Gongaga Yaoi: Review

For Kaze no Tani no Nausicaä: See Nausicaä, Valley of the Wind
For Kijoku, Princess Double Kari : See Slutty Princess Diaries
For Knight Hunters: See Weiß Kreuz
For Knocking on Heaven's Door: See Cowboy Bebop, The Movie
For Kokaku Kidotai: See Ghost in the Shell
For Kurenai no Buta: See Porco Rosso
For Kyoukasho ni Nai!: See Very Private Lesson
For Kyuuketski Hanta Di: See Vampire Hunter D
For Kyuuketski Miyu: See Vampire Princess Miyu
For Kyuuketski Miyu, TV: See Vampire Princess Miyu, the TV Series
For Lain: See Serial Experiments Lain
For Last Order: See Final Fantasy 7, Last Order
For Legend of the Overfiend: See New Saga
For Lodoss War: See Record of Lodoss War
For Lum: See Urusei Yatsura

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	Jewel Bem Hunter Lime: The gate between the human and magical world existed peacefully for centuries until one faction of mages began to oppose the link and stole the Bem Jewels to sever the connection. Lime and her accomplices, Bass and Poogie, are sent to retrieve the jewels. But in the fray of battle, the jewels are accidentally scattered throughout the city. Though the jewels are benign on their own, they transform into monsters when exposed to human sadness and anger, so Lime and Bass must hurry for humanity’s sake! Unfortunately, the last time they visited the human realm was ages ago, and the new technology and huge population of Tokyo confuse the two magicians. Amid their constant bickering, Lime and Bass manage to disguise themselves as humans and find the first Bem Jewel, which has turned into a candle monster. Feeling obsolete and yearning for the days before electricity, Mr. Candle powers down much of the city before Lime can trick him into surrendering. But despite all the havoc he caused, Lime and Bass can’t help but feel empathetic with Mr. Candle’s plea for a simpler time. The next monster is in the form of a coin purse, and has taken residence in a local high school, where he’s become something of a mascot. Lime disguises herself as a student -much to Bass’ enthusiasm- only to discover the creature isn’t dangerous at all. Its only goal is to be a good monster by doing bad things (at which it’s generally unsuccessful). Once Lime discovers this, she makes a deal with Mr. Coin-purse and agrees to help him do one “bad” deed so he can realize himself, and in exchange, he’ll turn back into the Bem Jewel. After many failed efforts (of bad deeds turning out to have a good spin), Mr. Coin-purse finally realizes his place in life, and returns to his true form. The final Jewel Bem takes the shape of a syringe at a local hospital, causing patients to flee in horror. Some confuses arises due to the horrifyingly buff head nurse, who Lime and Bass initially suspect to be the monster; but in the end she helps them defeat Mr. Syringe and return the hospital to its prior glory. Review: The first scene launches right into Lime (with her magical girl wings and giant clamp eyes) yelling about ~magic jewels~ to a man -that-looks-like-a-woman-but-is-really-an-elf-mage- and I thought “oh great, it’s going to be one of THESE”. I couldn’t have been more wrong. Firstly, Mr. Fey Mangina the elf mage doesn’t make another appearance, and the series is less about a serious hunt for the family jewels, and more about the hilarious dynamic between Lime and Bass. Bass is your typical lecherous young man, while Lime is his obligatory bossy girl counterpart. Sure, it’s been done before, but damnit that shit’s still funny. What really makes the series is the Bem Jewel “monsters”. They’re the most adorable and quirky creatures since Evangelion’s PenPen. I’m really not the type to be charmed by cutesy sidekicks, but by god if that little coin purse (hah hah, I know, epic win) monster didn’t grow on me. The only downsides to Jewel Bem Hunter Lime are, a) you have to give it a chance despite how overwhelmingly gay it looks, and b) you have to be a fan of random humor. There’s really no guarantee that you won’t end up hating this series and wanting to kill me for telling you to watch it. Rates: 3/5 Tapes: Three Episode OAV.
	Jin-Roh: Constable Sazuki Fuse is part of a special police force called the Capitol Police Organization (CAPO),a group of armoured soldiers organized to stop The Sect, an organization of terrorists that are trying to overthrow the government of 1950’s Japan. The Sect uses adolescent girls as curriers for bombs; these girls are code-named “red riding hoods”. Nanami Agawa is one such girl, carrying bombs for an on-going riot. However, when confronted with shooting her, Fuse is unable to fire. This allows the girl enough time to set off the bomb, killing herself, though Fuse escapes injury. Because of this lack of discipline, he is ordered to undergo retraining, during which he begins to meet with the Agawa’s sister, Kei. However, while they become embroiled in a strange romance, Kei simply wanting somebody who will remember her, and Fuse wanting another chance to prove himself, to see Agawa live on through her sister, Fuse discovers that the superiors at CAPO have set this meeting up, that the girl isn’t related to the suicide bomber at all. She is a plant to test him, an ex-red riding hood, and despite the turmoil he feels when confronted with her open attempts to simply run away with him and reclaim both their humanity, he passes the test. Through tears, he lets her die. Review: This is one stunningly powerful anime. A complete package, with smooth, amazingly realistic animation, perfect design for the gritty feel of post-war Japan, and a most believable dynamic between Fuse, the emotionally repressed soldier, and Kei, an open-hearted girl who wants to be loved. Throughout the story there is the reoccurring theme of Red Riding Hood, not simply the bomb-carriers, but the story of a wolf in human clothing. Fuse’s struggle with his humanity, between being a man and soldier is wonderfully portrayed, as he puts on his suit of armour and becomes dehumanized before a weeping Kei, just before their final moments together. While some reviewers complain that the characters aren’t flushed out enough, I disagree. The romance was completely believable, as was Fuse’s lack of emotion and Kei’s openness. In a situation where Kei and Fuse only have each other to understand what it means to take lives, and know deep down that their own lives will forever be soiled by their actions, it’s only natural that they take solace in one another to know that they can still be human. I also enjoyed the repetition of the Riding Hood story that was used to emphasize Fuse’s turmoil choosing between being a soldier- a wolf, or simply leaving to live among humans, knowing that he can never fully recover from what he has seen and done. This theme came to a driving point at the end, when Fuse is ordered to kill Kei, and as she weeps, repeating the fairy tale, he loses his calm exterior that has been portrayed throughout the film, but despite the vague emotion he feels for Kei, he is still a soldier, a wolf in human clothing. Rates: 4/5 Tapes: One Movie.
	Junjou Romantica: Misaki has been raised by his brother, Takahiro, since he was eight years old, and their parents died in a car crash. Although Misaki blames himself to this day, he keeps his feelings well hidden from all but those closest to him- his brother. However, he gets the surprise of his life when Takahiro, a usually very open and earnest man, suddenly elopes, leaving Misaki in the hands of Usagi. Takahiro and Usagi have been friends for many years- during which the latter never revealed his love for Takahiro. Misaki, on the other hand, sees right through it. Though his first impulse is to hate Usagi, he feels the slightest twinge of sympathy that, with his brother happily married, Usagi's love will never be returned. As Misaki makes himself at home in Usagi's millionaire loft, both men feel especially tense; Usagi becomes more and more attracted to Misaki- who is horrified of both Usagi's advances, and the older man's source of income, Boy's Love novels [many of which feature situations taken from Misaki and Takahiro's life]. However, the more the two men are forced to endure each other's presence, the more they open up to each other, and, against all odds, begin to love one another. Enter Kamijou Hiro, a dour, irritable man who has always held a flame for Usagi. They were only together a single time, in which he begged Usagi to simply pretend he was Takahiro, and they were left in an awkward limbo afterward. Feeling crushed upon discovering Usagi's newfound emotions toward Misaki, Hiro wanders to a nearby park, wherein he's confronted by Nowaki. Unfalteringly kind, Nowaki immediately falls for the taciturn Hiro, and attempts to become part of his life. However, Hiro is annoyed by the intrusion, and refuses to accept Nowaki's feelings. Not to be so easily deterred, Nowaki continues to seek out Hiro's presence, and very gradually, the older man begins to fall for him. However, Nowaki is acutely aware of both the age and social difference between them- Hiro is a teacher, while he is still a student. Intent on being the equal of the man he loves, Nowaki takes courses abroad, leaving Hiro alone to contemplate how much he truly needs the younger man. In Nowaki's absence, Hiro becomes even more stogy and irritable, lashing out randomly at his students. The behavior gains the attention of Miyagi Yu, a fellow professor and overall affable man. He jokes around with Hiro, usually in a sexual nature, simply to put him off kilter. However, he backs off when Nowaki returns, reuniting with Hiro and, after openly settling their differences, begin a life together. For all his teasing, the tables suddenly turn on Miyagi, when his brother-in-law Shinobu [from his ex wife] suddenly confronts him and declares his love for the professor. Being a laid-back “class clown” type, Miyagi's first reflex is to shrug off the boy. He makes fun of Shinobu's overly intense nature, ignores him, and is generally insensitive to his feelings. However, Shinobu doesn't relent in his chase, insisting that his feelings are real, and the age gap makes no difference. The sudden torrent of emotions from the young man brings back painful memories of Miyagi's past- he too once loved his teacher. He was much younger, much more innocent, and in the throws of his first true love, the object of his affections passed away. From that time he kept his emotions hidden behind a mask of jest, but he can't seem to keep up the facade when Shinobu is being so forward. Although Miyagi doesn't immediately fall in love with the boy, he accepts that he has to let go of a memory that has been forcing him to lead a half life, and give love another chance. Review: Misaki and Usagi's relationship irritated me to the point that I was ready to give this up as a bad job. The first few episodes made this series out to be the stereotypical “everybody's gay for the pretty young protagonist”- an overdone, ridiculous plot that I could happily live without. Although Misaki has his comedic moments [generally when pointing out how ridiculous his own situation is], Usagi is an INTOLERABLE character. He's got this Michael Jackson-esque fascination with toys [Stuffed bears. Stuffed bears EVERYWHERE. Having sex atop a pile of STUFFED BEARS] and childhood, despite being a very staunch, proper man around others. I'd usually call such a dichotomy in personality interesting, but this time it's just fucking creepy. I don't care how rich and ~eccentric~ he is. His advances on Misaki are sudden, weird, and boarder on violent- which I suppose you could interpret as his odd personality at work, but yaoi isn't for literary dissection, it's for flippant fappation. Luckily, the other stories are fantastic. Hiro and Nowaki are, by far, my favorite couple from this series- they're sincere, they're believable, and they actually act like adults. I also enjoyed the way their story was interwoven with Miyagi's- it was strangely captivating to see him move from a comedic relief background character to the protagonist for the latter half of the series. His plot too was nicely put together, as was his very realistic internal struggle with how to let go of the memory of an unrequited first love. Similar to the plot, the art is a mixed bag. While well drawn and animated, the design is wavering on the cusp of Horrifying Log Faces. The worst for this is Usagi- amid his many other failings, his wooden visage is the most prominent. Every time there was a slow truck in toward his face, I was overcome with the urge to break into a very special song... LOG LOG. It's big it's heavy it's wood. LOG LOG. It's better than bad, it's good! But just as you're starting to habituate to the design, and perhaps, give Usagi and Misaki a chance, the series ends. It's so random and sudden, I'm lead to believe there's meant to be more- but as it stands, the twelve episodes present two satisfying, complete stories [Nowaki/Hiro and Shinobu/Miyagi] and one confusing and somewhat unnerving series of events that frequently end in implied buttsex [Usagi/Misaki]. And yet, I must admit, if they released a second season, I'd be first in line to watch it. Log... Log.... Rates: 3.5/5 Tapes: Series with progressive plot on each.
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	Kai Doh Maru: Kintoki’s life has been bathed in peril; as potential heir of the Minamotou family, her uncle attempts to kill Kintoki’s before she reaches puberty and succeeds her father. Partly because of needing to protect herself (though more to be close to Raiko, a fellow soldier), Kintoki joins the army and becomes a samurai. However, it’s not the legions of past assassins that come back to haunt Kintoki, but an old friend. Ohni-Hime has been obsessed with Kintoki since the two girls were children. Ohni pledged to be with Kintoki forever, and little did young Kintoki know, Ohni meant this literally. With the help of Masakado, a sadistic samurai and his army, Ohni lays waste to the Minamotou. She kills all those Kintoki knows and loves, including Raiko, all in a desperate attempt to make Kintoki love her. Review: This film is essentially an old style samurai flick that’s been animated, so don’t expect in-your-face characters, crazy face-faulting jokes, or rainbow transformations. In fact, Kai Doh Maru is entirely done in a palate of unsaturated colors, and monochrome with simple (yet very pleasing) character designs. The only time color comes into the story, it’s used for mood; in the shades of grey, sudden reds and golds will show up in gashes of blood or trees during the change of season. Unfortunately, past the initial novelty of style, Kai Doh Maru doesn’t offer anything new or impressive. Unless you’re an old-school film buff (and even then) you’ll likely find yourself bored with the slow pacing, multitude of characters, and flat storyline. I was also personally irritated by the use of bad 3D backgrounds, which was prevalent throughout the entire film. Ultimately, I have to get over the urge to mark this anime high solely for the design; yes, it was nice, but in this case, it didn’t make Kai Doh Maru good. Rates: 1/5 Tapes: One Movie.
	Kairauku Satsujin Chousakan Koji: Koji Yamada tries to lead a normal life by acting in films that require dangerous stunts. But it's not simply bravado that compels him to risk his life- he can transform into a demon, and withstand much more than a human. But Koji wasn't always half monster. In the past he led a life of debauchery with a lover he cherished; they indulged in drugs, but went too far, accepting a strange medicine that caused Koji to transform. To this day, Koji doesn't know if he killed his beloved, but can't stop himself from taking on the demon form when the scent of blood overpowers him. In part to make amends as well as try and find news of his lost lover, Koji joins a team of investigators headed by the sinister Police Chief Kanzaki. Kanzaki puts up a good front by putting pressure on the team to solve a string of ghastly murders that have recently plagued Tokyo, but the police chief is secretly in league with demons much more dangerous and powerful than Koji. But Koji isn't alone. One member of the team, a zombie woman named Jun, finds herself falling in love with Koji after they become partners. She lends her psychic power to the team, but in order to use it, must reach orgasm to unlock visions. With Koji's help, she manages to find a common link in all the murders, an old man. To everybody's surprise, Koji recognizes him as the grandfather of a young boy in his neighbourhood. For quite some time Koji has harbored a crush on his neighbor, Kyoko. Her gentleness reminds him of his past lover, and in attempts to get on her good side, he often plays with her son, Yuta. The old man Jun spotted during every single gruesome attack is Yuta’s grandfather. After accidentally witnessing Kyoko’s secret nymphomaniac life, Koji finally sees the big picture, and realizes that the demon they’ve been hunting is really Yuta, wracked with uncontrollable transformations every time he feels his mother is in danger. He simply doesn’t understand that it’s her choice to seek out strange men for pleasure. Though Koji tries to reassure Yuta, his mother is horrified by her son’s transformed appearance. In a fit of anger she yells at him, tells him she never wanted a son, and disowns him. Overcome by sadness and confusion, Yuta is lost to the demon mind, and Koji is forced to kill him. Review: Whatever happened to the simple porn set-up of “oh, are YOU the REPAIR MAN? Let me TAKE off my PANTS”. Chousakan Koji has one of the most confusing, weird-assed plots I’ve ever seen in a hentai. My summary just can’t capture that “I have dropped too much acid, I can’t stop riding the electric boogaloo” feeling you get as the film unravels. And the thing is, despite being extremely story-heavy, featuring multiple trippy alternate-dimension battles and actually developing several characters, there are actually A LOT of sex scenes in this. So what’s not to like? Lots of back story, copious amounts of hot loving- sounds like a perfect melding of ingredients! But much like trying to make your own Reese Cups by cramming peanuts into Milky Ways, Chousakan Koji leaves you covered in nut butter and craving something simpler. The first and greatest offense is the design- not only do they fail at coloring this thing (think MS PAINT, I HAVE JUST DISCOVERED THE COLOR PALLETE), but the actual IDEAS behind the shitty drawings blow my mind with badness. Koji wears a headscarf, button-up blouse, and a vest. What are you, a pirate or a fop? DECIDE. Also, he has a unibrow and bald patches- I know male leads are supposed to be ugly, but FUCK. Koji! Wax that shit. The other members of the team look like they were designed by the intern- there’s some huge, blue guy with a gun for an arm and bright red shorts. Yet he wears covert sunglasses, and nobody seems to notice- not even OTHER DETECTIVES. Watson! There’s a strange man at the door, and his cohort seems to be some sort of robot-grim-reaper… Do give them a helping hand. The monster design, while featuring a few good ideas, also forayed into, what I like to call, “the retarded zone”, wherein covering an amorphous blob in feelers and coloring it a nauseating violet is considered a great character design. There’s also a couple of scenes that bordered on the edge of squick -I’ve seen worse, but- exploding heads during oral? Amputation? Men getting skewered like BBBQ pigs? (The extra “B” is for Bring your own Barf Bag) Menstruation jokes?! Augh, that’ll make your junk retreat faster than being buff in a blizzard. Finally, I’d like to address the sex scenes that SO MANY reviewers seemed to think were awesome. Yes, they’re fairly well animated, numerous, and varied, but I have never seen sadder excuses for doing the nasty since Relive your Shattered Prom Dreams night. Jun loves Koji, but he pines for his old lover and only porks her on the job. Kyoko is running against Britney Spears for the Shittiest Mom in the Universe award, as she bangs strange men ON THE SUBWAY IN FRONT OF HER SON. Oh, hell no. I did not need to see that kid peering at his mom’s beave. I really didn’t. And pretty much everybody else gets balled by demons or transsexuals. So, pick your poison. There is a lot of kink to choose from in Chousakan Koji, so it’s a good bet at least one scene will turn your crank- but as they say, try to please everybody, pork nobody. Or something alone those lines. Rates: 1/5 Tapes: Three Episode OAV.
	KakuRenBo: The children whisper about a forbidden game of hide and seek, played in the streets at night. Despite rumors of demons and kidnappings, they are curious, and throw caution to the wind in order to experience the game for themselves. Hikora and Yaimao are friends who both enter the game in order to find the missing children. Hikora is especially desperate to discover the whereabouts of his sister, Sorincha, who disappeared while playing the forbidden game. When they arrive, Hikora and Yaimao find there are eight children waiting, rather than the traditional seven that the rules state must play. Disregarding this, the children split up, wandering darkened, abandoned alleys. Noshiga, a large brash boy, orders around the two members of his gang, Tachiji and Suku. The latter two are pensive about the rumors of demons, but Noshiga puts up a front of fearlessness; he is only there to win. But soon the odd and macabre statues that litter the streets begin to move, relocate, and come to life. They chase down Noshiga and his gang, capturing them. Hikora and Yaimao witness this, realizing that the threat of demons is very real. All the more determined to rescue his sister, Hikora follows the eighth child, a masked girl who resembles Sorincha. He follows her out of the alleys, all the while pursued by ferocious beasts. As they exit, a massive tower comes into sight, revealing all the previously captured children. The demons close in to either side of Hikora as he pleads with the girl he was following, convinced that she is indeed Sorincha. Completely nonplussed by the approaching monsters, the girl laughs, and explains that the kidnapped children power the city. But their light doesn’t last long, so another game of KakuRenBo must be played. With Yaimao finally caught, Hikora is the last child standing. Sorincha approaches him, turning into a demon as she does so. Face to face with him, she congratulates Hikora for winning, and, taking off her demon mask to hand it to him, informs him that he is now “it”. Review: Before going into KakuRenBo with specific expectations, you have to be prepared for what this anime is; it's a short film, meaning limited character development, and a plot that starts right off the bat, with very little introduction. But this quick pace was handled masterfully. The characters have such strong personalities that it only takes a moment to understand their motivation. The suspense and action are perfectly complimented and aided by an awesome musical score that mixes traditional Japanese music with an eerie modern touch. The design is also amazingly integrated into the strange atmosphere of KakuRenBo. The characters are constantly masked, and their emotions are completely portrayed through body movements. I found this fit perfectly, since the characters are children, and speak more with their actions than subtle expressions. Unfortunately, the animation did seem a bit “floaty” during high-action scenes, but to compensate, there were many times when I truly couldn't tell it was 3D. It simply looked like feature-budget traditional. KakuRenBo is the type of film that can cross generations; on the surface, it's meant for children, as a scary tale to teach them important lessons about safety, but it also has deeper themes of group dynamics, curiosity versus reason, and crowd mentality. I definitely think any viewer would enjoy this anime, if not for the short, poignant story, than for the stunning detail and design. Rates: 4/5 Tapes: One Movie.
	Karas the Prophecy: For several decades the world, its cities in particular, have fallen into such disarray and overpopulation, that demons have been able to take human form, despite needing to feed on human blood once they’ve taken it. Initially, all the cases of corpses completely drained of life are cause for alarm among the Shinjuku Precinct police, but eventually they all get piled on Inspector Sagisaka’s desk. After his daughter predicted the death of her classmates at a demon’s hand, only to have the event actually occur, Sagisaka gladly accepts the notoriously degraded post of “paranormal investigator”. With his new assistant, Kure, the two men are swept into a bloody war between opposing demon clans. Lord Eko, a spoiled and somewhat mad demon, has seen the Earth’s debauchery and wishes to simply destroy it, and start over anew. To facilitate this he’s created a new race of demons, combined with machines for strength, which have been dubbed the Mikura. The Earth’s only defense is the Karas, an opposing set of armor, controlled by Dr. Otoha. However, Dr. Otoha has one massive weakness; it’s only his soul that controls Karas, and his body is left weak and comatose on Earth. Review: Expect to be completely baffled for the first thirty of the eighty minutes that Karas encompasses. Due to the non-linear story, you’ll have no clue what’s going on, but it won’t matter because it’s action packed and so fantastically rendered that drooling is completely understandable. The animation is beyond description (but I’ll try); it’s always fluid, always high quality, and does slow-downs/speed-ups at exactly the right moments. It evokes a Matrix-like impact without doing the overused “bullet-time” ripoff. The integration of traditional and computer graphics is flawlessly used within the same scene, or even the same character from one shot to the next. This isn’t just a case of 3D-BGs, 2D-Characters, everything is mixed media, and it’s gorgeous. No shot is conventional (as in a mid-shot, or a long-shot), they’re all extreme, creative, or interesting points of view. There’s so much worthy content in this film, and every moment has such breathtaking detail put into it, that Karas is one of those anime that deserves a second watching. To top it off, I say all the above, and maintain it, even after admitting that this anime has no conclusive ending. But you know what? It doesn’t matter. What’s already THERE makes it great. Rates: 4/5 Tapes: One Movie.
	Karas the Revelation: To the outside world, Yousuke Otoha has lead a privileged life as the son of a mob boss, and admired for his swordsmanship. But only he knows the pain that comes from being an unwanted son. After befriending a young recruit named Reiji, the two agree to steal money from their Family, and escape to New Zealand and start a new life together. However, before they can make their getaway, Yousuke is shot, and lapses into a coma. He's cared for at a local hospital, but his soul is anything but restful: while divorced from his earthly body, Yousuke is approached by a guardian spirit called a Yurine, and he is bestowed with the power to become Tokyo's protector, the Karas (a mecha fighter). The city is in danger, not only from demons, but from the previous Karas, Eko. Though Eko began his time as guardian of Tokyo as a good-willed person, he became disheartened with humanity, and now judges them harshly for neglecting their proper worship of spirits. He believes that for their debauchery and sin, they should be reduced to mere sources of energy for the Mikura (mecha-demons), who feast on human blood. Though he fights valiantly, and manages to temporarily stop Eko's plan from coming to fruition, Yousuke's Yurine is captured by Eko, and his soul returns to his body. Suddenly waking from his coma, Yousuke leaves the hospital and retrieves Reiji from the mob's clutches; through the fight to save his friend, Yousuke learns that he still retains prodigious skills from his time as Karas. However, they are not enough to save Reiji from a surprise mafia attack. Reiji is killed. Horrified, Yousuke battles his father, and kills him. Meanwhile, a rare "good" Mikura named Nue attempts to stop Eko before he enters the human plane, but without a Karas, its hopeless and he is captured. With the power of Nue, combined with his brother, Eko is able to manifest in the human world. He erects giant Mikura obelisks in every major prefecture, and drains the life of all adjacent humans, throwing the city into chaos. The survivors are round up by the police chief in so-called safe houses. But the chief has been tainted by Eko's manipulations, and transforms into a demon laying waste to those seeking refuge. He only meets his end when Yousuke puts himself between the demon and bystanders sacrificing himself for the city. This act of selflessness not only brings him back from the edge of death, but causes a new Yurine to be born. Suddenly, Yousuke is able to transform into Karas, and destroys the police-chief demon. Enraged by being thwarted again, Eko attacks, and the two duel furiously. All the Karas from surrounding cities come to witness the epic battle. Incensed by Yousuke's initial upper hand, Eko merges with the city, and draining the Nue brothers to the point of death, he becomes a giant metro-mech serpent. Though it looks as if all is lost for Yousuke, Nue gives up his remaining power in repentance for his brother inadvertently aiding Eko in destroying Tokyo and possesses Yousuke's sword. When Eko and he clash once again, Yousuke is finally the victor, and destroys his rival Karas. With his dying breath, Eko utters a chilling prediction that, as Karas, Yousuke's eternal contract to protect Tokyo will inevitably lead him down the same corrupt path as Eko found himself following. Yousuke is immediately tested, as humanity shows its ugly side; the army arrives, and tries to attack him out of ignorant fear. But Yousuke simply declares that even they are under his protection, and vanishes until he is needed again. Review: I maintain my stance from the first Karas movie: this is really a great series, based on fantastic design and exceptionally well animated... BUT- this installment wasn't without its shortcomings. Once again the plot is told out of sequence, and though it's actually comprehensible and resolved this time, the beginning is really muddy. I see why they went to the tried and true flash-back to tell their story and connect it to the first, but the slew of characters and jargon about different types of demons/protectors was way too fast. I suppose somebody viewing casually (i.e.: not trying to keep track of everybody to write a summary) may have had an easier time of it, but I think the pacing would have been SO much better had they made Karas a trilogy. I also have to dock the design a few points this time, solely because Eko in Karas form and Yousuke in Karas form look EXACTLY the same. It really took away from the giant final battle, which would have been flawless if I had been able to tell who was winning, and who was getting his ass handed to him. It's hard to keep the audience connected when they don't know who to rout for. But one thing I can't fault Karas, The Revelation for is the hour-long final fight sequence. It is EPIC. Absolutely one of the craziest anime battles I've seen, with a giant city-wide sprawl of destruction. And that's what sells it- long after you've forgotten the bland characters and confusing plot, you'll remember that crazy metro-snake battle that took out downtown Tokyo. Rates: 3/5 Tapes: One Movie.
	Kareshi Kanojo no Jijou (Kare Kano): In junior high, Miyazawa Yukino was the most popular, the top student, and admired by all her peers. She appears to be a model young lady, but truly she's only after the glory of praise and acceptance. She studies all night for her grades, then passes it off as god-given intelligence. She crams about fashion so she can be complimented on her "natural sense of style". Behind the scenes, at her family home, Miyazawa's parents and two sisters know her real character. She taunts her sisters and is rude to her parents, like any average teenager would be. But Miyazawa hides this facet of her personality well, and thinks her position at the top is secure. This all changes when she enters high school and encounters Arima Souichirou. He's smarter, more well liked, and receives all the praise that Miyazawa so desperately seeks. She hates him immediately, but he loves her. He admits his feelings, surprising Miyazawa. But, for reasons she can’t explain, Miyazawa doesn't use his feelings against him. Unfortunately, in the weeks that follow Arima sees Miyazawa while she is in her "at home persona": dumpy, wearing glasses, and acting spaztic. He uses this information to blackmail her into doing his work. She does so without complaint, and they soon grow close. Arima begins to question himself now that he sees a new piece of his personality. He didn't know he could use a person, and wonders if the "perfect student" act is something he also put on, but unlike Miyazawa, he wasn't conscious of doing it. After getting over their initial short falls, Arima and Miyazawa begin to date. Together they deal with such things as the faculty disapproving of their relationship because they see it as a distraction from studies, Arima's harrowed past of being an orphan, Hideaki Asaba (a friend of Arima's) who pretends to be in love with Arima to gain popularity, Miyazawa being shunned by all the girls once her true personality is shown to the world, and Tsubasa Shibahime, a young girl whom Arima thinks of as a sister, despite the fact she's in love with him. Tsubasa tries to sabotage Arima and Miyazawa's relationship by making Miyazawa out to be very mean, but Arima sees past it, and Tsubasa's friends quickly accept Miyazawa into their clique. Review: There really isn’t a way to describe the type of humour in Kare Kano. Many are tempted to call it a “romantic comedy”, but I certainly wouldn’t. This implies a sort of fluffy humour that simply isn’t the style of Gainax Studio. The humour is down to earth, and sometimes even dark, with a sit-com quality that takes advantage of the fact it’s animated to exaggerate movements and facial expressions. The style really pulls out the laughs; I was in stitches throughout the series. Miyazawa’s sisters are, in my opinion, the most humorous characters. One particular scene sticks in my mind: Miyazawa is at home taking care of her siblings, and to wake them up she clangs pots and pans insanely. They don’t budge. So instead, with a fake mothering grace, she kisses them each on the cheek to wake them. They both leap out of bed in disgust. Of course I can’t do it justice with description; the reaction and interaction of the characters is what makes these little side jokes funny. In addition to some of the best gags since Lum, Kare Kano is a full package deal, sporting entertaining music, stylish design, and top notch writing. While it has been critiqued as having a slow beginning, the in-depth introduction of characters lays the stage for all the little idiosyncrasies that are played on later. This type of series lets you grow with the characters, get to know them, and understand the way they think, so it’s just that much funnier when they get flying back-kicked in the chest. Rates: 4/5 Tapes: Series with progressive plot on each.
	Kashou no Tsuki: Tsuchimikado Arimasa was born of a fox demon and a human, granting him superhuman powers of healing and divination. But these same powers caused the village to fear him, and as a child he was beaten by his family and shunned by his peers. The only friend Arimasa trusted was a cat he saved; he wished the cat would be a human companion. Years later, Arimasa has grown into a successful priest, serving Kamakura’s shogun, Tohken. Though the villagers still fear his power, Arimasa can predict the moves of the country’s rivals, Kyou and Bakufuu. Though he has long forgotten his childhood wish, the cat returns, in human form. Kagetsu introduces himself to Arimasa, and begs to be taken as his apprentice. Kagetsu also admits that he’s a half-cat creature, and his clan, the Kouga, has no gender until they reach puberty. He offers himself up to bare Arimasa’s children, as no human woman will. Arimasa is skeptical, and though he takes Kagetsu on as a student and cares for him deeply. Though Kagetsu is happy to live out his days with Arimasa, Kohryu, an older member of his clan, appears one day to claim Kagetsu. Kohryu wants to be the one to mate with Kagetsu and give him gender. But Kagetsu refuses, vowing himself to Arimasa, regardless if his master will have him or not. Meanwhile, Monkan, shaman to the rival shogun Taro Mikado plans to discredit Arimasa, taking away Kamakura’s ability to predict their moves. Monkan disguises himself as Arimasa and murders, Shiken, a high ranking politician of Kamakura. Due to the public’s underlying suspicion of Arimasa, he is put under house arrest. While trapped there, Kohryu returns, but doesn’t appear to be himself. He sets the house aflame, chasing Arimasa and Kagetsu out of Kamakura. During a fight with Monkan’s puppets of illusion, Arimasa loses his memory, and in a desperate attempt to save his master, Kagetsu is wounded. The emotion brings Arimasa’s memories back, and in the nick of time Kohryu regains his senses. Together they destroy Monkan’s puppets, and quietly part ways. Kagetsu heals, and he and Arimasa set off to find a new home, happy that wherever they may settle, they have each other. Review: This anime fails at being anything, including animation. I haven’t seen a “cartoon” with this much live action since the Lord of the Rings animation feature. In a sad attempt at saving money, feebly hidden behind a pretence of “symbolism”, there are innumerable shots of live action forest spliced in the otherwise lame animation. With all the money they saved filming the sky outside the studio they could have a least made the drawings passable. Alas, earwax; a sticky collection of tarty characters that frequently go off model in the brief moments where they’re actually animated. The plot does not do anything to save this steaming load. At first, considering the cat-eared boy, I thought bumsex was not far off. But not only did Arimasa and Kagetsu never get it on, Kagetsu turned out to be a hermaphrodite- and not the good sort. The GENEDERLESS sort. That’s NOT EVEN SLASH! Who should see this? Nobody. There’s no slash, the action is weak, the plot is practically nonsensical, and the animation is so bad it went past amusing and into gut-wrenchingly bad within the first ten minutes. The handful of scenes that are actually tolerable aren’t only few and far between, they’re capped just to the left, so save yourself the trouble of Kashou no Tsuki’s foray into inanity. Rates: 1/5 Tapes: Two Episode OAV.
	Kaze to Ki no Uta: (1887) Serge returns to his old dorm room and reminisces about his years at St. Croissaille, Laconblade Academy, a boarding school in the suburbs of Arles France. During his schooling, Serge shared a room with Gilbert, a young boy renowned through the school for being very promiscuous. In lieu of going to class or taking tests, Gilbert would invite men into his room and let them have sex with him in exchange for their papers. Though the entire school (including teachers) are at least peripherally aware of Gilbert's actions, they tolerate him because of his guardian (and uncle), Auguste Beau, who donates vast sums to the school. Though he has a very wealthy upbringing, Gilbert has been abused by Auguste since his early childhood, which is why he lets himself be used. In particular, two of Gilbert's suitors, Jack Dren and Max Blough, are fiercely competitive for Gilbert's affections. Through sheer sadism, Blough wins Gilbert and Jack Dren is expelled. With Jack removed from their love triangle, Blough assumes Gilbert will be his without question, but Gilbert protests. Enraged, Blough tries to poison Gilbert, who manages to escape (though still very ill) back to his room, only to find he has a new roommate: Serge. Serge initially takes his roommate’s strange actions in stride because he is so happy to attend Laconblade Academy and follow in his late father's footsteps. Though his parents were killed in the war, Serge works hard to live up to their expectations. However, Serge’s patience runs thin when Jack Dren returns, drugs him, and has sex with Gilbert only a few feet away. Serge recovers and brawls with Jack, forcing him out into the hallway where he’s humiliated by the laughing children and escapes. With Jack gone, Serge puts Gilbert to bed, and calls him out on being a selfish despicable brat. Hearing Serge’s pain, Gilbert relents. But the good behavior doesn’t last, and Gilbert soon turns his sights to Serge, trying repeatedly to seduce him. Though Serge feels no sexual attraction to Gilbert, and constantly rejects his advances, he begins to care for his roommate and is often deeply hurt by seeing Gilbert with other men. The jealousy drives them apart until Gilbert receives a letter from Auguste Beau, telling him he won’t spend Christmas with him. Gilbert adores his uncle and is crushed by the rejection. He turns to Serge for comfort, and Serge accepts, finding that despite Gilbert’s erratic behavior, he can understand the boy’s sentiments. Review: HARRY POTTER SLASH FANS REJOICE. Serge: A dark-haired orphan raised by a horrible aunt and uncle. He finds reprise at the school his father attended. He’s a natural genius at piano, just like his dad. Gilbert: A blonde boy who’s dominated by a rich and somewhat crazy father figure. Pascal: Serge’s best friend. He knows the school really well, but refuses to do well in classes. Before Serge’s arrival at the school, Pascal grudgingly cared for Gilbert when he’s injured or ill. Of course, even if you have absolutely no interest in that particular fandom, Kaze to Ki no Uta is still an excellent movie. It’s well paced, well drawn, and tells a captivating story. All the characters are incredibly well done with multi-dimensional personalities and interesting quirks. The entire story centers around slash, yet it’s not simply smut. Each “chapter” of the movie is interspersed with poetry about youth, discovery of ones mind and body, and though it’s a one-shot, each character grows and develops. To top it off, all this is set to a splendid theme of classical music, which not only ties in to Serge’s musical ability, but compliments the fanciful air in many of the scenes. Rates: 5/5 Tapes: One Movie.
	Kekko Kamen: The Sparatan Institute is a school renowned for producing students that excel in their studies. But good grades come at a price, especially for the female students; though all students are "gently encouraged" to do better by displays of grades and fierce competitions to be top of the class, the lowest grading girls at The Institute are stripped for all to see in “an attempt to help their concentration” (though one glance at the perverted principal shows his ulterior motives). Mayumi Takahashi is no stranger to being bound and disrobed in front of her classmates, but it doesn’t improve her grades at all. Luckily, before Mayumi can be fully exposed, the masked heroine, Kekko Kamen, makes the scene, naked as a jay-bird, save for a bright red pair of ass-kicking boots. Using her sexual appeal, Kekko Kamen gives the school's principal, Satan's Toenail, and his loyal assistant Teacher Bob, a sound beating. But the two men are far from deterred. Both are charmed by the delightful Kekko Kamen, and want to see her again. Under the guise of “defeating her”, Satan’s Toenail and Bob redouble their efforts to torture Mayumi in order to lure out Kekko Kamen. Review: Firstly, a friendly note to the other reviewers of Kekko Kamen, Either you people are a bunch of prudes, or you’ve completely missed the point of Kekko Kamen. You’ve probably chased away quite a few viewers by saying it contains “graphic rape”, which it DOES NOT. It’s ECCHI, not HENTAI (for the uninitiated, ecchi is just “pervy situations”, NOT sex), doesn’t feature any sex AT ALL, and has a total of ZERO males shown nude. If you don’t want to see pervy things, why the FUCK did you rent an anime with a NAKED SUPERHEROINE on the cover? Maybe what you were really offended by was Kekko’s hot body and how she uses her girl power for love and justice. Not all anime characters will be covered from head to toe like Witch Hunter Robin, because the lecherous lonely people of the world like to see some titties, even when they’re not rubbing one out to them. Sincerely, - The Only Sane Reviewer Left If you’ve seen Cutey Honey, you’ll love Kekko Kamen; it’s the same brand of copious-nudity used as a comic device (as well as the lechery it induces in desperate men). But for whatever reason this was under the hentai section of my local video store when it’s obviously not literally pornographic. There is nudity, sexual situations and so forth, but I can’t imagine sitting down and having a good wank to it because of the comedic streak that runs through the entire series. That said, despite being consistently misnamed as a hentai, Kekko Kamen is a great one-shot. With four short episodes, each with a conclusive plot, it’s a fast paced romp into random and odd humor. Though the plot is the typical super-hero genre (girl gets captured, masked savior appears), Kekko Kamen’s unique stance “everybody knows my body, but nobody knows my face” makes it really entertaining. What sells it is the extremely catchy theme song and the punchy designs. While this anime isn’t winning any awards for amazing graphics or complete original plot, you’ll be laughing out loud at the hilarious characters and their completely ludicrous lives. Rates: 3/5 Tapes: Several episodes with different missions on each.
	Kenji no Haru: ‘Kenji's Spring’, or ‘Spring and Chaos’ is based loosely on the life Kenji Miyazawa, a renowned Japanese poet of modern style who lived in the Iwate Prefecture from 1896 to 1933. Miyazawa was born to upper class parents who ran a successful business. Though they taught their son how to manage money, he couldn't defy his morals: he wished to help the poor. He wished to improve people's lives. Shunned by his father for this rhetoric, Miyazawa continued wandering the city for several years, writing as muses struck him. To support himself, he took up teaching science and philosophy, and was a beloved professor by the students of a small agricultural school. There he witnessed the true impact of Japan's modernization. The feudal age was leaving, moving into an industrial structure. Despite understanding the importance of growing with the evolution of society, Miyazawa chose to abandon his career and take up a peasant’s job of tending crops. He insisted the agrarian lifestyle put his morals to rest and put him touch with the lands and the inspiration within. His life of fevered creativity ended shortly after he published his second collective works; Kenji Miyazawa died at the age of 37. Review: Though Miyazawa used anthropomorphic images in his writing, I still don't see why the designers felt the need to depict ALL the characters as badly drawn cats. I mean, as I watched his movie, trying to glance the metaphorical significance (let alone what the plot was trying to say), I kept asking myself- But... But why are they CATS? However, this isn't the worst assault to design that Kenji no Haru makes. Firstly, as fans will expect me to say, the 3D was TERRIBLE. Yes, the movie is dated, but that just makes it all the more apparent that they should NOT have used mixed media. And the attempt at being avant-garde doesn't end at computer graphics: sketches, roughs, crayon drawings, and general psychedelic imagery abound. While all this malarkey is flying around the screen, detracting from the plot and making me wonder what idiot gave the animators Crayol Crayons for the short yet memorable "bear" segment, I couldn't help but feel that Miyazawa's work wasn't being complimented by the film. They attempted to capture the abstract way in which ideas are revealed to artists, but instead made it appear that Miyazawa was on an unending acid trip and may have happened to write some of it down. This, to me, isn't a tribute- it's a mistake. The scenes that are meant to visually depict Miyazawa's poetical imagery seem less like animated metaphors, and more like a bad student film. In fact, Kenji no Haru as a whole had that piece meal undertone that simply screams "newbie material". While the straight-forward, SANE scenes would have stood alone as a historic piece, they just had to put in spirals into madness and flying trains. Rates: 0.5/5 Tapes: One Movie.
	Kiki's Delivery Service: As a witch, Kiki must prove her maturity by leaving home at thirteen years old to train in a foreign town. On a whim, Kiki bids her family adieu, and with only her black cat Jiji for company, she takes off on her broom to find a seaside town. But life in the city is much different than Kiki imagined, as she has to face meeting new people, the overcrowded bustle of city life, all on top of finding her confidence as a witch. Luckily she finds help along the way from Osono, who runs Gütiokipänjä bakery. One of the first people Kiki speaks with, Osono is a kindly woman who's expecting a baby soon, so she takes Kiki on at the shop to help out. At the same time, Kiki finds she has a knack for getting things to people, as she can easily fly around town on her broom. With this skill, she starts her own delivery service, through which she makes many new friends, including Tonbo (a young boy who's quite curious about Kiki's ability to fly), and Ursala (a hermitted young artist who lives in the woods with the crows). Suddenly, after a bout of illness, Kiki finds herself unable to do any magic; She can't fly, nor can she communicate with Jiji. Though she continues to help out at Gütiokipänjä's without the aid of witchcraft, Kiki secretly worries over whether she'll be able to regain her powers. Luckily, she finds herself cheered when Ursala comes to visit one day, and the two camp out in the woods for a night. Ursala describes her sentiments as an artist- that some days you feel like all your skills have flown out the window, and you just can't draw anything interesting at all. But, the important thing is to keep on, and look for new inspiration. Kiki feels that her magic may work the same way, and leaves with a smile on her face. The moment of truth comes a few days later, when a dirigible's first flight is interrupted by a sudden wind storm. The blimp is caught up and sent flying out of control, with Tonbo on board. Recognizing her friend on the news about the disaster, Kiki must confront her misgivings about her skills as a witch, as well as her ability to be a good friend. Borrowing a broom from a street sweeper, Kiki focuses her energies, and is able to lift off. Though it's awkward, and the return of her powers isn't immediately perfect, Kiki manages to rescue Tonbo through sheer tenacity. The two return to the ground safely, to the amazement and appreciation of the whole town. With a solid niche carved for herself, and business better than ever, Kiki continues with her year of training, sending nothing but happy letters home to her family. Review: How exactly does this help her train to be a witch? I guess it's good flying practice, but otherwise Kiki learns the all-important magical skills of making bread and cleaning floors. Well, I guess it takes all sorts of witches, even the kind that scours the loos and pops out twenty kids by the time they're eighteen. But if you don't get bogged down in the whole "she's a witch, she should be learning spells" aspect, Kiki's Delivery Service ends up being an entertaining film that even adults can relate to as they look back with fondness at their first time away from home. It's always a little nostalgic to watch somebody find their first place to live, their way around a new town, being sick for the first time without parents there to care for them, and, of course, establishing confidence to be their own person and maintain their self image while surrounded by strangers and unfamiliar places. So, if you're in the mood for a feel-good, simple film, it's a pretty good bet you'll enjoy this- it's not too long, not at all complex, has the quality of animation one expects from a large studio like Ghibli, and even manages to throw in a descent musical score. We all know I harsh on Miyazaki for overusing "whimsy" like Rachel Ray overuses olive oil, but Kiki's Delivery Service doesn't preach and it really is a solid production, so I have to give it props despite my bias. Rates: 3/5 Tapes: One Movie.
	Kimera: Osamu and Jay are businessmen working to sell cereal to America’s heartland. They lead uneventful lives; Jay is married with a child, while Osamu is single, and not happy about it. While driving home, the two find an army blockade obstructing the street. Jay stops to ask questions, while Osamu looks around. As he peeks into one of the army’s vans and finds a strange humanoid imprisoned in a capsule. Despite her asexual form, Osamu is enchanted by her beauty. Suddenly the blockade is attacked by hideous demons. Both Jay and Osamu are uninjured, but arrive at the government laboratories with endless questions. Jay’s father, Dr. Gibson (a scientist working in the lab), insists his son and Osamu forget what they saw. But Osamu can’t rid his mind of the creature he saw and searches the facilities for her. Jay accompanies him, wanting to know if his father is testing on humans. The two discover that it isn’t human testing that’s being conducted, but alien specimen study. The humanoid Osamu saw is Kimera, an extra-terrestrial. However, Kimera wasn’t abandoned on Earth. The moment Osamu frees her, several other aliens barge into the facility and attack. Kianu (a human-esque alien similar to Kimera) and his brother, Ginzu (the terrifying beast that attacked Osamu and Jay previously), begin to battle for possession of Kimera. Neither are victorious, as Kimera teleports herself away from the fray. Osamu pursues Kimera, but is now assailed with flashes from her past. He is captured by Ginzu, who explains that Osamu touched Kimera’s soul, and she wishes to breed with him, thus giving him insight into her past. Osamu sees that Kimera’s people possessed vampirism, needing to feed on blood. None of the species could breed, so they used humans to pass on their DNA. Though he is aghast at the slaughter of innocents, Osamu still attempts to save Kimera when she is captured by Ginzu and Kianu. Kianu wishes to kill Kimera, despite the fact he once loved her. He explains to Osamu that Kimera’s children are destined to destroy the world, and she has come here with the sole purpose of breeding. Conversely, Ginzu wants Kimera to survive. He holds an ancient grudge against humanity, who originally feared and attacked his people when they first came to Earth. Ancient man killed the aliens in fear, and Kimera is Ginzu’s revenge. The battle between Ginzu and Kianu escalates, resulting in both brothers’ deaths. Left with the final decision of Kimera’s fate, Osamu flees the scene with Kimera at his side. With his friends and coworkers believing him dead, Osamu heads out for a new life with Kimera, caring not for the threat on humanity, because he believes that, like Pandora’s Box, regardless of what evil is started, there is always hope. Review: Right, so I can understand Osamu is desperate- but snogging a hermaphrodite in a tube? Dude. Hookers go for 20$ now-a-days, and they’ve got defined genders… Mostly. But wait, let’s say Osamu was just an unfortunate victim of vampire-alien seduction (how else do you think they get all those people probed?), and Kimera is after hotsex to repopulate. That does nothing to explain why she KILLS all her victims before they have the chance to do the nasty. Kimera, a dead body does not a baby make. Still, it boggles my mind that these sleazy bar guys spring a bone for Kimera’s nude, asexual form. I guess we were right all along: Japan is entirely populated by bisexuals. But let’s segue from Kimera’s mannish design for a moment to address the equally boobless plot. Kimera is wracked with budget problems- the running time is too short to develop characters, the animation is too limited to do the numerous fight justice, and Kimera is too flat get a proper wank (even considering ALL her lines are lusty moaning). This anime was more like a trailer than an actual film. The hints at Kimera’s past life, her home planet, and the odd history of her race, are all covered in about two seconds. So don’t miss it by accidentally blinking or coughing. They could have seriously used another hour to explain some things- particularly why the bad guys insisted on using needlessly elaborate methods to Kill Kimera. Granted, Cthulu tentacles are flashy, but they don’t do the job quite as well as –say- a GUN. And speaking of fire-power, I was impressed at how quickly Osamu spazzed personalities from a quiet businessman afraid of highway driving, into a gun-wielding maniac bent on saving the world. It’s amazing what promise of tail can make a horny man do. But despite his heroic efforts to “Fight for Justice”, Osamu still makes the tiny mistake of DOOMING HUMANITY. I don’t care how poetically he phrases it, or how many biblical references the guy makes- he saves Kimera, and not only that, PORKS HER, knowing full-well her offspring would DESTROY THE WORLD. Guy, it’s called a rubber. Use it. They’re like 5$ at the drugstore. Rates: 1.5/5 Tapes: One Movie.
	Kire Papa: Chisato is an extremely over protective father; whenever his son Riju has friends over, he does everything in his power to chase them away. Despite this, a boy named Shunsuke has stood by Riju's side, withstanding Chisato's neurosis for quite some time. One day, after putting most of his energy into keeping Riju sheltered from the world, Chisato's boss drops by and asks about his new manuscript. Embarrassed by how little he's written due to the distraction of his son's friends, Chisato buckles down and finishes his latest book. As a reward, his publisher gives Chisato a hand-written copy of his favorite author, Saki Shunka's, latest work. As he bids adieu to his boss, Chisato notices Shunsuke leaving as well. He stops him and again harasses him for hanging around his son. Calm and unintimidated, Shunsuke asks why Chisato is so paranoid about something happening to his son. Being in a good mood due to getting Saki's draft, Chisato explains that he was betrayed and assaulted by a friend when he was in high school, and would do anything to prevent the same thing from happening to his son. Shunsuke tells him not to worry- he may be Riju's best friend, but he's in love with somebody else. Later that night, Riju asks if he can go to Shunsuke's to drop off a book the other boy forgot. Immediately picturing all the horrors that could befall his son if he went out at night, Chisato offers to deliver the book instead. As he's readying to leave, he catches a glance at Shunsuke's handwriting, and to his horror, finds it's exactly the same as Saki Shunka's. Arriving at Shunsuke's house, Chisato demands why he didn't tell him that he had been his beloved author all along. Shunsuke admits he thought it would hurt Chisato's pride that a younger man was far more successful than him. But more importantly, he was afraid Chisato would realize all the novels he wrote were about his love for his best friend's father. Chisato reels at the information, as well as the giddiness of having met his inspiration- the author that made him want to write. Confused, Chisato leaves to mull things over, but can't reconcile the relationship in his head. He feels as if he's betraying his son by loving the only friend he hasn't chased away. But Shunsuke is insistent, and tells Chisato that his son will understand- and even goes so far as to reveal their affair to Riju. Being an easy going kid, Riju understands and is happy for the two. After getting over the initial shock of everything being laid out in the open, Chisato admits he loves Shunsuke, not only as the author he admired, but as the person he is in real life as well. Review: This is a FANTASTIC anime. It's short, it's fast, it's fucking hilarious, and it took me by surprise. I went into this thinking 'oh god, another creepy father-son romp that will make me revisit my breakfast burrito'. But no, Kire Papa managed to make a love story that was new and unexpected. There isn't a big flowery love story, rather a compact interesting one. There aren't swelteringly hot sex scenes, rather a realistic and genuine one. What sells this OAV is the humor and pacing- it's fast. And I don't mean “you could have some trouble following”, I mean “that guy just hoovered fifteen rails of coke, step back and try not to laugh directly at him”. Chisato's aneurysm level freak-outs are comedy GOLD. The times during which I wasn't furiously masturbating, I was genuinely laughing. And what more of an endorsement do you need? You will be joyous, and you will whack it- in that order. PROCEED. Rates: 5/5 Tapes: One Movie.
	Kizuna: Ranmaru and Kei Enjyoji have known each other since elementary school. At that time, Ranmaru was the school's top kendo champion, going so far as winning the national competition. However, his dream is crushed when, one night, the two are walking home and a car careens toward them. Though the hit was aimed to take out Kei because he's the illegitimate son of Takeshi Sagano, a powerful mob-boss, Ranmaru jumps in front of the vehicle to save his friend. As Ranmaru convalesces in the hospital, coming to terms that he can no longer practice kendo after sustaining such severe injuries, the two boys grow closer, and their relationship becomes romantic. Now in college, Kei and Ranmaru lead simple, happy lives. But the past comes back to haunt them, when Kei's brother, Kai, elbows his way between the two. Having loved Ranmaru for years, and admired him for his once prodigious kendo skill, Kai blames his brother for Ranmaru's accident. Having lost what little respect he had for Kei, Kai begins to pursue Ranmaru, attempting to win him over by any means. However, before the intrusion can break Ranmaru and Kei apart, Kai's body-guard/surrogate father, Araki Masanori comes to retrieve Kai. Masanori is a level-headed man, and, knowing that Kai can be rash and hot-headed, interjects before Kai can do any real damage. Review: Many reviewers before me have said it, but it remains true- Kizuna is a solid anime. It brings the romantic aspects and plot/character-heavy parts together really well, and even manages to feature comedy in the latter half. Comedy that actually makes you laugh, and not cringe in vicarious embarrassment. This has also been toted as yaoi for manly men- or women who enjoy seeing manly men be manly together. There's very little angst, no overly effeminate uke, and no half hour soliloquies about whether or not having buttsex is wrong. Kei and Ranmaru are about as normal as anime characters get, with good backgrounds, understandable motivation, and a believable attraction to each other that develops over time. Though Kai is a bit of a sociopath, he just adds a little flavor- without seeming tacked on to appease audience members who find things boring when characters aren't screaming their personality traits at the top of their lungs. Kizuna also has a descent budget. The designs are nice and the animation is fluid. There's really very little to dislike about this anime, and I have yet to read a bad review. Granted, I've also not seen a GLOWING review, but if you want a cinematic masterpiece, go watch Brokeback Mountain. Rates: 4/5 Tapes: Series with progressive plot on each.
	Knights of Ramune: After being reunited with Cacao, Parfait discovers her old friend has been promoted to a "holy virgin" of their temple. They are promptly sent to rescue the fourth holy warrior of Ramune. However, after being transported through space onto the ship containing this warrior, Parfait and Cacao are faced with a crew that is bent on attacking surrounding planets and kidnapping kids from the region. Cacao frees the children, only to find that the holy warrior they sought was behind this catastrophe. Torn between fighting for the rights of their galaxy and following scripture that dictates they should obey Ramune, Cacao and Parfait escape using a mech suit, accompanied by Lemon, a spunky child that chose not to escape with the others. Once they land and Ramune launches an attack on Parfait and Cacao, it's revealed that he's an impostor, and therefore can't pilot the Fourth Soldier Mech. But it has already been improperly awoken, so it runs amok, inadvertently killing the fake Ramune in the process. Cacao and Parfait try to stop it, but their power is too minimal; only the true Fourth Soldier can stop the attack. Lemon steps in, revealing that she is the descendent of the true Ramune and can stop the mech. She does so, and the Earth returns to peace. Review: Ladies and gentlemen! Get ready for a wank fest of epic proportions! There's no waiting, the first scene in Knights of Ramune is Cacao scantily clad, writhing, blushing and moaning orgasmically. But it's not what you think, despite for all intensive purposes serving the same function. She's actually performing the ritual 'psychic saturation', which is one shot of dripping orifices away from being all-out hentai. But don't think that you have to end your masturbation marathon at replaying the first scene over and over; for your viewing pleasure, there's interspersed moaning, countless breast shots (bare and otherwise), several panty shots, constant groping (generally by Ramune, sometimes by Cacao), and a nearly unstoppable wave of jiggling. In fact, I suspect the animation budget of this was spent solely on Cacao's boobs. They're the most lively things in the anime. Maybe that's why the Fourth Warrior Mech doesn't move. At all. It glows, it throws people around with psychic rays, and it shoots of its seed -er- "rockets". But that's not odd: every scene in this anime that isn't all-out groping and grinding is filled with enough penis imagery to satiate even the most rampant and lonely fangirl. Ramune's ship itself is basically a giant member, and he has his feast of women within (that's right, more groping and beating). Now, if you don't mind something this degrading, every girl loving Ramune, the plot centring around him, and Ramune slapping his hos around, fondling them, then stepping on their heads when they irritate him, by all means, rent this masterpiece of ecchi. But I'd recommend muting it regardless of your motivation to watch, otherwise you may be assaulted with names fit for a Barbie commercial. Don't be fooled, that is Earth, only in the spirit of the amount of pink, purple and yellow used in this anime, it has been renamed "Sparkle Magic World". If the grotesque use of colors, grating music, horrible voice acting, lack of tangible plot, and terrible character design don't turn you off this piece of work, the pedophilia will! Rates: 1/5 Tapes: Series with progressive plot on each.
	Kojin Taxi: With his face in shadow and his name undisclosed, the protagonist of Kojin Taxi roams from town to town, blackmailing cute young girls into becoming his sexual slaves. Brining along only his pink taxi and fond memories of past conquests, the taxi driver patrols the local schools, picking out potential prey. His first quarry is Satsuki, top in her class both academically and in school sports, but very insecure and prone to peer pressure. After picking Satsuki up a few times, he photographs her in compromising situations: smoking, shoplifting, and undressing. To insure her cooperation, he also acquires one of Satsuki’s father’s private documents. In exchange for never releasing the information, Satsuki agrees to please him- completely unaware that it would be a permanent deal. After initially taking advantage of her in an abandoned school, the taxi driver simply leaves Satsuki there, and only visits her when he needs release. Meanwhile, he’s already after his next victims- the twins Rena and Sena. This time he finds the best blackmail is between the two girls themselves. They both love each other sexually, and lash out when people try to come between them. Though they keep their feelings hidden from each other, the taxi driver and his camera catch Rena’s violent defense of Sena, and Sena’s defense of Rena. With one still trying to protect the other, he easily persuades both girls into a threesome, opening up their desires for one-another, but also forcing them to pleasure him. Having conquered yet another goal, the taxi driver returns to his job the next day, once again looking for a customer that catches his eye. Review: For honor roll students, these girls never seem to clue in that the PINK TAXI is driven by a serial rapist who will not only coerce you into his deviant fantasies, but will then abandon you in a derelict old building FOREVER. You’d think, eventually, he’d collect so many girls that it would become obvious- especially when the city eventually came around to demolish the building they’re in. Now there’s a day to blog about. I’ve always heard tell of people who love their job so completely that they can do it night and day without rest. The protagonist of Kojin Taxi is proof that you can drive a taxi and stalk girls by day, then rape them all night long, and be up by 6am to do it again the following day. Maybe it’s because he doesn’t overexert himself. I was expecting the usual hentai foray in which a smorgasbord of girls are taken in every sexual position. The opening, where he reflects on his past job and all his conquests, sets it up for a whole new world of school girl action- but it ends up being the same old “tie them up in an abandoned building and have intercourse with their willing bodies, while they beg for mercy”. Yawn. Who wants a sandwich when you work at Subway? The lack of variety aside, Kojin Taxi was all but destroyed by some of the worst sound FX I’ve ever heard. For some reason the audio guys that worked on this thought “penetrating a young girl” sounds something like “wrestling an oiled up handbag” or “wood settling”. Maybe when you’re banging grandma, guys, but creaking and groaning from down below are signs of something going seriously awry. Some of the dialogue is equally worrisome –“your pussy is hard and red” comes to mind- and though bad one-liners are par for the course in porn, there’s a such thing as TOO IMAGINATIVE. If you find intercourse is more like hammering on a plank of wood, see your local sexual counselor. Finally, the animation- the short of it is, it goes downhill. The first episode starts out pretty strong, with fairly nice designs, no censoring, and full animation for most scenes. Then it just sort of falls apart, resembling a hentai game more than a series. It wasn’t that Kojin Taxi was outright bad, I’ve certainly seen worse, but all its pitfalls culminate so that, by the end, you’re left wondering why you didn’t just spend that money on a cheap hooker. At least then you’d feel secure in knowing that it sounded like you were having sex with a burlap sack for a reason. Rates: 1/5 Tapes: Two Episode OAV.
	Kuro Ai: Kojin Rikka invites Gojo Tetsuya to Gekkokan, a love hotel disguised as a posh private residence. He is enlisted to train the maids there, with the help of a magic potion that releases his inner darkness and makes women swoon over him. The women living in the house, Miyabi and her maid, Hazuki, are at Tetsuya's beck and call, and become his sexual slaves. But the true power of the potion shows itself with Hazuki's classmate, Minako, is seduced by Tetsuya solely by being in his presence. Encompassed by the power within him, he takes her and she becomes a slave of the Gekkokan, and finds herself living only to please the myriad of men who visit. But the potion's power is so tempting that Tetsuya ingests too much of it, and begins to transform into a tentacled demon. He mercilessly rapes Miyabi, Hazuki and Rikka. Afterward, some of his humanity returns, and he’s disgusted by what he’s become. Rikka, however, empathizes with him. She admits she too takes the potion to maintain youth, and proclaims her love for him. Softened by Rikka’s acceptance of his mutated form, Tetsuya confesses that she is the only woman he needs. Review: HOLY SHIT. That’s all I can say. On EVERY front, this hentai was absolutely TERRIFYING. Firstly (although least horrifically), the animation is a sped up carnival of overexposed extreme close ups, so that in half the shots, you will have NO idea what is being thrust into. IS THAT A HAM? Oh no wait- oh god, it’s her armpit-which brings us to the second front of horror: the sexual acts. Before seeing Kuro Ai, I could honestly say I’d never seen a sexual act that involved shoving earthworms up a girls butt then having ass-sex with her. I can no longer claim that. A piece of my innocence has been taken away. Cry for it. And while you’re at it, cry for: spiky wangs growing tentacles, pregnant gang bangs, virginity raping to a sentient dildo that shoots tartar sauce, bukakke/peeing orgies, cum-guzzling to the point of PUKING UP CUM, and of course, in case you forgot, fucking WORMS IN THE BUTT. At this point I was so desensitized that I started laughing. Uncontrollably. When the main character said “I’m gonna stab you to death with my cock”, I thought it was just some terrible porn line. But, no. Once Tetsuya grows his tentacles, he fucks girls until HIS FESTIVAL OF COCKS GOES STRAIGHT THROUGH THEM AND OUT THEIR MOUTHS. And all this, ALL THIS, is happening at a fevered pace that looks like the whole shebang is being fast-forwarded. The last area of what-the-fuckery is the design. While the women sport the hentai-default for bodies (big ass, big tits, small waist), they have the most TERRIFYING blow job faces ever drawn. Somebody out there finds this hover-mouth, eyes-rolling-back expression hot, I’m certain. But then again, somebody out there also said, HAY, YOU KNOW WHAT’S FUN? WORMS. WORMS IN THE BUTT. Rates: 0.5/5 Tapes: Two Episode OAV.
L
	La Blue Girl: Miko Mido is the descendant of a female ninja clan named the Mirokshu. In the past, they made a deal with the forces of the underworld, the Shikimas, a collection of lustful monsters. The power the Mirokshu hold over the Shikimas is sealed in a signet case which Miko’s grandmother, sensing she has little time left, hands down to her granddaughter. However, before Miko can properly train and protect the case, it is stolen by a rival ninja clan, the Suzuka, who have waited centuries to gain superiority over the Mirokshu by stealing their power over the Shikima demons. Immediately, the Shikima run amok, bent on revenge against the descendent of their age-old captors. They attempt to kidnap Miko, but because her scent is on her sister, Miyu, the Shikima kidnap her instead. Guilty over the capture of her sister, Miko is ready to go to any ends to rescue her. Under the instruction of her grandmother’s apparition, Miko uses an age-old technique to enter the Shikima’s realm: she ceremonially pleasures herself, and is magically transported to the underworld, only to see Miyu violated by the demons. She begs to take her sister’s place, and the monsters oblige. The situation looks hopeless, until a mysterious figure appears and saves Miko so she can train and fight again. Review: La Blue Girl is probably the most infamous hentai/porn anime ever, but it’s by no means good. Hearing people rant and rave, I had high expectations, but it’s just not up to par. First and foremost, the dub: it was indescribably awful. I would rather pass a cheese grater over my arm than listen to dubbed Miko’s “lustful” cries, which sound alarmingly like Pokémon having sex. The animation has its moments, but while you get an eyeful of well rendered, beautifully drawn segments one moment, they quickly turn into a deformed, off-model pile of crap the next. This inconsistency even features in the sex scenes, which are in the most part just pans with thrusting tentacles. Speaking of which, there’s only so much hentacle rape you can watch without it getting redundant, and it gets old fast after seeing Miko violated four times within the first ten minutes. But after the first episode, they do toss things up with some mechanical tentacles… As opposed to the monster ones. Marvel at the diversity. And through this plethora of psuedo-wieners, the audience is treated with incestuous hermaphrodites, sword sex, Miko’s special power of shooting razors out of her bush, battles of who can orgasm first, and, of course, the air dildo, a misshapen contraption that seems to have been designed by somebody who both failed shop class, and could never win the soap box derby. After all this is said and done, you’re left wondering if you’re horny, or just have the munchies, because, man, that was one bad trip. Rates: 1/5 Tapes: One Movie.
	Labyrinth of Flames: Galan spends his days watching old samurai movies, in hopes of becoming a legendary swordsman. His dream starts coming true when he’s swept into an adventure of betrayal, betrothal, and bare breasted assassins. Natsu is the only daughter of a very old and very wealthy shogunate family. She’s been betrothed to Datenoshin, but in the interest of living her own life, gives her dowry to Galan instead. This dowry is in the form of a katana, which he excitedly accepts. However, Natsu is under the constant watch of her anemic handmaid, Kasumi. Despite her unrequited love for Datenoshin, Kasumi is loyal to the family, and attempts to stop Natsu’s betrayal. Galan is dragged to Natsu’s sprawling estate, where he’s immediately thrown into danger. On Shigemitsu's (Natsu’s father) orders, Datenoshin disguises himself and attacks Galan in attempts to retrieve the family’s dowry sword. However, Natsu’s aunt Shinka intervenes. She’s opposed to her brother’s oppressive reign –not to mention his lecherous use of women- and uses her mastery of the sword to defeat Datenoshin. However, just as Datenoshin retreats, deadly puppets attack the group, severely wounding Natsu’s aunt. Luckily, thanks to her constant transfusion of magical potion, Kasumi springs to life and smashes the puppets to pieces. They return to their masters: Erola Suppaatoka and Nastassja, the sexy Taiwanese and Russian temptresses that have wooed Natsu’s father. Seduced by the women, he revealed that the family’s dowry sword is, in fact, a map to their vast fortune. Left alone with the defeated Datenoshin, Kasumi takes advantage of her crush, and keeps him at her house, attempting to seduce him under the guise of tending to his wounds. Meanwhile, Carrie, a sexy American cowgirl who totes herself as a reporter doing a piece on old estates, confronts the temptresses. She reveals she’s actually an Interpol agent, and places the two under arrest. Not the type to go quietly, Erola and Nastassja attack full force; Galan counters, but in the fray of attacks, accidentally swallows the dowry sword. In the confusing, Erola and Natassja let their guard down, and are defeated. Carrie carts them off to prison, and Natsu sets herself to the important task of extracting the family sword from Galan's body- much to his chagrin. Review: Open with dramatic orchestral music and generic samurai shots, and one expects something a lot different than what Labyrinth of Flames turned out to be. In fact, the only thing that made me suspect this would be gratuitous T&A was the DVD’s menus (featuring the dramatic UNDERBUST shot). And when I say “gratuitous”, I mean panties should be given an honorable mention in the credits as a supporting role. But the debaucherous fun doesn’t end at a little slap and tickle; no, Labyrinth of Flames takes it all the way with gape-worthy moments like (cue infomercial music) Japanese rope bondage incest, drugged rape, spontaneous shredded clothing, throat fisting, head wounds, supremely gay costuming, and blatant sword-penis euphemisms. The pace at which this cornucopia of titillation is introduced can only be described as “spastic”. Characters spend more time bleeding torrents of nose-blood than they do explaining what in the world is going on. But, strangely enough, that didn’t dampen my enjoyment of this anime. Honestly, if you go in expecting a tongue-in-cheek piece of pseudo porn, then you may very well enjoy it. Just don’t go looking for things like “plot”, “character development”, “time to absorb what just happened”, or “pants”. And on a final note, don’t miss the end credits, featuring Italian opera with pans of naked women- it’s classy! Rates: 3/5 Tapes: Two Episode OAV.
	Landlock: As a child, Ruda's father was killed by Lord Zanak. However, the infant miraculously escaped a similar fate and was picked up by Moog, the Master of Wind in Zaar village, who raised Ruda as if he were his own child. Now grown, Ruda harbours great power, which is detected by the Zoro Earth army. They wish to capture him before he can fully resurrect the Wind Spirit, which would mean the end of their civilization. Using her psychic link to Ruda, General Agahari of this endangered military state and daughter of Lord Zanak (the government's elder), pursues Ruda, destroying his village, killing his adoptive father and wounding his sister, Ansa. However, when Ansa recovers she teleports to Ruda's side, and despite being captured by the Zoro Earth army, is approached by Agahari, who tells Ansa she did not kill her because they have the same tattoo across their backs. Ansa explains it symbolizes a maiden of the wind, and they have it because they are sisters, though she had believed her sibling, Eran, had been killed long ago. Eran, believing she is Agahari, a soldier of Zoro Earth's army and daughter of Lord Zanak, refuses to believe her and announces the prisoners will be executed in the morning. Meanwhile, Ruda's Red Energy is being drained for the Zoro Earth army. Once the process has been completed he too will be killed. In private, Agahari's right hand man, Bork, says he'll serve her regardless of which side she chooses because he has no real affinity for the Zoro Earth army. Thus, the next day the execution is interrupted by him, and Agahari frees Ruda. Ansa begs her to flee with them, but Agahari says she has one last task: she confronts Lord Zanak and asks if she is his true daughter. He laughs at her and she challenges him to a swordfight in which he quickly gains the upper hand and mocks his "daughter" for killing her true father, Moog, and losing all usefulness once her Blue Energy was harvested. Ruda and the other escapees arrive in time to save Eran, but soon she and Ruda are separated from the rest of the group, who are recaptured. The two Energy-keepers are left stranded on an island, where they gradually settle their differences. They finally escape when the Zoro Earth air force begins to bomb the island, injuring Ruda, which causes Eran enough grief that her powers teleport them away. Back in his empire, Lord Zanak infuses himself with both the Red and Blue Energy. Ansa, Bork and their fellow prisoner escape the Zork empire in time to see a combined blue and red light shoot across the sky, which Ansa recognizes as her siblings. They race after them, but Bork is killed when he stays to defend the others against the Zoro army. Reunited with their sibling, Ruda and Eran confront Zanak, who has become ultimately powerful by gaining the Power of Wind. However, just as the battle looks its bleakest, Ansa reveals she holds the Blue Energy as well. Together with her twin sister, and Ruda's Red Energy, Zanak is defeated. With the balance back, life returns to peace again. Review: First and foremost, don't watch the dub. Just don't. It makes all other shoddy translations look like gold. It's as if they didn't even try. The dialogue is downright wrong, and the voice actors make the script about as exciting as a mayonnaise sandwich. As for the actual anime, it was fairly generic plot-wise, but is certainly attention grabbing in the beginning. It reminded me strongly of Final Fantasy-type plots, so if you enjoyed the games, you'll probably like this anime. The music was an unremarkable score that added little to the plot, but in its defence, it didn't distract from anything either. Animation wise, some scenes were really well done, but effects in general were badly drawn. I didn't mind the character design, since their blandness was pretty congruent with the simple village feeling meant to be portrayed. The ending, however was so contrived and seemingly pasted in that Landlock left me with an incomplete feeling. Rates: 2/5 Tapes: One Movie.
	Laputa, Castle in the Sky: The government and Space Pirates are after the Levistone, a Laputan relic with incalculable strength. This stone can only be wielded by a descendant of the ancient bloodline: this power belongs to Shiita, a young girl who was kidnapped from her pastoral life and grandmother by the military. During an altercation between her captors and Dora, the pirate leader, Shiita is thrown from the ship, leaving both the pirates and military empty handed. Due to the Levistone's power, Shiita lands safely in a small town. There she meets Pazu, a boy her age that offers to help her on her quest. He has a special interest in the legendary floating city of Laputa because his father is one of the few who claims to have seen it. Idolizing his departed dad, Pazu is quick to risk numerous dangers to get even a glimpse of the fabled Laputan ruins. And danger is quick to come, as Dora and her sons burst into the village to capture Shiita and the stone. Pazu and Shiita flee via train, only to be intercepted by the army, which successfully captures Shiita. Unable to help her, Pazu returns home, only to also be taken hostage by the space pirates. He offers to join them in order to save Shiita, and becomes a useful member of the team due to the knowledge of mechanics he gained while working in the mines of his hometown. Muska, the military's high commander, secures an airship to reach Laputa, certain that with Shiita in his grasp, the treasures and powers of the lost city are his for the taking. However, before he can figure out how to work the Levistone, it awakes a giant robot the military had captured. This robot decimates the government forces, and causes enough commotion that Pazu, with the help of Dora, saves Shiita. In the melee, the robot is killed while protecting Shiita, and as Pazu takes her out of the chaos, she loses the Levistone to Muska. Shiita wishes to retrieve it, Pazu wants to see Laputa, and Dora quests for the riches of the ancient city, so they pursue Muska's ship. While following, both vessels are engulfed in a storm. At the centre is Laputa. Separated from their friends, Pazu and Shiita explore the jungle-like city remains, only to find that Dora and her boys are captured and the military is pouring in. A fight for the Levistone ensues, and eventually Shiita and Pazu manage to claim it. Using the old magics passed down from her grandmother, Shiita chants an incantation that causes the remains and technological secrets of Laputa to be destroyed, forever keeping it out of the government's hands. Review: All the Miyazaki brownnosers can leave right now, because I won't mention genius, creativity, or whimsy in regards to Laputa: the little movie that couldn't. A story that could have been told just as well in forty-five minutes was dragged out over two hours in a sad attempt to make a simplistic plot look detailed and meaningful. Laputa is like every other science fantasy made in the 80's: magic and machines co-exist, and the "awesome technology" is a combination of the impossible and the ludicrously outdated. It doesn't fill you with wonderment- it makes you face-palm and exclaim "If they can design a gargantuan airship, why do they still use horns instead of telephones and wear ugly burlap Hobbit pants? Which brings me to the worst facet of Laputa: The character design. True to form, Miyazaki boasts a collection of boring main characters, and a supporting cast that simply don't match one another. They're either horrendously ugly, or forgettably plain. In fact, the only thing that stuck in my mind about the main characters were the godawful color choices. I'm absolutely certain this anime was colored in MS Paint- it's the same damn palette. And to make it worse, they used EVERY color, at times in the SAME SCENE. Neon blue, fluorescent green, fuchsia, and fire engine red cannot jive. It irritated me and threw off my groove. Watching Laputa was like witnessing an incredibly long uninspired rave, complete with crazy gravity-defying hair, overuse of goggles, and music that makes you think something terrible will happen at any moment during every moment. Though technically well done, the animation was uninspired as Shiita and Pazu's fizzle of a romantic subplot. If it was in fact meant to be romantic- I honestly can't tell the age of these characters. From their design, they appear to be eight year olds that run family farms and work in mills (where the hell is child services?). Either way, there's something lacking in subplot, which only serves the emphasize that there's nothing interesting about the main plot. Magical girl from a distant land + evil government with hideous aircraft = Hippy nature love-in and exploding ancient ruins. And thousands of army men die, but since they didn't hug the trees and protect bird eggs, nobody cares. Everybody’s still choked about the death of a gargantuan robot with no emotion, no family, and no regard for blowing shit up crazily. In the end, Laputa teaches one good lesson: children are fickle. The pirates killed, lied, stole, and wanted to cut down the rainforest, but because they hugged the kids and had a lovable grandmother aboard, they're suddenly the good guys… What our republic needs is a cute old lady, then the Earth shall be ours! Rates: 1/5 Tapes: One Movie.
	Last Exile: In the world of Prestale, where a war between the frozen nation of Disith and the prosperous country of Anatoray take place among giant floating battleships, there exists an all powerful and highly technological group called the Guild who dictate the rules of conflict. Enter Claus Valca, pilot, and Lavie, Head, navigator, who fly a small and agile vanship used for delivering messages. They do so at an incredibly young age, having been motivate to follow in their late father's footsteps; both father's had disappeared into the weather anomaly that separates the two nations, a vortex of extremely powerful winds called the Grand Stream, delivering what was to be a message of peace to end the longstanding war. Claus and Lavie are caught up in the war, as their job requires them to deliver a message to the bridge of a famous battleship and it's Captain the Duke Mad-Thane from his wife and daughter at a crucial moment when the Disith fleet had broken the rules of chivalry without being punished by the Guild. Afterwards the two pilots dedicate themselves to participating in a vanship race, but during the competition they nearly collide with a rogue ship and feel compelled to investigate it's crash to attend to any possible survivors. They find a mortally wounded pilot and his cargo, a small unconscious girl, and he charges them to take over his mission while he sacrifices himself to fend off the Guild fighter who had been pursuing him. Frightened, but feeling a responsibility to do what they can, Claus and Lavie take the girl who calls herself Alvis to her destination; the infamous mercenary battleship Silvana, known for it's mysterious ways and undefeated record of engagement. Shortly after finishing the long trek, and having been chased by the relentless Guild the entire way, the two manage to find rest among the crew of the Silvana and come to look upon them with friendship. The little girl, Alvis, seems to be the key to unlocking a mythical creature or machine called the Exile that resides in the deepest part of the Grand Stream, though it's purpose or function is unknown, and accordingly she is desired by all factions of the war. The reserved and morose Captain of the Silvana, Alex Rowe, takes her in as part of his own quest for vengeance against the leader of the Guild, the Maestro Delphine. Into this odd assortment comes a Guild aristocrat Dio and his servant Luciola, after witnessing Claus flying in battle he willingly gives himself up as prisoner to the Silvana to be near him and gives him the nickname Immelmann for his mastery of a flying technique of the same name. After many bloody battles and after the loss of the Emperor of Anatoray both nations begin to see the corruption and tyranny of the Guild, and band together to overthrow them under the leadership of the Emperor's heir; Sophia, the Vice-Captain and second in command of the Silvana. The series comes to an end as a mighty battle rages in the heart of the Grand Stream between the Guild and its enemies, Alvis engages the Exile using a secret poetic code and energies from her body, and the evil Maestro Delphine is defeated by Alex as his life is sacrificed during the assault. The mysterious structure Exile turns out to be a complex machine that alters the weather, making the Grand Stream disappear, and bringing peace to the world. Review: Last Exile is one of the rare, recently released anime, that’s actually coherent. All twenty six episodes flow without filler, gaps in pacing, or the dreaded slap-dash anime “we ran out of budget” ending. The characters were similarly impressive, exhibiting multi-faceted and very real personalities that played off one-another perfectly, but not in a forced way. Claus and Lavie, the two protagonists, share screen time and allow for two points of view during the war. Claus is brash, taking on high rank missions without hesitation, while Lavie is more realistic. However, this doesn’t cause the tension that would be expected; instead of quarreling or trying to change Claus, Lavie simply heads toward her own goal of repairing her father’s vanship, and leaves the battles to Claus. Lavie and Claus’ non-standard relationship is by and large because they are not the main love interests for one-another (in fact the small love side plots are very subtle and have absolutely no sway on the plot). The only motivated romance is a twisted one, demonstrated entirely by secondary characters (all of which were equally impressively played and engaging as the protagonists). Alex, while generally stoic, goes into brash rages when confronted by Delphine, who he blames for the death of his lover. Even though she knows this, the Empress Sophia takes leave from her position to remain at Alex’s side, serving as his wingman despite his complete lack of interest. Though she was willing to sacrifice her life and crew to save him, Alex’s last words are still the name of his lover. Yes, it’s imperfect, but with the imperfection comes some of the most captivating characters I’ve seen in an anime. Another example is Dio, who initially seemed to be the usual “bad guy turned good” that’s ever present in anime. However, this standard plot quickly delves into a strange reality when Dio is taken back by the Guild, brainwashed, and never recovers. In fact, the characters who do survive the war aren’t recapped with glory in the end. They stay together, out of necessity, and follow their small dreams. Lavie and Claus become curriers, no better off than they were in the beginning, but for a more peaceful world. In addition to its admirable narrative, Last Exile is a pleasure to watch as well; the character designs are fantastic, the backgrounds detailed and vast, and though there are some rather grating CG moments, it’s easily forgotten over the sheer precision of all the traditional elements (color, line, and animation). The character designs are especially noteworthy, ranging from steam punk (for the vanship pilots), Elizabethan (for the Anatoray royalty), and militaristic-futuristic (for the Guild). I really would recommend Last Exile to anybody and everybody; it has something for the action fan, the techno-geek, the history buff, and even the slash girls. Rates: 4.5/5 Tapes: Series with progressive plot on each.
	Leda, Fantastic Adventure of Yohko: Asakiri Yohko is a studious, but rather shy highschool student. She has a crush on a classmate, but can't bring herself to tell him, so she pours all her feelings into a song. However, that tune is more than it seems, and when she plays it, Yohko is transported to another world. There she meets Ringhum, a friendly talking dog that becomes her guide in the strange new world. But not all the creatures she meets are as obliging. The evil lord Zell, hungry for the power to traverse into Earth's realm, sends his monstrous minions to steal her walkman and the song, believing it holds great power. Though Yohko has no clue how the magic works, she's suddenly endowed with superhuman strength and agility, enabling to fend off attackers. After her transformation, Ringhum tells Yohko about the legend of the goddess Leda, who was able to control the energies between Earth and his world. She sealed the two from one another to avoid conflict, but that seal is weakening. While in a particularity difficult battle, Yohko and Ringhum are saved by a giant mech. After the enemies are dispatched, a young girl appears from within, and introduces herself as Leda's shrine maiden, Yoni. She imparts her knowledge of Leda, saying that the goddess' power was indeed kept in strings of song, and that Yohko has been summoned to save her world and defeat Zell. Together they awaken Leda's Wings, a mech ship that can rival even Zell's swarms of robotic guns. But what Yoni and Yohko didn't count on was Zell's manipulative streak. He orders his guards to stand down, and invites the two warriors into his lair. There he hypnotizes Yohko in order to use her powers to reopen the gate between their worlds. Yohko becomes trapped in an illusion, where she leads the perfect life with the man she loves. But it's too good, and the thought of her song is strong in her heart. With this feeling, she's able to break free, and defeat Zell. After the collapse of his evil fortress, she returns home, back to the moment in which she left. Having finally realized herself, and found confidence, Yohko confesses her feelings. Review: I must say, despite its age, I like this anime. The design is appealing, and the animation is unique. Not to say it's fantastic, but it's got a quirkiness that earns merit points. The rocking 80's track makes the nostalgia complete. Though I sometimes complain about age and shitty background music in anime, this one just fit together. I particularly liked how Yohko isn't the typical whiny heroine, and owns up to her newfound power like any normal person bestowed with superhuman abilities would: with GUSTO. However, Leda isn't without its flaws; that dog is ridiculously ugly, it doesn't even look like it fits in with the rest of the art. I can't imagine what would possess a person to put Scooby-doo into a magical girl anime- perhaps, like all things Scooby, it was a combination of smoking the whacky tobbacy and riding the midnight train to acid town. Zell is another example of why you should never design while tripping balls: apparently nobody has dared utter the phrase "subtle makeup application" to this guy. He looks like a tranny on her first night out. But, really, it's worth it for this one-shot. I can't say it better than reviewers before me: Leda isn't anything new, but they did they did a damn good job of it. Rates: 3.5/5 Tapes: One Movie.
	Legend of the Blue Wolves/Four Horsemen: In the far future, the human race has spread throughout the galaxy, bringing upon itself alien attack. These aliens take over human bodies, taking their memories and using their bodies as drones. The remaining colonies of Earth dubbed this menace "Apocalypse", and fight against them with psychic soldier powered mechs. One of these men is Jonathan Tyberius, who volunteers to fight for his planet. While training, he meets fellow soldier, Leonard, and the two become good friends. Leonard teaches Jonathan about battle, and dispels his trepidations about shooting an assimilated man. But their alien enemy isn't the only threat to the cadets; the supervising officer, Captain Continental, is a sadistic man who takes pleasure in abusing and raping the new recruits. He corners Jonathan and whips him, ordering him to pledge obedience. However, unlike many soldiers before him, Jonathan refuses, insisting he came here to be ordered on the battlefield, not in private. He's let free, but begins to question the institution and his leader. As revenge, Captain Continental frames Jonathan for being a traitor, and under the guise of "questioning" him, rapes him repeatedly. However, this time Continental does not get away unpunished, as Leonard comes to the rescue, and filled with rage, castrates the captain. The military hushes the incident by striking Continental's records and sending Leonard to the front line. Some time later, when he does not return, Jonathan is sent into space. After fighting legions of alien ships, he comes face to face with his missing lover, who has been assimilated. Honoring the promise he made Leonard before he left, Jonathan ends his friend's life. Shortly after that private battle, the greater war was won by man. Review: Firstly, before I start tearing into it, I have to admit this isn't a TERRIBLE OAV; the animation is high quality, the design is well done (though a bit dated, at this point), and the characters are well developed. It just made some really BAD life choices. Legend of the Four Horsemen is a mech war film through and through- it gets labeled as yaoi because there's incidental man on man action. But is it really worth it for the singular hot scene between Jonathan and Leonard? The answer is no, because every other scene involves Captain Continental, a giant 10 foot tub of lard with a tiny pecker, being a sadistic fuck and buggering people against their will. Unless you have an unusual affinity for battle scenes (or obese men...), I can't imagine why a yaoi fan would suffer through this, or reversely, why any mech fan would risk seeing the horror of a fat old man's junk. The whole series ends with "there are no further installments, the producer went bankrupt", and I'm not surprised. They tried to blend a generally male-centric genre with weird, off-beat yaoi. Nobody was pleased (right, except you in the back who gets hot over Jaba the Hut), and everybody came out with the fully rendered and uncensored vision of a flaccid penis burned into their corneas. Because they show it a lot. I don't know why. But I reiterate: Bankrupt. Rates: 1.5/5 Tapes: One Movie.
	Legend of the Wolf Woman: In the aftermath of a hostage situation, police woman Linda is unable to stop the murdered family's dog from escaping. She thinks nothing of it. After the stress of the case, Linda and her friend Mary from forensics, go to their favorite haunt, the Tiger's Eye Club. After Linda and her boyfriend Brian (who owns the club) leave for a night of passion, Mary is left to drown her “single girl sorrows” with Kata, a stripper who works the club. Mary notices a cut on Kata's arm, and she admits she was bitten by a stray dog. Despite her inebriation, Mary is still a doctor at heart, and tends to Kata's wound. The following day, an outbreak of a strange new strain of rabies is reported, and Mary is on the case. She and the other researchers work tirelessly to unlock the secret of the strange virus. Meanwhile, Kata undergoes horrific transformations. Wracked with uncontrollable lust, she seeks out men indiscriminately, then attacks them. As the days progress, those infected by Kata take on animalistic forms as well. With indisputable evidence pointing to Kata as the disease vector, Linda and Mary rush to her apartment, but find Kata missing. However, a member of her tribe is there, a Goliath of a man named Mustange. He reveals that he had a vision of Kata's torment, and although science has no cure, his ancient magic can reverse the curse. With the help of the police force, the three square off against Kata and her legion of infected followers. In the melee that ensues, Linda is forced to confront Brian, whom she kills. Kata, on the other hand, is taken into Mustange's psyche, where he cures her by satisfying her carnal needs. Review: Well, THAT was too close to furry sex for comfort. If you look past the ridiculous psuedo-native aspects, this is all an excuse to see anthropomorphic animals getting it on. That probably explains why nobody had a particularly lame animal form- although I'd put money on gerbil-man having an AWESOME time. Now I know some of you, perhaps sporting a pair of cat ears as we speak, are thinking “yes, FINALLY, something for me and my kind”. In a word: No. Go back to fapping over Remus Lupin. The non-bestial sex is, if possible, MORE disturbing. First, there's the slightly uncomfortable scene between Linda and Brian. Yes, it's consensual, yes it's got some semi-hot power play and bondage, but NO, he did NOT just fuck her with her own gun. Kids, firearms should never be inserted into orifices. Aim away from your face and/or genitals. Second, there's the car bang- sort of like finger bang, but with more jumper cables. Brian rigs Kata up to his car's engine and electrocutes her with the feeder. GO SPEED RACER GO. Then there's Mary getting raped by her coworker and crying the whole time, which would have been far more horrifying if he didn't have a prehensile wang with the ability to unzip his pants. And finally, Mustange- a 9 foot tall monstrosity clad solely in cover-alls that do nothing to disguise his myriad of back fat rolls. I prayed we wouldn't be subject to his hamhands roaming over nubile young women, but no. He has a big-boned bonanza with Kata and Mary ~in the spirit world~. And that's the note they end on. THANK YOU FOR WATCHING, your anguish sustains us. Rates: 1.5/5 Tapes: Two Episode OAV.
	Lesson XX: Shizuka and Sakura have been classmates and housemates for some time, but while they act as no more than friends, there's an undeniable tension between the two. Shizuka feels it most acutely, as he finds himself thinking of Sakura intimately, and goes so far as to proposition the other boy. Sakura is, at first, taken aback by Shizuka's advances; he's extremely innocent to both men and women, and is unsure of his feelings toward Shizuka. Shizuka, while su