTED TO THE UNBEARABLE BOREDOME THAT THESE THREE EPISODES DELIVER. Content: PG13 (Male/Male kissing; Implied rape.) Rates: 1/5 Tapes: Three Episode OAV. Nightwalker, Midnight Detective: Disk One First Night: A Visitor in the Night A "night breed" has been attacking drivers on the Bay Bridge. Terrible accidents have been caused, but the regular city police don’t know the culprit. Ms. Yayoi Matsunaga and Shido from the NOS institution, however, know a demon is responsible. This monster wishes to find a body to possess in order to live in the light. Meanwhile, Shido's young secretary Riho is trying to win his affections, only to be outdone several times by Yayoi. She and Shido keep leaving the office together, speaking of "great feasts", much to Riho's dismay. Shido, However, needs Yayoi as a source of blood, because he is a vampire. In the end, Riho learns of the Bay Bridge accidents, and leaves to take care of it herself to impress Shido. But she becomes possessed by the demon, and Shido must battle both her and the monster. Though she discovers her boss' vampirism, Riho continues to work for him, forgiving him for what she had thought before to be an affair with Yayoi. Second Night: The Terms of Stardom Yukie Tsukimura, a popular stage actress gains her power from a night breed that feeds on the wishes of humans. In trade, the possessed mortal needs to feed on flesh. However, before Yukie can reach her peak performance, her understudy, Yoko, discovers her secret and invites the demon within Yukie to take possession of her instead. After losing the talent given to her by the demon, Yukie commits suicide and Yoko becomes to star of the show. She takes no heed of the warning Yukie gave before her death- that Yoko couldn't possibly handle this demon. Yoko is disgusted by her sudden urges to eat flesh, but is so concerned with outdoing her predecessor, she swears she will do whatever it takes to remain the best actress. Shido easily solves the mystery behind Yukie's alleged suicide, and warns Yoko that if she kills a human, he will have no quarrels with killing her. Not a day later, Yoko is assigned an understudy due to her frequent absences from the play. The girl is soon found dead, and Shido takes after the night breed and, after recovering from a first attack by the creature, destroys both it and Yoko. Third Night: A Man on the run A police officer is shot by a bank robber, but survives the head-wound. But within hours of surgery, the man is possessed, and to the confusion of the doctors, leaves the hospital without a trace. The police pursue him, hoping to take him in as a specimen of night breeds so they can compete with NOS in the fight against demons. Meanwhile, Shido has been having visions of his sire, Cain, who tells Shido it is his duty to bear witness to the Golden Dawn. It's starting to affect Shido's performance as a detective, not only because the apparitions distract him, but because Cain himself appears to be following in the shadows. When Ms. Megumi, Ryuichi's fiancée, comes to Shido asking for him to find Taki before the authorities do, Shido accepts and chases the possessed policeman into unused subway lines. Here he nearly dispatches Taki Ryuichi, but before he can strike the killing blow, Ms. Megumi shoots Shido and escapes with her fiancé. Before Shido can follow Cain causes a collapse in the tunnel. He tells Shido to drop the case. During the day, the police corner Ryuichi and his fiancée on a rooftop and he is shot. Taki plummets to the street below, where he escapes into the subway and is confronted by Shido, who stabs him. Much to Shido's surprise and worry, Ryuichi doesn't turn back into a night breed when he dies; he dies as a human. Fourth Night: The Golden Dawn Megumi Ohtsuka is pregnant with Taki's child, which she conceived while he was possessed. Thus, NOS captures her. In addition to this, slashing attacks have been occurring, and the culprit is unknown, but even the police know it's a night breed behind the killing. Shido, Yayoi and Riho discuss the matter of Megumi's baby, saying it will be a cross breed. They wonder if she is connected to the recent slashing. This leads Shido to understand that the Golden Dawn Cain spoke of refers to the child that will be born- half night breed, half human. Cain then appears, applauding Shido for finally understanding, and invites him back to the side of immortals, but Shido won't leave his human friends. Shido and Yayoi intercept the police on the road, and try to take Megumi back, but in the process Shido harms one of the police. He retreats to a cathedral with Megumi, but he is wrought with grief for becoming what he had been avoiding for years. Cain then appears to scold him for his empathy, and invites him to witness the Golden Dawn. He tries to hypnotize Shido, and make him remember his long-lost memories of Transylvania, when their love was mutual. However, Shido still refuses, until Cain reveals that he has captured Riho. He slashes her, saying she will bleed to death within hours. Enraged, Shido attacks Cain, and after a difficult fight, beheads him. Shido no longer cares about his past memories that only Cain held. Upon returning to the cathedral, he finds Riho is still dying, and nothing can save her. She begs for him to make her a vampire so they can be together forever. He does so, but tells her that even though she vehemently denies it now, one day she will hate him, as he came to hate Cain. Fifth Night: Medicine for the Dead Mikako and Shunichi, Riho's friends are worried about her sudden disappearance, but their concern is distracted by a suicide at the school. It's blamed on a new drug that's popular among the female students. The investigation is taken up by NOS as well as Shido because it's suspected the pills are making mindless zombies out of those who take them, readymade hosts for night-breed possession. Meanwhile, Riho struggles with her newfound immortality and with abandoning her friends. She knows she must be apart from them now, but they're worried about her and insist to know what's going on. Eventually, after she saves Shunichi from a night breed, and he discovers what Riho really is, finally understanding why she has to disappear from his life. Sixth Night: The Bottom of a Well While in pursuit of a night breed, Shido, a captive little girl, and the demon fall down a well, where they become trapped. Riho, back with Yayoi in the detective's office, blames herself for being a burden because she can't fully use her powers. Back in the well, the night-breed (in a possessed body) is pinned to the wall by one of Shido's blood swords. All three, Shido, the demon, and the girl, are suffering from hunger and exhaustion. Unfortunately this night-breed is very talkative, and taunts Shido by comparing vampires to night-breeds, and he attempts several times to get Shido to suck the girl’s blood. During this time Shido has flashbacks of his past, when he was human, planning to go study medicine abroad and return to a wife and her (not his) child. However, Cain tempts him with eternity, which he accepts, and ends up killing his family, except the small girl who survives. Cain tells Shido to make her a vampire, which he does, and regrets it because the girl wished to join her mother in death, not live on eternally. She jumps into the sunlight and turns to dust. In present time, Shido punctures the well and it fills up with water so he can escape. The demon is defeated, but just as he's saving the young girl, Yayoi and Riho tell him to get away from her- she turns out to be a 500 year old vampire, thanks Shido for the "show" he put on, and disappears. Review: Shido's back-story had me in stitches- Several scenes were nearly exactly like those in Interview with a Vampire- right down to Shido's master playing the piano when he confronts him after they've been separated. Without a choice, Shido was made a vampire, and because of his greif, still retains his human heart. So if you're an Ann Rice fan, you'll love this series. The music score, though it has its moments, isn't spectacular, but it does fit the mood of the film. Animation and art-wise, Nightwalker is awesome. Though the specific character quality varies from episode to episode, the overall effect is wonderful, particularly Shido's flash-backs to his past life with Cain. What I found odd, though, was that the character designs suddenly changed after the episode where Shido defeats Cain. Not drastically, but hair-length, color, and so forth is suddenly different, and remains so, even for flash backs. It's nothing that can't be overlooked, however. I personally prefer the second designs over the first. Content: PG (Male/Male kissing.) Rates: 5/5 Tapes: Six episodes with different missions on each. Nightwalker, Eternal Darkness: Disk Two Seventh Night: A Mother and her Son While enjoying a rainy day, Riho meets a young boy named Shinji, who's sheltering a stray kitten. He wants to take it home, but his mother forbids him to have animals, and when she finds him and Riho with the cat, she violently takes it away. A case has developed for Yayoi from NOS about animals that have been systematically gutted by the same apartment complex in which Shinji lives. Shido is reluctant to take the case, saying that low-class breeds like those who kill animals are hard to deal with. Sure enough, when he confronts the mother, it is not her who is possessed (which was suspected due to her hatred for animals) but her son. All the animals Shinji brought home he ate, and his mother dutifully disposed of the carcasses. When Shido makes to kill the possessed boy, his mother protects him at all cost, even throwing hers self between his blade and her son. In the end, Shido decides to leave the woman and her son, because all they had was one another. Eighth Night: A Soul Lost in the Darkness A family plans to murder their elderly father for his money, and succeeds in causing him to die of a heart attack. However, before they can get a mortician's notice on the body, it is possessed by a breeder, and leads Shido and Yayoi on a wild chase after the old man. Ninth Night: Someone Else's Face Set in the past, Shido has just arrived in Tokyo. The moment he sets food on land, he finds a grisly murder, where a girl's face was torn off. But he doesn't, at this point, care about others. After meeting Guni, his faerie familiar, Shido stays at a hotel owned by two identical sisters; the eldest is meek and controlled by her older sister, whose face is always in bandages due to sever burns. The younger sister blames herself for setting the fire that damaged her sister. When he discovers the face-stealing murders are the work of a night breed, Shido immediately suspects the violent older sister, because of her disfigured face and viciousness toward her sibling. However, it turns out the younger sister was the demon, stealing faces for her sister, even though she knew it could never make her sibling beautiful again. She ends up dying, and in death, leaves her beautiful face to her burned sister. Back to current-day, it's revealed the remaining sister, now beautiful, is Yayoi, who works to rid the world of night breeds like the one that caused her sister's death. Tenth Night: Tears of an Angel Yuki, a young girl has very bad luck until she comes upon a pendant that completely changes her life. She thinks it's for the better, but the happiness she feels is only superficial. Shido tries to tell her this, and warns her that the pendant is dangerous and should be disposed of, but Yuki is wholly possessed, and thinks all who question her happiness are only trying to take it from her. Even her concerned friends bear the brunt of her cruel words. It's only when her newfound confidence brings her to talk to her crush that Yuki begins to question the pendant. The angel that dwells within the pendant tells her to never speak to that boy again, but she does regardless of the demand. Shido confronts her again, and finally convinces her to abandon the pendant. It then transforms into the creature's true, ugly form, as opposed to the beautiful angel that had appeared to Yuki. This leads her to completely reject it, and it dies. Eleventh Night: A Witch in the Forest Set in the past, Shido is travelling and finds shelter with the single inhabitant of a village that had been ravaged by plague. This woman is waiting for the return of her husband from the war. Shido believes this, but begins to think otherwise when Cain appears to him, saying the woman is possessed by a breed. Shido stops Cain from killing the woman, saying she can still be saved. However, he fails to reach her, and in the end believes she truly is evil. Shido stabs the woman, and at the last moment notices that she thrust herself on his sword, ending her own life. He wonders if she could have been saved, and repents on this decision with his current life, where he exorcises breeds when he can, rather than simply killing the host. Twelfth Night: Eternal Darkness Riho's parents, long dead, are possessed by night breeds and readily killed by Shido. However, before they were dispatched, both remembered Riho, and she questions Shido for killing them. He tells her he as the right, as a vampire, because he can kill those who are possessed, and her parents were dead, and should have come to grasp with that. Enraged, Riho flees, and begins feeding on and killing humans. She returns to Shido once, to say she's behind the murders, and that she will continue to do it. His response is the same his sire, Cain had said several times before: "Come back to me." Realizing this, Shido is disgusted to see he has become exactly as the man he hated most. Riho goes on to kill both Yayoi and Guni, until Shido is forced to kill her as well. However, this was a vision, planted in Shido's head by Cain, who is still alive. He wanted to make Shido feel the grief he did when Shido left him by using Riho as an example. In the end, Shido finally consummates his feelings for Riho, knowing that even though every moment in life is fleeting, he can at least enjoy them while they last. Review: This ending pleased slash fans everywhere. The Cain/Shido element is definitely intensified at the end. The final episode, though depending on an overused plot-element, was very well done. I didn't have any indication that it was all a hallucination, and truly believed Riho would turn against Shido. This was actually hinted at in earlier episodes, when Shido tells Riho she will eventually come to hate him. The final message, that though not all relationships last one should enjoy them rather than avoid them, was very appropriate, and one of the better endings I could have hoped to see. Content: PG (Male/Male kissing.) Rates: 5/5 Tapes: Six episodes with different missions on each. Okane Ga Nai: Kanou is a successful business owner of a financing company in Shinjuku. Not long ago a man named Ishii borrowed money from him and couldn't pay it back, resulting in both he and his cousin being sold in a human auction to compensate for the money. Though Kanou wasn't directly responsible for the underhanded deal, he does hear of it and realizes that Ishii's cousin is Ayase, a sweet young man that Kanou met once before. At that time, Ayase helped Kanou recover from being roughed up, and the latter has always been thankful. Intent on saving his young friend, Kanou bids on Ayase and wins. The two return to his home, where he awaits Ayase's recovery and looks forward to a glad reunion. But when he awakes, Ayase has amnesia and can't remember who Kanou is. Instead, he's frantic to get in touch with Ishii to make sure his cousin is alive and well. Irritated by Ayase's misguided trust, he lashes out and abuses him, demanding to know why he still cares for Ishii, when he sold Ayase to pay off his debt. Only spurred on to escape and find his only remaining relative, Ayase manages to intercept a 'phone call from Ishii and asks where he is. Seeing the younger man's desperation, Kanou softens, and tries to make amends for his violence. He brings Ayase with him to meet with rival business man (and crooked casino dealer), Hayashida]. In order to settle Ishii's debt, Kanou agrees to play Russian Roulette with Hayashida, and by a combination of trickery and tenacity, Kanou wins. With both he and his cousin saved by Kanou's gamble, Ayase starts to warm to the older man, and is more willing to participate in their agreement that trading sexual favors will pay off his debt. But despite now enjoying his time with Kanou, Ayase is still humiliated by being a love slave, and begs for a real job. In an attempt to teach him a lesson about “real work”, Kanou hires his gormless older brother, Gion, to make a dirty film of Ayase. However, before anything can happen, Ayase and Gion are kidnapped by one of Kanou's rivals. When Kanou arrives with the ransom, he once again turns the tables on his opponent, revealing he hasn't brought money, but the daughter of his rival. With Gion's skills at brawling and Kanou's underhanded move, they manage to escape unscathed- save for Ayase's psyche. More than ever he questions how he feels about his captor, and if Kanou's kindness overshadows the man's Machiavellian nature. Review: Oh god, there is so much fuckery here I don't know where to begin. First, there's Kanou's rampant sociopathy. He buys Ayase at a human auction, tries to rape him, then gets cold feet, and is perplexed as to why the kid is terrified of him. Oh, perhaps it's because you VIOLATED HIS ANUS. Usually that's a bit of a trust breaker. Then, to top it off, he gets angry at Ayase for wanting to leave (the nerve! Wanting to escape a giant man who buggered you by force!), so he throws money in his face and tells him he'll pay him for sex until he settles his cousin's debt. GOOD START, CHAMP. After that, Kanou gets some down-home advice from a drag queen client of his (oh, the flaming LuLz), and we get to see his ~softer side~. Which, incidentally, is equally terrifying as his sociopathic side. He throws a shit fit every time Ayase sneezes, and nearly kills himself trying to make the kid comfortable. Having a coronary at the drop of a hat is NOT the best way to calm down a victim of abuse, just FYI. Then, the two bond over putting bandaids on each other. How PERFECTLY REASONABLE. The insanity continues in the music choice for this OAV- sad piano music, ALL THE TIME. Except when Kanou is treating Ayase like a whore, then it's SEXY SAXAPHONES. What. I think a lot of the batshit crazy moments were meant to be humor- there are face faults and physical comedy, but it REALLY doesn't come across. Maybe it's marred by the fact that Kanou is a kidnapper and a child molester- but that's just a guess. Lastly, the art- dear god. The design is a menagerie of yaoi stereotypes. Kanou is HUGE. His giant shoulders and eight foot long legs dwarf every other character on the screen and makes Ayase look like a newborn child by comparison. And speaking of Ayase- if they hadn't explicitly said he was a COLLEGE BOY (oh yes, they emphasize how non-pedophilic this whole scenario is), I would have sworn he was a girl. The eyelashes and voice say girl, the penis says... Post op? He's also the pinnacle of ukedom; small, sickly, and prone to fits of fainting, crying, blushing, and batting his baby blues. If you're not puking into your soda yet, MAYBE you have a chance of making it through Okane Ga Nai. But it doesn't end there- by the third episode, Ayase's Stockholm Syndrome is absolutely ridiculous- one minute he's praising Kanou for being “so kind”, the next he's waxing idiotic about how the man is destroying his life. WHICH IS IT. Perhaps Ayase is confused about good attention versus bad attention, considering every single man he meets wants to rape him. Now that's not healthy, is it. Maybe it's time to get some boss facial scarring and an unfortunate haircut (more so. Apparently that Martha Stewart doo is not enough to chase away the perverts). In the end, it's these personalities that are the deal breaker for this OAV- the “businessman buys slave” plot is just fine, and it would have worked out perfectly well if the two main characters weren't rage-provokingly irritating. Content: R (Male/Male sex; No genitals shown.) Rates: 2/5 Tapes: Four Episode OAV. Papa to Kiss in the Dark: After much studying, Munakata Mira is accepted into Hakuoh highschool, and is eager to succeed. But his concentration on school is constantly distracted by his father, Kyousuke, whose adoration of his son goes far beyond paternal love. Though Mira keeps his relationship with Kyousuke a secret from his friends, he's more troubled by the thought that Kyousuke is cheating on him, rather than the "wrongness" of their affair. Kyousuke is a popular actor, who is often cast alongside the notoriously beautiful Utsunomiya Mitsuki. Despite Kyousuke's constant reassurances that his son is everything to him, Mira is still suspicious and troubled. His anxieties only worsen when he's asked by the school to provide government forms confirming his parentage, and discovers that he's not blood-related to Kyousuke. Without the bond he relied so heavily upon for comfort, Mira begins to wonder what he really means to his "father", and what Kyousuke's intentions really are. In the wake of this discovery, Mira's childhood friend, Kazu is pained to see him in such misery. Feeling protective, as well as validated that Kyousuke is now just another suitor with no upper-hand, Kazu confesses his love. Believing that Kyousuke is sleeping with various women, Mira gives his friend a chance, but finds that he simply doesn't love Kazu. Kyousuke and Mira finally confront each other when the former is hospitalized after a stunt went wrong. While waiting in the ward to hear of Kyousuke's condition, Mira meets the studio head, who talks very highly of his star actor, and reveals that Kyousuke stays late every night to do re-takes and practice his roles. Suddenly aware that all of Kyousuke's suspicious behavior was a combination of long hours at work and tabloid lies, Mira is ashamed of the way he acted and returns home. The following day, Mira is distracted from his moping by an unexpected visitor: Mitsuki comes to visit, and tearfully asks if she can be his mother. When he starts to argue, she proclaims that it's her right, and that Kyousuke said it would be fine if Mira agreed. Horrified, Mira runs away. When he's released from the hospital, Kyousuke tracks his son down, and talks to him about his odd mood recently. He explains that Mitsuki is his sister, and wasn't proposing that they marry, but was trying to explain that Mira is her son. Kyousuke offered to raise him so that she could go on with her career. He reminds Mira that he would do anything for his son, and that he loves him. Relieved and overjoyed that he is the sole person in Kyousuke's heart, Mira returns the sentiment, and promises to be with his father forever. Review: Oh I knew this was going to be bad before I even started watching it –FATHER SON INCEST- always a great start to a movie. [OWAIT- they’re just uncle and nephew. PHEW. What a RELIEF! ¬__¬] Once you learn the main seme is a hot young actor, it just validated my fears that this would be a pile of winging soap-opera drama. Little did I know, that wasn’t the HALF of it. Papa to Kiss in the Dark goes from creepy to just plane INSANE once you hit the second part. Here’s a little taste: Mira doesn't want to bang Kazu because they've known each other since they were kids and "BFFs don't do that"... Yet he's totally cool with constantly being porked by the man he thought was his FATHER? And even more mind-boggling, Kazu admits he hadn't previously chased after Mira because he thought he couldn't INTRUDE on Kyousuke's territory because Kyousuke is Mira's DAD and that OUTSIDERS WOULD NEVER STAND A CHANCE. But upon finding that his friend is adopted, Kazu enters the running to become Mira’s lover, because now he can COMPETE WITH KYOUSUKE AS AN EQUAL. ... What. The. Fuck. Japan. That's so fucking out there, it's almost SURREAL. This is what it must be like to live in a trailer park. "I ain't gunna hump Lileh-Flaaai, her bruther gots dibs". But at least rednecks have less CRYING DRAMA. And marginally less hot-pants. Mira, you are a little fagget, and that goes without saying, but this kid has to grow a set of balls and stop letting everybody treat him like a human glory hole. If you are CRYING during sex, maybe it's time to accept you're DOIN' IT WRONG. Either embrace the fact you’re an incestuous dad-loving loon and buy a pair of overalls, or get off the god damn wagon ride. But as much as there is to make you cringe at this OAV, if you take it for what it is, in all its overly dramatic glory, it’s got a few strong points. Mainly, the design is quite good, as is the animation. I’ll also admit that some of the jokes are pretty funny, particularly Mira’s inner dialogue. So maybe you’ll get a few awkward laughs out of this- though it’s as likely you’ll just join Mira in weeping. Either way, I certainly wouldn’t discourage yaoi fans from giving Papa to Kiss in the Dark a once-over… Not unlike slowing down to ogle a car crash, hoping to see victims. Content: R (Male/Male sex; No genitals shown.) Rates: 2/5 Tapes: Two Episode OAV. Note: This is a parody of popular series Patalliro and Saiyuki respectively, hence the name. Patalliro Saiyuki: Long ago in Heaven, Son Goku, the unruly monkey child, made chaos among the holy spirits. In order to punish him, Buddha made a bet with Son Goku, that he could not escape his hand. In the end, Son Goku's pride in his own skill lead to his capture, and Buddha sealed him in the Five Way Mountain. Flash forward 500 years to ancient China. The beautiful monk from Tang, Sanzou Houshi, has been ordered by the emperor to travel to India and gather the heavenly scriptures. However, he meets many powerful enemies along the way, so Buddha’s disciple awakens Son Goku to help. But Son Goku is still obstinant and must be constantly bribed with pennies (his favorite) to behave. One night, Son Goku and Sanzou have a tremendous row, and Goku flies off. In his absence, a warrior named Banko saves Sanzou from a monster, and offers up the Kinko, a magical restraining crown, allowing Sanzou to control Goku. With the monkey boy finally at his beck and call, Sanzou continues on his quest. In a nearby town he meets Tenpou Gensui, another disciple of Buddha who was cursed to the form of a pig for his gluttony. However, he still possesses powerful magic, and in order to redeem himself in Buddha’s eyes, he pledges himself to help and protect Sanzou. The three travel for a short time before coming upon a river, wherein Tenpou battles the town’s guardian. When he’s finally captured, they find he’s none other than General Ken Ren, once an inhabitant of heaven who sentenced himself to live on earth as punishment for breaking a gift from the emperor. Once they explain their quest to General Ken, he agrees to join them. With their group complete, they set out for Mt. Pinchou, but are told to go back by a traveler that there are demons in the summit. Self-assured, Son Goku leads the party onward, where they’re promptly cornered by Kinkaku and Ginkaku, the very demons they were warned about. Everybody is captured, save for Goku, who is wily and manages to escape. Using his ability to disguise himself and make replicas of his image, Goku infiltrates Kinkaku and Ginkaku’s lair, freeing his comrades, who work together to defeat their foes and save Sanzou. After many arduous days of travel, Sanzou becomes very tired. While sleeping deeply he dreams of his former self, the enlightened follower of Buddha, Konzen Roshi, who tells him to visit Chingen Daisen, a nearby town. However, when they arrive, the town has been razed. The culprit is Crimson Child, who decimated the town after stealing the magic plums that are used to gain eternal life. His magical flames consume everything, killing all the monks in the village, and cannot be extinguished by water. Unable to defeat him, Sanzou and his followers are forced to escape and regroup. In order to research their enemy, Goku goes back to heaven and looks up the demon their facing. He discovers that Crimson Child is son of the Bull King, leader of the devil mafia. Meanwhile, realizing that Sanzou’s disciples are a threat, Crimson Child purposefully seeks them out and captures the monk. It appears all is lost until Banko, alerted that Sanzou was once again in danger by Goku’s mission to Heaven, joins the fight. He manages to win over Crimson Child’s unbeatable power by wooing him. Jealous of Banko’s method of dealing with their enemy, Sanzou quickly bids him adieu, and they continue to Flame Mountain. But their clash with the devil mafia is far from over, as they’re ambushed, and Sanzou is hit with a poison dart. It’s up to Goku to retrieve the Celestial Oven, used for brewing medical cures, that was knocked to the centre of the Earth long ago (by him, 500 years ago, to be precise). While General Ken and Tenpou protect Sanzou from the on-going attacks from the Bull King’s Gang, Goku burrows to the oven. Just in time, Banko comes down from heaven, cutting the devil mafia’s ship in two. Simultaneously, Goku returns with the oven, and a cure is brewed for Sanzou, returning him to perfect health. Review: If you’re crippled with depression at the thought that there isn’t enough Japanese zaniness in your life, then sit down right now and watch this thing. It’s just a cacophony of mythology, crazy characters, off-beat traditional music remixes, and absurdly bad color choices. Through the whole thing this narrator pops up and explains mythological references at a speed that requires you to be Rain Man to get it all. 80% of the time there are two sets of subtitles going: the usual translation of dialogue, and then EXPANSIVE author’s notes about all the cultural/religious/etc references that are made. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT put down the remote. Hover over the pause button, in a state of constant cat-like readiness. That said, this is actually a pretty fun series to watch. The episodes are only about 8 minutes long, including opening and ending credits, so they’re over in to time, giving your brain a minute to recuperate before you dive back in- and if you’re anything like me, you’ll be going through these like a fat guy eating Twinkies. Now, I know this has been classified as shounen-ai by many a review site, and to shed some light on that- it’s really not the central theme. BUT, there is man love involved. It easily gets lost in the craziness, but I’ll let you decide for yourself: in the first couple episodes, Banko tricks Sanzou into sleeping with him, in order to “learn how to use the crown”. Bank’s antics continue throughout the series, as he tries to bone every young boy he meets, all under the guise of “following in his master’s footsteps” (suffice to say, the man was creepier than Pedo Bear). Later, Goku tricks Ken and Tenpo into nearly kissing- and they beat the crap out of him for it. Of course you could always put on your yaoi tinted glasses and just interpret that as ~tension~. You be the judge. But whether it’s the pretty boy contingent and their gay romps, the poking fun at cultural foibles, or even the slap stick humor during fights, you’re bound to get a few laughs out of Patalliro Saiyuki (barring a major emotional disorder robbing you of joy). Content: PG (Male/Male kissing; Implied sex.) Rates: 4/5 Tapes: Series with progressive plot on each. Pico to Chico: Pico is on his summer vacation, biking through the countryside, when he sees a boy swimming in the river. Happy he’s finally found somebody his age, he befriends this boy, Chico, and the two return to the latter’s house. Chico’s sister prepares dinner for the two, and afterward they retire to Chico’s room, where he shows Pico his “secret”. Through the floorboards, he can watch his sister in her room, masturbating. Pico is surprised that somebody as innocent as his friend would watch this, and asks if he knows what she’s doing. Chico admits that he doesn’t, and Pico offers to show him. Throughout the summer they become even closer friends, with Pico teaching Chico all he knows. Review: After watching the first part (Boku no Pico), I’m left just feeling really sorry for this character. He’s such a sad figure- way too experienced for his age and completely friendless because of it. He has to face the fact that a normal kid, his own age, just doesn’t know the things (sexually) that he’s been exposed to. Granted, by the end, Chico is pretty enamored with his new friend, but he’s still really young and most of what Pico tells him flies right over his head. Pico is also really sweet and hesitant- telling Chico not to watch his sister, and generally keeping him out of trouble. But despite his innocence, Chico is a bit of a trouble-maker at heart (and being the way he is, Pico goes along with it). This is supposed to be a total wank-flick, but I can’t fathom anybody jollying their Roger when Pico has such a sad expression through the whole thing, sort of resigned to his fate. Maybe I’m reading too much into it, but there you have it- the DVD costs ~50$, so you better really love sad troubled boys to drop that kind of cash. That said, the animation is once again extremely high budget, and the design is just as well done (maybe even a bit better, noting the lack of toothpaste semen in this one) as the original. At least in this installment Moku is completely absent, so at least Pico gets to have a relationship with somebody who isn’t a complete bottom-feeding bastard and genuinely likes him. Small blessings, people. Content: XXX (Male/Male sex; Censored genitals shown.) Rates: 2/5 Tapes: One Movie. Pico to Chico to Coco: Pico and Chico get separated and are on the 'phone trying to find each other. Suddenly there's a blackout and Pico loses the cel signal. In the darkened city he sees one place that has light- a young person with long black hair is atop a diving board and jumps in. Suddenly the lights come on. The next day Pico and Chico are playing crane game- Chico wins the same type of pins he always does. Suddenly a voice says that the pins are great- it's the person from the previous day. Pico offers to give some of the pins, and the person introduces himself as Coco. Coco takes Pico and Chico to his home, which is underground. He's collected sweets and things from around the city there. Pico and Chico decide to stay over. In the middle of the night Pico wakes up, and finds Coco masturbating. He's discovered and apologizes, but Coco says it's okay, he's been watching Pico as well. The next day the three boys go explore Coco's town; he explains where everything is, and what he does all day. At one point Pico asks for his cel phone number, and Coco produces several phones, admitting he thinks they get lonely, and will leave them all around to call places where nobody is. That night Pico wakes up to find Chico missing. He goes and peeks in on Coco again and finds him and Chico together. Pico leaves without saying anything and the next day tries to let the other two go off on their own. Being more astute than that, Coco puts Chico's hand in Pico's, walks away and disappears. Pico and Chico look for him in all the places they visited together and finally find him atop the red tower, where they all make amends. Review: Just when you thought this series couldn't get more bizarre, it introduces Coco. Firstly, it's never made clear whether or not Coco is a real person; throughout the episode, scenes cut to power lines buzzing along and repeated black-outs whenever Coco makes an appearance. He lives in a Michael-Jackson-esque underground wonderland, and fails to completely explain how he pays for things like food, electricity, and hundreds of cel phones. To top it off, when Coco decides to disappear and leave Pico and Chico alone, all his possessions go missing simultaneously. Okay, fine. They decided to spice up the series with magic -or possibly aliens. But Coco is a complete non-entity with no personality or likable characteristics. He's a plot device for Pico and Chico to go an adventure, and it's painfully obvious. Beside Pico, who [as I've described in previous reviews] has a surprisingly robust personality for a yaoi character, and Chico, who's the typical energetic boy of the pair, Coco is out of place. Considering he's the main focus of this installment, it makes it a hard OAV to sit through, and is the only reason I've docked points. The animation quality and design remain very high quality, and the character acting for Pico and Chico is as believable as ever. Rates: 1.5/5 Tapes: One Movie. Ryokohunohara Labyrinth: In the afterlife Fhalei is trapped as a fourteen year old girl. Through the darkness she sees Hiroki’s soul burning brightly. She falls in love with him, and to bring him to her she arranges his death by altering the laws of probability. Though part of Hiroki dies, killed tragically while trying to save a young girl from being hit by a truck, he splits into two boys. One, the “soul” is trapped in Fhalei’s world, while the other appears to be the “real” Hiroki, who miraculously survived the accident. Fhalei fawns over the half of Hiroki that she now possesses, but the split bothers her. She knows it happened because another loves Hiroki as much, if not more, than she does; Hiroki’s best friend, Kanata, inadvertently saved his friend from death with his unproclaimed love. At first, Kanata is simply relieved that his friend isn’t injured, but he soon begins to sense the other Hiroki. He calls him out on it, and Fhalei uses Hiroki’s body to fight Kanata. Hiroki manages to break free of her control, but Hiroki and Kanata slip down a cliff. The two Hirokis end up back in Fhalei’s world, where she admits to being wrong for trying to force Hiroki to love her; his love belongs to Kanata. She reverses time and gives her powers to Kanata so he can save Hiroki from dying. Both boys survive, whole, and with their love finally realized. Review: Ryokohunohara Labyrinth was a captivating tale that was nicely wrapped up in its 45 minute run-time. The plot wasn’t completely spelled out, it was unique, and was accompanied by a wonderful musical score. Even with the bland characters and relatively low amount of boy-love scenes, I would have marked this flick high if it hadn’t been for the Crazy Musical Interlude. For those who haven’t seen it, let me explain; in the middle (the MIDDLE, so it wasn’t due to budget problems) of Ryokohunohara Labyrinth, a crazy laser rock show at the planetarium begins. Pans of galaxies spin by, 80’s music blares, and for reasons never made clear, all the characters (including, inexplicably, Kanata’s friends that were only introduced once and never mentioned until now) blast off into space. Yes, they blast off into space IN THEIR SCHOOL, and do nothing but stare in joyous, still-framed wonder as they see the exploding surface of Mars and other delightful cosmic things out the window. Then, just as abruptly, everybody’s at the beach having a fancy old time! Was it a hallucination? Was it Hiroki’s soul dreaming? Most importantly, WHY WAS IT SO GODDAMN LONG!? Seriously, WHAT THE SHIT. It was so incongruent and disturbing (seriously, the electronica) that this one scene pretty much ruined the rest of the movie for me. It would have taken some hardcore boy love to save it, and unfortunately, all Hiroki and Kanata get in the end is a kiss- maybe. It’s really panned out and they’re no more than silhouettes against the ocean. I guess they COULD be kissing. Let’s use our imaginations, mainly to stave off thinking about any further Laser Rock Shows. Content: G (Male/Male sentiment.) Rates: 1.5/5 Tapes: One Movie. Saint Beast: In the ranks of heaven, six guardians were chosen to be Saint Beasts- powerful spirits bonded with animals. However two of the Saint Beasts were overcome with lust for power and thought themselves Gods: Ruka and Yuda challenged heaven, but were defeated in battle and sealed away. The other angels were shaken by the dispute, as they had all believed Ruka and Yuda to be kind, gentle people. Some time later, the seal keeping Ruka and Yuda in Hell lifted, and guardian angels living on Earth began to disappear. The Goddess, fearing the worst, sent the remaining Saint Beasts: Rei, Gai, Shin, and their leader Gou to investigate. In the first few minutes of their arrival on Earth, the direness of the situation becomes clear. Gou is forced to fight an old friend, who has been corrupted by an evil magic. Although he chooses not to fight her, she succumbs to the power and perishes before she could reveal the culprit. The next guardian angel they face is Hiro, who was of a low rank and grew to resent the Saint Beasts. Cursed never to fly again, he enters the House of Revival, a cave imbued with evil power, and embraces dark magic to regain his former ability. Sensing his old friend is in danger, Rei finds Hiro and attempts to save him from the lure of darkness. But Rei cannot save Hiro, and he dies in his arms, his last words suggesting Yuda is the one to blame. As they encounter more and more guardian angels turning to evil or simply disappearing, it becomes clear that Yuda and Ruka have escaped Hell's grasp and are amassing their own army. At the gathering of Guardian Angels during the full moon, the two former Saint Beasts reveal themselves, and announce their plan to take over Earth. With the future in their hands, Gou, Rei, Shin and Gai are left to put their trepidations regarding fighting former friends to rest, and battle Yuda and Ruka. Review: This series is always filed under Yaoi, and I have yet to understand why. Sure, Shin and Yuda have some sort of relationship that's hinted at, but a) they don't explicitly say anything and b) they are angels, which raises all sorts of awkward questions about whether or not they even have gender. The only reason I even gave Saint Beast a chance was because it was toted as boy love- it really has no other saving graces. The art is bad, the plot is so overdone I found it hard to remain conscious through the mere six episodes it spans, and the whole thing unfolds in a rushed, erratic way. It's like the makers of the series KNEW how shit it was, and just wanted to get it over with. “Throw some effeminate guys in there, okay- now put in at least one scene where they hug and blush at each other... Great, done.” I will bet real, human money that conversation actually took place at some point during the production of this thing. At first glance, the characters seem stereotypical -the intellectual, the brute leader, the sensitive one, the boisterous kid- but calling them “stereotypical” is too kind. They don't have enough personality to be much of anything- they woodenly move around the series, spouting corny lines, and DARING you to find them likable. One of the worst offenses of both bad lines and mind-boggling inattention to the already flimsy plot is when Gou says “What are we even fighting for? Nobody knows.” Uh- I thought it was pretty clear, since it's the ONLY plot element... You are fighting to save Earth. Aren't you? As can be expected from something cobbled together in the hopes that fangirls would be stupid enough to buy it, there are some pretty awful plot holes. For example, why is everybody so quick to say Yuda is innocent of shenanigans when he was LOCKED AWAY IN HELL for CHALLENGING GOD. I mean, that's a pretty non-angelic thing to do, it's the sort of shit that make your angels friends second guess you. Or not- even the Saint Beasts themselves, who SEE Yuda and his seldom mentioned buddy doing evil shit, are still like BUT HE WAS SO NICE, maybe all we need to do is talk with him over tea~ Yes, I'm sure he will have many fab stories about what it was like IN HELL. Burning for eternity until he manged to escape for some vague reason that is tactfully never explored. There's also the completely stupid way they have one on one fights. Basically the Saint Beasts could wipe the floor with any enemy if they were together, so they're constantly wandering off alone, only to be attacked, which of course SURPRISES them to no end [Oh no, whoever would attack me in the Dark Evil Forest of Unending Sorrows?]. They then proceed in wailing about how they'd be just fine if their friends were there. CELLULAR TELEPHONE. And yet, once the four of them actually come together, and steel themselves to finally fight to their full ability- the series ends. It just sort of peters out, with the four main characters staring off into the sunset with Eyes Full of Hope while all the guardian angels rot in hell with Yuda and Ruka. HAPPILY EVER AFTER. The End. Seriously- even if it had been crammed on at the end, a climactic battle would have helped. As it is, this series falls flat on its hideous, poorly drawn face. Rates: 0/5 Tapes: Six Episode OAV. Seikimatsu Darling: Ogata Kosaku has been in love with his colleague, Takasugi Yochiro, for some time, but hasn't had the courage to say anything. The problem is, keeping everything bottled up inside, Ogata is plagued by strange dreams, wherein Takasugi always gets the better of him. At a breaking point, Ogata approaches his friend, Shikibu, who he's known since middle school (and has always been there for Ogata... To mock him roundly). Though Ogata spills all his thoughts, his friend takes it all flippantly, and taunts him more than he gives advice, leaving Ogata to his own devices. Strangely enough, the following day, Takasugi calls Ogata, and invites him to spend a weekend with him at the hot springs. Ogata accepts, but is secretly terrified, so he begs Shikibu to come along to provide support. Shikibu mocks him for being scared, and says he's definitely not coming. The two brawl childishly until Tsutsumi (Shikibu's light-hearted lover) interjects that he wouldn't mind going at all, and that they'll certainly join Ogata and Takasugi on their trip. Despite Shikibu's fuming, the four set out to the reclusive hot springs. While basking in the relaxation, Ogata and Takasugi grow closer, both admitting they've been terribly nervous around the other, and have been trying to show off way too much. Relieved, and back down to Earth, they finally admit their love for one-another. Review: The art in this is TERRIBLE. Indescribably bad- BUT, they disguise it well by making the characters flip out into super-deformed mode every fifteen seconds. It's hard to define this OAV, as it tries to be comedic and romantic at the same time, but the two never manage to blend together. The comedy is HILLARIOUS. Bring a change of drawers, because you will wet yourself laughing. The fights between Shikibu and Ogata are fucking comedy GOLD. I can’t do them justice in text, so you’ll have to watch this, if only to have a good chuckle. On the other hand, the romantic parts are GOD AWFUL. If Ogata said Takasugi's name any more times, he wouldn't have any other dialogue. Also, once they start saying "I love you", they don't stop! It's really, really awkward and weird. Men do not act this way; not even flamingly gay men. And to top it all, for two people who proclaim undying romance every five seconds, they never do duel wangs- they just make erection jokes worse than mine. Content: PG (Male/Male kissing.) Rates: 2.5/5 Tapes: One Movie. Sensitive Pornograph: Seiji Yamada is a budding manga artist, and has been solely focused on his career for a long time. One evening, he's dropping of his newest work at his distributor, and meets a young man who professes to be one of his fans. He asks Seiji out for tea, who accepts, flattered. It's then that the fan introduces himself as Sono Hanasaki, the renowned author of adult comics. Seiji is shocked, both at having met somebody else in the industry, but also by Sono's notoriety; Seiji has read his comics since high school. After the initial shock has worn off, the two get along well, and Sono invites Seiji to go out for a drink. The two get completely sloshed, and return to Sono's house, where the tension between them finally breaks and Seiji makes a move on his new friend. The following morning, after a night of passion, Seiji awakes to some confusion- not only did he sleep with somebody he just met, but a man to boot. On a whim, he asks Sono out, and he accepts. However, suspicion creeps in to Seiji's otherwise innocent world when his friend, Yoshimi, comes over to help clean up Seiji's latest panels. Yoshimi finds one of Sono's comics, and gossips about what he's heard in the industry about "her"- that she's a slut, and will sleep with anybody who asks. Terrified that it's the truth, Seiji quickly confronts Sono, who confesses that he's been a playboy in the past. However, his attraction to Seiji is different, because he fell in love with his work first. Seiji is mollified, and the two confess that they love each other. Story Two: Ueno is a kind college student who works a part-time job as a pet sitter. He gets a call to take care of a man's rabbit, Aki-chan. Upon entering the house, he doesn't find any animals. He does, however, find a man bound and gagged in a closet. Releasing the man, he asks if he's okay, and if it's an emergency. Aki-chan confesses that he's the "pet" that needs to be taken care of, and his master will be angry if Ueno doesn't comply. Though Ueno enjoys Aki's ministrations, he's disturbed by the whole situation, and, after asking again if Aki will be okay, runs out of the house. Afterward, inspired by Ueno's kindness, Aki leaves his master, despite being thoroughly beat for the disobedience. The following day at school, Ueno is mulling over the previous night's events, when he's joined at his table. To his surprise, it's Aki, who has re-enrolled at the school after being freed. He asks Ueno out to lunch, who accepts. Review: This is one of the newer yaoi out there- uncensored, very clean look, good (modern) designs, and well animated. This is probably the closest anime has ever come to portraying anatomically correct men’s bodies- no glowing mysterious nether-regions, bodies that don’t leave you wondering if you just had a lesbian encounter, and a complete absence of floor-length hair. It's obviously aimed at an older audience, as the characters are adults, and their relationships are fairly uncomplicated (read: no dramalama following you home), and much of the humor centers around career jokes. That said, the stories are very much plot-what-plot; particularly in the first installment. It's about 50% character introduction and 50% hardcore sex scenes (okay, I’m being generous, maybe 40/60). But if that's what you're after you'll be hard pressed to find a better animated companion on your lonely nights. So crack open that Chef Lonelyheart's dinner for one, and settle in, because I highly recommend Sensitive Pornograph. Content: XXX (Male/Male sex; Uncensored genitals shown.) Rates: 4/5 Tapes: Two Episode OAV. Sukisho: Not long ago, Sora took a bad fall from a classroom window; though his wounds healed, he was left with amnesia. The night he's released from the hospital, a young boy named Ran comes into Sora's room, intimately begging "Yoru" to come out. Sora has no idea what he means, and is uncomfortable with the whole situation. The following morning, Sora's roommate, Matsura bursts in, talking of happy reunions- with the boy from the previous night, who he introduces as Sunao. But Sora doesn't remember anything. Offended, Sunao stalks off. Though he's plagued with flash-backs, Sora can't quite place Sunao, even after his friends tell him he and the other boy used to be inseparable. Sunao continues to be stand-offish regarding Sora's inability to remember him, but secretly he has an ulterior motive. Sora's amnesia is caused by a second personality, a personality named “Yoru”, with whom “Ran”, Sunao's second personality, is in love. However, Sora and Sunao aren't the only ones who know of their odd duel personalities; Shinichiro and Nanami, Sora's teachers, know of Yoru and feels he's a danger. They suspect Sora's fall was actually Yoru's doing. In an attempt to confirm his theory, Shinichiro tricks Yoru into coming out by kidnapping Sunao. His plan works, and though nobody is injured, Sora becomes aware of his other mind for the first time. He admits to Sunao that it's a bit scary, having another person inside him. Being completely aware of Ran, Sunao agrees, and the animosity between the two subsides slightly. However, the appearance of Ran and Yoru becomes more and more frequent, and Sora begins to remember the encounters. He starts to develop feelings for Sunao, and feeling similarly, the latter tries to distance himself. But Sora is persistent, and admits that he didn't initially care about his past, but after staring to care for Sunao, he wants to remember him. Sunao agrees, and describes their childhood: a horrible dark time in which they were treated as experimental patients under Aizawa. In order to withstand the cruel treatment, they both developed a second persona that was tough and forceful. One night, Shinichiro and Nanami broke into the lab, and tried to escape with the two boys. Though they managed to save Sora, Sunao was left behind. After divulging his memories, Sunao disappears. Concerned about his friends, Matsura confronts Nanami and asks what's going on with Sora and Sunao. Terrified by Sunao's disappearance, and suspecting he's been plotting with Aizawa -the scientist responsible for the boys' twisted past- Nanami explains that the experiments done on Sora were mind control, an attempt to make the perfect killing machine. Sunao corners Shinichiro, and uses Sora, who enters a hypnotized state at his command, as a weapon. Sunao admits that he has always been bitter that he was left behind, and wants nothing more than vengeance. Sora stabs Shinichiro, and loses consciousness. Once he regains consciousness, he looks within himself, and confronts Yoru. He bids his alter ego adieu, and swears to rely on his own strength. With that commitment, he returns to Aizawa's lab, finally confronting old memories. Taken aback that Sora came to find him, despite all he had done, Sunao is softened, and together, the two boys escape. Aizawa's brainwashing is no match for their love, and this time, Sora refuses to leave his friend behind. Review: The characters in this anime are FUCKING CRAZY. They explode with emotion, float around like a conga-line to sausage town, and are not above flipping out into super-deformed mode every few seconds. While Sora isn't quite as fey as EVERYBODY ELSE, he has fucking Explosive Amnesia. And it's the ONLY thing they're serious about. What? No! THAT'S the funny bit. I woke up from a coma, and everybody WAS GAY. Seriously, though- it's no secret. I love the man-on-man action. But give me a LITTLE believability. A school full of boys don't get wet-themselves-excited at the thought of taking photos of two of their fellow students [one of them dressed like a princess] handcuffed together. NO. It reminds me of that South Park episode where everybody becomes ~Metrosexual~ except Kyle. Only in Sukisho EVERYBODY is gay. Flamingly gay. Gayer than a basket full of rainbow kittens having buttsex. I've slowly begun to realize, with a little sadness, that I HATE this type of yaoi. Make TWO of the characters fancy each other. The rest need to act like NORMAL PEOPLE, not the cast of a Broadway musical. Sadly the cotton-candy cacophony that encompasses the first dozen episodes is GOOD in comparison to the painful drama that ensues once the series “gets serious”. It's as if they split this down the middle, one half stupid one-shot fluff, and the second a non-stop flood of bad plot that attempts to be dark and thoughtful. But with the sheer number of doctors, hidden pasts, and duel personalities porking other personalities, it feels more like a day time soap opera. The sad part is, Sukisho actually has some solid art and character designs [as flamboyant as they may be], so it's easy to get tricked into having hope for the series. Once and a while they throw you a morsel of great animation and tangible plot, only to strike you down with pseudo-psychological bull. What could have saved this is choosing comedy or romance, or even better melding the two. But as it is, the normal folks are sure to have an immediate gut reaction to flee from the batshit loco characters [as well animated as they may be], and those Ritalin-popping ADD kids who actually enjoyed the first part are going to lapse into a coma at the slow tediousness of the latter half. Well, at least they tie it all together with a final episode about hot springs and all-man festivals. Rates: 1.5/5 Tapes: Series with progressive plot on each. Tokyo Babylon: The first part of this anime features a construction site that has been plagued with accidents and bad luck. The president of the company calls on Subaru Sumeragi, who is part of a well known family of mediums, to cleanse the site. However, before anything can be done, the president dies, as his predecessors did, in a strange accident and Subaru is told to leave. Detective Yamakawa befriends Subaru, telling him that the one constant through all these accidents is Nagumo, one of the seniors of the company, who has survived every tragedy. Though the case was closed, Subaru wants to confront Nagumo, but fears using magic on him would only be problematic because of the man's luck. However, when Miss Aso tries to avenge her brother, who was murdered by Nagumo some time ago, she only succeeds in making him more powerful. He confronts Subaru in a one-on-one magic battle. When Subaru is knocked out, his friend Seishiro comes to the rescue. The second part tells the story of a woman named Mirei who can see the past of objects which she touches. With this power, she helps police solve the crime of who has been murdering women on the subway. The end climaxes to a set up where she is used as the bait to draw the killer out, and her friend and fellow psychic from long ago must come to her rescue (Subaru plays a smaller part, saving her a couple of times before that). This is the first episode that describes the lives of Subaru and Seishiro and their relationship. Review: The animation quality of this anime was excellent, and the plot was fairly unique. The shounen-ai element was really subtle, without any actual playing up on Subaru and Seishiro being a couple. They only get one mention in that light, unfortunately. The music score for this was a hauntingly simple collection that will please almost any listener. I wouldn't buy the soundtrack, but I definitely gave a few tunes a second-listen. Content: G (Male/Male sentiment.) Rates: 3/5 Tapes: Several episodes with different missions on each. Winter Cicada: During the Tokugawa shogunate, Japan is divided into many clans and isolated villages. Many are against opening Japan to foreigners, and English literature and culture is forbidden. The Choshu clan, in particular, are a radical sect that will stop at no means to keep their country Japanese-only. They lash out against the government in an attempt to make their exclusionary voices heard. However, not all the members of Choushu are convinced that remaining xenophobic is the best course for Japan. Kusaka Touma remains in the clan solely to try and stop his friends from committing crimes against their government. He tries his best to promote an open-door policy toward the English. Due to this view, he meets Akizuki Keiichirou, a high-ranking member of the Bakufu (a pro-English sect who believe that the only way to promote Japan's growth in the future is to allow foreign trade and technology). Feeling a kindred spirit in Kusaka, Akizuki offers to teach him English, and the two grow close. However, their meetings don't go unnoticed, and Kusaka's clansmen, Aizawa warns him that the punishment for dabbling in foreign affairs is high. Despite that, Kusaka continues to see Akizuki, not just because he wants to learn English, but because he's come to love the other man. This puts him at risk of being assassinated by his own clansmen, so the Choushu leader, being a kind an understanding man, sends Kusaka to England for his protection. Before he leaves, Kusaka meets with Akizuki one last time, and the two make love, promising to meet again after the turmoil in their country has subsided. But shortly after his departure, the Tokugawa government stepped down, beginning the Boshin civil war, an incredibly bloody time that divided Japan in two. As the clash worsens, Kusaka returns in order to fight and implement his ideals, all the while knowing he'll be on the opposite side of the man the loves. After every battle he checks the fallen soldiers for a sign of Akizuki, and one day, finds him, badly injured. But despite Akizuki's pleas to help him commit suicide and die with honor, Kusaka refuses to let his friend perish and disguises him as a Choushu soldier to guarantee him medical aid. Time passes, and Japan finally opens to foreign influence after the fall of the Bakufu. Kusaka becomes the minister of Foreign Affairs, and is a wealthy and respected man. However, he remains cold and distant to all who approach him, always eager to return to his secluded mansion. On its grounds, in a hidden guest house, Kusaka has hidden Akizuki, caring for him and tenuously guarding him against suicide. Akizuki feels he's betrayed his imprisoned clansmen by being the only free soldier, and can find no solace in Kusaka's love. Akizuki's wish for an outlet to end his life comes when Aizawa, now a government official, discovers his hiding place and demands he do the honorable thing before he's outed to the other bureaucrats. During a raid on Kusaka's house, Akizuki takes the distraction and escapes into the forest, where he commits suicide. Shortly after, he's found by Kusaka, who, overwhelmed with sadness, joins him. Review: Do you yearn to know more about feudal Japan? Does the idea of history class get you sexually excited? No? Damn. Well then you'll have to bear through the first twenty minutes of heavy politics that serves as an introduction to Winter Cicada. But after that, it's all tension, drama, and some of the hottest sex you'll see without featuring full-on wang. The dynamic between Kusaka and Akizuki is perfect- poor boy meets rich boy, latter is introduced to pornography and gets buggered shortly after. Ah, L'Amour! This OAV manages to blend an extremely info-heavy plot with an angsty relationship without invoking that “WHEN IS THE SEX” feeling in the audience. Without the yaoi quotient, Winter Cicada would have been pretty dry, but the two work together seamlessly. My only complaint about this OAV is the art- I want to defend it because everything else is so well done, and it bugs me to mar the review with nit picking, but it can't be helped. The design is ugly. The artists were clearly trying to carve out their own style, and mistakenly boarded the failboat, populated by giant shoulders, shining eyes and gaping maws. It's not due to lack of budget, either, as the animation quality is quite high. Somebody sunk a lot of money into this, but obviously forgot to hirer a designer who could draw. It's a shame, really, because otherwise I'd highly recommend Winter Cicada to any yaoi fan who's looking for a solid plot with their side of randy young men. Content: R (Male/Male sex; No genitals shown.) Rates: 3.5/5 Tapes: One Movie. Yami No Matsuei: Hisoka, a new recruit, is partnered up with Tsuzuki, a veteran to the agency of Shinigami (Angels of Death). They reside in the Land of the Dead, and investigate strange deaths on Earth. The pair is at odds from the very beginning due to personality clashes; Tsuzuki is carefree and goofy, while Hisoka is the epitome of restraint. Despite being flighty, Tsuzuki is exceptionally powerful, and can summon legendary beasts. Hisoka has the more subdued power of being an empath; he can read into the past of objects and people by touching them. Together, Tsuzuki and Hisoka fight ghosts to vampires, and the ever-resurfacing Doctor Muraki, who has an obsessive crush on Tsuzuki. He is also responsible for Hisoka’s death, and because he wanted revenge, Hisoka came back as a Shinigami. There are four main story arcs in Yami No Matsuei: The Maria Wong vampire trilogy in which we meet Dr. Muraki and learn how he loves to manipulate people, the Devil’s Trill trilogy, in which we meet Hijirii, a talented violinist who falls in love with Tsuzuki after being saved from a demon by him, the Tarot Curse arc in which our heroes get to pose as card-dealers on a cruise to solve a murder, and the Demon’s Reckoning saga in which Tsuzuki’s and Muraki’s pasts are revealed: Muraki’s grandfather was a doctor, just as he is, and had preformed several experiments on Tsuzuki because of his amazing ability to regenerate despite lack of food, water and sleep. However, after several attempts at suicide, Tsuzuki finally died, only to become a Shinigami. He had lost these memories, and only begins to regain them when Muraki describes the experiment. Muraki’s ongoing interest in Tsuzuki is the same as his grandfather’s, but for a different reason. He wants Tsuzuki’s strong regenerative body in order to bring his brother back to life. Muraki’s brother killed his family, and tried to kill Muraki as well, but was shot down by Muraki’s servant. Set on getting revenge by personally killing his brother Saki, Muraki finally manages to subdue Tsuzuki by depressing him, and brings him to the lab where he keeps Saki’s remains. However, before the procedure can take place, Tsuzuki attacks Muraki and releases Tern Snake, a demon that can kill even the Shinigami. He intends to die along with Muraki, because he is tired of living. Hisoka arrives and argues with him, saying if Tsuzuki needs a reason to live, live for him, because Hisoka is tired of being alone, and only wishes to be with Tsusuzki. He agrees, and both emerge unscathed from the fire. In the end, Hisoka tells Tsuzuki that he senses Muraki is still alive. Tsuzuki doesn’t doubt it, but is certain that together they can finally defeat him. Review: As a slash fan, I was immediately enamoured with the boy love in this anime, but I do have my squabbles with it. The designs aren’t very strong. I like Hisoka’s look, and the few women featured are pretty well done. But Tsuzuki’s guardian chicken -or whatever the hell that is- has one of the most god awful designs I’ve ever seen. Fushigi Yuugi called, they want their phoenix back. The animation isn’t too bad, but it’s rarely used. Instead, they choose to use pans with bubbles instead of actually making things move. The one shining point is the music. It’s beautiful, memorable, and fits the atmosphere perfectly. I was especially impressed with the plot. It was inventive, and the relationship were both comical and realistic. I enjoyed the fact Hisoka didn’t immediately fall in love with his partner; they needed time to grow on each other, so the boy love was even more sweet when they got there. Content: PG13 (Male/Male kissing; Implied rape.) Rates: 4/5 Tapes: Several episodes with different missions on each. Zetsuai 1989: Six years ago, Nanjo Koji fell into a desperate fascination with a boy he saw for only a fleeting moment. Presently, Koji has become an international pop star. Despite the fame, glory and women, his life is still empty. Meanwhile, Izumi, the boy Koji loves, has grown up as well, following his dream to be a soccer star. He's an unbeatable player, but hasn't progressed to nationals due to his refusal to go abroad. He is petrified of fame, of the tabloids, and of the secrets from his past that they would uncover. Contradictory to his usually cold demeanor, when Izumi notices a man passed out in the rain, feverish and drunk, he helps him. Unknowingly, he takes Koji into his home and nurses him back to health. But Izumi is by no means kind, he quickly snaps at Koji and orders him to leave. Seeing the fierce look that struck him six years ago, Koji recognizes Izumi, and once again begins his pursuit. Completely disregarding his fame and blowing off the executives that demand he return to work, Koji interrogates Izumi's acquaintances for information and discovers that Izumi was orphaned when his mother became unstable and killed her husband. In her demented state, she also attacked Izumi, scarring him both mentally and physically for life. But rather than being driven away by Izumi's past, it only makes Koji more intent on winning the boy's affections. Driven to an intense need for gratification, Koji traps Izumi in his apartment, and confesses his feelings. When he tries to approach Izumi, the boy attempts to escape, but Koji pushes him down, declaring that he has nothing left, that he can't stop himself. However, Koji abruptly calms after disrobing Izumi, and seeing the scars that were left on him. Koji realizes that his violent actions are only repeating the most horrendous events in Izumi's life. Koji dissolves into tears, and Izumi stays with him throughout. Review: Welcome to the classic yaoi anime, Zetsuai (which is essentially a made up word that emotes "desperate love"). And what a fitting name for a story that watches like a soap opera. There's never a break in the tragedy for these guys: either one of them in incapacitated, in the hospital, dying, or they're at odds and fighting. I'm most happy with how they projected Koji's terrible handle on his relationship with Izumi. It's clear that Izumi is a rational person, if not withdrawn, while Koji is impulsive to a fault. Izumi isn't charmed by Koji's frankly stalker-like behavior, nor is he particularly impressed when Koji does idiotic things that cause self harm. But like anybody who takes responsibility on themselves, Izumi is always there for Koji when he fouls up his life. The design of Zetsuai, while dated, is still fairly strong. In far shots, it's obvious the proportions are drastically exaggerated. But close-ups, while boasting a sort of pointy-charm, were bearable. Luckily for the feminine design of the characters, strong male voices were used. I found this solidified that this was indeed two MEN, where many yaoi anime make the mistake of depicting one of the guys so girlishly that it's moot to even call it boy love. However, whether it was the design or the deep voices, I simply didn't believe the age these characters were supposed to be: Sixteen- Seventeen at most. I'm with Koji's hooker, I think he's lying about his age so he doesn't get arrested for trying to get a little slice of school boy. Finally, the music of Zetsuai is very well done, as one would expect with one of the characters being a ROCK STAR. Yes, the musical interludes within the anime are very welcome, and even serve to advance the plot, showing what Koji is thinking and feeling in rational terms, contrary to how he acts. So, if you're a yaoi fan, you may as well see Zetsuai as a right of passage. Everybody has, and though the violence, injury, blood play and general angst of this anime is tame by today's standards, it's still a creepy little ditty about decadent rock stars and tortured sports enthusiasts. That should really be a genre on it's own. Content: R (Male/Male sex; No genitals shown.) Rates: 3.5/5 Tapes: One Movie