[A-C] [D-F] [G-I] [J-L] [M-O] [P-R] [S-U] [V-X] [Y & Z] Yaoi Only List [Ai no Kusabi] [Angel Sanctuary] [Angel's Feather] [Araiso Private High School...] [Boku no Pico] [Boku no Sexual Harassment] [Close the Last Door] [Earthian] [Enzai] [Fake] [Fish in the Trap] [Gakuen Heaven] [Gravitation] [Gravitation OAV] [Houkago no Shokuinshitsu] [Ikoku Irokoi Romantan] [I Shall Never Return] [Junjou Romantica] [Kashou no Tsuki] [Kaze to Ki no Uta] [Kire Papa] [Kizuna] [Legend of the Blue Wolves/Four Horsemen] [Lesson XX] [LevelC] [Loveless] [Mirage of Blaze] [Nightwalker, Midnight Detective] [Nightwalker, Eternal Darkness] [Okane Ga Nai] [Papa to Kiss in the Dark] [Patalliro Saiyuki] [Pico to Chico] [Ryokohunohara Labyrinth] [Seikimatsu Darling] [Sensitive Pornograph] [Sukisho] [Tokyo Babylon] [Winter Cicada] [Yami No Matsuei] [Zetsuai] Ai no Kusabi: In the world of Amoi the lives of humans are governed by a supercomputer named "Jupiter" which has divided all people into two races; the genetically modified superior race are called "Blondies" and occupy the capital city of Tanagura, while the natural humans are referred to as "Mongrels" and are forced to live in the slums of Ceres. In these slums Riki the Dark grew up and formed a gang named Bison. Within the gang, Riki met Guy, who was quite taken with his leader. But Riki's body belongs (quite literally) to another man; Iason Mink, a Blondie, saved Riki's life. To repay the debt, Riki offered up his body, not knowing he would be made into a Pet. Though it's socially accepted that Blondies have human Pets, the Blondies are supposed to be asexual, and only use Pets as a form of voyeurism. Iason's direct contact with a Mongrel not only gets him reprimanded by Raoul (his second in command), but alerts Jupiter to Iason's activities. In order to shake the mistrust, Iason lets Riki free for a year by removing his Pet Ring (which is essentially a cock ring that can only be administered by a Master to his Pet). Believing Iason has forgotten him, Riki returns to his gang. But, as he promised Iason returns. Distance made his heart grow fonder, and he now harbors a deep love for Riki and captures him, returning his Pet Ring and forcing him to live in Tanagura. In the fray of police chasing both Riki and Iason, Guy becomes suspicious and confronts Bison's leader. Riki admits that he's a Pet to Iason. Overcome by jealousy and indignant rage at Riki's subservience, Guy kidnaps Riki and removes his pet ring the only way he knows how: by cutting off his penis. Iason manages to track the two Bison members down, and is understandably irate when he finds what Guy did to Riki. The two fight ferociously, but upon Riki's request, Iason allows Guy to escape. But before Riki and Iason can follow, the explosives Guy set up in the building are ignited. In his desperation to save Riki, Iason has his legs severed, and begs Riki to leave him. However, under his own will, Riki returns and shares a poisoned cigarette (called "Dark Moons") with Iason. He chooses to die with his master, on his own terms. Reivew: This anime was like a soap opera… With men. And love bots. And giant shoulder pads. Once again the Vision of the Future we all had in the eighties is proven to be horrifyingly wrong, and equally boring. Ai no Kusabi suffered from cramming a manga series into two episodes; the characters are extremely one-dimensional, nobody has a tangible past, and the plot is extremely confusing and badly unfolded. Not only is it difficult to understand, but there’s not enough yaoi content to keep a fangirl’s interest through the random scenes loosely strung together by association that tried to be a movie. While the design was nice in certain scenes, it differed quite a bit throughout the show, as did the animation. Some scenes were incredibly slick, others were dark, off-model, and badly drawn. My main complaint is with Riki’s gang, all of whom look practically the same. I realize Riki’s SUPPOSED to be a generic “Mongrel”, but they could have at least given him a fancy jacket so we could tell him apart from Everybody Else in Ceres. Of course, little things like bad design, forgettable music, and boring characters are nothing compared with the main turn-off in Ai no Kusabi: A GUY GETS HIS JUNK CUT OFF. No amount of soft core boy love will make me want to see that again (or forget it for a very long time). Granted you don’t see it graphically lobbed off, but even just the suggestion is enough to make me revisit my Cheerios. Content: R (Male/Male sex; No genitals shown.) Rates: 1/5 Tapes: Two Episode OAV. Angel Sanctuary: Earth exists as a mirror of Hell. As humans began to pollute and corrupt Earth the demon ranks became weak and began to die out. With God entering a period of dormancy, the legions of angels took advantage of their enemy's weakness and their leader's lack of attention, and attacked the demons, killing without restraint. The Organic Angel Alexiel witnessed this, and was appalled at her race's corruption. Believing that the Demons were more honest, not hiding behind a pretence of entitlement, she joined the leagues of Hell, fighting against the invading Angels. However, her brother, Rosiel, questions her and Alexiel is forced to battle him. But she cannot deal a killing blow to her own flesh, and instead, seals him into the Earth itself using a barrier of forbidden magic. Though she did not kill her brother, this spell used all her power; she is captured and sentenced to have her soul and body separated. Her body is frozen in an Angel Crystal which is locked away in Machonon, the fourth layer of Heaven. Her soul is then set free to reincarnate into human mortals, whose lives would cursed with nothing but pain. In contemporary times, Alexiel's soul is born into Setsuna Mudou, where it lies dormant. Although Setsuna shows strange powers of foresight and stamina, his abilities are quenched by his sister, Sara, whom he loves in a romantic way. Because of these feelings, Setsuna is confused and troubled. He believes being around Sara will do nothing but corrupt her, and purposefully distances himself from her. In attempts to feign normalcy, Setsuna goes about his life as a high school student, but can't escape the backlash of his peers. They dislike him without reason, and Setsuna relies on his friend and upperclassman, Sakuya Kira, to help him out of many fights. However, like Setsuna, Sakuya is not what he seems. Though his body is human, Sakuya's soul is that of Alexiel's Holy Sword, Nanatusaya. When Sakuya was six, he died in a car accident, but before he perished, he and The Spirit made a deal: The Spirit would gain Sakuya's body, and Sakuya would get his wish. Sakuya's dying hope was that his father would feel no grief for his passing, and bid that The Spirit make his father hate him. Because The Spirit always loved Alexiel, Sakuya protects her current incarnation, Setsuna. Sakuya's task of shielding Setsuna becomes all the more difficult when he's caught in the ancient crossfire between Demons and Angels. With the help of his devoted follower, Katan, the seal on Rosiel has been broken, and the Angel is now obsessed with awakening his sister and gaining her approval. Demons have also come to Earth in attempts to awaken Alexiel. Kurai and her cousin Arachne attack Setsuna repeatedly in attempts to force Alexiel's power to surface. However, Kurai begins to soften toward Setsuna after seeing his love for his sister and his determination to live as a human, by his own rules. Meanwhile, Rosiel has been using the same attempts -forcing Setsuna to fight horrible monsters in order to awaken his sister- but to no avail. The more Setsuna loves Sara, the more Rosiel is tormented by his sister's soul belonging to somebody else. Finally, after the pain of separating himself from Sara, and the humiliation of having his love for her discovered, Setsuna and Sara confess their feelings for one another. Following Sakuya's advise to be himself and ignore judgment from those with false morals, Setsuna and Sara elope. This is the final straw on Rosiel's mind- their joy drives him mad. Seeing his master's distress, Katan takes it upon himself to kill Setsuna before Alexiel can awaken and cause Rosiel more pain. He confronts Setsuna and immediately attempts to destroy him with a blast of energy, but Sara shields her brother and takes the full force of the attack. With nothing remaining to tie him to the Earth, Setsuna's personality is taken over by Alexiel's, and his power overflows, destroying the city. Setsuna's soul becomes trapped in an illusion of happiness. But back in reality, Sakuya is mortally injured, and countless millions are being vaporized by Alexiel's uncontrolled power. Sakuya calls to Setsuna, who hears the voice of his friend through his illusion, and returns to reality. Setsuna's soul is once again in his body, but this time with Alexiel's memories intact, and her power under control. With his newfound strength, Setsuna faces Rosiel, and is finally able to get revenge for his own grief, and Alexiel's as well. But as the dust settles on the battle, despite being the victor, Setsuna is still morose; the city is in ruins, his friend is dying, and his beloved sister is gone. Just as he thinks all is lost, a holy light envelops Tokyo, and restores it to moments before Alexiel's destruction was unleashed. The Seraphita (highest level of spiritual being created by God), Adam-Kadamon uses Time Magic to restore the Earth. However, Sara still remains dead. Setsuna demands to know why his sister wasn't resurrected with everybody else. Adam-Kadamon explains that her death was necessary to unleash Setsuna's powers, which are needed to save the world. Adam-Kadamon is imprisoned in Etemenanch in the sacred realm, and if Setsuna does not free him before God's judgment, the material realm will vanish. Setsuna agrees to help Adam-Kadamon, on the condition that he's allowed to rescue Sara's soul from Hades first. Adam-Kadamon agrees, and tells Sakuya to stab Setsuna with Nanatusaya and send Setsuna's soul to Hades. With the Seraphita's blessing, Sakuya sends Setsuna on his quest. Review: I'm sure I'm not alone when I say, ZOMG INCEST. That was really my first thought as I watched Setsuna in his glorious quest to hump his sister. I had heard Angel Sanctuary was one of the big Shounen-Ai flicks, but really, there's very little guy on guy action. Sure, Setsuna and Sakuya are pretty close, but it's hard to love that relationship when Setsuna is quite obviously after his sister's knickers. Rosiel is another potential slash victim -since he's a touchy feely hippy that strokes everybody's face upon meeting them- but a) his a lunatic, and b) he looks like a woman. Somehow, the yaoi fan in me can't get into guy/guy relationships when they look like ladies. So with the slash possibilities out of the way, that leaves us with the plot... The crappy, horrendously paced, convoluted plot. First, they slam you with information. HELLO BIBLE CLASS, I DON'T GIVE A DAMN. You know an anime's gonna be a stinker when it opens up with the History of the Earth 101: A Cracked Out Interpretation of Christianity. They could have, I don't know, "introduced the characters" first. That may have helped me stay conscious during the first episode. The second episode, thankfully, features fun times with Setsuna battling crazy monsters, more family lust, and glorious signs that the plot was going somewhere. I had a thin ray of hope until I realized there was only one more episode left. That's where it all went downhill. The minute he runs off with his sister, Setsuna loses his personality. I don't mean that his dormant Angel Soul woke up and took over- I just mean he becomes a cardboard cutout. I've heard of commitment crushing a man's will, but WOW, Setsuna became a hollow shell within HOURS. Luckily he's brought back to reality full force with Sara's inconclusive death. I mean, WHY? Sure, it was to advance the plot, make Setsuna go all crazy and try to destroy the world. But it got muddy and confusing at that point. He smashes Tokyo because he's sad, then brings it back because he gets Tentative Hope? Which is promptly followed by him DYING to go find Sara's soul? And then, THE END? WHAT. It's like all this was just a really long, weird commercial for the manga. Unfortunately, it doesn't make me want to read it at all. I already got to see Setsuna and Sara do the nasty, and if I have to look at Rosiel's long purple nails any more, I'm going to hurl. So, no, Angel Sanctuary, I don't like you or your boy love. Come back when you've shat out a bit of plot, and inserted a long, hard, dose of yaoi. See what I did there? Butt imagery. That's what this anime needs; less biblical bullshit, more bumlove. Know your audience (wants the money shot). Content: PG13 (Male/Female sex; No genitals shown.) Rates: 2/5 Tapes: Three Episode OAV. Angel's Feather: The Winfield Kingdom Chronicle tells of a lineage of royal men born with white wings on their backs. This trait, passed down from generation to generation, allows them to fight evil and protect their empires. Kai Misonou is the top student at Yuusei Academy; groomed from childhood to be a genius, also heads the Misonou Combine corporation. Though he’s exceptionally successful at a very young age he feels used and without real purpose. But his daily monotony is changed when Hamura Shou transfers to Yuusei. Shou is a brash kendo star, just re-entering the championships after the death of his adoptive parents. Quick to make friends, it’s not long before he meets face to face with Kai. Without preamble, he proclaims that Kai is his long-lost twin, who was separated from him during adoption. Disturbed, and plagued by half-memories, Kai refuses to believe this, and distances himself from the new student. Irritated, Shou goes about his own business- but it’s far from ordinary. There are evil forces at work within the school. While out with his friends, Shou and the others are caught in an earthquake and fall into a pit. There, a monster attacks them. With his life in danger, Shou is overcome and sprouts white wings, and manages to defeat the beast. After it’s all over, he wonders if it was a dream. It becomes clear that Shou’s experience was very real the following day, when the kendo club goes ghost hunting. Instead of finding spirits, they find that Naoto, Shou’s long-time friend, has been taken over. He grows black wings, and begins attacking Shou, saying it’s his fault that his body was transformed. Though Shou doesn’t want to fight his friend, he’s forced to in order to protect himself and the others; Naoto is no longer himself, having been possessed by (the assistant principal) Sakakibara Ran’s power and ordered to destroy Shou. The clash ends with a draw, and Naoto flees, swearing his revenge. Meanwhile, Kai meets with his lover, Nagi, to vent his frustrations over Shou butting into his life with wild accusations. With Naoto’s failure still fresh, the principal brings in Shou and his friends, as well as Kai; he tells them that Nagi has been kidnapped by spirits, and only they can save him. Kai agrees immediately, horrified at the thought of something happening to his only friend. The others agree to go along, as they suspect it’s a trap. Their suspicions turn out to be correct, as Nagi turns into a dark angel- however, his feelings for Kai are still strong, and he shields him while he duels with Shou. Though their powers are on par, Shou doesn’t want to fight, knowing that Nagi is so important to his brother. In the commotion, as Nagi attempts to land a final blow, Kai gets in the way. Nagi is forced to deflect the blow with his own body, and perishes. Overcome with grief, Kai’s power explodes from him, ripping apart the building and all in his way. Fighting through it, Shou approaches, and tries to reason with Kai. He promises to stay by him, and his heartfelt words eventually hit home. In the hospital, the group recovers, and those who still have memories of their past explain that the Winfield kingdom is a real place, to which they all once belonged. But the peace in that world has been shattered by the black-winged rebellion. With a responsibility to protect Winfield, Kai and Shou agree to return there, and take their rightful place in the king’s lineage. Review: What a shitty first day- molested by Ran, attacked by monsters, and… molested by monsters. Shou probably should have gone back to living on the streets with that pack of wild dogs. Generally, I’m not sure what to make of Angel’s Feather -it’s not BAD, per se- the animation is limited, and the introduction is mainly pans of pretty boys on glowing BGs covered in sparkles, but then… MONSTERS. The fight scenes are actually pretty good- the animation steps up, they’re nicely choreographed, but I just couldn’t get into them because the whole time I kept thinking Wait- WHAT? Wasn’t this a teen drama two seconds ago? The resemblance to Buffy the Vampire Slayer is uncanny. Except the transition from “hay, check out these normal yet troubled kids” to FIGHTING MONSTERS AND HEALING WITH MAGICAL FLUTES (not kidding, that happens) is a bumpy ride. A bumpy, confusing ride. I suspect that the fantastical bit wasn’t original enough to warrant it’s own series, so in a bid to make it ~spicy~ they stuck in inappropriate teacher/student touching, an all-male cast, monsters that lick their prey instead of killing them, Kai macking on his boyfriend, and COUNTLESS shower scenes. Essentially this is “magical girl saves the world”, but replace “girl” with “boy” and “world” with… School? There’s something of a lack of Big Picture Goals in this series. Maybe “defeat the school’s administration” is enough motivation for the average middle school viewer, but I kept wondering what the POINT was. Perhaps explaining more about their magical angel kingdom during the plot, rather than stuffing it into two sentences at the very end would have helped. With the complete lack of pacing and inconclusive ending, Angel’s Feather feels more like a snippet from a longer series, and you’re just thrown into the action. It makes the insanely dramatic death of characters and betrayal of friends have a little less impact- with only 90 minutes to develop two dozen characters, it’s a guarantee you won’t give a rats ass about any of them. As a last word, I just have to say- they should have played up the twincest more. There’s a blurry MAYBE flash-back, but other than that the only thing that makes this a yaoi title is Kai being incidentally gay, and I can get that on prime-time TV. Content: PG (Male/Male kissing.) Rates: 1.5/5 Tapes: Two Episode OAV. Araiso Private High School Student Council Executive Committee: Araiso Private High was an all-boys academy until recently, when it became co-ed. Shortly after the change gangs of boys formed around the school, taking advantage of freshmen and bullying them. One of the most notorious gangs is Ootsuka's group. Luckily best friends Kubota Makoto and Tokitoh Minoru are the heavy hands of the student council law and break up violence, even if they have to be a little rough themselves. However, Ootsuka's gang doesn't take too kindly to Kubota and Tokitoh's meddling, and during a school-wide sports tournament, they purposefully injure students in order to draw the two student council boys out. What Ootsuka didn't count on was squaring off against the "perfect pair"; Kubota and Tokitoh easily beat the bullies at their own underhanded game, and peace is restored to the school. The second episode is an old fashioned ghost story; while cleaning up the art room, one of the student council members, Fujiwara, accidentally removes a protective charm. Rumors about ghostly encounters proceed to flood the school. The student council is sent to investigate. At first, all they find are other students (couples trying to find a place to make out, deviants stealing tests, etc). But just when they thought they've solved the mystery, real phantoms start to appear. They find that the school was built on an old war-ground, and the site was not properly blessed before construction. In a flurry of spiritual activity, Fujiwara becomes possessed and starts attacking Tokitoh with super-human strength. Though it seems impossible to fight against ghosts, they manage to lure out the main spirit, and defeat it with its own weapon. Review: So what makes this anime shounen-ai? Innuendo. If you're after some conclusive man on man action, you've come to the wrong place. Araiso is more of a flippant school drama than anything else; it has sports, angry women, and a good old fashioned "maybe they are, maybe they aren't" protagonist duo. Most of the boy love is done in a joking way, with Kubota and Tokitoh making passes at each other, or saying things full of ~deep meaning~. Apart from a couple of boys snogging by night in the school during the ghost-hunting episode, the only obviously gay character is Fujiwara, who falls all over himself with over-exuberant man-lust whenever Kubota walks into the room. Too bad he's the most weinerly, irritating character ever penned. When he's not yelling Kubota's name like an Nsync fan circa 1990, he's complaining about how he's being left out. Oh, here's a thought, maybe it's because you're a neurotic fruitcake who pisses everybody off with your mere presence. As an anime in and of itself, Araiso is bland. Everything it does has been done before, and better. The designs are rough, and often a bit wonky with drooping eyes and questionable design. The animation is much the same, mixing still-frames with limited movement only when absolutely necessary. The deal breaker is the humor- they try so hard it's a bit embarrassing to watch. They rely heavily on physical hilarity, which just ends up being stupid. There, I said it. There's really no reason to watch this- unless you have a compulsive need to watch every anime that has been labeled "shounen-ai", and in that case, I feel your pain. Content: G (Male/Male sentiment.) Rates: 1/5 Tapes: Two Episode OAV. Boku no Pico: Tamotsu is out one day looking at the ocean when he sees a young person, completely nude, washing clothes in the water. He's aroused by the site, but the mysterious figure disappears before he can get a better look. Later that day, Tamotsu goes to a cafe and is served by a clumsy young boy named Pico. After Pico’s shift, they go out for a walk, where Tamotsu finds himself inexplicably attracted to Pico’s innocent charms. Tamotsu eventually recognizes Pico as the figure he had seen earlier near the ocean, and propositions him. Pico is immediately attracted to Tamotsu (who he nicknames "Mokkun"), and basks in the attentions. Being a loner by nature, Pico quickly becomes attached, and because of this, their relationship leaps forward; Tamotsu felates Pico in his car. The following day Tamotsu and Pico meet again and get caught out in the rain. They return to Tamotsu's apartment where Pico showers. When he emerges, he finds that Tamotsu has bought him a summer dress, and wants him to wear it to be more feminine. At first he’s skeptical, but Pico changes into it for Tamotsu's sake. After they've had sex, Pico feels offended that Tamotsu tried to change him. Back at his own home, Pico cuts his hair very short and purposefully dresses as masculine as he can. Still upset, he wanders to the ocean, where Tamotsu meets him and apologizes. Pico accepts Tamotsu's sentiment, and the two frolic happily in the water. Review: Let's get the warning out of the way right here, shall we? This is shota: an older man and a young boy graphically have sex (though in this case all the genitals are censored). Granted, it's consensual intercourse, but the ages are approximately 15 and 10. If you haven't wretched all over your keyboard, let's continue. I was dazzled by the budget put into this; Boku no Pico isn't some twisted lovechild of fangirls and a back alley studio. The entire OAV was incredibly well animated. What it doesn't have in plot or character development (Mokkun is the animated equivalent of every other porno guy; a puppet with 3 lines and a big pecker) it makes up in fluid design and realistic movement. Honestly, this is everything you can ask for in hardcore anime. While the characters moved convincingly, I had a few quarrels with the concept art; Pico doesn't look like a boy. It's a good thing they show you his genitals, other wise I would have sworn he was a 10 year old girl (and we all know that would be just so wrong ;). Mokkun wasn't as confusingly designed, but he did have facial animation problems, namely, BLANKFACE. Throughout the entire film he just has this blank, hangdog expression. Maybe he's sad because he can't score any squirrel and has to pork young boys instead. Or it might just be the fact he’s dead inside form having toothpaste semen. I’m not sure WHY, but the jizz FX in this are extremely goopy. Maybe that’s sexy in Japan, but I found it both distracting and hilarious. When it all comes down to it, Boku no Pico is for a very small demographic of yaoi fan (the type who enjoys little boys getting buggered by sociopathic college students), and isn’t so much a story as it’s a porno with a little added plot for flavor. Content: XXX (Male/Male sex; Censored genitals shown.) Rates: 2/5 Tapes: One Movie. Boku no Sexual Harassment: Junya Mochizuki is an employee at a successful computer company. Though he works hard, he isn't confident in his skills and doesn't feel he deserves to be there. The president of the company, Mr. Honma, takes advantage of Mochizuki's low self esteem, and sleeps with him. After seeing how innocent and suggestible he is, Honma brings Mochizuki with him to a business presentation in Niigata. There, the president of their partner company takes an interest in Mochizuki, and agrees to close the business deal with Honma if he can spend one nigh with his young colleague. Mochizuki is hesitant, but for the good of the company as well as for Honma's sake, he agrees, and the deal is finalized. He's soon promoted, but still questions if he's a fit businessman and what the future holds. Just as he suspected, it's not long before Honma sets him up with another company associate to strengthen business ties. Meanwhile, Mochizuki's best friend, Fujita, professes his love for Mochizuki. But he's forced to leave in disappointment, as Mochizuki's feelings for Honma become clear. Some time later, Mochizuki is promoted and sent to Boston to work with a game company. There he becomes assistant to Joe Niimi, a renowned engineer. Not long after being acquainted, Joe invites Mochizuki over to his house, and starts coming on to him. When Mochizuki tries to leave, Joe drugs him and rapes him. To keep him quiet, Joe films their escapade, and threatens to show it to all Mochizuki's colleagues if he speaks out or tries to avoid seeing him. Feeling trapped, Mochizuki continues to see his manager, unsure of what to do. Eventually, he confides in Honma, who takes care of the situation by out-blackmailing Joe; filming him in a compromising situation, and threatening to reveal his plans to sell out the company. But despite Mochizuki's close call with being enslaved, Honma continues to send him on sexual business meetings to ensure sales. Becoming increasingly worried about his friend, Fujita travels to America to meet with Mochizuki, where he confronts him and asks what he's really been doing to be promoted so quickly. Mochizuki confesses everything, but also concedes that he loves Honma, and does it out of his free will to please his lover. Review: This kid needs to switch which Axe cologne he's wearing, “Sultry Nights with Drunken Japanese Business Men” is clearly not working out. But seriously, who knew the business world involved much buttsex? It's a bit of a laugh, especially with everybody insisting they're absolutely not gay. Never jump to conclusions as to why somebody wants to tap a man's ass- it may be to sell computers. Despite the convoluted pretense of why all these businessmen end up banging, Boku no Sexual Harassment is pretty high budget- good art, animation is sound, and the characters are just bland enough to not irritate anybody. The music is a different story, though. Sweet, sweet 80's... Have you noticed how popular synthesizes are becoming? Sad Vibratone Keyboard is to Japan as the Porn Riff is to Western adult films. You just know when that music starts blaring, you'll turn around to find the cable guy strutting around in the buff. The sex scenes are a mixed bag- half of it is hot consensual sex between Mochizuki and his boss, while every other one is the latter whoring himself out to hideous old men, being bound and raped by Joe, or (and here's the best part) Honma violating Joe with a COB OF CORN. I have officially checked another thing off my The Big Perverted List of Objects Inserted into People. CORN. Boku no Sexual Harassment also has some terrible one-liners, including “you're already wet”. I know this one's common in yaoi, but I reiterate- ANUSES DO NOT WORK THAT WAY. Every time I have horrifying visions of anal leakage. And the second, and probably worst line this OAV came up with “looks like you haven't used this in a while” in reference to Mochizuki's butt. Well, that come-on works with women, but with guys, all I can think of is CONSTAPATION. Not sexy. In the end, Boku no Sexual Harassment is aimed squarely at the “office worker love” fangirls, so if you find yourself fantasizing about what your manager is doing with his male assistant, then this OAV is for you. Content: R (Male/Male sex; No genitals shown.) Rates: 3/5 Tapes: Three Episode OAV. Close the Last Door: Despite being in love with his best friend Saitou for years, Nagai never found the courage to reveal his feelings, and now has to watch the man he loves get married. After the ceremony, Nagai escapes to a local bar, where he drowns his sorrows. He’s joined by another wedding guest, Honda, who works with the bride. Nagai is immediately irritated with the man, as Honda admits the reason he came to the bar was to drown his own sorrows over losing Remi (the bride). Drunk, belligerent and hurt, Nagai demands why Honda didn’t make a move on Remi earlier- preventing the wedding. Though he’s disappointed that his chance with Remi is gone, Honda is taking it all with good humor, and questions why Nagai is overreacting. Drunkenly honest, Nagai admits he is in love with Saitou, and has been for a long time. He quickly follows that up by insisting he’s not gay. Despite that, Honda begins coming on to Nagai, and kisses him. Though he momentarily enjoys it, Nagai accuses him of using his “comforting skills” on him as if he were a woman, and quickly leaves. When Nagai returns home the following day, he finds Saitou at his doorstep, crying. Remi disappeared, having run off with her section manager, a man she had dated in the past. Overwhelmed with grief, Saitou does the only plausible thing, and goes out to get drunk with his friend. When they return home, the two have a long talk; Nagai tells his friend that if he really wants to know where Remi is, they should contact her parents. Saitou is so grateful for all Nagai’s support, and suddenly feels so close to his friend, that he kisses him. He gets so far as undressing the other man before leaping back and apologizing, blaming his actions on the booze. Confused, and still unable to put his own feelings into words, Nagai leaves. He arrives at Honda’s place some time later, and tries to solve the mystery of his attraction. The two make out again, and Honda guesses that something happened between Saitou and Nagai. He tells the latter to spill his feelings, and if he gets dumped, he’ll be there to comfort him. Nagai pretends to be put off by the idea of revisiting Honda’s “comforting”, but secretly he’s confused over his physical attraction to him; all this time he assumed he was straight, but had simply fallen in love with his male best friend. The following day, Honda drops by Nagai’s place, and the two finally consummate their feelings- leaving Nagai more confused than ever. Review: AWWW! Nagai never got to tap his sweet friend’s ass! Count this yaoi fan disappointed. BUT- despite being inconclusive on the friend-fucking front, Close the Last Door is a fantastic OAV. The style is really appealing and the budget is quite high. I was most impressed by the plot- it’s a fantastic set-up, very believable, with minimal ridiculous drama. The characters are loveable and three-dimensional, which is a mark of quality in such a short film. They manage to pack in a solid back story, character development, AND humor. The dynamic between Nagai and Honda is especially funny, and I can’t do it justice in text. Suffice to say they act the way you would expect from straight men exploring their sexuality- awkward, sometimes overcome by their attraction, and prone to making jokes out of all of it when it gets too tense. I simply can’t recommend Close the Last Door enough. Watch it, it’s fantastic, otherwise you’re missing out. Content: PG13 (Male/Male sex; No genitals shown.) Rates: 4.5/5 Tapes: One OAV. Earthian: Eden, home of the angels, has been observing Earth for thousands of years, and have come to the conclusion that humanity is corrupt and Earth must be destroyed. However, being benevolent in nature, Eden sends angels down to give humans one last chance to prove themselves worthy; "plus checkers" and "minus checkers" are teams of angels that disguise themselves as humans and interact, judging them. After a period of assessment, humanity will be wiped out if the minus checkers encounter more evil people than the plus checkers count good people. Enter Chihaya, an angel born in Eden. However, he's been shunned by his kind for having dark hair and black wings, which are typically signs of a Lucifer (a fallen angel, banished from Eden for disobeying god, his peers, the bible, or telling humans his secret). Because he's never found solace in his own kind, Chihaya feels a certain kinship toward humans, and also speaks easily with Lucifers. He is sent to Earth to be a plus checker, along with an Aryan-featured, well-liked angel named Kagetsuya. Kagetsuya becomes the minus checker of the pair, as he hates humanity and is ready to find their flaws and end their terrible reign on Earth. Though Chihaya ceaselessly preaches humanity's virtues, Kagetsuya mistrusts his partner because of his Lucifer-like appearance, and constantly berates and belittles him. Despite that, the two are stuck together, as they must work as a team during their time on Earth. Very gradually, Kagetsuya softens to his partner, and eventually, the two fall in love. Scared by their emotions and relationship, Chihaya and Kagetsuya are forced to hide from Heaven, as they are now bathed in sin. Though Chihaya is less concerned with being banned (as he has no real ties to Eden), Kagetsuya is torn between which side he will choose, and if his soul is truly that of a Lucifer. Review: Say it with me now: PACING PROBLEMS. Earthian was a good manga. Not great, but pretty high by boy-love literature standards (sort of like saying "that was a great Harlequin Romance! There was hardly any smacking of bitches!" :D). Unfortunately, the anime managed to do some chop-block job on it that resulted in a confusing, painful pile of pseudo-religious buttlove. The plot, especially for people who don't already know the story line, is nearly incomprehensible. This problem is compounded by the way they attempted to wrap it up in four episodes, suddenly cutting out characters and bringing manga-centric ideas (which an anime-only audience certainly won't know about) in the final installment. So yes, it's confusing. But is it confusing enough to stop yaoi fans from watching? In a word: damn straight. Although Chihaya and Kagetsuya get together (ONCE. Episode 3, fyi), it's by no means a merry union. It's full of angst and whining and Chihaya being a typical uke, full of tears and confused emotions. The fact of the matter is, since its release a decade or so ago, there is MUCH BETTER yaoi out there. There are also COUNTLESS angel-centric anime, with varying degrees of bible-skewing blasphemy (Oh Japan, you and your piecemeal understanding of Christianity~). So, for once, I end on a good note: you no longer have to settle for watching Earthian, with its limited animation, poor design, forgettable music, and -did I mention?- assed up plot. The future is here, people… And it brought high caliber boy-love with it. Content: PG13 (Male/Male sex; No genitals shown.) Rate: 1/5 Tapes: Four Episode OAV. Enzai: Shortly after the French Revolution, the judicial system is still full of corruption. The bribery and scapegoating is experienced first hand by Guys, a poor youth who is unjustly accused of murdering Jared, a private investigator. When he's brought in for petty theft, a corrupt detective named Guildias tells Guys that if he pleads guilty for murder, he'll defend him in court and get him a soft sentence. Panicked, Guys does so, despite being innocent. But Guildias lied, and Guys is locked up, where he's abused by both his fellow prisoners and the guards. But there's some hope, as fellow inmates Evan and Vallewida help Guys recover from the attacks and lend him a sympathetic ear. Evan tells him that many of the convicts are there for crimes they didn't commit. Before being arrested, Evan was a successful journalist who uncovered information on a government official named Bollanet, who was guilty of many crimes (including murder and thievery) during the war. In order to keep his name clear, Bollanet framed Evan and sent him to prison, where his accusations would never be heard. Once he's comfortable with Evan, Guys brings correspondence from his lawyer, Lusca, for Evan to read (Guys is illiterate). He complains that Lusca is nothing but a lazy drunk, and has done nothing to help clear his name. When Evan realizes that Guys lawyer is his old colleague and friend, he's irritated to hear that Lusca has thrown his life away. He writes an incensed letter, reminding Lusca of what a great attorney he once was, and that he once considered himself and Lusca to be very close. Once he receives Evan's letter, Lusca is inspired. He quits drinking and focuses on Guys' case, re-opening the murder investigation. Meanwhile, Guys continues to be abused by Guildias. While raping Guys he accidentally cries out “Myuka”. When he next meets with Lusca, Guys is reminded that Myuka was a street kid like himself at one time, and went missing around Thanksgiving. Lusca is surprised to hear this, as Jared was investigating Myuka’s disappearance before his death. Lusca returns to Jared’s house, and finds the murder weapon. However, it’s only a small knife, and doesn’t match the wound. Guys approaches Vallewida, who was once part of the army, and implores him to share his knowledge of weaponry. Vallewida agrees that it’s possible that the knife is the murder weapon but due to massive trauma he suffers from amnesia of his war days he can’t be certain. Before he and Guys can come to a conclusion, Vallewida is taken by a prison guard and tortured in hopes of recovering incriminating memories he holds about Bollanet’s war crimes. But he’s unresponsive. Finally, the last piece of Guys case is solved when another inmate, Jose, comes to him with evidence. Though Jose initially abused Guys, he takes a shine to him and agrees to give him Jared’s diary in exchange for sexual favors. A re-trial is held in which Guys alibi is proven, and Guildias’ guilt is revealed. Jared’s notes detailed that Guildias had kidnapped Myuca, and both murder weapons in Jared’s death are linked to Guildias. After indisputable evidence is presented by Lusca, Guildias flees and the court releases Guys. At his manner house, Guildias is tracked down by police, where he blockades himself in the cellar with Myuca’s body. He inadvertently strangled the boy to death in a fit of jealous rage, and tried in vain to cover both the murder and the kidnapping. Suddenly overcome, Guildias shoots himself. Some time after, Guys receives a hand-made cross from Vallewida, with the evidence of Bollanet’s crimes hidden inside, finally bringing to light concrete evidence of the man’s terrible deeds and corruption. Review: I generally don't expect much from game-adaptations, especially hentai game adaptations, so I won't fault Enzai for its meandering plot. It's honestly not that bad- the variety of characters is pretty impressive, and I have to admit, if you're bored enough, the story can be fairly intriguing. What I did expect was good art- the game had nice designs, but apparently they fired that crew. The characters are just PAINFUL to look at. You could grate fine cheese on their jagged faces. All the men look like women with facial hair- except Vallewida, who apparently IS a woman. Or Michael Jackson, judging from his voice. Up until his obligatory rape scene, I was sure Vallewida's Dark Secret was ovaries. Actually, this guy and his subplot in itself illustrate how fucked up Enzai is: Vallewida is taken by the captain of the guard and whipped to try and cure his explosive amnesia, but instead it gives him multiple-personality-disorder. The other personality is a whore, who the captain dresses in women’s clothing, which he then… Whips off. Then, he rapes Vallewida (fuck I’m getting tired of looking up how to spell that bullshit every time) so he can flash back to his time in the army, where he was repeatedly gang-banged by his entire platoon. Wow. As funny as it sounds in retrospect, while actually watching the show, Enzai's pacing is derailed by the constant raping. It's as if they animated all the boneration, then threw it in the middle, leaving the opening and ending incredibly plot-heavy and dry (yes, enjoy the double entendre). And when I say “constant raping”, I mean that literally. There are NO consensual sex scenes in this thing- I have no idea how anybody could add this to their spank bank. It’s all blood and screaming and whipping. Okay, so maybe that floats a couple of boats in the audience, but couldn’t they have added a happy-ending Lusca/Guys romp at the end? NO. That would have ruined the MOOD. However, the whole plot-hole of HOW DO THESE KIDS KEEP GETTING OUT OF THEIR CELLS TO RAPE EACHOTHER was not deemed mood-ruining. To make it worse (or better?), it’s massively censored. Not just a little mosaic around the peen, either. It’s as if they thought blurring out the entire lower halves of Guys and Guildias’ bodies would make up for a 40 year old psychopath raping a 12 year old boy. Finally, the music and animation are just terrible. The sound effects are completely random- guns make the same noise as guys ejaculating, and for whatever reason, anal sex sounds like throwing a tub of yogurt in the trash compactor. And while this cacophony is going on in the background, the characters move like old school zombies, twitching and traveling around with a lumbering gait. Maybe they could have spent a bit more time making people move like human beings if they had cut some of the banging- it’s a dizzy dream, but if Enzai has taught me anything, it’s that you should never give up, even in the face of crippling damage to your anus. Content: XXX (Male/Male sex; Censored genitals shown.) Rates: 1/5 Tapes: Two Episode OAV. Fake: When detective Randy "Ryo" McLane first transferred from Japan to the New York 27th Precinct, he was partnered with the most mouthy and notoriously bull-headed member of the team: Dee Latener. After working with Dee for some time, Ryo began to develop feelings for his partner, but was unsure of how Dee felt due to his constant jokes. But Dee's reciprocation of Ryo's sentiment was far from a joke. Upon learning Ryo may actually give him a chance, Dee was very forward with his intention to claim Ryo, which abruptly frightened Ryo away. In attempts to get Ryo to submit, Dee harasses the Chief of his department to let the two have the same holiday break, and travel to the same location. The Chief relents, and Dee is left alone with Ryo at a secluded English resort. But the romanticism is short lived when, during what should have been a peaceful boat ride, the two discover a body. While Dee wishes to leave the work to detectives who are on duty, Ryo argues that a detective should always be ready when duty calls. Dee relents, happy that the local police decided to let the guests continue their stay at the hotel despite the murder. Dee continues his pursuit of Ryo that night. He tries to get his partner drunk, but ends up being plastered by himself, forcing Ryo to take care of him. While going to fetch ice for Dee, Ryo meets Arisa Bryan, a fellow Japanese-American who's also on vacation at the hotel. Being a very intuitive woman, she tells Ryo that he should express his feelings for Dee. Meanwhile, a local lieutenant has been nosing around the case. He takes a liking to Ryo, which agitates Dee, and makes him critical of the other man's discoveries. But despite his scepticism, Dee is gripped with worry when the lieutenant tells him that the string of murders has been completely Japanese-Americans. In a panic, Dee rushes back to the hotel, in time to see the owner attacking Ryo, intent on killing him. He rants about how his daughter was killed by a group of Japanese men who stayed at his hotel, and he was seeking vengeance. He killed Arisa and her friend, as well as several other Japanese guests, and now has his sights on Ryo. Dee bursts in to the rescue, and the local authorities take the owner away. His last words to the two detectives are that he's seen his wrongs, is ready to serve time, and wishes one last favour: for them to burn the last remaining portrait of his daughter. Review: For such a long warning about same-sex romance, there were desperately few scenes of Dee and Ryo doing the nasty. In fact, all you really get is an eyeful of some kissing, and light groping. As a rabid yaoi fan, this was a little disappointing, particularly because it seemed based on the stereotypical "confused and intimidated" partner that wishes to keep things romantic and not sexual. Yes, we're all sick of that rhetoric. Take off your pants. As for the plot itself, it was a good mystery flick. It wasn't entirely obvious who the culprit was until the very end, which was action-packed, if not a little forced due to the murderer's ultimate reverie. The characters were an interesting bunch, balancing each other’s personalities well, but their designs were off and on. At times, they looked descent, but mostly, they had the Hunky Shounen Syndrome: wide shoulders, tiny head, squinty eyes. Animation was limited at best, save for a few choice fight and action scenes, and even then it was nothing spectacular. In the end, Fake is your typical slash. Trite storyline, unimpressive characters, and convoluted secluded settings all to showcase a little guy on guy action. And if you're up for that, then by all means, get those panties down and lefty ready for action. Content: PG (Male/Male kissing.) Rates: 2/5 Tapes: One Movie. Fish in the Trap: Matsui Takahiro and his friend Yoshino Eiichi are watching an advanced lap race at their school’s pool. Having tried his hand at swimming, Matsui is impressed by the winner of the race, who easily takes the lead and first place. Afterward, Yoshino goes to get himself and Matsui a soda, but when he returns, his friend is gone. Having met the winner of the race, Yuuji, Matsui was coerced by the older man to go out for a drink. At the bar, Yuuji is joined by his gang of friends, who heckle Matsui and goad him into drinking and smoking. Though he allows them to get the better of him, Matsui eventually pulls himself together and leaves. That night, Yoshino calls Matsui to ask where he went; still drunk and out of it, the latter tries to assure his friend everything is fine. Unconvinced, Yoshino meets with Matsui the following day. By that time Matsui is sober and back to normal. Relieved, the two friends go to the arcade. But, unknown to them, members of Yuuji’s gang are there, and recognizing Matsui from the previous night, stalk him. Meanwhile, Yuuji is in a meeting with the CEO of his company. The man wants Yuuji to be the heir to his industry, and train under him as well as attending college. However, the offer is only on the condition that Yuuji give up his gang and irresponsible lifestyle. Irritated, but also eager to succeed, Yuuji excuses himself to mull it over. He gets a call from his friends that they’ve found his quarry from the other night. Yuuji meets them at a local park, where Matsui is being held captive by the gang. There, he takes advantage of the boy, while his gang jeers. Afterward, Yuuji has an epiphany, and, deciding that he will take the CEO’s offer, abandons his friends to focus on his studies and future. Matsui, choosing to forget about that night, continues on with his own schooling. He decides to join the school’s swim team, but gets quite the surprise when he finds Yuuji is a senior member. Review: A lot of reviewers have ragged on Fish in the Trap for being old and having a dated look, but it’s not that bad. It’s pretty much TV quality, and is far from the bottom of the barrel design-wise. What really breaks this OAV is that pacing. Man, it is DRY. I have a high tolerance for slow plots when it comes to yaoi- it’s par for the course that the guys are going to take their sweet time getting down and dirty, but this is just so bland. It’s a boring expose from the lives of a student with no personality and a lecherous businessman… With no personality. If you took out the scant scenes of guy on guy action, nobody would have ever watched this thing, and it would have faded into obscurity where it belongs. Sadly, the yaoi quotient is awkwardly interspersed throughout this OAV, and for lack of a better word, it’s ODD. Firstly, Yuuji’s “gang”: what is with these manly men, these rough-and-tumble liquor-swilling brutes, who think it’s hilarious to kidnap young boys, get them drunk, then let them go? Then watch their exhaled leader lovingly “rape” kids in the park? Secondly, Karakawa: he’s the token slutty member of Yuuji’s gang, and has two scenes un-explicitly macking on his friends. Too bad he’s horrifically ugly- puffy 80’s hair, baseball cap, glasses, pink pants. In my experience, roaming gangs of homosexuals don’t let guys dressed that poorly join. And lastly, the rape scene: Basically Yuuji’s friends see Matsui at the arcade, call their friend, then stalk him until they can get him alone, at which point Yuuji begins to LOVINGLY REMOVE HIS CLOTHES. Then, he porks him… Possibly. It’s hard to tell as the scene is just pans of Matsui’s naked chest, and a few seconds of Yuuji kissing him. Now, I may not be an expert on what to do in a gay emergency, but shouldn’t he be trying to ESCAPE? Stop drop and roll, kid! Wait- why does he look to be enjoying it? Perhaps that explains why, despite KNOWING Yuuji is an accomplished swimmer, Matsui goes and joins the swim club RIGHT AFTER being buggered in the park. To his surprise, in the locker rooms, he meets… Dun Dun Dun… Yuuji! ZOMG. WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT. And that’s the end, kids. It fades to black with the startling realization that joining after school clubs will always get you molested. Content: PG13 (Male/Male sex; No genitals shown.) Rates: 1/5 Tapes: One OAV. Gakuen Heaven: Ito Keita has always been average, save for a lucky streak and a contagious smile. As he takes these two traits for granted, Keita is flabbergasted when he receives an entrance letter to the prestigious Bell Liberty Academy, a school catering to exceptionally gifted boys. Though he’s unsure of himself and secretly believes the invitation is a mistake, Keita gains a bit of confidence when he’s personally escorted to school by Niwa Tetsuya, the gregarious and outspoken school president. Upon arriving at the school, Kazuki Endo offers to help get Keita settled, as they’re room neighbors. Keita accepts gratefully, as the campus is sprawling and Kazuki is already acquainted with it. Feeling as if he’s met Kazuki before, he and Keita become fast friends, and Kazuki is always there to bail Keita out of tense situations with the “colorful” students at Bell Liberty: the terse dorm leader/star archer, Shinomiya; the aloof treasurer, Saionji Kaoru; the taciturn yet kind painter, Iwa; the school’s super-energetic and cheeky delivery boy, Shunsuke; the stuck up and conniving twins, Kakeru and Wataru; and their tennis captain, Naruse. The latter is the most outspoken upon Keita’s arrival, as he immediately develops a crush on the new pupil, calls him “honey”, and repeatedly asks him out on dates. Keita awkwardly, yet politely refuses. But Bell Liberty isn’t all jokes and amusing characters, as Keita soon finds out when his best friend often goes missing for days at a time. Kazuki claims it’s all for club activities, but when Keita is brought in to Vice President Kuganuma’s office and asked to voluntarily leave the school due to his lack of skill, Keita starts to feel there’s much more going on behind the scenes than a regular school council. He pleads with Kazuki to be frank with him, but the older boy remains quiet on the subject of school board matters, and instead encourages Keita to plead his case to the school’s chairman. Eventually, Keita does so, and to give him an opportunity to prove his worth, a school competition called the MVP Battle is held. Keita and Kazuki pair up, and with the former’s luck, they’re able to solve the competition’s riddles and rank first place despite suspicious disruptions from hired guards. Though he’s happy to have won, Keita can’t let Kazuki’s deception go on. He confronts the other boy about his mysterious scholarship, Kazuki’s absences, and the half-memories that plague him whenever he’s with his friend. Eventually, Kazuki relents, and admits that he’s the school chairman, and has been acting as a student this whole time. He and Keita were childhood friends, and at that time, made a promise to one day attend school together. When Kazuki’s father passed away, he took over the company, and overthrew the board in order to enroll Keita, which angered the vice president, Kuganuma. Kuganuma was so irate, that he attempted to have Keita removed in order to assert his power. Once he is made aware of this treachery, Kazuki has Kuganuma fired. Keita is so moved by his friend’s devotion, that he forgives him, and also begins to see that Kazuki’s feelings go beyond friendship. With the school at peace, Kazuki finally admits that he’s in love with Keita. Review: We all know I’m mad for boyluv. I can take a lot of longing glances, soliloquies among the sakura petals, even entire story arcs with nothing but a near-miss-kiss…But, man oh man, this is just way TOO much. Flowery BGs? A Teddy Bear mascot? Piano solo music? Beautiful boys nancing around in water and drinking herbal teas? If this were all women, it would be the biggest porn parade around, but as they’re men exchanging coquettish gazes and subtle nuance, it just turns out to be really UNCOMFORTABLE. Where are the manly men? Apparently BL Academy shot them all- or maybe being a flaming queen is as a prerequisite to entry. Gakuen Heaven is GAY- and not in the delicious boy/boy action way, either. EVERYBODY has a boneration for Keita, and yet nobody does anything except flippantly make passes at him in various inappropriate situations. What makes this weird isn’t that the entire school wants to pork the new kid –hey, it’s boarding school and fresh meat is delicious- it’s that he’s completely blank or vaguely uneasy through all of it. Apparently, he hasn’t learned the subtle art of INSTANT ENAMOURATION. But in all seriousness, it’s this weird dynamic that makes Gakuen Heaven a bit hard to watch- it’s not the type of series that has you clicking one episode after the other just to see what happens, because nothing ever DOES happen. The characters are so one-dimensional, and the plots without any real advancement, that you could watch pretty much any random episode and get the gist of what’s going on. It’s the sort of thing at home in character-driven comedy, but the only kind of laughing I ever did was the awkward type in vicarious embarrassment for everybody. In addition to the plot being meandering and pointless, there isn’t any actual drive between the character relationships. Yah, they’re all fairies, and at first I was sure Keita would end up being the school slut, but NOTHING ever happens. This could have been a three episode OAV, and it still would have been too long. If anything, as the series progresses, the boy love declines until you’re unsure of whether or not they’re just good friends or brothers or just a bit socially awkward- the only thing you’re SURE of is that they’ll never do the double sausage disco. With all hope lost of seeing any hot man action, you’re forced to pay attention to the story, which is just fucking stupid. The school chairman is a talking teddy bear. I shit you not- it gives orders, does paper work, talks in a frustratingly cutesy voice, and generally makes you want to take a rake to your face in the dizzy hope that the pain will help you forget. And what’s with the vice principal? Why is he SO EVIL?? This guy is like Dr. Fucking Claw of the school board- he holds a school competition, which is essentially just a really LONG and TEDIOUS scavenger hunt, then hires a platoon of assassins simply to try and kill Keita during said tournament. WHAT. Not only is that the most roundabout way of killing a TEENAGE BOY, it’s out of character for both the story and principals everywhere. We all know schools can’t afford chalk, let alone assassins. And the whole time, he watches diabolically from his system of webcams around the school, laughing manically when this kid’s in danger, and cursing the heavens when he inevitably wins. Vice Dude, you are FORTY. Go play some fucking golf, read about diverse portfolios, beat your wife- I don’t care, but there are easier and less retarded ways to get a kid out of your school. ~* EXPULSION*~ it’s the new murder! Also, why didn’t Kazuki just TELL Keita about their past friendship from the beginning? They never explained why he didn’t just go up on the first day and say, “hay, I’m the chairman, don’t tell anybody because I pose as a student. I’m your good ol’ friend, and I brought you here because I’ve wanted to bone you since you were six”. But I guess then, there wouldn’t be a series- or else, it would have involved a lot more naked romps in the cafeteria meat locker. … Which, seriously, would have been so much better. Honestly, by episode 12 of 13, I was convinced this whole thing would go nowhere, and I would be forced to smash my DVD player in a fit of angry German fury- but then they went and crammed all the tension, yaoi, and kissing into the last episode… Did the first focus group go on a homicidal rampage, so they tacked this one to quell the fangirls? Save yourself the pain and suffering of the first ten episodes, watch the last three, and rejoice at how cute Keita and Kazuki are when they finally kiss. After a couple of episodes of waiting, it’s cute- after TWELVE? NO. Nothing they can do will ever make up for that fucking endless SCAVENGER HUNT. Or the NAUSEATING MUSIC (Oh, is that Emotional Piano Solo #5 again?! Fuck ya, I wanted to hear that one!), or the bland/hideous designs (Lush eyelashes do not make up for their GIANT SQUARE BODIES), or, worst of all- the nearly complete lack of animation. Whenever something requires a lot of animation, they use still-frame dissolves. FRAME DISLOVES. THIS IS NOT A POWER POINT PRESENATION. It would have been hotter watching a slideshow of Deviant Art’s yaoi section. Content: PG (Male/Male kissing.) Rates: 1.5/5 Tapes: Series with progressive plot on each. Gravitation: Shuichi Shindou and Nakano Hiroshi are the sole members of the little known band, Bad Luck. Under the instruction of their nervous manager Sakano, the band is failing from lack of publicity as well as lack of confidence. However, their big break comes when they manage to get Seguchi Tohma (record executive of N-G Recording Company and ex-keyboardist of renowned band Nittle Grasper) to listen to their first single. Tohma is impressed, but demands the band improves before he takes them on officially. His first step is to assign them a keyboardist to flesh out the band's sound. His cousin, Suguru Fujisaki joins Bad Luck, and though Shuichi initially objects, the three eventually find a very promising groove and begin to rise in fame. Despite finally being taken on by N-G Records and selling 1 million copies of their first release, the members of Bad Luck have sordid personal lives which constantly threaten to interfere with their careers. Shuichi in particular finds himself entangled in an extremely rocky relationship with famed writer, Uesugi "Yuki" Eiri. Yuki's feelings toward Shuichi change drastically from day to day (and sometimes moment to moment), as he can find the boy both endearing and extremely irritating. To complicate matters, Yuki has a shadow in his past that haunts him, and he goes through periods where he has very little confidence in his relationship, and shies away from Shuichi for "his own good". But Shuichi is innocent and hard-headed, and chases Yuki regardless of how many times he's shot down, finding solace in the few times that Yuki is kind to him. Because of their constant quarreling and Yuki's growing feelings for Shuichi, Tohma attempts to break up the couple several times. Having known Yuki since childhood, and sharing his trauma, Tohma believes he understands Yuki best and attempts to organize his life for him, but Yuki is often evasive and cold, not taking any advice (whether it be genuine or manipulative). On the other side of the spectrum is Claude "K" Winchester, Bad Luck's manager. He purposefully leaks information about Shuichi and Yuki's relationship to the press, intending to ride on Yuki's fame in order to promote the band. Although this works for a time, it causes enough stress between the two men that Yuki eventually leaves for America, not only to escape the fame (and being hounded by the millions of female fans that read his novels) but also to avoid his growing feelings for Shuichi. Review: J-pop and boy love- it's a magical combination that seldom goes awry, and Gravitation is one of the staples of the yaoi world. Though it isn't explicit, it has enough angst between Shuichi and Yuki to keep any shounen-ai fan interested. Of course, if you abhor soap-opera-esque drama, then Gravitation is definitely not for you. The sheer scale of the character's emotions and their completely absurd actions (running away to a different country to "Protect the One You Love from Yourself" is a prime example) can easily drive the cynical viewer insane. Other irritants of the series included the fact that Bad Luck only has one song, which is played ad nauseum, the only respite being the few occasions when a new accompanying video is shown. Fortunately, the song itself is fairly catchy, so it's only near the tail end of the series that you start thinking that it's a good thing Shuichi learned to suck cock so well, because One Hit Wonders need that skill. The animation aspect of Gravitation is probably the weakest bit, which is disappointing considering the obvious budget cuts made to the music. This is a show ABOUT A BAND. Sleek music videos and tons of ear-candy should be par for the course, especially when the boy-love aspect is so tortured, incomplete and far apart. In fact, the only HINT we get that Shuichi and Yuki have actually gotten down and dirty down-under is a single piece of dialog ("... and you're terrible in bed"-Yuki) which is cut out in the dub. After all is said and done, Gravitation is a dirty pleasure of anime (even in the boy love sub genre). It's fluffy, mercilessly sappy, and without any real meaningful content or artistic merit. So, it's up to you: avoid it, or just dive right in- chicken wings in one hand, Häagen-Dazs in the other, and Gravitation queued up for an evening of such flamboyant outfits and boy-centred waterworks that you'll keep your love of it secret until the very day you die. Content: PG13 (Male/Male kissing; Implied rape.) Rate: 2.5/5 Tapes: Series with progressive plot on each. Gravitation OAV: Suichi is an aspiring pop idol. He is absolutely infatuated with famed writer, Yuki. However, the latter isn't exactly reciprocal in the feelings department. Though they do have their off-and-on moments, it's revealed that Yuki does indeed care for Suichi, but doesn't appreciate the clingy young boy's juvenile antics. This shounen-ai plot pokes fun at the little nuances of anime that are known to all fans. Review: Unfortunately the subtitles for this were only available in Korean, so I'm not one hundred percent clear on the story line. The animation was funny in a gimmicky kind of way. It mocks a lot of the little distortions anime characters tend to go through. There was a lot of stock footage used for the stage performance scenes which kind of annoyed me, but the songs that were sung did have a certain catchy flavor. They weren't overused, either, which is a step in the right direction. I really liked the plot for the yaoi elements, though there were very few actual scenes with Yuki and Suichi together since they're not on speaking terms for a lot of the movie. Regardless, when I scrounge up enough money, I'll definitely buy the series that goes along with this movie. Content: PG (Male/Male kissing.) Rate: 4/5 Tapes: One Movie. Houkago no Shokuinshitsu: Just out of teacher's college, Mitsuro Kawase takes a job at a local high school. It's not long before he's approached by Kazama, a fellow teacher who's very popular among the female students for his handsome face and brash attitude. But Kazama's sights are focused elsewhere, and upon meeting Kawase, he immediately asks him out for dinner. Being innocent and inexperienced, Kawase accepts, thinking Kazama's intentions are friendly. Soon it becomes clear that it’s romance his fellow teacher is after, and Kawase is left wondering how he feels. He thinks about Kazama often, but can't shake the feeling that the older man is a playboy, and will simply take advantage of him. To avoid him during summer break, Kawase goes to work at his aunt's bed and breakfast, out in the countryside. But Kazama is not so easily deflected, and books a room, in order to be closer to his prey. Kawase is wary, but wouldn't chase away a guest, no matter how uncomfortable it is to have him around. Meanwhile, Kawase's brother is equally concerned, and warns him to not get involved with such a manipulative man. After dealing with Kawase’s avoidance for several days, Kazama finally confronts him, and asks why he would ever lead him on if he had no intention of giving their relationship a chance. He forces Kawase to kiss him, but just as the latter is beginning to enjoy it, they’re interrupted. The following day, the inn’s summer help arrives- a boy named Natsuhiko, who Kazama immediately begins to flirt with, much to both Kawase and his brother’s irritation. Flash forward to the beginning of the New Year, and Kawase has finally had enough of Kazama’s attentions. He’s plagued by guilt and uncertainty about their future, and whether or not they’ll ever marry women and have a normal life. He says he’s ending the relationship. Kazama becomes angry, and threatens to kill Kawase and himself if he leaves. After that night, he doesn’t mention the altercation again, and the two continue on as usual, with Kawase slowly letting Kazama into his life. Unfortunately the peace doesn’t last, as Kazama is invited by the school’s principal to go golfing. When he arrives, Kazama finds it was all a ploy to set him up with the principal’s daughter, Miho. With his job at stake, Kazama is forced to date her. Despite repeatedly reassuring Kawase that it’s purely a social obligation, their relationship becomes distant. Miho has her sights set on Kazama, and monopolizes his time constantly, knowing he can’t refuse her without ending his career. Feeling increasingly isolated and confused, Kawase tries to kill himself by standing in a railroad crossing. However, he’s stopped by an unlikely person- Miho shows up before the train and kisses Kawase, pushing him off the tracks. The following day, Kazama finally comes clean with her, and admits that he never had any intention of marrying her- he’s utterly in love with Kawase. Though Miho is distraught, she accepts this, and leaves. Reunited, Kazama and Kawase voice their feelings for one-another, and, for the first time start a real relationship. Review: OH what in the sweet holy fuck is this shit. I refuse to qualify this as animation. The first ten minutes are PANS- Slow, boring pans of fields, empty classrooms and lakes. Then, THE HORROR BEGINS. Houkago no Shokuinshitsu is papercraft puppetry as done by monkeys with no hands. The characters jump around like rabbits on speed, which they try to disguise with ~high tech effects~ that only serve to make the audience nauseous. Nauseous with RAGE. It’s as if they forgot to animate WHOLE SCENES, and then just tried to cover it up with GLOW and SPARKLES. Well, kids, there are a lot of things glitter can fix, like a discount xmas tree or a busted hooker’s face, but it could not polish this turd. Have the creators EVER seen human beings move? I've seen more convincing romantic acting from a corpse in its death throws. And that’s WHEN they’re animated! Half the run-time of this thing is close-ups of EYES SHINING WITH EMOTION. The designs, if possible, are WORSE than the animation. Not even body builders have shoulders that massive- it's not drawing style, it's a LACK OF TALENT. For the love of all that is holy, they are so broad THEY TAKE UP THE WHOLE SCREEN, leaving their pea-sized heads as a tiny, blurred afterthought. If you told me this was produced by 9 year old fangirls, I would believe you. But I still wouldn't forgive them for SELLING THIS. If you bought Houkago no Shokuinshitsu, I am deeply sorry for your loss of 5$ to the remainder bin at your local underground comic shop. Though my summary may have made it seem like a descent plot line, I can assure you that the dialogue makes it EMBARASSING to watch- Kazama’s proclamations of love/double-suicide/crazy fucking bipolar problems are like Shakespeare without the poetry. “We might die tonight! If you’re upset with me saying such bullshit, then I’m really going to kill you and kill myself.” … WHAT? And he follows up with; “Don’t worry about the future, believe in now!” … DEAR GOD. I still wake up terrified and sweating in the night at the thought that more than one person AGREED this was good enough to warrant TWO EPISODES. SERIOUSLY, I cannot put into words the sheer SHITTITUDE of this. Even the sound FX are bad- dripping water during romantic scenes? What, are the characters incontinent? Because that's what it seems like as they stare blankly, the only sound audible a trickle. Speaking of leaks, bring tissues- not to wipe the tears of grief, but to wipe the BLOOD that will surely pour from your eyes while viewing this. The artist in me has DIED, and with its last gasping breath cried out SHOULDER PADS. Content: PG (Male/Male kissing.) Rates: 0/5 Tapes: Two Episode OAV. Ikoku Irokoi Romantan: Ranmaru is the young master of the Oumi yakuza clan. Due to social pressures, he agrees to marry a woman he doesn't love, simply to end the feud between their syndicates. The woman, Kaoru, is constantly irritated that she has to live her life as a yakuza wife, and with a man younger than her no less. Constantly at odds and completely unhappy with the other's personality, they fight like brother and sister. But regardless, the two are set to be wed on a cruise to Italy, where they will spend their honeymoon. However, they’re not alone on the ship, and the foreign passengers gawk and comment on Ranmaru’s traditional Japanese clothes. Irritated, and not understanding what they’re saying, he tries to pick a fight with them, but is stopped by a curious man named Al. Though completely Western in features, Al speaks fluent Japanese, and is obsessed with the country and its culture. He gushes over Ranmaru, as he’s excited to have finally met a yakuza (as if it’s the final piece to his “seeing all of Japan” collection). Shortly afterward, the wedding takes place, and the fights between Ranmaru and Kaoru redouble. She kicks him out of the room, and Ranmaru goes to sulk in the lounge. He’s confronted by Kaoru’s yakuza clan, and the leader heckles Ranmaru for not being man enough for his new wife. He gets in a fight, and once again, Al appears to back him up. After roundly defeating the rival gang, the two men have a drink together, and end up in Al’s room. So taken with his new friend, Al starts coming on to Ranmaru- who doesn’t object. Since it’s his wedding night, Al insists they follow tradition, and have sex. The following day, Al has disappeared, much to Ranmaru’s annoyance. But he has little time to dwell on it, as he’s extremely hung over, and it’s time to disembark in Italy. As he’s exiting the ship, he notices Al dressed in captain’s finery. Al explains that he too is married- to the sea, but is confident they will meet again. Review: This is more of a comedy than anything else- there’s very little tension between Al and Ranmaru, and their singular romp at the end is one of the least passionate things I’ve seen since Amish copulation. Most of the laughs come from Al’s terrifying obsession with Japan and Japanese men (I’m sure you’ll empathize). His continuous commentary on Ranmaru’s “traditional manliness” and silky hair are, if anything, funnier than the purposeful humor between Ran and his wife. But even if that doesn’t crack you up, you'll shit a brick at the Engrish that gets used on the cruise ship. Once again Japanese voice actors prove that reading a language you don’t understand makes you sound like a jackass. "He's beautiful boy! So Special! Nice guy!", all said by random male passengers commenting on Ranmaru's sexy kimono. Ha ha ha, if somebody told me I looked "so special", I'd punch them too. So, is this OAV worth it? I say- why not? It’s only 30 minutes, the production value is fair, and even if you hate it, you can’t claim it stole precious time from your otherwise busy schedule of sleuthing around LJ for pictures of Prince of Tennis cosplay. Content: R (Male/Male sex; No genitals shown.) Rates: 3/5 Tapes: One Episode OAV. I Shall Never Return: Ken Amafuji and Ritsurou Yoshinari have been friends since childhood, the latter always trying to look after his troubled friend Ken. When Ken's parents were divorced he took it very hard. He dropped out of school, moved into his own apartment, and took a job as a host in order to pay the rent. Though he disagrees with Ken's lifestyle, Ritsurou keeps silent, simply coming over to cook and clean to give Ken a hand. But the tense balance in their relationship is destroyed when Ken becomes jealous of Ritsurou's girlfriend, Moeko. To turn his friend against her, Ken sleeps with Moeko. When Ritsurou finds out, he doesn't immediately break it off with her, even when she explains that the reason she slept with Ken was because she was desperate for attention, and wanted to be seen and loved as a woman. Instead of being offended, Ritsurou begins to question himself and how he feels about Ken. With a new, confusing set of emotions developing for his friend, Ritsurou starts to lash out at Ken, finally speaking up about how degrading it is to be a host, and that he disagrees with selling one's body. Incensed, Ken bites back that he never invited Ritsurou to come over and play his "mother" by doing chores. The two storm away from each other. Oddly enough, it's Moeko who reunites them, as she confides to Ritsurou that she overheard a 'phone message for Ken, in which his mother begged her son to come back and move to Singapore so they could be a family again. Not entirely sure of his feelings, but certain he never wants to lose Ken, Ritsurou rushes to his friend, and they make love. Afterward, Ken agrees to quit his job as a host, and stay with Ritsurou. When she discovers their relationship, Moeko is furious, and purposefully tells Ritsurou that she wants to see him suffer for leading her on, never paying her attention, and preferring his best friend over her. Review: What would yaoi be without heartache and yearning? What if they boys just took off their pants, had sex, and liked it? For one, it wouldn’t be as much fun for crazy fangirls who are sustained on the tears of pretty boys. Secondly, we’d get to see more wang- and I, for one, would like to encourage that. This inconclusive little ditty is ripe with the cornerstones of yaoi: the brash young boy and the geeky boy, host-work, sakura petals, near non-stop running after each other, sakura petals, the imminent threat of moving away, an interfering girl, and sakura petals. There's absolutely nothing good about this if you don't like yaoi. The plot (based on a spanning series of manga) is compressed into one episode that’s confusing, muddled, and contains at least one retarded montage, the design ranges from fairly good to OMFG they are on HEROIN, and the music sounds like it was taken straight from daytime soaps. There's also not any REAL nookie- there's a lot of IMPLIED sexuality, with Ken's seizure-like dancing, him being tied up in bed by a client at one point, and, of course, the post-coitus cigarette, but no- you never see any thrusting. That's a deal breaker for me. I could have forgiving the soggy cheese plot of this thing if they'd actually shown the boys earning their brown belts, but instead, they just cut to SAKURA PETALS. There’s not much else to say about I Shall Never Return. If you’re aching for yaoi, it’ll do ya -think of it as the unsatisfying work-day wank in the loos. Content: PG (Male/Male kissing.) Rates: 1.5/5 Tapes: One Movie. Junjou Romantica: Misaki has been raised by his brother, Takahiro, since he was eight years old, and their parents died in a car crash. Although Misaki blames himself to this day, he keeps his feelings well hidden from all but those closest to him- his brother. However, he gets the surprise of his life when Takahiro, a usually very open and earnest man, suddenly elopes, leaving Misaki in the hands of Usagi. Takahiro and Usagi have been friends for many years- during which the latter never revealed his love for Takahiro. Misaki, on the other hand, sees right through it. Though his first impulse is to hate Usagi, he feels the slightest twinge of sympathy that, with his brother happily married, Usagi's love will never be returned. As Misaki makes himself at home in Usagi's millionaire loft, both men feel especially tense; Usagi becomes more and more attracted to Misaki- who is horrified of both Usagi's advances, and the older man's source of income, Boy's Love novels [many of which feature situations taken from Misaki and Takahiro's life]. However, the more the two men are forced to endure each other's presence, the more they open up to each other, and, against all odds, begin to love one another. Enter Kamijou Hiro, a dour, irritable man who has always held a flame for Usagi. They were only together a single time, in which he begged Usagi to simply pretend he was Takahiro, and they were left in an awkward limbo afterward. Feeling crushed upon discovering Usagi's newfound emotions toward Misaki, Hiro wanders to a nearby park, wherein he's confronted by Nowaki. Unfalteringly kind, Nowaki immediately falls for the taciturn Hiro, and attempts to become part of his life. However, Hiro is annoyed by the intrusion, and refuses to accept Nowaki's feelings. Not to be so easily deterred, Nowaki continues to seek out Hiro's presence, and very gradually, the older man begins to fall for him. However, Nowaki is acutely aware of both the age and social difference between them- Hiro is a teacher, while he is still a student. Intent on being the equal of the man he loves, Nowaki takes courses abroad, leaving Hiro alone to contemplate how much he truly needs the younger man. In Nowaki's absence, Hiro becomes even more stogy and irritable, lashing out randomly at his students. The behavior gains the attention of Miyagi Yu, a fellow professor and overall affable man. He jokes around with Hiro, usually in a sexual nature, simply to put him off kilter. However, he backs off when Nowaki returns, reuniting with Hiro and, after openly settling their differences, begin a life together. For all his teasing, the tables suddenly turn on Miyagi, when his brother-in-law Shinobu [from his ex wife] suddenly confronts him and declares his love for the professor. Being a laid-back “class clown” type, Miyagi's first reflex is to shrug off the boy. He makes fun of Shinobu's overly intense nature, ignores him, and is generally insensitive to his feelings. However, Shinobu doesn't relent in his chase, insisting that his feelings are real, and the age gap makes no difference. The sudden torrent of emotions from the young man brings back painful memories of Miyagi's past- he too once loved his teacher. He was much younger, much more innocent, and in the throws of his first true love, the object of his affections passed away. From that time he kept his emotions hidden behind a mask of jest, but he can't seem to keep up the facade when Shinobu is being so forward. Although Miyagi doesn't immediately fall in love with the boy, he accepts that he has to let go of a memory that has been forcing him to lead a half life, and give love another chance. Review: Misaki and Usagi's relationship irritated me to the point that I was ready to give this up as a bad job. The first few episodes made this series out to be the stereotypical “everybody's gay for the pretty young protagonist”- an overdone, ridiculous plot that I could happily live without. Although Misaki has his comedic moments [generally when pointing out how ridiculous his own situation is], Usagi is an INTOLERABLE character. He's got this Michael Jackson-esque fascination with toys [Stuffed bears. Stuffed bears EVERYWHERE. Having sex atop a pile of STUFFED BEARS] and childhood, despite being a very staunch, proper man around others. I'd usually call such a dichotomy in personality interesting, but this time it's just fucking creepy. I don't care how rich and ~eccentric~ he is. His advances on Misaki are sudden, weird, and boarder on violent- which I suppose you could interpret as his odd personality at work, but yaoi isn't for literary dissection, it's for flippant fappation. Luckily, the other stories are fantastic. Hiro and Nowaki are, by far, my favorite couple from this series- they're sincere, they're believable, and they actually act like adults. I also enjoyed the way their story was interwoven with Miyagi's- it was strangely captivating to see him move from a comedic relief background character to the protagonist for the latter half of the series. His plot too was nicely put together, as was his very realistic internal struggle with how to let go of the memory of an unrequited first love. Similar to the plot, the art is a mixed bag. While well drawn and animated, the design is wavering on the cusp of Horrifying Log Faces. The worst for this is Usagi- amid his many other failings, his wooden visage is the most prominent. Every time there was a slow truck in toward his face, I was overcome with the urge to break into a very special song... LOG LOG. It's big it's heavy it's wood. LOG LOG. It's better than bad, it's good! But just as you're starting to habituate to the design, and perhaps, give Usagi and Misaki a chance, the series ends. It's so random and sudden, I'm lead to believe there's meant to be more- but as it stands, the twelve episodes present two satisfying, complete stories [Nowaki/Hiro and Shinobu/Miyagi] and one confusing and somewhat unnerving series of events that frequently end in implied buttsex [Usagi/Misaki]. And yet, I must admit, if they released a second season, I'd be first in line to watch it. Log... Log.... Rates: 3.5/5 Tapes: Series with progressive plot on each. Kashou no Tsuki: Tsuchimikado Arimasa was born of a fox demon and a human, granting him superhuman powers of healing and divination. But these same powers caused the village to fear him, and as a child he was beaten by his family and shunned by his peers. The only friend Arimasa trusted was a cat he saved; he wished the cat would be a human companion. Years later, Arimasa has grown into a successful priest, serving Kamakura’s shogun, Tohken. Though the villagers still fear his power, Arimasa can predict the moves of the country’s rivals, Kyou and Bakufuu. Though he has long forgotten his childhood wish, the cat returns, in human form. Kagetsu introduces himself to Arimasa, and begs to be taken as his apprentice. Kagetsu also admits that he’s a half-cat creature, and his clan, the Kouga, has no gender until they reach puberty. He offers himself up to bare Arimasa’s children, as no human woman will. Arimasa is skeptical, and though he takes Kagetsu on as a student and cares for him deeply. Though Kagetsu is happy to live out his days with Arimasa, Kohryu, an older member of his clan, appears one day to claim Kagetsu. Kohryu wants to be the one to mate with Kagetsu and give him gender. But Kagetsu refuses, vowing himself to Arimasa, regardless if his master will have him or not. Meanwhile, Monkan, shaman to the rival shogun Taro Mikado plans to discredit Arimasa, taking away Kamakura’s ability to predict their moves. Monkan disguises himself as Arimasa and murders, Shiken, a high ranking politician of Kamakura. Due to the public’s underlying suspicion of Arimasa, he is put under house arrest. While trapped there, Kohryu returns, but doesn’t appear to be himself. He sets the house aflame, chasing Arimasa and Kagetsu out of Kamakura. During a fight with Monkan’s puppets of illusion, Arimasa loses his memory, and in a desperate attempt to save his master, Kagetsu is wounded. The emotion brings Arimasa’s memories back, and in the nick of time Kohryu regains his senses. Together they destroy Monkan’s puppets, and quietly part ways. Kagetsu heals, and he and Arimasa set off to find a new home, happy that wherever they may settle, they have each other. Review: This anime fails at being anything, including animation. I haven’t seen a “cartoon” with this much live action since the Lord of the Rings animation feature. In a sad attempt at saving money, feebly hidden behind a pretence of “symbolism”, there are innumerable shots of live action forest spliced in the otherwise lame animation. With all the money they saved filming the sky outside the studio they could have a least made the drawings passable. Alas, earwax; a sticky collection of tarty characters that frequently go off model in the brief moments where they’re actually animated. The plot does not do anything to save this steaming load. At first, considering the cat-eared boy, I thought bumsex was not far off. But not only did Arimasa and Kagetsu never get it on, Kagetsu turned out to be a hermaphrodite- and not the good sort. The GENEDERLESS sort. That’s NOT EVEN SLASH! Who should see this? Nobody. There’s no slash, the action is weak, the plot is practically nonsensical, and the animation is so bad it went past amusing and into gut-wrenchingly bad within the first ten minutes. The handful of scenes that are actually tolerable aren’t only few and far between, they’re capped just to the left, so save yourself the trouble of Kashou no Tsuki’s foray into inanity. Content: G (Male/Male sentiment.) Rates: 1/5 Tapes: Two Episode OAV. Kaze to Ki no Uta: (1887) Serge returns to his old dorm room and reminisces about his years at St. Croissaille, Laconblade Academy, a boarding school in the suburbs of Arles France. During his schooling, Serge shared a room with Gilbert, a young boy renowned through the school for being very promiscuous. In lieu of going to class or taking tests, Gilbert would invite men into his room and let them have sex with him in exchange for their papers. Though the entire school (including teachers) are at least peripherally aware of Gilbert's actions, they tolerate him because of his guardian (and uncle), Auguste Beau, who donates vast sums to the school. Though he has a very wealthy upbringing, Gilbert has been abused by Auguste since his early childhood, which is why he lets himself be used. In particular, two of Gilbert's suitors, Jack Dren and Max Blough, are fiercely competitive for Gilbert's affections. Through sheer sadism, Blough wins Gilbert and Jack Dren is expelled. With Jack removed from their love triangle, Blough assumes Gilbert will be his without question, but Gilbert protests. Enraged, Blough tries to poison Gilbert, who manages to escape (though still very ill) back to his room, only to find he has a new roommate: Serge. Serge initially takes his roommate’s strange actions in stride because he is so happy to attend Laconblade Academy and follow in his late father's footsteps. Though his parents were killed in the war, Serge works hard to live up to their expectations. However, Serge’s patience runs thin when Jack Dren returns, drugs him, and has sex with Gilbert only a few feet away. Serge recovers and brawls with Jack, forcing him out into the hallway where he’s humiliated by the laughing children and escapes. With Jack gone, Serge puts Gilbert to bed, and calls him out on being a selfish despicable brat. Hearing Serge’s pain, Gilbert relents. But the good behavior doesn’t last, and Gilbert soon turns his sights to Serge, trying repeatedly to seduce him. Though Serge feels no sexual attraction to Gilbert, and constantly rejects his advances, he begins to care for his roommate and is often deeply hurt by seeing Gilbert with other men. The jealousy drives them apart until Gilbert receives a letter from Auguste Beau, telling him he won’t spend Christmas with him. Gilbert adores his uncle and is crushed by the rejection. He turns to Serge for comfort, and Serge accepts, finding that despite Gilbert’s erratic behavior, he can understand the boy’s sentiments. Review: HARRY POTTER SLASH FANS REJOICE. Serge: A dark-haired orphan raised by a horrible aunt and uncle. He finds reprise at the school his father attended. He’s a natural genius at piano, just like his dad. Gilbert: A blonde boy who’s dominated by a rich and somewhat crazy father figure. Pascal: Serge’s best friend. He knows the school really well, but refuses to do well in classes. Before Serge’s arrival at the school, Pascal grudgingly cared for Gilbert when he’s injured or ill. Of course, even if you have absolutely no interest in that particular fandom, Kaze to Ki no Uta is still an excellent movie. It’s well paced, well drawn, and tells a captivating story. All the characters are incredibly well done with multi-dimensional personalities and interesting quirks. The entire story centers around slash, yet it’s not simply smut. Each “chapter” of the movie is interspersed with poetry about youth, discovery of ones mind and body, and though it’s a one-shot, each character grows and develops. To top it off, all this is set to a splendid theme of classical music, which not only ties in to Serge’s musical ability, but compliments the fanciful air in many of the scenes. Content: R (Male/Male sex; No genitals shown.) Rates: 5/5 Tapes: One Movie. Kire Papa: Chisato is an extremely over protective father; whenever his son Riju has friends over, he does everything in his power to chase them away. Despite this, a boy named Shunsuke has stood by Riju's side, withstanding Chisato's neurosis for quite some time. One day, after putting most of his energy into keeping Riju sheltered from the world, Chisato's boss drops by and asks about his new manuscript. Embarrassed by how little he's written due to the distraction of his son's friends, Chisato buckles down and finishes his latest book. As a reward, his publisher gives Chisato a hand-written copy of his favorite author, Saki Shunka's, latest work. As he bids adieu to his boss, Chisato notices Shunsuke leaving as well. He stops him and again harasses him for hanging around his son. Calm and unintimidated, Shunsuke asks why Chisato is so paranoid about something happening to his son. Being in a good mood due to getting Saki's draft, Chisato explains that he was betrayed and assaulted by a friend when he was in high school, and would do anything to prevent the same thing from happening to his son. Shunsuke tells him not to worry- he may be Riju's best friend, but he's in love with somebody else. Later that night, Riju asks if he can go to Shunsuke's to drop off a book the other boy forgot. Immediately picturing all the horrors that could befall his son if he went out at night, Chisato offers to deliver the book instead. As he's readying to leave, he catches a glance at Shunsuke's handwriting, and to his horror, finds it's exactly the same as Saki Shunka's. Arriving at Shunsuke's house, Chisato demands why he didn't tell him that he had been his beloved author all along. Shunsuke admits he thought it would hurt Chisato's pride that a younger man was far more successful than him. But more importantly, he was afraid Chisato would realize all the novels he wrote were about his love for his best friend's father. Chisato reels at the information, as well as the giddiness of having met his inspiration- the author that made him want to write. Confused, Chisato leaves to mull things over, but can't reconcile the relationship in his head. He feels as if he's betraying his son by loving the only friend he hasn't chased away. But Shunsuke is insistent, and tells Chisato that his son will understand- and even goes so far as to reveal their affair to Riju. Being an easy going kid, Riju understands and is happy for the two. After getting over the initial shock of everything being laid out in the open, Chisato admits he loves Shunsuke, not only as the author he admired, but as the person he is in real life as well. Review: This is a FANTASTIC anime. It's short, it's fast, it's fucking hilarious, and it took me by surprise. I went into this thinking 'oh god, another creepy father-son romp that will make me revisit my breakfast burrito'. But no, Kire Papa managed to make a love story that was new and unexpected. There isn't a big flowery love story, rather a compact interesting one. There aren't swelteringly hot sex scenes, rather a realistic and genuine one. What sells this OAV is the humor and pacing- it's fast. And I don't mean “you could have some trouble following”, I mean “that guy just hoovered fifteen rails of coke, step back and try not to laugh directly at him”. Chisato's aneurysm level freak-outs are comedy GOLD. The times during which I wasn't furiously masturbating, I was genuinely laughing. And what more of an endorsement do you need? You will be joyous, and you will whack it- in that order. PROCEED. Content: R (Male/Male sex; No genitals shown.) Rates: 5/5 Tapes: One Movie. Kizuna: Ranmaru and Kei Enjyoji have known each other since elementary school. At that time, Ranmaru was the school's top kendo champion, going so far as winning the national competition. However, his dream is crushed when, one night, the two are walkin