Gongaga Yaoi: Diary [2007, January-July]

January 1st:

This Year I

Books of the Year:

Quotespam of the Year:

Jaime

Dorian: A famous incident involving molasses was the Boston Molasses Disaster on January 15, 1919, in which a large molasses storage tank burst and flooded a neighborhood of Boston, killing 21 and injuring 150.
Me: MOLASSES DISASTER!
Dorian: KILLING 21!!!
Dorian: death by molasses!
Me: I want to die in that manner
Me: smelling of cookies
Me: wow, newspapers were a lot more articulate back then: "A dull, muffled roar gave but an instant's warning..."
Me: today's news would be like
Me: TERRORISTS USE SWEETS TO KILL GOD LOVING AMERICANS
Dorian: lol
Dorian: PRESIDENT BUSH TO PERSONALLY EAT HIS WAY TO SURVIVORS WITH A TEXAS-SIZED SPOON

Jan 9th: Today, I received the best spam EVER. The body of the e-mail:

I say, young Copperfield, youre going it. in consequence, as was supposed among the boys, of his having Having by this time cried as much as I possibly could, I began to Is there anybody here for a yoongster booked in the name of women-servants who were about the place came out to look and giggle Why you see, said the waiter, still
looking at the light through been treated worse than usual, he always told me that I wanted a in the height of my fever when a man entered and whispered to the
acquaintance, I stole a look at him. He was a gaunt, sallow young was still occasionally seized with a stormy sob. After we had out, would be deader than pork afore he got over half the ground. did for myself. But I had a petition on my mind which concerned me I told him no, and explained how it was that I had read it, and all With these words he threw the boots towards Mr. Mell, who went back on his left hand, and the rest were grouped about us, on the gentleman with a rough face, who had been eating out of a
trembling, to Mr. Creakles presence: which so abashed me, when I gave me a fleshy cut with it that made me writhe; so I was very profound gravity, Barkis is willin. Thats the message, I The drawback was, that I was often sleepy at night, or out of
he would proceed if he did begin to see him do it, he dipped a it; but neither sings nor chirps. There is a strange unwholesome so entirely new and strange to me in the inn-yard to which we then, for the first time, that the boots he had on were a good deal
Topsawyer, and fall lifeless on the carpet. But it didnt hurt that there was a fascination in such a subject, which made him perfectly miserable; but if I moved in the least, and made a glass I explained to the lady how it was, who than rang a bell, and
afterwards found that he generally acted, with his strong voice, as He brought me some chops, and vegetables, and took the covers off too hard for me, I was no loser by the
transaction. Let me do and being put between two gentlemen the rough-faced one and as soon as the eating and drinking were over; and we, who had Miss Murdstone was good enough to take me out to the cart, and to always going to write to his uncle about it, and never did. After treasure, as in duty bound, I laid at the feet of Steerforth, and
wholesome, and make my breakfast at her house, where we could get left far behind at the first mouthful, and had no chance with him. extraordinary attractions, and in point of gentility not to be

Touché, spam. You have discovered my weakness for opening anything with mention of nancing young boys.

And now, quotespam about the iPhone:

James

[Several hours of insults later, Jaime tries to woo me back with geek love.]

James: My 'nerd erotica' doesn't really work because I'm just grabbing these words at random With little or no idea of what they mean.
Me: Yah I got that with the "overrunning buffers" of your heart.
James: * shame *
Me: This is why iForgive u
ZING LAST WORD
:: Runs
James: KHAAAAAN!

Sadako Drug Scandal?!:

Dorian

January 18th: Day two of Jamsocket being off on his quest, and I am seriously so tired. Yesterday we got up at 6am, then last night I couldn’t sleep in the freezing cold loneliness of night (ahh insomnia, you’re back).
Today sucked balls in the insufferable boredom and neurosis kind of way.
Mainly zzzzzz- what? Oh yes. I’ve been watching Venture Brothers non stop.
Also, in HOLY SHIT THAT’S FANTASTIC news, how am I the only person on Earth who did not know about Last Order?!
MY DREAM HAS COME TRUE!
ANIMATED CLOUD.
ZACK AS A MAIN CHARACTER.
Gongaga DOT COM, BITCHES!
Fangasm over.

January 20th: I tripped over chivalry’s corpse while out getting groceries.
The city, once a slushy paradise of tepid weather has frozen over. The sidewalks are now the narrowest of channels, with untraversible pitted ice on either side.
Somehow every single Torontonian isn’t aware that this means we must proceed SINGLE FILE, with any parcels in front of us. As much as girls are want to remain in tight packs blocking the entire sidewalk, they’re easily elbowed out of the way, but now men have started making themselves into immovable blockades as well.
What the hell, guys. A lady is walking by, move the hell out of the way. I’m not asking the impossible, you don’t have to move for ugly chicks or really tall girls of questionable gender, but I’m a DAINTY FLOWER GOD DAMNIT.
After narrowly escaping having to baby-sit for Dorain, I actually ended up going out with him to Arnon’s party. D and I had agreed to meet after he finished a drumming gig.
20 minutes of waiting in the frigid night later, I retired to a Pizza Pizza, which was close enough to my old tromping ground that I was roundly hit on by old Portuguese men.
Lynne and Dorian eventually came to my rescue, Lynne boasting THE COOLEST new hairdo. She got her head SHAVED, leaving only cute little curly bangs.
I was probably the 100th person to pet her head, but it was fantastic and the size of a cantaloupe.
Unfortunately Lynne didn’t accompany us to the party, so Dorian and I trekked there on our own. It turned out to be a relatively low key house party, though very crowded at first, it eventually thinned out and geek gadget chat abounded.
I got to take a look at the Archos and a modded NDS. I’m not going to lie, they were fantastic. I’m not much for buying gadgets, as I have absolutely no need for 120gigs of video storage on the go (seriously, it’s fancy, but when the hell am I going to watch that), but it’s still pretty sweet to see them in action, especially with TOUCH SCREEN.
Ugh.
Hot.

January 22nd: I ventured into the horror that is the Eaton’s Center Sears today, mainly because they’re having an “intimate apparel” sale, and god damnit I need a new bra.
Upon entering, I was awestruck by the giant pink and red, heart-filled signs that proclaimed LOVE IS GIVING.

Hey, whoa now. I may have been raised to believe that, but I thought it was sort of taboo to talk about possessions substituting for time and emotion.
Apparently, this is NOT the Softer Side of Sears, it’s the hard cold commercial bosom. SUCKLE AT IT PEONS.
Anyhoo, once I finished laughing and crying relentlessly, I resigned myself to the drudgery of buying a bra. Normally shaped ladies and men don’t understand this, but while I can buy every single other piece of clothing off the rack without even thinking about it (which makes it fun to shop! ::Barbie laugh::), I somehow have a ribcage that is so tiny, they don’t make bras small enough around to deal with it. Well they DO, but they are for pre-teens with no boobs. Strangely enough, despite having the torso of a ferret, I also have boobs, so if I don’t want to be falling out all over the place (YAH HAWT, this is what you read for) I need something with a little more support than two pedobear heads held together with string.
Long story short, after spending two hours trying to explain to a saleswomen that I didn’t want a wire contraption clearly predating WWII, I escaped Sears’ maddening clutches with a boring and shitty plain black bra that doesn’t quite fit right LIKE EVERY OTHER ONE I OWN.
On the subway ride home I witnessed one of the weirdest exchanges I’ve ever seen. I was on the train, watching two women on the platform. One was obviously perturbed, gesturing wildly and motioning at the other, who eventually looked resigned and took a piece of paper from screaming woman. While the train was leaving I caught a glimpse at the paper: it was a coloring book dolphin (uncolored, obviously Xeroxed).
Weird, weird day.

January 26th:

I got the news that my last rattie, Pen, passed away today after a really long battle with tumors. She was relatively healthy and ate well until the end, and never suffered. Though, with the sad news came hopeful ideas; my dad had been caring for Pen in her final days, and watching her battle with cancer gave him new ideas on how to treat tumors.

Jan 30th: Metric is brilliant.

I'm sick, you're tired, let's dance
Break to love make lust I know it isn't
I'm sick, you're tired, let's dance
Cold as numbers but let's dance

As though it were easy for you to lead me
I could be passive gracefully

Half the horizon's gone for a skyline of numbers
Half the horizon's gone we're working the numbers
'till I'm sick

Sleep don't pacify us until
Daybreak sky lights up the grid we live in
Dizzy when we talk so fast
Fields of numbers streaming past

I wish we were farmers, I wish we knew how
To grow sweet potatoes and milk cows
I wish we were lovers, but it’s for the best

Tonight your ghost will ask my ghost,
Where is the love?
Tonight your ghost will ask my ghost,
Who here is in line for a raise?
Tonight your ghost will ask my ghost,
Where is the love?
Tonight your ghost will ask my ghost,
Who put these bodies between us?

And now, quotespam for all.

SysAdmin Remains the Best Job Ever

Jaime

Cunning Linguist:

Jaime

The Humane Society Remainder Bin:

Jaime

Nerdcore. You die of Dysentery:

Jaime

January 31st: Beck, Jaime and I went out to see her friend’s band, In the Wake at The Horseshoe. This time the bands were quite good. Well, the two that we actually got to see were. We arrived late due to a Parking Extravaganza, where we tried to find a place to put the car on Queen Street.
We eventually ended up in a scary lot with no attendant. Becky went to put money in the ticket machine, only to find there was NO MONEY SLOT.
She beckoned me out, and after the three of us looked at the machine for about five minutes, I peel off a sticker to reveal the coin slot.
Brilliant.
After we saw In the Wake perform, we all headed down to the green room where we drunkenly told stories. Apparently Kurt Cobain sat in that very room.
I asked the band for swag, but they weren’t very forth-coming with CDs or pins (only Becky managed to get a couple, and I think that’s because she wore them as nipple tassels). In fact, I’m not even sure I’m getting the band’s name right.
At any rate, afterward, to sober up and get some food, we went to McDonald’s (it was about 2am at this point) for some greasy ass fries, then we headed home.
Tomorrow: WORK.

February 1st: I LISTEN TO MUSIC ALL DAY!
REJOICE!
FESTIVAL!
INAPPROPRIATE DANCING!

Games we don't want to play
Same winner everyday
Kill for the second best
Feel no more, feel no less
We have our minutes cut
We lose our feelings but
That's what the movies show
This is where stories go
Stars we don't want to reach
Scars we don't want to stitch
Go where we haven't been
Fly away, time machine
Cloud we will chase him out
Crowds, we will face them down
This is our secret place
Outer space, outer space
Our home forever is outer space
Black stars and endless seas, outer space
You hold your destinies, outer space
Forever we'll be in
Outer space, outer space

Ground we don't want to feel
Found what they didn't steal
Time, we were really lost
Bridges burnt, fingers crossed

We, shall we ever be free
With no guarantee
Life on another plane
Same before, same again

Go where you want to go
So no one ever knows
Only what we decide
Is it gone
Has it died

Dry every tear in my eye
You can tell me why
This is our secret place
Outer space, outer space

Our home forever is, outer space
Black stars and endless seas, outer space
You hold your destinies, outer space
Forever we'll be in
Outer Space, outer space

Outer space is where we get together
And this place we're meant to be
Stars are dancing and the time is fading
Dead forever,
You and me,
You and me
Racing stars and common moons are planets
In the cosmos, we are free
There's no atmosphere
And no obsessions
It'll always be
It'll always be
Our home forever is, outer space
Black stars and endless seas, outer space
You hold your destinies, outer space
Forever we'll be in
Outer Space, outer space
Our home forever is, outer space

February 2nd: I'm sure everybody has now heard the two forehead-slapping stories coming out of the States: "Umbrella base mistaken for landmine in Wisconsin" and "cartoon LEDs mistaken for terrorist threats".
America is obviously suffering from Thief Syndrome; wherein thieves have the most locks on their doors. Perhaps if they stopped bombing and decimating other countries, there wouldn't be a constant paranoia that it will Come Back to Bite them in the Ass.
And speaking of ass-biting, every US citizen should be made to read The Boy Who Cried Wolf, before anybody else makes news headlines over old knickers they suspect to be Weapons of Mass Destruction.
In other geek news…
Me: AHAHAHAHAHROFL! This:
"It's almost 100% confirmed that the Zune phone is coming."
James: Er
Me:"I can only telephone other people with the ZunePhone... Gramma and Bill Gates."
James: How do these people keep getting funding?
Me: BILL GATES. He has a millionbillion of dollars. If I had that kind of cash I would make a 'phone just for me too. And it WOULD be poobrown like the Zune.
James: Soon it'll be all voice interface. You won't even have to touch them. And the screen will be lazer projected.
Me: into your eye?
James: Like a hologram. You wait and see, I have seen the future.
Me: and then when somebody sends you Goatse it'll be like the horror all over again.
James:Also, in the future
James: Opening the case or altering the OS in any way will be illegal copyright infringement
Me: also for smell-o-vision when people are like "omg check it out, Angelina Jolie naked tubgirl.jpg"
Me: and you're like OH GOD

Feb 7th: A few weeks ago Jaime signed up at a local gym; Monday I went with him to work out. My dad/sensei (lol, not stressful at all!) recommended I find a place to practice my techniques that had a punching bag. Low and behold, Jaime’s gym had an entire room devoted to punching bags and blocks of all forms.
Unfortunately the gym management were a bit… Terse. At first they told me it was far too expensive for me, then that I probably wouldn’t want any of their available packages, then they sloughed me off, telling me to give the gym a try for free.
Well, fair enough, I’m used to the approach that most gyms take where they’re prepared to give you their first born son if you sign up for a year.
But I didn’t argue, and I proceeded to try to work out.
It was a bit crowded at first, right after work. All manner of rich bitch was on the unending bank of elliptical machines, and these things were so closely guarded that if you went on one, out of nowhere, a sassy young thing would appear and tell you that it was HER machine and you had to claim it on the sign up sheet.
I immediately dismissed this as ridiculous and went to the weight room with Jaime, where grunting men were far less disconcerting than women with 30$ bottled water and 1000$ tank tops.
Despite that rigmarole, I returned to the gym today and had a good time. I wore my gi, which made me feel less inadequate next to the diamond-studded women (instead of looking at me in condescending judgment, they looked on me in fear).
Luckily Jaime gets free guest passes with his membership, so I get in for free. This is fantastic considering I don’t actually USE 80% of the equipment.
In other news, Jaime and I have been reading the novel Self Made Man, which is a real-life account of a gay woman who disguises herself as a man and infiltrates male culture as one of their own.
There are some really interesting insights into the male psyche, granted nothing the average intelligent woman wouldn’t have figured out, but it’s still nice to look upon the ever entertaining battle of the sexes in a new light.
The writer joins a male bowling league to investigate the working-class-man (who she discovers is understanding and human, much opposed to her initially stereotypical views), a monastery (this bit I found captivating, as the men were so atypical and… Well, religiously strange), and lastly, a high-pressure sales department.
Though the book is extremely well written with many segments that had me laughing out loud, Jaime and I have found a lot to discuss, particularly regarding her views on strip clubs and the “perverted” male state of mind.
I just can’t comprehend, or at least validate in my own mind, that overly feminist view of women ALWAYS being subjugated if they use their bodies as sexual objects. Even when said women admit to liking their jobs as strippers or Hooters Girls, some dried up prune has to argue that she Just Doesn’t Know.
Of course I’m only just past half way through the book, so I’ll elaborate more when it comes to a close. Maybe Norah will redeem her shockingly judgmental views.
In other Gay News (I should make this a permanent item ;p), Jaime forced me to watch Brokeback Mountain, which I, of ALL PEOPLE, had not seen.
I think it was a perfect mix of the hilarity of sheep, raucous cowboy love, and of course, the SADEST ENDING EVER.
Why is it, of all the reviews I read or heard about this movie, nobody mentioned that it will make the steeliest of person DISSOLVE INTO A CRYING BABY.
OH GOD.
IT WAS SO SAD.
IT DESERVES CAPSLOCK OF AGONY.

Feb 11th: So Friday was both the SGS potluck and our departure for Penetanguishene. This involved me being completely laden with supplies for the weekend and several trays of healthy snacks for my colleagues.
Of course the huge tray of veggie noodles and salad was for naught, since people brought such delicious things as pizza, cupcakes, and a heaping pile of eggrolls. Regardless, I saw a few health conscious people (or maybe just polite ones) sampling, but by and large I made way too much.
Regardless, I left the food to be consumed, blasted through my work, and by four o’clock Jaime, Dorian and I had packed into a car and were heading up north. Jitka and Wolfie went on ahead of us by quite a margin of time, but after one flat tire and a new rental car later, they arrived only slightly before us.
The car ride wasn’t particularly eventful; we did hit Friday traffic, it was nauseating, and upon arriving in the beautiful scenery of the woods, we tucked into fast food instead of sampling local splendor.
Give us a break, we were tired, and I was hurling.
I spent the remainder of the weekend trying to recover from motion sickness, and generally felt a little off for the entire time. It takes me a good couple of days to rejuvenate.
Happily it wasn’t all nausea and irritation; I had a blast shoveling out the BBQ with Jaime (which was mainly just frolicking in the 4 feet of snow), going down to see Discovery Harbor (a historical recreation site which was closed for winter, but still quite cool to gaze on), and, of course, playing D&D. The best bit was definitely Dorian’s 16th level poison-dart throwing character; a ninja that couldn’t even climb walls.
In addition to table-top gaming, we also had every consol imaginable. I played the new DDR, Guitar Hero, and Wii Golf (which I found irritating… But I’ll save my Wii-critiques for after I have a proper go at other genres of game). We attempted to play Twilight Princess, but due to an absence of drapes and the presence of wildly reflective snow, that game was too dark to play.
On Sunday everybody packed up and headed back into the city.
And so I reflect and enjoy the quiet solitude of my apartment.

Feb 16th; Ow Ow ow, Fuck Fuck Fuck, my ear hurts and I’m suffering from some sort of indiscernible cold or flu. I used to be able to self diagnose even BEFORE I was completely ill, but now that I’ve kicked the chronic bronchitis it’s all mysteries and ear pains. This is two illnesses in a row where I’ve had ear pains!
And you know what? I would rather have any of my reoccurring illnesses of the past instead of this!
When I was young, it was my stomach. Up until grade seven I had the stomach flu every couple of months; and it really wasn’t so bad. On the plus side I could eat ice cream and cheeseburgers and big cups of frothy chocolate milk because I’d be barfing it up anyway! Hurrah! Just like Mardi Gras!
Then when I moved to Van, a combination of school stress and the SHITHAT WEATHER OVER THERE gave me deadly deadly bronchitis, which I wrestled with until late last year (strangely enough it took beginning smoking, then quitting smoking to kick that insane illness).
And even with the HORROR THAT WAS COUGHING UP BLOOD, I would rather be doing that than having this MYSTERIOUS EAR PAIN.
I don’t even get headaches. I just don’t get them. My head always remains pain-free. The rest of my body is constantly riddled with aches and agonies, and I can deal with them.
SO WHY DOES THE COLD NOW GO FOR MY ONE HEALTHY AREA!!!!!!!?
MY EARRRRRRRRRRRRRS!
::WRITHS AROUND::

Update...
I was bumming around when there came a knock at the door. I open it to find the most unlikely of characters: MY DAD. He won the Best Lecturer contest and was in Toronto to accept the award. EEEe! It's still so surreal!

Feb 20th: Today was warm for the first time all winter, and I learned about Jesus:

Dorian

Things went downhill from there; when I got home there was a letter waiting for me from my landlords, who said they were renting out my apartment due to failure to pay rent and that I had said I was leaving (but didn't give enough notice).
All of that, of course, was BS and I had to clear it up.
What a pain in my ass, though.
The good news is, despite all that malarkey, I got a dentist's appointment. Woot.

Feb 24th: So, to make up for the extreme dullness of my week, I crammed as many Interesting Things into today as I could. I managed to...

1. Adopt a rat
For a few days Jaime and I had been looking at a cute old rat named Brownie, who was available for the adoption at the SPCA. After a morning of luxuriating in bed, we headed down to fetch our rat.
I didn't really know what to expect at the SPCA, I suspected it would be a sort of a pound, but it was nothing like that. First of all, there were people EVERYWHERE, it was more like a zoo than an animal adoption service. I couldn't believe the number of people just milling around, looking at potential pets.
We eventually found the "small animals" room, which was split between rats (all above 3 months old! ;___;) and rabbits.
I found Brownie's cage (he was caged alone due to "high stress levels") and interacted with him while Jaime read Brownie's chart.
Apparently he was an experiment animal, bred by Charles River Rats (woot, a good breeder). Brownie and his brother (who was caged separately since the two fought) were rescued by some nameless individual who was forced to give them to the SPCA due to moving out of the country.
I was prepared for just about anything, including getting bitten, mainly because they had him in the most awkward cage where the sole opening was a tiny trap door in the top. It was clearly a hamster cage. They also had his food down in the cage WITH him, and it was obviously bird food or some varient. It's not technically BAD for the rat, I mean they can eat anything, I just felt bad having to claw at him through that terrible little trap door.
Once we'd made friends with Brownie (henceforth named Marsbars) we transfered him to the cage that I had brought and proceeded to the interview, where a woman that knew next to nothing about rats asked us questions about pet care.
I didn't even have to try to pass the interview after this conversation happened:
Her: "What's this bedding you have?"
Me: "It's bedacob. It's better for old rats because the shavings might cause them respiratory distress."
Her: "Ooooh!"
She also watched me take this "anti-social" rat and cuddle with him for a good couple minutes. He was quite chill; I think they've taken his oldness the wrong way. Marsbars isn't high stress (in fact he's VERY used to noises and people's movements) nor is he against company. He's quite happy to be handled.
Once we'd signed out Jaime and I caught a cab and took Marsbars home. The cabbie was hilarious. He was completely flummoxed by our keeping a rat as a pet (though one Jaime explained that rats were clean and nice, the cabbie immediately said we should get Marsbars a lady rat so he can 'live life to the fullest" ^_^;).
Upon arriving home we gave Marsbars some treats and got him settled in.
And here he is being content to finally have nutritious food and a relatively quiet environment:

2. Buy the entire Final Fantasy series
On our way to the Bloor Theater, Jaime and I stopped in the giant record store that's beside it. Inside, among the endless collection of vinyl we found a small video game section that offered PSX games for a surprisingly cheap price. We bought the entire S-NES FF series (minus 3, which is unreleased in NA so far as I know) as well as Chrono Trigger.
All the games are in pristine condition! The CDs are untouched and all the games have their original booklets. Color me giddy over the prospect of FF4j with the cut scenes, and FF1, 2j, and 5j, which I haven't played!

3. See "Perfume" at the Bloor
Perfume was an awesome movie; it deals with an entire world that was unfamiliar to me. The entire filming is so epic, and realistic, up until the very end- which I hated. But I rarely like the way things end, I think because when I'm really enjoying a story, I don't want it to be over.

4. Call the cops
When we arrived back home after the movie, laden down with groceries and our gaming purchases, Jaime and I were greeted with a piercing alarm in the lobby (though the rest of the building's alarms weren't going off). I looked at the display panel, and it read that there was excess heat detected in the 6th floor electrical room.
Jaime and I went up to the 6th floor and I looked into the electrical panels to find nothing out of the ordinary.
Regardless, once we had landed, Jaime called the non-emergency police (we couldn't find the non-emerg fire line for some reason). I have no idea if they actually came, since they didn't buzz me at all, but when I went to check at 2am, the alarm had ceased.
With that, finally, to sleep.

Feb 25th: The fire alarm went off at 7:45; it wasn't the 6th floor exploding in an electrical fire, though. It was somebody on 3rd burning their breakfast.
Why fags will pull the alarms over toast on fire will forever remain a mystery to me.
I've been tired all day, but despite that, I managed to clean the apartment, do the laundry, and rock the FF6j. Wootwoot.

Feb 27th: In a rash decision, days ago, as he submitted his Oscar ballot, Dorian said if he won, he would take me to lunch at King Café (a notoriously expensive vegetarian restaurant).
Yesterday Dorian won the office Oscar pool.
Today we dined in finery!
I think D himself put it best, “what’s the point of winning if you can’t rub it somebody’s face?” ;)
In other news, my two latest books, American Gods and Self Made Man have come to an end. As I promised, my final thoughts on Self Made Man: bitch who wrote it needs to not judge people. Clean up your own back yard.
But despite seeming so high-and-mighty throughout the book, she eventually had a guilty break-down in the last chapter. So I suppose all was retributive, and the positive points of the book stand (I discussed them before, but to revisit, an interesting look into the less visited cultural male nooks, such as a monastery and a crywalking retreat to the forest).
American Gods was much better, but also much worse. Self Made Man was a psychological study with real people and from-life accounts, so there were no characters for me to get attached to.
American Gods had Mr Wednesday, who fucking DIED.
ARGH.
I can’t write intelligently about novels I’ve enjoyed, because I just want to make sweet love to the characters, but here were my basic stages of enjoyment:
1. Mr Wednesday and Shadow are totally fucking.
2. OH HOLY GOD MR WEDNESDAY DIED! NOOOOO!
3. Ew, Mr Wednesday is Shadow’s dad! AUGH. I pictured them porking. X_x
4. Laura is annoying and gross. But the description of her decomposition is keen.
5. Is Shadow dead? I don’t care.
6. Mystical Spirit Quest, boring boring boring.
7. I KNEW THERE WAS A GOD IN THAT SHITTY LITTLE TOWN.
8. Ftw. Shadow still sucks. THE END.
Next up: re-reading Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. So far, I have noticed something, get ready for it…
“Harry dashed to the bed at once, untied the cords around Errol’s legs, took off the parcel…”
It’s official, if Ron sent the package, he is mentally retarded. If it’s Mrs Weasley, she’s drunk. Errol isn’t decrepit because he’s old, it’s because they TIE HIS LEGS TOGETHER during every voyage, preventing him from landing and resting.
Any owl would be short lived from that treatment.
This is only further proof that the Weasley’s house is full of iron paint and they’ve all got a touch of the Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.

February 28th: Yay, payday! Now quotespam...

Re: Penny Arcade Restaurant Scene

James

BackDoor Sluts for the Wii:

Dorian

Grandpa Simpson part 2:

Dorian

And More Pontification on American Gods:

Dorian

March 2nd: So after getting the strange (and hilarious) weather prediction of "Thunder Snow", it actually happened in the late evening; after a flash of lightning and a clap of thunder the sky opened up and several feet of sticky snow fell over Toronto, clogging all the roads and completely disabling several tram routs (namely, MINE).
I left work a bit early, predicting that it would get worse before it got better. Indeed, my theory was sound. While walking home, the first half the trek was just very, very snowy.
The city was nearly whited out, but it was relatively calm, just a lot of precipitation.

Spadina clogged with traffic

The wind started to pick up shortly after that, and on the last stretch the wind-chill was so cold and the wind so fast that I had to actually fight to walk forward, and the entirety of my hair (eyelashes, eyebrows) were covered in ice.
I looked fantastic. Irritable, but fabulous.
Then, upon entering my abode, I melted and spent the night freezing.
Though the building heat was on the wind was so strong and the temperature outside so low that my uninsulated windows and doors did nothing against the droughts that came in.
By nightfall the snow had turned to freezing rain and the entire city was encased in ice.

Ice

To give you an idea of the drama of it all, the pigeon netting on my balcony was covered in ice, as was the glass part of my balcony rail, so that you could hardly see the city beyond.
I finally managed to fall asleep around 2am, and sometime after that, the power went out. I know this because my alarm didn't ring this morning, and I woke up late only to find that the storm had taken a serious toll on my apartment building.
The internet, telephone, and water were all off. Some water came back around 10 o'clock, but the pressure was so low that it wouldn't fill to toilet tank (I had to do this manually from the trickle of water that managed to get from the faucets).
Luckily the walk to work wasn't slippery. With sunrise came record high temperatures, melting the massive piles of snow and ice and turning the city into a veritable pond.
I laugh in uproarious joy at the dumb asses that went out in sneakers today.

March 6th:
Another TTC Rant
Entitled
The Bathurst Shitcar, Rollin' on By

Oh Bathurst Streetcar, why do you drive on by when there are upwards of 100 people waiting in the blistering cold? I'm not really clear on the PURPOSE of having cars drive past the station, when they are obviously NOT Out of Service.
If I had a metro-pass, I could catch a tram in under a minute by going and standing at the first stop out of the station, but as it is, I would have to pay another fare to do that, so I stay out in the cold, watching not one, not two, not three, but FOUR trams roll on by.
Most irritating is the fact that, upon exiting the subway, there WAS an active tram sitting there. In fact, it waited until the five-or-so people who came off the subway with me had run to its doors to SLAM them in their faces and drive away, cackling and ringing it's little bell.
Oh Bathurst Streetcar, one day, one day I will taste sweet vengeance. I'm not sure how, considering my industry isn't directly related at all. And I have no power as a citizen to say anything when I am, technically, within walking distance (but in negative 25?!).
Perhaps I'll write a bitchy letter.
Oh Bathurst Streetcar, I can't wait until it's warmer and I can walk again, denying you the 3$ you rape me for every day, because I'm tired of looking at your drivers' shitty little faces in their warm little trams, ringing their maddening little bells as they ROLL ON BY.

March 12th:

Like, a year away because everything here is so fucking-far-apart.

This weekend, I drove. I drove around and around, maxed out the miles and went through three tanks of gas with the rented car.
But, on the plus side, casualties were low and I am slightly more prepared for my G2 exit- though I'm sure driving for more than 10h within 2 days is the driving-world equivalent of cramming.
It was also extremely nice to see my parents and (though less exciting) finally retrieved the last chair to my dinette.
Now, the magic that is Toronto Driving... IN QUOTES:

No Left Turn, 1am-12pm

Jaime

Country Roooooad:

Jaime

Blindness #1:

Jaime

Blindness #2:

Jaime

Little Chaos Town:

Jaime

Is Anybody Else Gonna Have Fries?:

Jaime

Softest of all Dogs:

Jaime

March 14th:
James: To be fair, my friend is a pretty constant alcoholic, the man is falling backwards and upside down in that photo and his beer is perfectly level
Me: o
I mean
YES
alcoholics foten
know how thandle their booer
James: Are you typing with your ass again?

Me: I am going to ninja out of here ::Unhooks your bra
SheeSHAAaaaaa
James: GASP!
Me: Whoooo whooo ::Smokebomb
c u in teh location
James: Wait!
Me: what!
I'm in the middle of escaping dramatic

Yes, as you’ve so cleverly devised, work is boring.

March 15th: The Penny Arcade Slash Affair
Last night, I was feeling a little down. Jaime asked me if he could draw something to cheer me up. On a whim, I asked for Gabe/Tycho slash.
I hadn’t actually thought on it before, but the fact is- I have never run into this pairing online.
This only really means anything if you’ve browsed my site, and realize I’ve seen pretty much everything. And I mean this literally, wholeheartedly, in the the-mythbusters-chibi-slash, kind of way.
And, I must admit, I love obscure pairings, so this one peeked my interest.
Today I actively searched for Penny Arcade slash. My first sweep of the internet garnered a whole lot of nothing, mainly because the terms “slash” “gabe” and “tycho” are mentioned by every single person in the world at least once a minute.
An hour later, with every query I could imagine, using every modifier configuration available, I’m horrified to report THERE IS NO PENNY ARCADE SLASH.
Well, not entirely. There is one(1) ficlet, and two(2) pieces of art, which I will not judge here, since it’s painfully obvious who the authors are. Suffice to say, my eyes have just now finished bleeding.
So, seriously, fangirls, fangirls everywhere, What the SHIT! I refuse to believe I’m the only slash fan that reads PA and can draw and/or write. There MUST be others. What horrible little cranny of the internet am I forgetting to Earthwhile probe!?
What adds insult to injury is the fact that MOST results for PA Slash are people discussing how they HATE it.
Now- seriously, here. How can you HATE something with such vehemence when it doesn’t even FUCKING EXIST?!
My defeat will not go without retribution!
It’s time… TO DRAW!

March 16th: Sometimes you run into people that are so mindblowingly ignorant that you have to laugh to keep from giving up the very well to continue living.

Posted by: jerryleecooper Posted on: 03/14/07

Are you saying that this linux can run on a computer without windows underneath it, at all? As in, without a boot disk, without any drivers, and without any services?
That sounds preposterous to me.
If it were true (and I doubt it), then companies would be selling computers without a windows. This clearly is not happening, so there must be some error in your calculations. I hope you realise that windows is more than just Office ? Its a whole system that runs the computer from start to finish, and that is a very difficult thing to acheive. A lot of people dont realise this.
Microsoft just spent $9 billion and many years to create Vista, so it does not sound reasonable that some new alternative could just snap into existence overnight like that. It would take billions of dollars and a massive effort to achieve. IBM tried, and spent a huge amount of money developing OS/2 but could never keep up with Windows. Apple tried to create their own system for years, but finally gave up recently and moved to Intel and Microsoft.
Its just not possible that a freeware like the Linux could be extended to the point where it runs the entire computer fron start to finish, without using some of the more critical parts of windows. Not possible.
I think you need to re-examine your assumptions.

Me: Apple gave up eh?
"iPhone"
"A pipedream because it couldn't run from beginning to end"
"and not a lot of people realized that"
Dorian: "the Linux"
Viger
are you on the Linux?
Me: Only a bump in the morning

And now, to balance the *nix, the obligatory Girl Advise.

Dorian

March 17th: A few weeks ago, Dorian gave me a disc of episodes from the American remake of The Office (for those of you not in the know, it was originally a British comedy). Being a fan of shows like The IT Crowd and Red Dwarf, I had admittedly high hopes that The Office would be the same brand of witty banter.
As a great poet once said- I have never been so far from the funny. I didn’t find the show entertaining at all. In fact, when I wasn’t grimacing at the sheer pain of the actor’s delivery, I was as stony-faced as if I were watching the news (or more appropriately, surveillance of an actual office).
I know it was supposed to be awkward humor, subtle humor, but all I got out of it was a kind of simmering irritation.
I hated the characters; the weak secretary who lets herself get trod on, the asinine boss, and the forgettable cast of Other Characters that flit in and out of horrifyingly drawn out scenes that try to broach difficult things like sexism and racism in the office.
The thing is it’s neither sensational nor funny. It’s just sad. It’s the sad truth that office life is, for the most part, soul-breaking boring work that leaves you feeling like shit at the end of the day, and those within the corporate ladder who try to be “fun” just end up being irritating prats that you dread dealing with on a daily basis.
I wasn’t about to be biased, though. After perusing forums, I found a lot of people claiming the American remake ruined the original series.
Today I rented said series and watched the episodes I had seen of the remake as well as a few others.
It’s, by and large, scene-for-scene, the same show. There are a few different jokes, the language is obviously full of British slang, but that’s where the difference ends. It’s the same depressing, drawn out attempt at being funny, which flounders, tries once again to get to its feet, and upon failing, flops sadly until the credits roll.
Now, honestly… What is the appeal of this show?

March 18th: It’s been months. Months and months of collecting Diet Coke cans. A grueling winter has passed, and the multiplicity of my caffeine addiction detritus have accumulated on Jaime’s balcony.
This all began sometime in November 2006, after Jaime claimed to have read that Toronto would start a coin return for cans, much like the system in Van, where you bring back plastic bottles and aluminum cans to any Shoppers Drug Mart or grocery store and get some change back.
After doing a bit of research of my own, I have found this to be a BOLD FACED LIE.
And my suspicions that Jaime’s ability to “speed read” is simply skipping pertinent information and skimming ahead to whenever cock is mentioned, has been once and for all, conclusively proven.
So after witnessing the unholy racket made by the cans (oh, they were just thrown onto the balcony willy-nilly, did I mention that? Our original attempts at organizing them quickly fell apart as we opted to just throw empty receptacles out the door and hope for the best) whenever the wind caught them up and threw them around the porch.
In the misleading sunlight, we braved the cold and took six garbage bags down to the recycle bins of the apartment building, all but filling the half-dozen giant blue bins provided for all tenants to deposit their recycling for the week.

March 20th:
The Raconteurs, Covering Bang Bang:

James

Covering, Pt 2, the iRectum:

James

March 22nd: The Fountain: I’m sure everybody thinks that it’s A Masterpiece.
Of course, I do not.
After coming out of the movie ranting and raving, I think the main thing that irritated me about The Fountain was the fact that it was from an entirely emotional perspective.
At this point, I can just FEEL fans bristling to argue: "but death IS emotional!" and "the movie was about the very personal theme of coming to terms with mortality, so people are entitled to experience the entire gamut of emotions very powerfully."
Yes, death is difficult for both the person who's coming to their end (and often finds spirituality to help deal with it, as did the woman in the film), and their loved ones, who are left with much less tangible solutions. While the person who is going through the chemical brain changes of death can -most of the time- easily come to terms with it, as it's a biological process (in this case, brain cancer, which gave the female lead creative resources and the ability to feel new spirituality very strongly -for her, the Mayan culture), those around are on their own when it comes to finding solutions. It's an interesting topic for discussion, and, I'll admit, is at home in a really gripping film.
I just couldn't see past the frustration I felt at the male lead. First and foremost, the character is a scientist. True, even the mighty PhD isn't immune to fear and sorrow, but it should be in his NATURE to stop for a moment, stop raging misplaced anger at his dying wife for a moment, and think about what he's doing.
He's trying to cure cancer in DAYS, while his wife lays dying of that very disease, and due to the stress of the time limit, becomes more and more short tempered with her.
Any scientist worth his weight in salt would stop at the juncture and remember the countless studies of Failure to Thrive. When somebody is in a state of distress, ill, or dying or elderly, what they need is LOVED ONES AROUND THEM.
What they do not need is Mr. Scientist rushing off in a fit of anger to go tinker with the monkeys and his fabled cure. What pushed me over was, when questioned about abandoning his wife, he replies that she's "resting".
Now, I may be asking too much of the director, who clearly isn't a medical professional, but a scientist should know that REST DOES NOT CURE CANCER.
The best he could do was, instead of being selfish and trying to keep her alive for HIMSELF (which was literally the case, as she says she's come to terms with her condition), he should have been brave, not run away from her (and facing her illness) and spent her last moments at her side.
Maybe if he had done that, her symbolic ghost would not have haunted him!
THAT is what a hard-hitting movie should be about. The haphazard quest to defining one's mortality has been DONE before.
Yes, it’s a sad reality that people struggle with death, but instead of showing the world characters that handle it as poorly as real life individuals, they should have driven home the point that in reality, where very few have REAL spiritual realizations (like those depicted in the film) the best thing to do in the face of death is to hold your loved one close, be with them in their final hour, hear what they have to say (no matter how hard it is for YOU to bear), and do all the things (within their capabilities) that made you love them in the first place.

March 22nd:
Dorian: did you put it on DeviantArt?
Me: Naw, I don't have an account
Don't you remember the debacle
Dorian: right
you are a child porn monger
Me: No! For once it wasn't about the children.
They took down pieces of art because the gender of the characters was "questionable"
so then I drew giant cocks
on everybody
and called the mods cunts
also there was some Altercations
which ended in me being banned
and creating about a dozen alternate accounts and harassing them
until I eventually lost interest
Dorian: aha
you look like an elf
but inside you are all troll
Me: lol
Dorian: ...
Dorian: omfg
I won a coffee
I am going to shit my pantsu
Me: psl
Dorian: wha?
Me: how long have you been trying now
like 5 years of being disgusting TimiHo's coffee
just to win another

March 30th: So in the constant storm of excitement that is my life, Jaime came home with a guitar that he has no idea how to play. As you may have suspected, I think this is fantastic.
We can reap terrible vengence on my neighbour simply by Learning to Play an Instrument.
I, for one, am completely god-awful at it, making fantastic mistakes including “holding the guitar upside-down and backward”.
In the interest of not having to puzzle it out through wits alone, we went to BMV books (a massive discount book warehouse) where Jaime picked up some Guitar for Dummies type manuals.
I hung out in the science section and spent a good hour looking for CompSci to no avail.
Eventually I found the computer books, in the basement, which is the “dollar or less” floor. They had glorious contemporary titles such as "Personal Organizers: The Future" (telling me, in detail, how to work my Palm3), and "The Online Revolution", which explained such baffling tasks as “calling your e-mail program to come up on your computer screen”. Included was a CDROM of Sympatico Internet service.
If I HAD a ‘phone line, I surely would have bought the book and experienced the Information Age for myself. Unfortunately, I’ll just have to make due with DSL.
Jaime and I also embarked on a culinary adventure, trying Korean BBQ for the first time.
For those of you who don’t know, Korean BBQ is when you spend 40$ to cook your own food; they bring you a dozen small appetizers (like kimchi and radish) and then a dozen dishes of varied meats, fish and a total of one veggie selection.
Initially we had some noob questions like “do we put the food directly on the grill” and “what is this, this, this, and that thing there that looks like a glob of bile”.
Eventually we ascertained what everything was and how the grill worked, save for one dish. When asked what the blood-covered mash was and the waiter simply said “beef”. After he left...
Me: Is it really?
Jaime: … [Chewing] … Maybe- Yes. It’s… Pieces of cow.
Me: But what PART of the cow.
Jaime: It’s the face.
Me: LoLz.

Later…
Me: We’re never going to make it through all these fish plates.
Jaime: Push through the pain!
Me: It’s not that I’m full, it’s that it’s disgusting. I hate fish, and THAT [points to grill] is making it worse.
Jaime: [tending the grill] Awww yah, the mackerel is mixing with the face juice.
Me: Silence of the Laaaambs.

Later… Jaime: I wonder if they ever have any napkin related accidents.
Me: How would it even get in the grill?
Jaime: Like, they’re passing it to you and it falls in.
Me: It would just burn up in there- unless you went after it.
Jaime: I would. I was taught to know the value of a paper napkin.
Me: I didn’t think I would get another one!
Jaime: Wiping your face with the charred remains.
Me: Napkin charcoal beard. Is there something on my face?
Jaime: Frugality.

March 31st: On our way to the Silver Snail, Jaime and I stopped off at the Chinatown Center to see if the cosplay shop there had opened up; apparently it only opens its doors and has people staffing it 1 month prior to the con. What the shit, I say. Who waits that long to know who they're going to be- or at least have a costume.
Well, maybe the people who are willing to pay 500$ to look like Yuna.
With that bad news, we went to drown our sorrows in the shitty little arcade downstairs. It used to have a great bank of PCs in the middle, but that's been replaced with pool tables.
Aurhg.
But we dodged the crazy kids flailing cues and played a few rounds of Capcom vs SNK. My team of Voodooman, Tentacle Monster and Magneto remained unbeatable for much of it, then less important news of Jaime winning a few rounds, which I'll just glaze over.
We also took a crack at the half-working fps Time Crisis.
Next time, DDR.
By the time we got to Silver Snail, they were just ready to close, but we got a few good ogles at the action figures. Shitty, though- I figured they'd be open late on the weekends.
On our way home, we checked out the clothing stores on Queen St, which reduced the two of us to tears on more than one occasion. Our style has become chic, making it a terrible sin for either of us to go on in our current wardrobes.
When we finally landed back home, we watched Bible Black, New Testament, which was as horrifying as it was well animated. But I'll talk about it in more detail with my review next week- if my flipping site is back up by then. ARGh.
Oh, and excitement! My musical peckerface neighbor has moved out. After three solid days of him making, what I can only assume to be, SWEET HOT MONKEY LOVE to his CUPBOARDS and disassembling small aircraft carriers in the dead of night, we heard him drunkenly exclaim "goodbye apartment", and bang his way down the hall at 2am.
I think I speak for everybody on my floor when I say, FUCK YOU ASSRAMMER.
YOUR SINGING GAVE ME EARCANCER.
AND I HOPE YOU GET BIRDFLU.
Kthx.

April 2nd: I have booked my driving test. Finally.
I tried to do it last night, online, but the fucking site failed. After waiting for AGES, as the page informed me to "please wait" but with no actual activity at all, (SUSPICION!) it took my credit card # and ran off into the night, leaving me only with a looping GIF of penis cars.
Cry.
So, I called the DMV today and suffered through the automated telephone booking, but finally gave up and screamed obscenities into it until I got an operator, who spoke to me as if I was mentally retarded. So I responded in kind, and finally got an appointment.
Instead of trying to get my full license, which I would fail, because I'm a terrible driver that runs over people at least once every time I get behind the wheel, I'm going to just do the G1 exit again.
This way, I can have another 5 years of easy-street with my G2. I think that's worth it, really. Unfortunately this means another road trip, and 5-fucking-hour drive to Suds so I don't have to take the bloody test in TO, which would be IMPOSSIBLE.
I mean, even driving around without an instructor breathing in your ear, asking if he has coffee breath, and if it's disconcerting to have another man's stubble rubbing up against your stubble- Toronto streets defy all logic. You HAVE to do illegal things just to save from running over 100's of immigrants at a time.
I hate cars.
But I hate the TTC more.
And the Greyhound more than that.
But now's not the time for my Chartered-Coaches-Suck-Balls rant.
You know my life.

April 4th: I title this rant...
Gizmodo Commentors, WTF;
At least twice a day I see people reply to funny and/or ridiculous posts with "how is this a gadget" or "this is stupid" or (because I'm sure they think it's still v. clever) "April Fools was days ago!".
Personally, I LIKED the Macpac. It was HILARIOUS. I ENJOYED reading about it. I don't ENJOY reading about 600 different cellular phones, but do I stop into every single one and post about how This Is Enough Phonilis?
No.
No I don't.
That's because I'm not a douchebag.
Why are you complaining about a singular post -or even a few posts- that were not to your liking? Is it because they wasted your time?
LIAR.
Your time is as worthless as my Palm3.
And if your time really WAS precious, you wouldn't spend twenty minutes crafting a scathing reply detailing why soap can never be a gadget.
Everybody knows your priorities consist of WoW and prising the saltiest peanut from the bottom of the jar.
Maybe you feel the need to insult the bloggers because their "non-gadget" posts offend you.
To this I say: tough shit, kid.
The world is full of things we would rather not see. A few come to mind- Tubgirl, Goatse, and most of Space Ghetto. But we PUT ON A BRAVE FACE keep perusing the internets, because sometimes, amid thousands of awesome posts about shit you would have otherwise been ignorant about, there will be some things you find boring and/or tawdry.
This is called Life.
You can wiki it if need be.

April 10th: Time for a much overdo weekend summary; most of Friday I spent moving Jaime into my apartment, which, interspersed with frequent GTA breaks once we got the TV set up, took up every day except Sunday.
Sunday we met up with the D&D crew and polished off the first story arch of our campaign. Luckily, nobody perished, even when a little engulfing-with-giant-fireball and much panicking happened. Luckily I was wielding a magical scimitar, and with the help of some fire-resistant magic, all went well (after the initial “let’s try to fight it with canteens” plan, which was admittedly pretty gay- but hindsight is always 20/20).
Other memorable moments included:
The Mini-pig: at one point in a rotating room, the floor opened up. The only person to fumble their save was our most heavily-laden character, Cookie (the cook), who rides atop his war pig, Suzanne. Both took a plunge into a pit full of water, and promptly sank. So our nature-elf, with all her love of animals, decided to save The Pig (not our comrade… Uh…) by shrinking it.
Of course all our supplies fell off the animal and resided at the bottom of the pit until we managed to rescue Cookie, and after some dithering, went in for our sodden cheese and utensils.
It took 3h for Suzanne to return to her normal size so we could reload her with our baggage and carry on.
Hungry Wolves: Our mission in the dungeon was to kill the baddies and free the wolves, but unlike the sentient matriarchic wolf, the others were just… Wolves. We found a room full caged wolves, and while fighting the monsters, they were all barking and flipping out, so we thought “why not free them so they can help”.
Of course, in true style, we didn’t send the empathic nature elf, but the cook, who’s covered in bacon fat and chicken wings.
After an initial bit of melee, we waited until all the battling was well over to let them run free.
The Magic ‘Fridge: At one point we found a cabinet with a “cooling drawer”, “warming drawer” and “spicing drawer”. The Orc immediately fell in love with it, and decided to take it with us- which proved amazing as when we exited the dungeon, we were ambushed by skeletons, a necromancer, a vampire, and some soldiers. The Orc tossed the ‘fridge at the necromancer, promptly (and hilariously) crushing her and her minions. The ‘fridge remained unscathed.

April 23rd: I have returned victorious, boasting a shiny new sticker on my license which allows me to go into fire dungeons and endanger the lives of others for another five years.
VICTOLY!
The weekend was fantastic as well; the warm weather is officially upon us, and Jaime and I spent it in the relatively clear air of Sudbury, where we rolled around in nature. It was so great we didn't even mind the allergies that ensued. The sun stayed for the entire 4 days, which made cruising around cake.
Driving back was especially good, mainly because I did most of it (which saved me on the car-sickness that inevitably comes when I'm not at the wheel).
Arriving back in the city, and the wonderful land of wifi and DSL, I was horrified to find I HAD MISSED EVERYTHING.
For the second time I have been trapped in the land of 56k during a celebrity hacking.
WHY OH WHY COULDN'T IT HAVE BEEN ME THAT MSG'D PARIS PICTURES OF HER OWN VAGINA?!

April 25th: Now the horror won't end! I took the "official online road test" and failed it miserably. Damn the man who invented safety memes. Or any meme that doesn't just tell me what color my Care Bear doppelgänger is.
Seriously, though- some of the questions included what to do if your car is engulfed in a cloud of smoke and/or dust and what to do on a road with no lights.
WHAT! These are not real situations for anybody other than Grizzly Adams.
After everybody else passed the test (I suspect treachery) I have ROUND 2 CHALLENGE BBs:

#24: Ur car iz full of smokez frum hitting tha herb. Whut 2 do?

#25: A truck has burst dramatical from the highway!!111
a) oh noes
b) swerve
c) emergency lights
d) hide in smokecloud

#26: Majestic deers won't stop jumping all up in your way, pull ______
a) to the left
b) to the right
c) my wang. deers r hawt. yiff
d) out my camera I'm a fag

#27: Your car smells like dead otters:
a) lock tha trunk, u gonna need a warrant 4 that
b) pull over and engage emergency lights
c) gun it to the edge of a precipice and roll out @ last min
d) busted ass shoes
e) idk, idk I'm going 2 fast backward down tha freeway 2 no lollol!

April 27th: The Vaudeville Show.
Jaime and I ventured down into the depths of the Drake for a show that claimed to have burlesque, magic, and telepathy.
Now, the weather has just started getting warmer, tonight was decent for walking around without arctic gear on, and all the clubs were reeling in the kids at full force- even pubs and restaurants that hazarded to stay open late where spilling over with people.
Needless to say, the turn-out for the show was low.
In fact, the entire audience was made up of the premiering first dancer’s friends. Why they put her on FIRST was beyond me. She was obviously nervous, and had absolutely no clue what a burlesque tease was about. I’ve seen worn-out bacony strippers with more sensuality than this beanpole that stiffly seizured up on stage.
After we were all sufficiently thinspired by her naked form, and she had skulked off into the arms of her waiting friends (far be it from me to judge, but if EVERYBODY in the room –save for Jaime and I- were her friends, why was there not MOAR CHEERING? Seems like vain people really do have shitty pals), the show went on with a few more “dancers”.
I won’t go into deal about every single performer, but I think this will sum it up: a 100lb overweight belly dancer with clothes that looked pilfered from the Hot Topic remainder bin was by far the best dancer.
Fortunately, the painful selection of eroticism wasn’t the only part of the show. The two decent performers were the magician and his lovely assistant who allowed herself to be stapled and cut by various people. If anything is entertaining, it’s not only seeing a girl shove roofing nails in her nose, but the hilarity of some gormless audience member having to go up and pull them out with his teeth. Now THAT’S entertainment.
Honorable mention goes to the magician, simply because his final act was PRICELESS.
First, a little lead up…
The magician got up on stage, looked slick, and did a little fast-talking and some tricks with playing cards and Rhine cards with participation from audience members. He also did one skit where he detected where a girl was touching her shoulders, which hand she held a fork in, and then bent the fork with his mind.
The way that he did this was obviously not real psi, so I was a bit disappointed, but nevertheless, entertained.
But for the final trick, he picked Jaime to be his assistant. The magician duct taped his own eyes (with Jaime checking that they were really sealed), and then HAD JAIME DRAW SOMETHING.
I was seriously shitting myself. Of all the vapid girls and douchebags in the audience, he picked Jaime the fantastic artist.
But, unfortunately, Jaime’s a nice guy, and drew something simple- which the magician easily guessed!
He said the color, the fact it was organic, and then drew a carrot, which was just what Jaime had drawn.
Although I’m aware this was also not remote viewing (that’s not how it works) it was extremely cool to see.
Though, admittedly, I’m disappointed Jaime didn’t draw a cock.

May 3rd: WORK DROUGHT.
My day consists of refreshing gadget pages between checking the database for crumbs of work.
I'm the internets hobo, begging for change. Spare a post about the newest 1Tb drive? Oh come on, ONE MORE SIDE NOTE about Halo III!
THERE HASN'T BEEN A POST ON BB FOR 2 MINUTES.
I've been reduced to reading CELEBRITY NEWS.
The most I've accomplished in the past week is ordering a shitload of HP Marauders dojin, despite the fact NOBODY DONATES TO THE SITE.
Seriously, I was convinced by my very OPTIMISTIC friends that the burden of Gongaga didn't have to be mine alone, and of course guests would gladly donate me their spare change to ensure I didn't have to eat dog food to keep up with content.
Well, let me tell you, that this is a LIE.
Unless you have a pre-existing fan base of lonely adult gamers that have nowhere else to throw their lucrative income except AT YOU, then you will NEVAR GET DONATIONS. Unless you camho.
If I owned those Sonic nipple tassels I'm always going on about... But no. Internet whoredom isn't for everybody.
So give it up. Nobody wants to buy your lovingly handcrafted BS, and nobody wants to pay for something they get for free.
Not that I'd ever turn Gongaga into a pay site, I just like taking a completely valid opportunity to call all of you NO GOOD SPENDTHRIFTS.
<3 <3 <3
Love as always.

May 4th: Facebook.
This whole "social networking site" craze is getting ridiculous. I've been asked, in the past four days, by half a dozen people to join Face Book.
Now, it's not FB itself I have a problem with.
I understand that some people like being constantly pestered by the unremarkable people from their past, they enjoy living in a world of nagging high school reunions every time they check their inbox.
What bothers me about the whole thing is how much people are flabbergasted when I refuse to join.
MY GOD! I don't want to take some camho shots and revel in the fact that I'm much more successful and good looking than the people I've known in the past?! I don't want to check up on exes? What could POSSIBLY be wrong with me?
Oh, wait, yes- I don't give a damn.
Call it apathy, call it snobbery, or call it adulthood, but dredging up the distant past of people I didn't like then, and certainly have no interest in getting to know NOW, well it's not my ideal way of being greeted every morning.
To be honest, the "let's keep in touch" e-mail from long-lost peers has happened to me a few times, and I DREAD it. No, I don't respond. No, you WEREN'T my friend, and YES I still remember it was you that shoved me in the lockers and coerced the entire gym class into pummeling me with volley balls.
And even if I did care to settle old scores, who exactly ENJOYS having this conversation; Me: Oh, I'm in animation. I've been working steadily for a studio since graduation, payed off my debts, living in a nice little apartment in the Annex of Toronto.
Them: I WORK AT TIMMY HO'S.
Me: Um. That's great.
Them: I AIN'T GONE TO SKOO.
Me: Fantastic. Well, look at that time.
Them: I GOT ALL THE TIME IN THA WORLD.
Me: Yes, yes you do.
And this is when the FB fans are like, "you don't HAVE to do it that way, you can use Face Book to network with new people and join forums that interest you!".
Well, yes. But if I want to network for career reasons, I'll do it in person, not through a site that's 80% teen jailbait camwhores.
*~Professionalism. ~*
And as for finding forums full of interesting people that are just DYING to talk to me about the things I like? Well, I don't have to go providing pictures of me looking like a tool to do that.
It's called 4chan.
So if you can't contain yourself any longer, and just have to tell me a list of your fears, or send me the most recent down shot of your cleavage, that's cool. E-mail it to me. This is what the adult world still uses: @this_all_won't_matter_when_you're_40.com

May 5th: Ah, reminiscing. Jaime and I went to have dinner with Becky and her beau- which mainly involved Beck and I going through old yearbooks and laughing, while Andre and Jaime talked about music.
Once we'd all had a few beers (or in my case, glasses of wine), we headed out to the boardwalk and enjoyed the fresh tangy air of Lake Ontario until we found a pub.
Now, Beck lives way out in the East suburbs, and I foolishly thought this would still be "Toronto". Little did I know, this bar was a HICK BAR.
The waitresses wore mardi gras beads, low cut shirts, and knelt down beside your table to take your order.
Also, the live band that was playing seemed to pick every number that would stereotypically be played at a wedding, or poorly organized high school prom.
The people present seemed similarly plucked straight from occasions where people awkwardly try to score.
After some bar food and a round of drinks, we made our way back, and Jaime and I escaped back into the downtown core.
Upon exiting the subway, we saw the most hilarious site…
The night was quite warm, so there were people milling about, and our communal attention was drawn by the sounds of animals fighting.
On the other side of the road were two raccoons screaming and flipping out. Everybody was aghast until once person came to the realization that they were Making Sweet Hot Rodent Love.
Then, the laughter, cat calls, and clapping broke out.

May 6th: After a thrilling morning of laundry and watching an illicit copy of Spiderman 3, Jaime and I hadn't quite had our movie fill, so we headed out to the theatre and saw Pan's Labyrinth.
The movie was visually very nice, with limited CG which was used only when necessary. The acting was also engaging- but I just can't get past the ending. It was a fantasy story WITHOUT the literal fantastic. I won't spoil it, suffice to say, don't go in expecting magical heroines, and certainly be prepared if you have a weak stomach. There is graphic torture.
That said, it was much less torturous than watching Spider Man 3.
Granted, I'm not a Spider Man fan -I just don't like the world, the characters, and Peter Parker's whiny pseudo-philosophy- but this movie went beyond that brand of Super Hero Bad, and into the realm of Just Plain Shitty.
Funeral Scene? Check. Peter looking longingly at the costume? Check. MJ falling? Check. American Flag backdrop? Check.
I think they actually HAVE the above list before writing the screenplay.
This installment also suffered from overly-emotional male leads (see: Wolverine in X-Men 3).
Again, I don't want to spoil it for people who plan to actually pay good money in theatres, but if you're not an action movie junkie, or a serious Spidey fan, I strongly suggest waiting for the video release.

May 7th: On the Final Fantasy front aka Complainers STFU...
So, if you brows Kotaku even peripherally you've probably heard about the influx of Final Fantasy releases (see the Crisis Core FF VII spin off, FF Dissidia, FF1 &2 being released for the PSP, and now FF4 being remade for the DS). This influx of Final Fantasy is getting a lot of flack, and I really don't understand why.
Final Fantasy is a GREAT series.
And up until recently, those of us that didn't jealously guard our old consoles and their games have had to make due with Emulators to play the S/NES releases.
Were you complaining when you could finally trade in the keyboard for a controller once again when FF Anthologies and Chronicles were released for the PSx? I didn't hear winging back then.
Other than bitter gamers screaming for a new release every two months, it's not hurting anything to re-release popular old games on contemporary consoles.
And even if you don't like it, you better get used to it, because there will ALWAYS be a market for nostalgia, and these releases will continue to happen until all the 1980's geeks are dead and forgotten.
On that vein, personally, I would rather see the older, previously unreleased or altered versions of Final Fantasy (namely, 1-7) properly translated and made for the new systems. What sells me on buying portable gaming is revisiting the stuff I loved as a kid. And I'm sure I'm not the only one who thinks this way.
The fact of the matter is the flood of FF is fan service, and *real* fans don't mind one bit.
Trust me, when it starts getting excessive or tiresome, I guarantee nobody will be holding you at gun point and DEMANDING you watch Cloud nance around in yet another quirky remake.

May 9th: Another rant born from no work and too much play;
Why do people continue to write reviews, mockeries, and take the piss out of Vista? That's like pointing and laughing at retarded children, and who does that?
Oh, right. The Internets does that.
Well, I can forgive the individual people who feel the need to revisit how shit Vista is (because, really, it REALLY is- and I've been a Windows user since its initial release), and I accept that it'll be an on-going, run-into-the-ground, beating-a-dead-horse joke for years to come.
What I don't get is why APPLE continues to release ads bashing Vista.
You are a COMPANY.
You are a MASSIVE power.
Your OS is admired by millions of people, and used by hundreds (ha ha, couldn't resist- anyway) what can you possibly gain from making yourself look like a complete douche?
The first couple of Mac vs. Windows ads were funny. They poked fun at integral faults in Windows that every sane user accepts and can laugh at.
Now it's just catty. It's not just Windows anymore, it's specifically Vista.
Oh, Mac, why do you have to bolster your legions of angry bitch boys with these ads? There was a shining moment when Mac and PC were playing nicely (and being slashed roundly by Rule 34, but more about that later) and it all fell apart with these 3 new ads.
Does Apple honestly need to do this to up sales? I really don't think seeing a bitey ad dissing the number of Vista versions is going to be the deciding factor for a person who will eventually spend 4 grand on a Mac.
EVERY OS has flaws (yes, *nix, even you), and in a perfect world we would attempt to cross-platform a bit more so that the strong parts of each OS would be their selling point, and we wouldn't have to all be subject to the dogfight that's now happening.
Now I'm just speculating, but I think by and large this competition is what made Vista suck. Windows is forgetting its roots, the type of users it generally attracts, and it's trying to BE too much. We don't NEED media center pre-installed. In fact, we're Windows users, we can go and find or buy our own software, so stop BLOATING the shit out of every new OS release, Microsoft. If somebody wants an out-of-the-box simple system, they WILL buy a Mac.
It's too late now, though; Vista is a pile of shit that tried to be everything and ended up being nothing.
But I think we're all tired of seeing ardent PC fans arguing with the ravenous Mac fan boys. Sadly this shit will just keep on going and increasing in scale so long as Apple continues to actively hate monger.
Really, we should quietly hate monger, by calmly and collectedly informing people that Vista is not very good, and if they'd like a simple OS they should chose Mac, barring that do a little research and choose a *nix Flavor.

May 17th: GATECRASH!

Through an e-mail error, Jaime received an invitation to an event planner’s gala hosted by Southern Accent (a very shi-shi Cajun restaurant) at Level night club.
Jaime has his all-purpose pinstripe suit, but I was at a loss for an ensemble- I have quite a few dresses, but all of them a bit more “voodoo” and a bit less “upper echelon young professional”. So in a frugal explosion, I put together a black ankle-length dress with a low-slung neck and open toed heels… All for 30$ (14$ shoes, 14$ dress).
Looking absolutely fabulous, Jaime and I strutted down the street and into McDonald’s, where we ate irony and hilarity (also burgers).
After we finished eating, we caught a cab to the club door, and were immediately ushered in (no invite required, no ID- that’s how absolutely AWESOME we were).
For those who haven’t gone there recreationally, Level is a lounge/club with a wet bar on the roof, and the entire venue was roped off for the event.
There was a completely open bar (Jaime took full advantage, enjoying a total of 5 martinis, while I had two flutes of champagne) and hor’dourves provided by Southern Accent. I indulged in the desserts and Jaime braved the cheese grits (with a full clove of roast garlic), the oysters, the beef skewers, chicken wraps, and the caramelized pineapple with homemade ice-cream.
Upon our wandering from the patio back into the lounge, we were greeted by the coordinator -an absolutely flamboyant and gregarious man- who asked us which company we worked for. Luckily we had prepared, and said we worked for a small niche market of animators for Gongaga inc ^_~. He told us we looked very European and gave us his card for later networking.
Shortly after that we realized how boring the party (if you could call it that) actually was, and made our way home, gallivanting on the TTC in our finery.
Now, home and out of my heels, I relax with a little cartoon watching.

May 18th: After a relatively boring day at work, I met up with Jaime to finish shopping for our Anime North costumes (and also get in a little summer ware purchasing) before meeting up with Beck and Andre.
They came to pick us up and we wandered around the lower West end for a while, completely lost, trying to find the Metal Bar, where In the Wake was rumored to be playing. It took us a good ten minutes of standing across the street from the venue to realize it was a downstairs lounge.
Once safely inside, we endured the wall of sound from an ogre-voiced metal band, surrounded by leather-clad men just itching to mosh. While my cohorts downed beers, I stuck to water- preemptively knowing somebody would have to drive home.
In the Wake rocked the bar, as usual, and once they’d wrapped up we made stealthy escape –though it was admittedly lengthened by saying good-byes to every member and groupie affiliated with the band.
For the first time, since I was the only one with 0 blood alcohol, I drove the city. Luckily it was late enough that the traffic wasn’t absurd, and I was able to navigate Beck’s boat-like family wagon through the narrow streets and safely home.
After chilling a bit and playing some guitar, we headed out on foot, and Andre was kind enough to treat us all to sushi.
The funniest part was yet to come; in the bustling Friday night chaos of Bloor, an extremely “gregarious” (read: coked up) girl came up to us, exclaimed how cute Andre was, and begged us to vote for her on the Country Music VJ contest. She spoke. Non stop. No exaggeration. For 15 minutes.
There was nothing to do but smile and try not to laugh directly in her face, particularly when she called me a “cute goth” and intoned that her friend was “a bit of a dyke”.
Ha ha ha, seriously- woohoo girls are non-stop entertainment.

May 20th: First island trip of the season!

Laden with a last minute Dominion trip-worth of groceries, Jaime and I headed down to the harbor to catch the ferry to the island. We met Lynne, Beck + Andre, Dorian and his crew there, and boarded one of the barge-type boats.
We walked for quite a while to find the perfect secluded spot, but once we were set up, drumming began and a fire was eventually lit.
Becky and I spent most of the day walking back and forth from the bathroom, which was a 30 minute escapade away. The nearer bathroom –much to my displeasure- was locked.
Once the sun set it got a bit chilly, and to warm ourselves up, and also to give the drummers some peace from our glamorous (and distracting, as we were told) presence, we went for an evening sojourn.
Earlier, Becky and Andre disappeared for several hours on a quest for cigarettes, during which they rented bikes, ended up in the residential part of the island –which, oddly enough, has no convenience stores, and had to traverse all the way back (where they finally found smokes).
On their adventure, Becky had glimpsed a petting zoo, to which we returned to go taunt the animals roundly. There were peacocks and peahens, chickens, horses, a donkey, and the meanest geese ever.
In fact, one blocked our path for several minutes, hissing and generally being alarming until we managed to very cautiously pass it without further incident.
Also, the horses were smelly, and while Becky was crooning to them sweetly, shat all over the place.
It was hilarious, and reminded me why farms are arse.

What you don't see is everybody else getting wood and building
the site, while Beck and I pick at veggies and relax.

May 27th: Anime North, 2007!

Intro
Once again I have survived the con, and despite the fact the event has more than doubled in size since the first time I attended, I’m much less worse for ware this time.
In the interest of putting fun over shenanigans, I went the weekend stone cold sober, and though it definitely aided in remembering a lot more things (and doing workshops instead of just sitting in viewing rooms), I still didn’t manage to get to EVERYTHING I wanted.
That’s generally the case with these things, with so many events overlapping, but this year it was made all the more chaotic by the addition of a hotel; events were held either in the TCC, the Doubletree, or the Renaissance (which was a good 20 minute walk away from the other two hotels).

Friday Friday Jaime and I left, laden down with bags, at around 3pm, and took the subway to the West-most station, from which we took a cab to the con. We checked in, donned our costumes (Gogo and Terra respectively) and queued up to sign in.
Though the line was quite long, it moved along quicker than last year, thanks to the massive number of volunteers. Of course, there’s exceptions to everything, and for every helpful and kind volunteer, there were some rite power-tripping arseheads. The stressed out little woman who “tended” the sign-in line was by far the worst. She kept barking orders at the top of her lungs at the queued people to “pack in close” and “move along”, despite the fact people were doing this on their own- the only time they left more than a few feet of space was when SHE was in the midst shouting. Somehow she completely missed the reason for the meter radius of space that surrounded her. Logically, smooshing a bunch of sweating, impatient people in closer to each other and then wailing in the ears isn’t going to help things. By the time I reached the end of the line, I wanted to punch her in the face so badly.
Anticipation of the fun things to come, and reticence to be kicked out were the only things that stopped me from smacking her in the mouth.
Though Friday is relatively slow and mainly dedicated to signing in, there were a few things planned, mainly in the far-off Renaissance hotel. But, while we tried, we didn’t manage to attend any as we were side-tracked by meeting up with Judy and her buddy Adam, eating dinner, getting them signed in, and their costume preparations.
By the time everything was said and done, Jaime passed out in the hotel room (still partially clad in Gogo attire), while Judy, Adam and I drove to the Renaissance to check out the Yaoi Role Playing panel.
But all proved for naught, as the Role Playing was not, as I expected, cosplayers rolling around in various pairings, but a discussion on how to MUD (online textual role-play) better buttsex.
We quickly exited and wandered around, much to our disappointment, finding that the Renaissance didn’t attract very many people on the first day (and, as it ended up, was not that busy for the entire weekend. It really WAS out of the way…).
Returning to the room, we all decided to retire for the night so we could take full advantage of Saturday.

Saturday
I awoke quite early and fairly refreshed Saturday morning, bedecked myself as Chii, and set off with Jaime to explore the selling floor (where I purchased several doujinshi, while Jaime spent his coin on toys/standies).
We also managed to pack quite a few events into the day, including a Living in Japan panel, which was really informative. I was surprised at the number of relevant questions asked, despite my query about shabu remaining unanswered.
Afterward we visited the selling floor and artist’s alley briefly before heading to a cel painting workshop, headed by Stephen Bennett. At first, I was excited- but this eagerness soon turned to irritation and eventually unconsciousness as the panel wore on.
Everything was terribly unorganized; the room was shared with a loud doll-making class, our cel-painting materials were distributed one at a time (causing a lot of back-and-forth bottlenecks), the tools themselves were so shit cheap it made the entire thing nearly pointless, and to top it off the teaching style was akin to listening to Grandpa Simpson’s anecdotes.
There was precious little information about how to paint cels, and entirely too much prattling on about childhood memories, influential African American leaders, and oddly enough, Abraham Lincoln.
Though Bennett tried to engrain “patience and discipline” with his rambling tales of childhood poverty, I was less inspired and more tired, that I gave it up as a bad job nearly immediately. Of course Jaime (though equally fed up with the teacher) made due with the shit materials and did a bang on job. ^_^
Afterward we retired to our hotel room briefly to deposit our cels. Due to being cold in my Chii ensemble, I changed into Jaime’s Gogo costume, and we made our way to the fabled Renaissance hotel, where Jaime signed up for the Golden Eye tournament, and I watched the Naruto game being played while waiting for the Yaoi AMV competition.
In the AMV room I met up with Judy once again, but quickly had to part ways as I wanted to enter the Final Fantasy costume competition and panel.
Sadly, it was less a heated and fun discussion and more a bunch of fan boys talking endlessly about the more contemporary games. The costume competition was due for the END of the 2h panel.
I left, and wasn’t sad to see the end of it.
By that point both Jaime and I were wiped, he from his defeat, and me from the constant barrage of photographs I was faced with while dressed as Chii (honestly, I can now commiserate with stars that are stalked with the paparazzi- I couldn’t walk a meter without being stopped and shot by at least two people).
After a brief bit of perusing our plunder, we went to sleep.

Sunday Though events were winding down for the final day of the con, people were STILL bedecked in their costumes and going strong (though, admittedly, there were quite a few people passed out in the hallway chairs and couches).
After checking out of the hotel, we headed out to the selling floor for one last romp, and then concluded the day with a full 90 minute viewing of the AMV competition.
It was the perfect end to the cacophony and busyness of the weekend –if only because it involved sitting still and relaxing.
Once it had concluded, Judy and Adam were kind enough to drop Jaime and I off at the nearest subway station, and we made our way home, where I quickly stowed away the Terra and Gogo costumes… FOR EVER.
I have never worn less comfortable cosplay than those two monstrosities. Suffice to say, next year, NOTHING will be held together by safety pins. I have been poked, fallen apart, and held my costume together with sheer strength of will all weekend.
Tonight, I sleep in a singular t-shirt, and REJOICE.
Now, pics or gtfo...

The Gang:


All of us looking very animated during a terrible dinner at Perkins.	Judy and I joining the vast ranks of people who have cosplayed Chii.	Jaime at the Golden Eye tournament in the vast games room.	In Typical con style, passed out while still partially in costume.	A mere fraction of the selling floor's splendor.

Cosplay:


No idea if they came together or met up, but they had the full Sailor cast.	Though not anime strictly speaking, this guy rocked.	Oldschool Final Fantasy always gets my vote.	Despite a love/hate for the series, DBZ cosplay has my respect.	A con isn't complete without KD cosplay, and this one was great.

June 6th: Despite burn-out, overwork, and a transient bout of the blues, I’ve still managed to hit a show with Beck last Friday (which was ripe with laughter and doodling on napkins) and engange in long pontifications with Dorian (read: arse about during work on Gchat).
Life just isn’t worth living if you can’t find the time for friends… And discussing STDs.

Me: it's a bit embarrassing to witness
Dorian: dude
it's a cartoon
you didn't "witness" anything!
Me: .... wut?
i witnessed "cooltalk" like "seven-iz-leven"
NOBODY SAYS THAT
not even highschool kids
Dorian: oh, ok
I misunderstood
Me:
http://www.rhlschool.com/reading.htm
Dorian: what the hell
"dog face"
Me: PSL
I'M TELLING U 1 OF THESE SPACES HAS TO BE "PENIS"
i don't know, how do you horribly penis somebody...
I'LL ONLY SHOW U 1 MOAR TIME
Dorian: you should write your own version
Me: of the Dog Face or the Jack ep
Dorian: both
but I meant dog face
Me: lol <3
Dorian: ahahaha
I just read the latest Penny Arcade
omg
so great
Me: omg that is the quintessential douchebag
popped collar pinkshirt fucking frosted hair
Dorian: lol
Me: evary time i see them I say loudly that THE GAY PARADE IS COMING EARLY
Dorian: but...
you love the gay parade
Me: no, I love gayness, not the gay parade, which is loud and frightening and overly packed and full of angry lesboz

Me: last night i was awoken suddenly at 1am by the ~*drama laama~*
this couple was choosing to have a fite rite under my fucking window
for 1h
Dorian: outdoors?
Me: yes outdoors!
in the cold night
Dorian: you should have woken up the roommate with the penis to urinate on them
Me: lol he didn't want to bother them
I made to shout and throw things but he dragged me back inside
I wish I could have at least thrown this tube of really bad lube at them
Dorian: lol
Me: it would have been *~ironic~* violence
Dorian: did it slip from your grasp at the last moment?
Me: lol no it didn't slip at all. i told u already it's really bad lube
Dorian: did it say "Elmer's" on the side?
cuz I think I have news for u
Me: no it said "very berry" or somethng with a picture of a stripper shoving pineapples in her ass
Dorian: because their product is so amazingly lubricating that it will allow whole pineapples to slide effortlessly into the most virginal of orifices?
Me: no, apparently b/c only ppl with crippling STDs find it gr8. prolly b/c the rancid apple taste masks the taste of infected snatch

June 10th: I've never packed so many activities into 48 hours before.
Friday, Jaime's parents arrived; simultaneously I was hit with a flood of work and Ontario was hit with a massive thunder storm which caused the studio to lose power for some time [luckily I didn't lose anything, but it still slowed me down as the DB had to be resurrected]. By the time I finished, Jaime and his parents were kind enough to pick me up from work in their car, and we all drove to Southern Accent, where we had a delicious Cajun-style dinner and conversation ranging pretty much every subject -though I can't say I was at my most gregarious- working extremely hard while watching your supposed colleagues fuck off early has the nasty habit of making a person anti-social.
Saturday Jaime and I got up relatively early to start planning for our Island trip; I had to go buy sandals, as my old ones had broken the previous day. So Jaime and I went to Payless Shoes, and with little time to spare, I got myself some seriously hideous sandals that cripple me- and despite the best of intentions, made us terribly late for the meeting. But missing the rendezvous actually made things more relaxed. At our leisure, we hit Dominion, bought supplies, and made our way to Center Island on our own [we were lucky enough to catch the Hanlan's Point ferry just as it was leaving, so there was no wait].
When we arrived at the beach, Jaime's parents made themselves at home and chatted with everybody while Jaime and I were our usual anti-social selves. ^_-
Although this time I was glad to see some more familiar faces there; Duncan, Anabelle, Andy and Lynne all managed to make it, so along with good company, there was their signature shmorgasboard of delicious food.
Unfortunately we couldn't stay too long, as we'd made plans with Beck as well. At around 8pm we said our good-byes and headed back home where we and Jaime's parents parted ways briefly to change our of our beach attire and into bar-clothes.
I was sort of dreading directing everybody to Becky's place (I don't exactly know the way, and it's off in The Beaches, which is a confusing place)- luckily, just as we finished getting ready, Beck called me and let me know she was at Dundas station downtown [having just got off work].
I told her we could give her a ride if she directed us- she accepted and the five of us made our way to Gabby's, where Andre was playing once again.
We met up with a lot more of Beck's friends this time, including a very sloshed version of her sister LoL.
Everybody chatted and general merriment ensued, including "The Beckerfly" and "The Full Body Smile", two new dance moves christened by Beck and I.
By the time Jaime and I arrived home, it was well past 2am, and I was barely able to stay conscious (from tiredness, fyi, I was sober).
Today, rest and relaxation. It's 9pm and I've already slept in, had a 90 minute nap, and failed to do anything but lay in bed. YES. ^___^

June 15th: It's official, I want a Nintendo DS.
I can't stop reading about Doki Doki Majo (the "Witch touching Game" for Eigo out there), and I want it. Nothing would bring me greater joy than prodding cartoon jublies with my stylus.
It's been a really long time since I've had my interest piqued by a gaming system. It's only very recently that I've owned some semi-contemporary consoles (PS2, Xbox), and to be quite honest, I have no interest in getting their most recent incarnations. AT ALL.
What drives my interest to buy a system is the games- obviously, and with the exception of DDR and Guitar Hero, I've been pretty disappointed by the shit that's been coming out recently. Fine, call me a girl or that I Don't Get What They Were Going For, but for christssake, an assload 3D textures and way too many controls do not a Great Game make.
YES XMEN I AM LOOKING AT YOU.
Initially I was quite taken with the idea of the Wii- especially the Vintage Games that are offered. But after reading a bit more in depth about how much that shit cost [I HAVE TO PAY FOR GAMES I ALREADY HAVE? HOT DAMN. THAT'S SOME EXCITING SHIT], the mem card swapping gayness, and how there are limited slots to display, well- fuck that noise.
I HAVE an emulator. In fact, what the shit, I HAVE THE ORIGINAL CONSOLES.
I don't need some piece or IR crap that I can't even use (see: "What the shit, Wiimote, Why does my juju fuck you up and make me the worst nerd ever") to masturbate my nostalgia.
Now, the DS- well, I'm actually feeling more than a little bit of WANT over this- Japanese training games? Yes. Mario re-releases? Yes. Ouendan (kekeke)? Yes. But, most notably...
IMMINENT FF4 REMAKE? OH GOD. YESSSSS.
Now all I need is a set of balls to spend that kind of coin, or perhaps a little "help" on "obtaining" the "games" from "perfectly legal distributors". YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN. ;) WIIInK.
Okay, enough of my highness, here is the downlow on what my heart desires- mainly for my reference, but you fags can share in my DELICIOUS REVELRY in a whole shitstorm of to-be-released games lol.
• Kanji Sono Mama Rakubikijiten
• Final Fantasy III
• Final Fantasy IV
• Ouendan
• Legend of Zelda: Phantom Hourglass
• Mario Kart
• Super Princess Peach
• Yoshi's Island
• SNK vs Capcom
• Castlevania: Dawn of Sorrow
• Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin
• Doki Doki Majo Saiban (^_^;)

June 24th: My wand, let me show you it…
(NOT the fucking spoiler for all you paranoid Potter-purists that are like OH GOD, HARRY POTTER POST, I WILL NOT READ IT BECAUSE IT DEFINITELY CONTAINS A VERY TRUE LIST OF ALL THE ASSHOLES WHO DIE).
Chances are, if you’re here, you’re shitting yourself in anticipation for Harry Potter.
Well, me too.
I’ve read through The making of the Potterverse, re-read Half Blood Prince, and most recently, devoured JKR’s site.
Believe it or not, I’d never been to her official site before- what brought me there was the much-touted spoiler that has been supposedly leaked by somebody who Hacked the Gibson. (No, seriously, that is their claim. Hacking Bloomsbury? Then releasing a broken-English fanfic-ish account of the end, but not the actual manuscript? Uh.)
I wanted to know if this shit was true, so Jaime and I went on a Scooby Adventure.
After we’d both contracted Hepatitis B from touching on too many old inn keepers, we turned to JKR’s rumor-quashing section of her site.
Although she didn’t address the most current rumor (I guess saying who doesn’t die is just as spoilery) there was a great wealth of information, including old rumors explained, more information on tertiary characters, and, of course, a really great chart on how wand woods work.
In giddy excitement over finally being able to craft my very own wand out of trash I find out back, I searched for October 30th’s wand…
REED?
REED? What the shit!
BRB GOING 2 THE BOG.
What’s that odor? Oh sorry, it’s my WAND.

The Meaning of Reed: Identified with the submerged or hidden dryad, The Reed represents the mysteries of death. In fact the Fire Feast of Samhain celebrates the dead and on Samhain, the boundary between the Otherworld and this world dissolve.
It is a night of great divination. Or in another fashion, it represents the hidden roots to all life. The Reed is associated with with being both a savior and custodian. Pwyll, the Celtic ruler of the Otherworld was given "The Stone" , one of four treasures given to him for safekeeping. The Stone represents the right of the kings and queen to have divine power. Thus the Reed is also the symbol of Royalty. The White Hounds represent the dogs that guard the lunar mysteries.

December 24 - January 20 = Birch (Beth)
January 21 - February 17 = Rowan (Luis)
February 18 - March 17 = Ash (Nion)
March 18 - April 14 = Alder (Fearn)
April 15 - May 12 = Willow (Saille)
May 13 - June 9 = Hawthorn (Huath)
June 10 - July 7 = Oak (Duir)
July 8 - August 4 = Holly (Tinne)
August 5 - September 1 = Hazel (Coll)
September 2 - September 29 = Vine (Muin)
September 30 - October 27 = Ivy (Gort)
October 28 - November 24 = Reed (Ngetal)
November 25 - December 23 = Elder (Ruis)

June 29th: Can we please get one more post about the iPhone?
NO.
SERIOUSLY THIS TIME.
Stop it.

Unrelated...
Jamtart: I want his job
Me: Me too. But I am lacking ~*qualifications~* on my resume. I don't have experience with:
having a penis
fixin' the ol' car
campin' out with tha boyz
Oh and :
yellin' at the Big Game
Jamtart: What sport even happens in the summer? It's baseball right?
Soccer?
Me: Nerf Ball Throwing Tournie.
Also, I think my Work Voice for chatting on the telephone needs improvement before I can be ~*promoted~*.
Jamtart: Shall I phone you and demonstrate? I'll talk like Ron
Me: LOL
::Silent office::
:Ringtone:
Jamtart: "COME SEE ME, IT HAS BEEN WHOLE MINUTES, LEAVE WORK, I HAVE SWALLOWED A TOOTHPICK"
Me:
me: [workvoice] hello
you: CORRRRRRRRRRRRR THIS IS MAI FIRST TIME USIN' THA FELLYTONE
me: [workvoice] oh hey babe
you: GUSS WURF I'M EATING WROF NOWWW!!!!
Jamtart: "THIS FACEBOOK QUIZ IS HILARIOUS"
Me: [workvoice] ya i'm at work baby
Jamtart: "COME HOME, I WILL BLOW YOU. IT WILL BE AWESOME FOR REALS"
Me: [workvoice] ok bb. ok c u soon
:: Hangs up phone::
:: Looks EXASPERATED::
:: Clicks 1 thing::
:: Fidgets::
:: Picks up keys and leaves::
~*The End~*

Sometimes I wish I worked in the military, where I could friendly fire people and then explain that I had ADD and get some sweet Aderall in my jail cell.

July 2nd: So Jaime sent me this truly terrifying list of "50 Mistakes Women Make in Bed" which is apparently written by somebody who dates 16 year old woo-hoo's that have no clue what they're doing. I've never read anything so bitter and hypocritical, so I just had to respond. The bolded bits are his list, with my quips underneath. Shall we?

3. Leaving him responsible for your orgasm. You know what gets you off. Tell him. If you don't, it's your own fault when he's snoozing and you're all wound up.

9. Whining when he pushes your head down on his cock instead of stroking your hair. Know why he's pushing, skippy? Because you aren't doing it right, and have apparently ignored the other clues he's given you. Pay attention to the signals that he's sending you.
Maybe she's not doing it right because you're calling her "skippy". FYI, nobody likes being patronized, regardless of gender. Maybe you have such trouble getting quality pussy because you're a dick. Oh, and Captain Irony, you just said in #3 to "Use Words", why don't you take a nice heaping spoonful of your own advice?

12. Not shaving your legs. I'm pretty bad at this myself. But if you want your guy stubble free, you better get out the razor.
Except there's a big difference between where a lady's legs are going and where a guy's face is going. Unless he has a leg kink (and in that case you're probably paying more attention to that area) her leg isn't going to be in your crotch. His stubly face, on the other hand, is up against all kinds of tender vittles.

13. Allowing your crotch to resemble the amazon. Yes, waxing hurts. Yes, some people don't want to go bare. Thats fine. If you like bush, great. If you have sensitive skin and can't shave, I feel for you. But for the love of Christ, trim that shit if you want him to spend any time down there.
And another tip that applies just as much to men as it does to women. Back to the whole "terrible blow job" thing, maybe she's hesitating because of your nest of crotch cheese? Guys feel less pressured to shave, it's a fact.

14. Assuming that sex means a relationship. The only relationship you have is that he has now stuck his hoo hoo dilly in your cha cha. That's as far as it goes unless otherwise noted.
Perhaps it would be best to tell her this BEFORE you start exchanging monosyllabic baby words in the bedroom. It's easy to mistake a person's intentions. If you're so keen on avoiding a girl's "50 most popular mistakes" maybe you should do a little pre-sex pondering, and then a little pre-sex discussing.

15. Withholding oral sex just because you're ragging. He didn't do it. Unless you want him to withhold oral sex because he's hormonal, I suggest you get some kneepads.
I wouldn't expect sex from a guy if he was feeling sad, why would you expect it from a girl if she was feeling emotional? Do you really need sex SO badly?
Also, this is another instance that can potentially be held accountable for the terrible oral sex problems this guy is having. If you're forcing her to give you ORAL wh