Oct 2nd: Alrighty, back to blogging.
The ride down was nice and uneventful. Mr.Mach and I went to the Rainforest Café before getting on the 401. What a place- as a rule, I dislike theme restaurants. This one was no different. Animatronics gorillas and loud synthetic "thunder storms" did not make the sub par food any more palpable.
The rest of the trek went by quickly, as we chatted and sped toward Sudbury. I was surprised at how little time it took, compared to the last time Mr. Mach drove me in, and we were stuck for 8 hours in a blizzard. That'll be the drive back, I guarantee.
So I've settled in a bit now. Yesterday I went to see Scottie D at Laughing Buddha, which is apparently the "coolest" new bar in Sudbury. Har. I miss Squirrley's already.
It’s been a little tough getting online, seeing as I’m stuck with dial-up, here. (For the youngsters, that’s how mommy’s and daddy’s connect to the internet. LoLz)
I’ve been scarce on IM since it’s a lot more tempting to read, or play SNES, or go outside and enjoy the autumn foliage than waiting 10 minutes for one picture to load.
As for my days, I’ve been keeping busy. Surprisingly, I’m not missing the ‘net so much as I’d imagined I might. All my anticipation in regards to starting projects is finally coming true now that I have free time and few responsibilities.
Firstly I'm attempting to learn to drive again. This has landed me the job as caddy chauffeur to insure I get ample practice before the exam. So far the verdict is: I am not Canada's Worst Driver- But I could use a little more left-turn practice.
I've also been helping my mum out around the house with various things. For those of you who see me as a nerd that knows nothing from video games and computers, prepare to be surprised as I repair tires, do yard work, and cook (generally) edible food.
And, of course, there's always kung fu training. I would have cool shots of me mid-technique, but that's incredibly hard to catch, even with a camera that isn't 10 years old.
As for skill progression, I've retained a lot of the moves I excelled at when I was younger (like roundhouses and outside crescents that could take a man's jaw clean off). Too bad I'm bullocks at everything else. Especially open palm. Cry.
But my stay here so far hasn't been all hard work. It's also involved a fair bit of brainwashing: convincing myself that 56k is enough to get by, convincing my dad to eat "foreign food" (read: TVP stir-fry LoLz), and, of course, convincing my mum to play Texas Holdum instead of Crazy 8's or Hearts. It wasn't a far stretch. French Canadians love their cards.

Oct 7th:
Iron Chef Veege

I’ve been cooking for my family for a week. I've served a variety of dishes from around the world. For the most part, this has been a complete disaster. I’ve already shamed several countries with my representation of their dishes.

    TVP Stir-fry Challenge!
      This dish included snow peas, bok choy, green onion, bean sprouts, carrots, TVP, veggie stir-fry sauce, and flat rice noodle.
      Preface: I had no worries about this dish, since it’s so unobtrusive.
      Result: The votes were divided for this meal; my mum, a fan of crunchy vegetables, loved the stir-fry itself, but found the noodles far too heavy.
      My father, on the other hand, does not like veggies, and the few that he eats he prefers to be very mushy. He did, however, like the noodles. Surprisingly enough, it wasn’t the “foreign” elements (such as TVP and bok choy) that bothered him, but the snow peas, which he really did not like.
      I’ll include my opinion, though it’s not represented in the final score. For me, cooking is about other people, which is why I never cook for myself. In my opinion, this dish turned out exactly how it was supposed to taste.
      Final Score: 50%

    Bean Salad Challenge!

      This dish included chick peas, kidney beans, artichoke hearts, black olives, red pepper, mushrooms, and spices.
      Preface: I was a little worried about this dish, since it’s so simple- cold spiced beans on bread. I wanted to make potatoes with it as a back up, but it seemed like far too much food, since the salad itself is already a massive recipe.
      Result: Both my father and mum were not great fans of this. Though my mother did eat quite a bit of it, she found it too garlicky. My father ended up eating a peanut butter sandwich instead.
      It seemed to me it tasted the way it was intended.
      Final Score: 30%

    Southern Style Spread Challenge!

      This dish included deep fried chicken, skins, taters, broccoli, and corn pone.
      Preface: This is the first recipe I made that was completely my own concoction. I had high hopes that it would go over well, since it’s all North American and very bland.
      Result: This meal was the best yet. My mum loved the chicken, despite previously not liking fried foods. My father loved every dish, especially the skins. I was pleased to see him go back for thirds, which is generally unheard of from a man who picks disinterestedly at even the best food.
      I was incredibly happy with the result, though, in my preference, the taters were too lemony. Nobody else seemed to mind.
      Final Score: 90%

    Sushi Challenge!

      This dish included avocado maki, agadeshi tofu, tempura yam sushi, and miso soup.
      Preface: I had my friends wish me luck with these dishes, since they were so “exotic”. I knew my father would probably outright hate them, since they were unfamiliar and could not be compared to anything he had previously eaten.
      Result: Immediately both my parents did not like the strong flavor of miso, or the “fishy” aftertaste left by the nori. Neither of them liked the maki because of the presence of nori, thought both tried at least two pieces to make sure. Strangely enough, my mother wasn’t only concerned with the fishy aftertaste, but hated the avocado.
      Surprisingly, the agedeshi tofu and tempura yam sushi were a hit. My father not only ate his own serving of tofu, but mine as well
      Unfortunately, I found that none of the dishes turned out. The agedeshi tofu was not cooked through because I had some problems with the deep frying process and had to take the pieces out early to prevent burning. The tempura was far too hard, and the miso soup was sub par.
      Final Score: 50%

Oct 13th: I went out for drinks with Paul today- it was great to catch up and hear vague details from the lives of people I once peripherally knew. Ha ha ha, it’s never clear how little I socialized in Sudbury until I talk to somebody who knows most everybody.
At any rate, the evening was nice- we spent quite a bit of time at Buzzy Brown’s, the closest pub to where I live. It was virtually empty, too.
Then we meandered to Tim Horton’s (HOMAGE TO SUDBURY WOO!) at around 2am for some coffee. Yes, I asked for a mix coffee, and was SHOT DOWN. Apparently Starbucks has stolen my soul.
We are not surprised.

Oct 16th: So, a less dramatic Iron Chef summary this time, since I made far less impressive meals. Cheese-less pizza was the first attack this week; it was basically pesto, sun-dried tomatoes, onions, and mushrooms. I encountered my first problem with this dish when the dough (which came from a package since there wasn’t any fresh available) REFUSED TO RISE. I forced it to rise through discipline and scalding water.
Despite this, I thought the pizza turned out quite good.
My father agreed, saying it was “an acquired taste”, which he said after eating three pieces. I took this as a good sign. Unfortunately the next day he admitted the garlic in the pesto chased his students away, and he’d never eat it again.
I’d like to personally tell said students to bite my shiny daffodil ass. I’m coming for you people in the night.
The next meal I made was minute steaks. This one was splendidly received. I did the steaks, bacon/asparagus bundles and potatoes. Everybody liked it, and I actually got my father to eat veggies- by wrapping them in pig fat.
His love of tofu says vegetarian, but this speaks otherwise. :P
Lastly, I made dumplings. These sucked SO badly it may have actually caused several people to spontaneously combust due to string theories.
No seriously, the amount of ginger called for in the recipe was intense. In fact, they insisted on fresh ginger, and I substituted dry (owing to the local store not having fresh), and they STILL turned out to be the most gingery things I’ve ever eaten since that home made “ginger tea” I concocted.
The only person who liked them was my mum. I have no idea what she found so great about them. Perhaps she has a fanaticism about ginger of which I was previously unawares.
I was burping up ginger for the rest of the night. I still have dumpling shells, and shall make dumplings again, but I seriously need a better filling recipe.
I should have known not to follow instructions out of the local free paper.

Oct 28th: Another food and boring life update.
That’s right, nothing spectacular has happened other than my cooking experiments and trips around town.
This week I made chipped beef casserole, yam fries, cannelloni, cabbage dumplings, and pizza. They were all well received.
I think I’m getting the hang of this “cooking for other people” thing. The only problem is that I make up most of my recipes as I go along- so I end up with a delicious meal, and no documentation of how to replicate.
I fail at being scientific.
Earlier this week I hung out with Scottie-D. Just like old times, we went to chapters, got coffee at the only Starbuck’s in Sudbury (contained within the Chapters) and perused the sex book section. The incestuous short stories book pwns.
No twincest, though, sorry slash fans. :P
I also grabbed a coffee with Stef a few days ago. It was good to hear about the old crew and what they were up to- of course, Sudbury still has as much drama as it ever did. I think it’s that people have no fear of being shot, or run over, or attacked by maniacs.
Oh, bless the city, and all its gun-wielding teens that narrowly escaped curfew.
And to end off: WATCH TVO TOMORROW. My father’s on at 1pm, and it’ll be slick. Vote for him!
Anybody who can teach first year students that their brain is used for things other than absorbing pot deserves a prize.

Oct 30th: Today was my birthday! Yes, it was awesome. I will now regale you with pictures and anecdotes.
I got up at my leisure, and was met with well wishes from my parents -and gifts- Which they’re not supposed to give me, because this domain is my on-going gift! ^_~ But I forgive them.
We had a nice lunch of my favorite homemade soup (beef and cabbage). It was delicious, and we finished it off with –gasp- MORE GIFTS. Oh, dad. LoL.
He gave me this sweet book on trivia, and we played the Q&A games for quite some time.
While I was bumming around the house, I got a call from Dorian and Lynne to send well wishes, and a second message from Angie. ^_^ It really made my day that my friends, even at a distance, had a little time for me.
At around 4 I drove my dad into the university and helped him out with some work in the colony. We were gassing rat pups, and despite my initial alarm, it was probably the coolest thing I’ve ever seen. They were technically dead for over a minute (I was so sure they wouldn’t come back- they were blue and cold!) but then we would resuscitate them with just a little poke to the thorax. And they would start gasping, turn pink and alive again, and start crawling around once again. The study is to see neuronal migration in animals that had infant trauma (obviously it relates closely with finding treatment for people that had similar early-childhood damage).
Afterward I drove my dad back home and spent the evening with my mum. We made the only cake I like (oatmeal coconut) and started dinner.
I was infinitely surprised that my dad came home early (unheard of! ^_^) just for my birthday. We played more trivia, then ate Sloppy Jose (yes this was my request for a special dinner LoL).
Dinner was followed by still more gifts (Aw, mom ::hair ruffle::). She was kind enough to seek out scarves for me, which I’ve been searching for since the summer. Sudbury, of all places, actually has oversized coat scarves.
Who would have thought.
My dad also gave me this really ornate leather-bound diary. I’ll have to start taking every-day notes now. It’s the sort of thing you expect to read great discoveries in- now all I need are a few cosmic realizations.
After I’d tried on all my gifts, we played a few hands of cards, and read a bit more trivia before Kung-Fu practice.
Once my dad had gone back to work, I coerced my mum into watching an anime with me. We laughed at it the whole way through (hey, even a crappy movie is fun in the right company), then watched a bit of TV.
I waited up until my dad came home (at around 4am), exchanged a few last birthday hugs, then hit the hay.
And so ends the first birthday with my parents in nearly five years. It was excellent ine very way. ^_^ Thank you mami, dad!

Nov 6th: This weekend we watched Revenge of the Sith. No, I haven’t seen any of the other Star Wars series, save for part of Episode One, which the nerds in tech class used to “test the projector” for 45 minutes.
I have, however, seen the Making Of special of the first Star Wars- and man, it doesn’t look half bad.
Revenge of the Sith, on the other hand, was horrendous. I LIKED those puppets in the original, and now it’s all CG. It was CG bukkakke all over the face of the audience.
The only characters that weren’t floppy models were a couple of main characters.
And even THEY were CG modeled for when they had to Jedi the baddies up the arse.
The first dogfight was like Lucas wanking to computer technology. It was long, confusing, and had the gratuitous R2 clone that got blown up. ENSIN RICKIE! NOOOOOOO!
And speaking of drawn-out “no’s”, Vader’s little spazz moment at the end was soap-opera worthy.
Lord Ugly: You killed your wife.
Vader: NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN- ::falls to knees:: OOOOOOOOOOoooo! WHY ISN’T MY VOICE RASPY FOR MY EXCLAMATION OF PAIN!?
So yes, the acting was crap. There was exactly zero chemistry between Anakin and Padmé. There was more sexual tension between her and C3P0. And that’s disturbing.
But despite the series being full of shite 3D, one somnolent of a plot, and indescribably shit acting, I still went and googled Obi-Wan/Anakin slash the next day.

Nov 9th: I passed my G1 exit mofos! I now have a G2 license. I can drive on my own, so long as I don’t bring too many minors.
Damn.
I’ll never be a Cub Scout leader!
But seriously, I’m so blown away that I actually passed. During that exam I drove in the shittiest way I have ever driven since first getting behind the wheel of a car. Luckily they were just the tiniest of errors like…
• Turning into the wrong lane- Well that’s not so bad. Easily corrected with a little last minute merging and swearing.
• Slamming on the breaks to avoid smashing into the guy in front of me- Who the hell DOESN’T do that?!
• Zoning out while waiting at a green light- Then flooring it to get through the intersection in time. Zoom zoom.
• And finally, ramming the back of my car into a curb- Which happened during the last part of the exam: reversing into a parking spot. Firstly, I missed the spot I actually PLANNED on going for, but ended up nicely in another one (Er- I meant to do that. It’s all going swimmingly), but then proceeded in ramming the car backward.
This deserves bumsex jokes.
So go for it.
But I still passed.
Now… For the highway.
::Cue screaming::

Becky: “I just called to wish you luck on the driver’s test, and to tell you- if you hit something, stop and check if it’s a person, because they really hate it when you keep going.”

Me: [After creaming the curb] “I passed? LoL. That’s F’ed in the A.”

Nov 15th: Snow in Sudbury mofos!
Last night Scottie and I painted the town red. We went to Eastside’s for drinks and half-priced appetizers and to chat for a bit. After we were properly sick of the jocks at the bar, we searched Sudbury for a dance club. On a Monday. Downtown. Which has been a ghost town for years (ever since bulk stores cropped up in NewSuds).
Needless to say, the clubs were all closed- even Ziggs.
Apparently you cannot be gay on Monday.
Gayness is for the weekend.
But this was easily rectified by going to the Golden Rail- one of Sudbury’s two strip clubs. It was pretty quiet there, so Scottie and I sat up in pervert’s row, hooted, hollered, and made a real show of the evening. Nothing sucks the nut like going on stage to silent gawkers. Not that there were any creeps there. The clients were pretty much all clusters of frat boys and a few businessmen throwing American moola around.
There was a bit of a kafuffle when some guy got kicked out, and I was the only person paying attention to make sure he didn’t have a gun (lawl, city instincts).
The rest of the evening was pretty uneventful. Most of the girls were as untalented as they were frumpy. There was only one really good dancer who talked to the audience and did pole tricks.
For her, Scottie and I got up on stage and laid down with money in our teeth (LoL that’s how you do it here. Haven’t witnessed that anywhere else yet) and the chick danced over and got it- yes, guys, with her boobs.
I still reek of stripper perfume, but it was fun nonetheless.
After the final dance of the evening, Scottie drove me home, with promises of Gay Kareoke on Wednesday.
Ha ha ha, fear it. The only heartening thing is that, out of the 7000 people in Sudbury, I’ll be pretty good at karaoke.

Nov 18th: So, yes. Harry Potter.
My mum and I dragged Dr. P out to the movies. By the angry look on his face when met with a sea of people, I take it he hated the experience, but he wrote down some sort of discovery- so all’s not lost.
There was also a young student of his that nearly got kicked out for trying to take a picture of my dad. Um- yes. Going anywhere with The Famous Doctor results in people talking endlessly with him, and in this case, a photo op.
::Eyetwitch::
Yes, I’m aware I haven’t mentioned the movie itself yet. Let’s get around to that.
The first Harry Potter movie was quite an experience for me. I skipped out on class and went with my mum during the day. It was a great start.
The second film I saw by myself, because I had just moved to Vancouver and had no friends. I went to this crappy theater which was half empty, and privately squeed at Lucius.
The third film, I saw in Toronto with Deni, Adam, Jazz, and Dorian. It was great. The banter made it worth while.
For this little Potter escapade- firstly, we were late. We got stuck in the second row, and my neck is now in agony.
Personally, I don’t think it was worth it. The movie was pretty unimpressive. I was really excited to see it, but meh. They didn’t show Snape’s Dark Mark. Bellatrix wasn’t there.
They lost my interest.
Also, Twatson is such a crap actress. She overacted every scene.
The only part I actually enjoyed was when Cedric’s father ran out of the crowd. That was touching. And Dan finally learned how to convey emotion without looking like a barking mental patient (need I remind you about the, “he was their friend- THEIR FRIENNNNNNNNND! AHRIGH!” scene?).
I have yet to decide if seeing Voldy’s naked ass was worth 20$ and perturbation.

Nov 23rd: BoingBoing Says:

    " Anxiety therapy by email is as effective as face-to-face
    A study has concluded that being in regular email contact with a shrink does as much good for sufferers of anxiety disorders as face-to-face sessions."
Reginald, I disagree. What's the most common type of anxiety? The people-related variety.
This fear of human contact is to thank for an explosion in online businesses. To avoid those three minutes of awkward conversation, you can arrange for delivery of groceries, furniture, hookers- pretty much anything your shut-in heart desires.
Now, let's imagine you just shelled out a good bit of money to see a therapist about this case of the crazies. Doesn't it seem a little counter-productive to NOT see him face to face?
Thank god, I won the weevil on eBay- Double sweet, I can whittle my therapy sessions down to an email.
    Dear Doctor,

    Today was gr8.
    Went outside briefly.
    Saw a snail.
    Life is a cornucopia of excitement.

    Sincerely,

    - Veege
    PS: Attached is a picture of me Photoshopped onto a ledge of the grand canyon.


Nov 24th: We finally finished watching all the Star Wars movies, in sequence. Unfortunately we couldn’t find the uncut versions of the older trilogy, but whatever. It made for a great way to prove animation school wasn’t a total waste of money by pointing out all the added computer graphics.
At any rate, as I watched each movie, I wrote a bit about them. Here’s the impact Star Wars had on somebody who had never seen it, and actually watched it from Episode 1 onward.
    Episode 1, Thank God Yoda's Still a Puppet
      I'm confused. Who the hell are all these people? Perhaps I'm watching this in the wrong order- OMFG! That kid is totally macking on that foxy lady. Precocious little scamp.

    Episode 2, Angry Leather Pants

      Anakin learns poetry. "Unlike sand, which is gritty, you are soft." He's about as romantic as Fa in Day of the Dolphins.
      I always told you people that God was a freakin' propos.
      And now, the Angry Young Man dance group. Angry Love! Angry Grief! Do the Angry Dance!

    Episode 3, Batshit Crazy

      Ow, that burning itch for a lava battle. Zomfg! He totally cut off his legs! Darth Hotdog is born.

    Episode 4, Turds for Justice

      Wow, Luke is a total wad. How could anybody like this without knowing WTF was going on? Leia has grandma boobs. Too much awkward droid action. HOLY CRAP Darth totally made Obi-Wan vanish! Well that's a keen trick- we all know he hasn't got anything up his sleeve. BAHAHAH- get it? It's an armless joke -ahah- ah, screw you all.

    Episode 5, Have a Holly Jolly Xmas

      It's the Yeti from Rudolph's Magical Claymation Adventure! Cor! Also, Yoda seems to have a touch of the Grandpa Fever after all these years-
      OMFG HE CUT OFF HIS SON'S HAND! What the FUCK! HIS HAND! You'd think after losing his arms and legs, Vader would have a little empathy! I mean, what the fuck is with that?! Is he trying to bond with his son!? HAY SON, LET'S GO MITTEN SHOPPING, NOW WE CAN SHARE A PAIR. Oh no WAIT, if he wanted to that, he would have cut off Luke's OTHER hand!!!
      AHH!
      HIS HAND!!!1

    Episode 6, Ewoks! I used to love that cartoon

      Added 3D makes my eyes bleed. Jabba needs Jenny Craig.
      But the end! Omg, when Luke went to take off Vader's mask- I was CRINGING... But then it was like the fucking English patient. Very unimpressive.
      And on that note, is BURNING Anakin really appropriate- considering the way he got disfigured?
      Yay for reusing Palpatine.
      And now, the final WTF moment: They added Hayden Christensen into the end. No, seriously, Angry Pants Anakin makes a lovely cameo as a bit of editing. I'm surprised they didn't make him 3D. WITH TENTACLES! AND DESERT WALKER LEGS! THAT'S HOW HE LOOKED WHEN HE DIED GOD DAMNIT I'M STICKING TO THAT! - Lucas
In the end, we came to a conclusion; to be a great Jedi, you must have very few limbs.
So now it's time for the inevitable decision- which character shall I obsess over?
Everybody, place your bets. For those of you who haven't been around for my past devotions, let's have a little trip down Favorite Character Lane.
    In Harry Potter, it's Tom Riddle/Lord Voldemort, a crazy dark lord who studied forbidden spells and has an unhealthy interest with brash young men.

    In Naruto, it's Orochimaru, a crazy snake lord who studied forbidden martial arts and has an unhealthy interest with brash young men.

    In FF7, it's Professor Hojo, a crazy scientist who conducts forbidden experiments on brash young men.

    In Lord of the Rings, it's Sméagol/Gollum, a crazy feral creature that has an unhealthy interest in brash young Hobbits.

    In Sailor Moon, it's Zoicite, a crazy demon from the Dark Kingdom with an unhealthy interest in brash young super heroes.


So, with this track record in mind, which Star Wars character did I like the best?
Chewie.
No, seriously.
He's adorable- especially when he goes out into the snow and gets frost all caught in his face fur. It was SO CUTE.
Hm, I wonder what this foretells for future love interests. Mad, evil, and very hairy... I give my artist friends free reign to caricature my future partner in crime.

Nov 28th: I got my neurological test results last night!
I was abnormally high in temporal lobe (creativity) results, dissociation, auditory/visual/olfactory hallucinations (I swear I just have an acute sense of smell, though!), and egocentrism. In fact, the ego scale ends for females in the mid range, then goes into the male ego, then… Me. LoL. Are we surprised? No.
I was far below average in social self esteem and religious belief. Also not very surprising.
But I was happy to see that I’m above average when determining logical arguments, and nicely below average for gullibility.
Apparently I’m a weird mix, living in a fantasy world, but remaining very aware of it. LoL.
Oh, biggest surprise of all: I’m in normal ranges for fear. Wtf. We live in a society that’s constantly peeing themselves in terror, then.
And now, a meme I gacked from James. Just so this post isn’t too clinically boring.
    1. ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?
    I have a lot of crazy scars on my left hand from slamming it willy-nilly into things. It’s amusing.

    2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?
    Here in Sudbury- A portrait of myself and a water color of my favorite rat.

    3. WHAT DOES YOUR CELL PHONE LOOK LIKE?
    Nokia flip phone.

    4. WHAT MUSIC DO YOU LIKE TO LISTEN TO?
    All of it, but mostly sound tracks.

    5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?
    Actually, no. I was born during the time-change, nobody really knows when it was because it was unclear if the hospital had set their clocks or not.

    6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
    Work.

    7. WHAT DO YOU MISS?
    Toronto and the friends within.

    8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION?
    My computer, obviously.

    9. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SMELL?
    Hurr… I don’t know. I don’t like smells.

    10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC?
    Not if it’s just me in a small place. Other people being present is a completely different story.

    11. IF YOU DIED TOMORROW:
    I would no longer exist?

    13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE COLOGNE / PERFUME?
    I’m not a fan of those sorts of things.

    14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
    It honestly doesn’t matter.

    15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF BEING PROPOSED TO AT?
    An alley. I say no. ::Romanic music::

    16. DO YOU LIKE PORN?
    Yes. For the hilarity and the jumblies.

    18. DO YOU SPEAK A DIFFERENT LANGUAGE?
    Different from what? LoL, yes. Le French.

    19. WHAT WAS THE FIRST GIFT SOMEONE EVER GAVE YOU (OF THE OPPOSITE SEX OR SAME SEX)?
    Absolutely no idea.

    20. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?
    I’d repress it, for sure.

    21. WHAT IS THE BEST WAY TO TELL SOMEONE HOW MUCH THEY MEAN TO YOU?
    An insulting caricature of them. :P

    22. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED:
    31.

    23. BLONDES, REDHEADS OR BRUNETTES?
    All of the above.

    25. WHAT ANNOYS YOU MOST?
    Pointless noise.

    26. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE US?
    I’m constantly out of the US, thanks.

    27. YOUR WEAKNESSES?
    Doubt and trepidation.

    28. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
    Sudbury, Ontario.

    29. FIRST JOB?
    Programmer for Century 21.

    30.EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?
    Probably. I can’t remember. I was probably drunk.

    31. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED OUT THIS SURVEY?
    Looking up Draco/Harry porn.

    32. IF YOU COULD GET PLASTIC SURGERY, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
    The tentacle. More limbs. Wheels.

    33.WHY DID YOU FILL THIS SURVEY OUT?
    Procrastinating calling the bank.

    34. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
    My eyes.

    35. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF ALCOHOL BECAME ILLEGAL?
    I wouldn’t sweat it.

    36. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
    I’m already happy with it.

    37. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT?
    Zero.

    38. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
    Yes, my grandmothers.

    39. DO YOU WISH ON STARS?
    I used to. But after I didn’t get super powers to smite my enemies, I gave up on that garbage.

    40. WHICH FINGER[S] IS YOUR FAVORITE?
    LoL. No comment.

    42. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
    I don’t use it that often.

    43. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
    Processed meat makes me barf.

    44. ANY BAD HABITS?
    Well, what sort do you want to hear about? The belching/farting/being disgusting parts, or the smoking/drinking/pornography ring bit?

    45. WHAT IS YOUR MOST EMBARRASSING CD ON THE SHELF?
    My playlist is thousands of songs long. There’s obviously shite in there.

    46. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
    Probably just a piece on the side.

    47. HAVE YOU EVER TOLD A SECRET YOU SWORE NOT TO TELL?
    Well, not consciously.

    48. DO LOOKS MATTER?
    Not really, no.

    49. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER?
    Yelling, pacing, ranting, being a pecker about it.

    50. WHERE IS YOUR SECOND HOME?
    Well, Sudbury I suppose.

    51. DO YOU TRUST OTHERS EASILY?
    No! Not at all.

    52. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD?
    The comic book- “Charlie Brown Wins the Race”.

    53. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR CELL PHONE?
    I have no idea. A fair few, mostly doctors.

    54. DO YOU USE SARCASM?
    Always.

    55. EVER BEEN IN A MOSH PIT?
    Yes.

    56. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?
    Somebody who’s supremely laid back.

    57. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?
    Veege.

    58. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
    No, they have buckles not laces.

    59. DO YOU THINK THAT YOU HAVE STRONG POINTS?
    Well, obviously.

    60. WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?
    Ice cream makes me puke, regardless of flavor.

    61. WHAT IS YOUR SHOE SIZE?
    Lady 5, but I wear 6-7s. I hate things on my feet.

    62. WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE COLORS?
    Puce, pink.

    63.HOW MANY WISDOM TEETH DO YOU HAVE?
    All of them. So many teeth- like an alligator.

    65. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
    I couldn’t care less.

    66. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
    GLC.

    67. LAST THING YOU ATE?
    Cookies.

    69. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX?
    Their mouth.

    71. HOW ARE YOU TODAY?
    Ominous.

    72. FAVORITE DRINK?
    Diet Coke, mofos.

    73. FAVORITE ALCOHOLIC DRINK?
    I’m fine with anything clear. None of that fruity flavored shit, though. And no citrus! Rawr!

    74.WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SPORT?
    Lady’s beach volley ball. ::Eyebrow::

    75. HAIR COLOR?
    Right now it’s red and black.

    76. EYE COLOR?
    Blue.

    77. DO YOU WEAR GLASSES?
    Nope.

    78. SIBLINGS?
    None.

    79. FAVORITE MONTH?
    I like August.

    80. YOU LIKE SUSHI?
    Yes.

    81. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
    Oh god, what was it called- Some piece of crap about aliens and artifacts and orphans.
    … Oh!
    “Alone in the Dark”! Finally. It took me like 2 hours to Google it because Christian Slater shares his name with a male hooker.

    82. FAVORITE DAY OF THE YEAR?
    They’re all pretty good.

    83. ARE YOU TOO SHY TO ASK SOMEONE OUT?
    Usually- but not too shy to rifle through their bins.

    84. SUMMER OR WINTER?
    Doesn’t matter.

    85.Kiss or hugs?
    Depends with whom.

    86. RELATIONSHIPS OR ONE NIGHT STANDS?
    One night stands.

    87. WHO IS THE MOST LIKELY TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
    If Dorian’s bored, he’ll do it.

    88. WHO IS THE LEAST LIKELY TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?
    People who don’t read my blog.

    89. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING?
    “Huck Finn”, “The Science of Harry Potter”, and a bunch of online stuff.

    99. WHERE DO YOU WORK?
    Smiley Guys.

    100. WHATS YOUR MAJOR?
    Well, animation. But I did a lot of tech work too.

    101. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LAST NIGHT?
    “Fafner”.

    102. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK WHEN YOU WAKE UP?
    Usually, “what time is it?”

    103. THE LAST THING BEFORE YOU GO TO BED?
    It varies.

    104. IF YOU COULD BE DOING ONE THING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
    DDRing with Heath and Dordawg.

Dec 2nd: I left Sudbury this morning at around 12, and Mr. Mach drove me into Toronto. We made it by 4pm, then proceeded in spending THREE hours searching for gas and the hotel so I could check in.
One near-entrance of a tram-only lane, seven illegal turns, and four U-turns later, Mr. Mach dropped me off at my place. Dorian met me there shortly after, and helped me clean the place up. We got it taken care of, I unpacked, and we went out for Dim Sum.
After boring Ddawg with the inevitable slide-show of Sudbury, we both got on the Subway; I went down to the hotel, and he went home.
The Days Inn is quite possibly the crappiest hotel ever. I got this corner room on the 11th floor. The view was the sides of two other buildings, yet if you looked straight down, you could see the street- which made for a noisy evening.
I didn’t sleep so well, and spent the night watching TV. Nothing worth noting- oh, except the dubbed Naruto playing on YTV. Yikes. Voice acting pain…

Dec 3rd: … I eventually nodded off for a couple of hours, but got up at 11am to check out.
I promptly went out on the town, searching for the little bits and ends I needed for my apartment.
You know, there are a lot of things that suck about shopping for home furnishings during the holiday season: the crowds, the horrible jaunty music, the pan-handlers with even more guilt-tripping than usual, and people in mascot suits.
But one thing totally blew me away: the sales. Yes, I know, everybody takes advantage of the prices, and that’s why they’re all out and about- but seriously, Fabric Land with a 40% off sale? Yes.
Yes, awesome.
I built a pair of curtains for 30$. And for a fair-sized window too. Usually fabric costs and arm and a leg.
I also arranged for my ‘net to be set up on Monday, and they waived the installation charge because of a special that’s going on. Sweet.
Now, time for sleep. Much needed sleep- in my lovely new apartment.

Dec 4th: Pigeons. I hate pigeons. Rawr.
They woke me up today.
But other than that, I slept fairly well. I went out to Fabric Land, yet again, this time to purchase more fabric to cover up my door-less closet.
After I’d set that up, I headed over to Dorian’s for dinner and watching Sky High. It was… Ah, cute. And trite. And Warren Peace (or however you spell his name) should have hooked up with that main wanker. What’s his face.
Ah, slash, prevailing over even kid’s films.
... Wait...
That sentence made no sense. God damn I'm exhausted.

Dec 8th: So tonight Beck and I went on a miraculous Holiday Adventure.
    [Getting in the car]
    Beck: Mind the car seat, it squeaks.
    [Car seat squeaks with every slight motion of the car]
    Me: Ha ha ha, WTF.
    Beck: [Over top of ridiculously loud squeaking] You start to get used to it after a while. [We stop at a red light]
    Beck: I wonder if that guy outside can even hear the squeaking. [Purposefully bounces on seat to make it squeak]
    Me: He’s staring at you.
    Beck: LOL omg.
    Me: I don’t think it’s because of the squeaking.
    Beck: Oh?
    Me: You’re bouncing up and down in a stationery car.
    Beck: [Yells at dude] WE’RE DOING IT FOR YOU!

    [Later, we park and get out]
    Me: The squeaking is actually LOUDER outside the car.
    Beck: Make sure to lock the door.
    Me: Why?? You could hear somebody stealing your car from three miles away.

    Beck: We should throw a party.
    Me: Just the two of us. Pizza. Getting drunk. Scrabble.
    Beck: I’d probably fall off the balcony.
    Me: And I’d have to rush down the stairs to save you.
    Beck: As I’m falling, “catch me!”
    Me: Half way down I’d need to stop for a smoke.
    Beck: While I’m still in mid-peril.
    Me: Another two flights-
    Beck: - And you’d get a drink.
    Me: I don’t think I’d get there in time.
    Beck: Good thing I parked right below, and left the window cracked.
    Me: And you’d drive off into the sunset.
    Beck: “SEE YOU LATER.”
    Me: LOL WTF.

    Beck: But the lion crate doesn’t have any holes.
    Me: What’s the policy for getting rid of huge dead animals?
    Beck: Let’s just leave it by the side of the road, with “free lion” written on it.
    Me: Yes- but more appealing. Like, “free Van Gogh painting within”.
    Beck: Perfect.

Dec 9th: I took the Smiley Dudes to lunch today to thank them for helping me move. Banter ensued, and I finally found out (and got invited :P) to the SGS Non-Denominational Festive Gathering, which is this coming Tuesday.
That means I’ll probably head off for Sudbury on Wednesday. Ha ha, yes, the dat right after a huge party- ah, whatever, I can sleep on the bus. I’ll bring a blanket- and besides, nobody travels Wednesday, it’ll be quiet.
Other than that, I’m being boring. Nobody’s freakin’ around this weekend. What a waste of Toronto time when all my friends are off having lives.
Which is why I blame all of YOU for the fact I’m sitting around drawing Star Wars porn.
Full Frontal Vader is entirely Toronto’s fault.

Dec 10th: So last night Lynne finally got back to me, and we went out to the Matidor for drinks. Around here, it seems to be mainly university pubs, and, despite frosh week being long over, we got to see a hazing.
It was ridiculous.
Guys with bags taped over their heads, being –ah- gently prodded into singing “I Will Follow Him” at the top of their lungs.
Well, that was entertaining- enjoy your alcohol poisoning, fellas.
Today was a bit less exciting. I did some more gift shopping for my lovely friends, and then hung out for ages in Indigo reading books that I wish I had room to purchase. Ha ha ha, they hate me at book stores.
Clerk: “Miss, you’ve been here for over four hours.”
Me: “Mhm.” ::Reading::
Clerk: “Were you planning on buying that?”
Me: ::Looks up:: “Oh!” ::Returns to book “… Heaven’s no.”
Clerk: “Hrmgh.” ::Storms off::
I don’t think they can legally DO anything about me reading their books and not buying anything. Ahh, the system works.
In other awkward conversations, I went to the Dominion near here for some food to construct dinner out of (pita, coleslaw, and babagenush), and ended up paying at the most INSANE teller ever.
She was this large, intimidating, boisterous woman who proceeded in telling me that foreigners were stealing Christmas.
Her: Can you believe they wanted to change OUR Christmas tree to a “holiday” tree?!
Me: You don’t say…
Her: It’s those MINORITIES.
Me: (O_O) Wow-uh… Ok, keeping our voices down.
Her: YOU do celebrate Christmas, don’t you?
Me: In –er- a manner of speak-
Her: GOOD, ‘cuz you gotta ask these days. I say, it’s OUR country, I’m CANADIAN, and I celebrate CHRISTMAS.
Me: That’s very… Patriotic… Of you.
Her: DAMN STRAIGHT! If we were in THEIR country, well- then things would be different, but they’re on OUR TURF.
Me: Well, I’m sort of partial to the ‘everybody can do what they feel like’ method of running-
Her: The States aren’t much better! Stealing our money! They’re taxing our bonus, you know. I’m thinking of not taking it at all.
Me: Oh, that’s nice, then you can donate it-
Her: But of course I WILL take it HAHAHAHA.
Me: OMGhambeast.
Her: What?
Me: Have a good night. ::Escapes::
Whatever happened to the mild-mannered Canadians? We can’t shoot guns and eat Kraft Dinner at the same time, you realize.

Dec 13th: OH NO WAIT 14th LOL!
[ACHOO drunken style]
WOooooooooooooo PARTAY! SGS STYLE!
Hardcore? Getting up tomorrow at 10am to get on a BUS for FIVE+ hours. WTFYES!
OMG Sangria!
LAWLBBQ?
I THINK SO!
Rawr.
Avast, ALL HANDS ON FUCKING DECK! You know WTF I’m talking about Yeahhh!
[/drunken style]

Dec 20th: I arrived in Sudbury successfully. Of course, back to 56k, so I haven’t been posting due to the grueling pain that dialup brings me.
I’ve been spending my time organizing the stuff I have here- a lot of junk has accumulated over the years, so I’ve started sorting through it, packed stuff away, and am starting preparations for a big yard sale, which will hopefully happen this summer.
Regardless, it feels a lot better to have all the superfluous junk out of my way.
As for fun, well, DDR! No, seriously, I found this holy oldschool version that plugs right into the TV. It’s got 8bit graphics and midi tunes, and good lord is it fun.
It’s a lot pickier than the usual DDR. Hopefully I’ll have screen caps of it soon- in all its attempting-to-be-Japanese-but-clearly-made-in-Taiwan-glory.
Oh yes.
In the time I have left, I’ve been rocking the Blackaby print issue. It’s so, so detailed- I don’t think I’m going to get around to shading it. Hopefully the audience will be just as happy with line art. It’ll entice them to go to the site and see the colored comics that are out so far, at least.
So yes, things are slow and relaxing, so don’t expect too many entertaining updates- that is, until I start work again in the new year. Hooray!

Dec 21st: Longest. day. ever.
And not just because it's the Winter Solstice (a merry jig to you all, by the way).
Today started at 7am. That's right. It was dark out when I woke up three hours after getting to sleep. My mum had an eye appointment which involved getting her pupils dilated, and I had to be the designated, sighted, driver.
Afterward I had this ridiculous craving for McNuggets- which is disgusting in itself, more so at 10am. Regardless, this insanity revealed to me the pain of Sudbury: Nobody sells fried chicken before 12pm.
AND DUCKS MUST WEAR PANTS.
Once I got home, I immediately went back to sleep for a few hours. When I woke up, I cleaned out a bit more of the basement.
Going through all my old stuff is interesting, in that, I've forgotten a lot of the stupid stuff I used to do. And my nerdism has been revealed full force with FIVE banker's boxes full of computer parts.
Insanity, yes.
Nerdy, yes.
Hot? Oh, maybe a little.
The stuff all got trashed though, since it's from c. 1998, and is painfully obsolete. Plus I already have a network of 486s which I don't use- I don't need parts for 286s which I'll never assemble.
At any rate, the cleaning is going well. It's nice to finally know where everything is and actually have some storage space.
Ah, the purge before the storm of gifts from Christian family members. I hope I get the familial fruit cake this year.

Dec 23rd: We finished organizing the basement today! Wow, what an insane thing to take on, but I managed it- and I'm all the happier for doing it. So is my mum, who is about as clutter-phobic as I am. Maybe even more so.
It's nice to have space, shelves and labeled boxes going on. Now I know where everything is. Mmm, obsessive compulsively delicious.
Now I must rock Blackaby- I've got it cleaned, now for the shading. Five days to get this puppy done before Rach hunts me down and has her new found posse of French maids murder me... In the drawing room... With a candle stick.

Dec 28th:
    A Nerdtastic Holiday
    a.k.a I should have won Sexiest Geek 2005

    As anybody with even the remotest computer knowledge knows, the holiday season comes with the promise of our parents receiving new tech swag, which is followed by Troubleshooting 101.
    Luckily my parents are intelligent people, and rarely need forehead-slapping help with the “any key” and the “mouse peddle”.
    That said, I happily embarked on the project of creating the ultimate PC for my dad. For those of you who don’t know, this is a man who can program algorithms that will (quite literally) blow your mind- but he won’t touch new equipment.
    In fact, he recently graduated from using XTs to 486s. I wouldn’t have pestered him, except his current 486’s fan has bit the dust, and has been sitting outside the case for several months now.
    It pains me to see something like that- particularly when I have a lovely PII just sitting gathering dust.
    So here’s the challenge: Make a Win98 PII PC behave like a DOS terminal with WP5.1

      Step 1: Declutter Windows.
        I know my dad will probably never use a GUI, but it’s worth a try. To make it less alarming, I put a scheme on Windows 98 so it would mimic Windows3.1. I also removed superfluous programs.
      Step 2: Boot in DOS.
        Windows can now be loaded from the C prompt, but otherwise stays quiet.
      Step 3: Install Word Perfect 5.1.
        Floppy Disks and DOS, oh this brings me back. Insert Disk 2- Disk 2 not found. Insert Disk 2. Floppy drive not found. Okay, so it wasn’t that bad, but I don’t yearn for the days of 3.5’s.
      Step 4: Boot directly to Word Perfect.
        What I needed this computer to do was go directly into the program when booted. This involved minor fiddling with autoexec.bat. I was a bit rusty, and this was by far the most harrowing part of the transformation- waiting for that first boot. It went through and I did the lamest dance known to man. It was, unfortunately, not caught on video.
      Step 5: Printer Drivers.
        Remember the days of manual driver installation? No? Good. Because it’s a pain in the ass. Particularly when you’re trying to get WP 5.1 to recognize a fairly contemporary BubbleJet. But all was not lost, two driver installations later, it printed a lovely page of:
        TEST
        TEST
        THIS BETTER FUCKING WORK
      Step 6: The Finishing Touch.
        Configuring Word perfect to default to the floppy drive, from which my dad exclusively works.

    And it was done! After that, it was all bull work moving a 17” CTR monitor downstairs, as well as a double tower. Ow. This part was not meant for geeks.
    So now it’s on to the Scanner Dance, replacing my mum’s crappy B&W scanner with a color one. In Windows ME. Ick.
    Working with that OS makes me feel dirty. I predict more pain than command line malarkey.

Dec 31st:
Quotes of the Year:
    “Remember in The Most Dangerous Game when General Zaroff decided that it was simply too expensive and ridiculously involved to continue his pursuit?
    No.
    Wait, that never happened.”
    I was referring to a specific incident, but in retrospect, this pretty much summarizes my year (up until the very last part).
    Fruitless endeavors with no clear end- I’m relieved to have escaped.

    “I think I’m getting sick. I’ve been coughing a lot. And not the usual hacking, like… TB hacking. If I die... I want all of you buried alive with me.”
    Despite suffering from multiple illnesses, and racking up the most sick-days out of anybody at the office, I kept in good spirits, thanks in most part to Dorian, who wouldn’t let me perish silently in my basement hovel.

    “Is it strange that I was hoping for cookies over narcotics?
    Yes.”
    The only thing keeping me alive through the grueling agony of breaking up, breaking down, and breaking all around, was cookies.
    Or rather, the sentiment attached to cookies in the morning.

    “I found a CD floating in a half eaten bowl of cereal. I'm certain if I had a toilet, there would be socks in it.”
    I’d like to point out that, even at my lowest, I had a sense of humor about myself.
    Keeping a blog definitely gave me perspective, and a few good chuckles as I cracked out high faulting free association.

    “Last night we all got toasted and watched Naruto. Memorable moments included the buttorus, “stop trying to bake cookies, Lynne, you’re drunk”, and the chocolate chip run (rated R).”
    Of course, not everything was a harrowing test of my sanity. I spent many an enjoyable night with Lynne, Deni, Dorian and Duncan giggling at our half-baked randomness.

    And, to end off in typical blog style, from the dozens of memes I filled out this year, let us all recall the History of Names:
    Typical Viger motto
    "Hello! You don't know me, but I've been going through your bins for a few months now."

The Year in Review (Bullet Style):

    I learned to DDR
    I bought a new computer
    I spent my best friend’s legalizing b-day with her =)
    I suffered from insomnia
    I paid off my college debts
    I went to my first official concert (DFA)
    I attended a punk show after five years out of the scene
    I cured the Thing on my Foot without the help of doctors
    I took up poker, like the rest of the world
    I got back together with old school friends (Beck and Laurel)
    I rocked Anime North with Heath
    I went to Toronto Island
    I became a zombie (for Land of the Dead)
    I lived in a house completely overrun by insects and mice
    I became a Narutard
    I didn’t read Half Blood Prince (but did listen to the audio-book)
    I became a bachelorette again
    I played AD&D
    I broke down in front of my landlady
    I traveled in time
    I escaped the boarding house
    I learned to cook
    I finally watched the Star Wars saga
    I took up Kung-Fu again
    I found a lovely apartment after months of searching
    I relaxed

Jan 2nd: Yesterday I returned to Toronto. The five hour trip just flew by, thanks to Adrienne, who I met by chance at the bus depot in Sudbury.
We joined forces to conquer the stupidity of Greyhound. No, seriously- Sudbury’s station is in a back alley, where buses randomly go by, and you must play the roulette; which bus is mine, and will I fit on it, because THERE IS ONLY ONE.
But we managed to wait it out, and boarded a fairly empty coach. The rest of the trip was filled with unconceivable amounts of yammering about TV and Movies.
In fact, we were so irritating with our loud, giggly appraisal of Star Wars, that the guys in front of us moved.
Whoops. Were you trying to sleep? Did our loud, mocking “NOOOO!’s” wake you up?
>_< Ke ke ke ke.
When we arrived, Adrienne was going on to Waterloo, so we said our goodbyes, and I went home to briefly unwind before hanging with Dorian for the night.
We DDRed a bit, and I discovered, much to my pain, that I’ve become WORSE at it. WRYYYYY!?
I actually BOUGHT the bloody thing. Given, it was a lame version, but I should at least have partial mad skillz. LAG MY XP NOT COMING THROUGH I CALL CHEESE.
Today I did errands. Y’know, the usual, boring stuff: food, makeup, Diet Coke, laundry, Diet Coke…
I also cooked a couple of meals for the week. Now, I have previously not made anything more complex than ramen and tea with my new stove.
Today, while cooking, I noticed the curious embossed words “radiation tube” on each one of my elements.
I laughed.
Then I cried.
When I realized: my stove is what forged the One Ring.
One melted spatula and burned quesadilla later, I have made a mental note that, while on most stoves, “high” refers to a temperature fit for boiling water, on my stove, it’s meant for refining ore.

Jan 3rd:
Current Mood: PRECIOUS LIFE BLOOD!
Current Music: “Due to high call volume, we cannot transfer your call.”

My favorite knife went all Judas on me!
Sudbury roots showing: my apartment is several degrees colder than the building’s general temperature.
Within the span of eight hours, I learned of three separate people getting engaged/married.
EI is FORCING me to continue claiming money. I can’t contact these bastards. Mmm flat Coke.
I dreamed of LARPing. WHAT.
136$ in electricity. WHERE IS MY OUTLET HAT. Bring me the treadmill.
That is all.

Jan 4th: "If I were to own one useless thing, it would probably be a hunk of plastic in the shape of Gaara." - Me, About 8 hours ago
This post is dedicated to the rockingness of Dorain, who has gifted me with Naruto figures! This is also fair warning to ALL OF YOU that further posts may be entirely composed of captioned pictures featuring said action figures, most likely in gay scenarios.
Enjoyment will be had by all!
Send in the Gaara Harem!
This calls for more burning of the series, and watching, and perhaps making costumes for Anime North.
At least one year, I'll dress as a character I don't have to invent a story for. (See: "I'm from Ultimate Chocolate Love-Love Castle! WTF, how can you NOT know that??")

Jan 6th: Ah, work is slowly but surely ramping up- but it still didn’t feel like Friday today.
After we had finished up at the studio, Dorian and I went back to his place. He entertained the kids, I made dinner (Kekeke, finally trusted with making food that the children would consume!) and merriment was had.
After we’d eaten, Dorian let the kids play a bit of this snowboarding videogame before bed. Watching them, I was like “looks fun. Looks easy”.
But once I gave it a whirl- Jeeze. It’s already happening! That thing where the kids these days can immediately understand technology, while I’m like “WHICH TRIGGER WHAT BUTTON IS SQUARE! AH”.
On the up side, my DDR mojo has returned- seeing as I actually beat Dorian on one level. YES! @_@ Look at my dance, in all my MAGESTY.
Once we were both resuscitated by the Emergency Care van, we watched a little Clone Wars.
Now, I’d seen that on TV while in Sudbury- pieces of it. But it was New Years Eve and I didn’t get very far in the series. I’m sort of glad I didn’t- good lord does it drag on… And on… And on…
“Who is that, and why should we care!?” pretty much summarizes the series.
We didn’t even get through the first episode. After watching for about 40 minutes, and still not knowing why they kept cutting to badly designed monsters licking each other, I bid Dorian adieu- rather early too, because tomorrow: Niagra falls. For gambling. And Heath’s 20th birthday party.
Huzzah!

Jan 7th: Well, the original plan was for me to catch the GO!Train to Oakville and meet Heath + her friends there.
But she was coming down to Toronto regardless, and picked me up. Which was awesome, seeing GO scares the pants off me, and I’m pretty sure you’re not allowed to ride pantless.
Once we got to Oakville, Susan had made a delicious birthday feast for Heath. The house was the quietest I’d ever seen it too; it was just me, Susan, Heath and Sophie at the table.
After dinner, Heath tried to get into contact with her friends, and plans were switched around, mainly because it was nearly 9pm at that point, and it seemed more than a little crazy to drive all the way to Niagra and back.
Especially when the “designated driver” situation was vague… And I was raising a protective eyebrow at the proceedings.
So, much to my relief, we ended up staying in Oakville, and Heath and I went out to this nice little pub called D’Martinis. It was quiet and scarcely populated, plus the bartender was really bored- and therefore generous.
He kept giving us free shots, since it was Heather’s birthday and all. Sugary shots, that is. I forgot to mention, that before going out, we decided to start drinking it up and save ourselves a couple of bucks.
Now, in Heather’s house there was one type of liquor: Vanilla Vodka
There was one type of mix: Green apple sour
This was, by far, the sweetest thing I’d ever tasted. We ended up cutting it with water- which helped, marginally.
Next, we dug into Heath’s gift bag, which I had given her, and found a Happy Bunny energy drink (essentially Red Bull). Mixed with vanilla liquor it was… Alarming. It all went down hill when we added the Diet Coke, though.
Much laughing ensued remembering the things we would concoct when we were kids, rummaging through the spice cupboard and making “brews”, which I always ended up sampling hopefully.
Even then, Heath had the sense to realize paprika and cloves do not a potion make. Yes, we were strange kids.
At any rate, needless to say, after the experimental home brew extravaganza, three sugary shots, and innumerable sweet martinis later, we left the bar, a little tipsy, and craving something to counteract the sucrose.
We ended up at the supermarket, which was practically empty. We went from isle to isle, poking the merchandise and sniffing the air fresheners (they all smelled like urinal cakes, disturbingly enough), and finally settled on summer sausage as our snack.
Yes, at 2am, drunk and giggly, we purchased one summer sausage… And a half-can of Diet Coke.
Outside the store there was a park bench, where we sat, jimmied open the sausage with a nail file, and discovered that it was indescribably ghastly. But Heath still managed to eat half of the thing- which was probably just the drunk munchies talking.
Once we were properly sick from this excursion, we got a ride home, and crashed for the night- but not before having an hour long discussion about hideous deformities right before bed.
Ah, wholesome girlish fun. XD

Jan 9th: Quotespam time- because I spent a good portion of the day suffering from PSL. That's Painful Silent Laughter, for the uninitiated.

    MY HARMONICA (no that's not a euphemism):
      Me: I'm so melodious
      Me: it'll blow your mind
      Me: I can play many things
      Me: !
      Me: Like a poor version of Taps
      Dorian: Stick to the flute
      Me: I don't play the flute
      Me: ...
      Me: ... =(

    "Harmonica" Continued (but still not a double meaning):

      Me: We can jam!
      Me: I just need to learn a song
      Me: what should I learn?
      Dorian: Don't learn songs
      Dorian: learn chords
      Dorian: if you learn chords
      Dorian: then you can play all songs
      Me: Hm
      Me: This will require Googling
      Me: ::Googles "chord"
      Me: ::Googles "song"
      Me: ::Googles "learn"
      Dorian: what key is your harmonica in?
      Me: ...
      Me: ::Googles "key"
      Me: ::Googles "harmonica"
      Dorian: Er...

    2h Discussion vs. 1min Task:

      [After much pestering of each other to go fetch more tissues]
      Me: I didn't look at them
      Me: I was busy keeping control
      Me: of my apparent CRAZINESS
      Me: It could explode at any moment 9_9
      Dorian: That's why you need to get more tissue
      Me: ¬__¬` Get it your own sweet self. I didn't use the last of the TOILET PAPER you were using before
      Dorian: Then where is it?
      Dorian: You had it last
      Dorian: See the article in boingboing about books bound in human flesh?
      Me: No
      Me: I did not
      Me: Did you see the article about you using the last of the tissue and not remembering because it was in the past
      Dorian: no
      Dorian: link me
      Dorian: fag

    Dogs Infiltrating Higher Learning:

      Me: "We suspect you may have a tumor in your lungs"
      Dorian: ... And a huge Great Dane is led in the room
      Me: "Let Dr. Rover take a look at you"
      Me: OH MY GOD
      Dorian: omg
      Dorian: you know what
      Dorian: I think I must have colon cancer!
      Me: I'm starting to carry a machete with me to the doctorb.
      Me: I think you have cancer of the wang.
      Me: Let's have Cozmo check
      Dorian: Dogs keep sniffing my butt!

    Dogs Infiltrating MSN:

      [At this point, Dorian sets his icon as a real life dog dressed up in doctor's scrubs]
      Me: So when am I starting-
      Me: LOL
      Me: that fucking Icon
      Me: I can't stop laughing
      Me: (and crying)
      Me: (on the inside)
      Dorian: "Ropen wide, and sayy..."
      Me: Oh my god
      Me: The DOGVOICE
      Me: NO

    Episode 207: Battle of the Userpic versus the Hilarious Handle!

      [After a good half hour of being taunted with Doctor Dog icon...]
      Dorian: hah hah hah hah hah
      Me: You need to shut up, sir.
      Me: ::eylzr::
      Me: Rawr!
      Dorian: Omg, I'm sorry
      Dorian: you're gonna have nightmares
      Dorian: I'm laughing
      Dorian: but on the inside
      Me: YES I WILL
      Dorian: I feel bad
      Me: NO YOU DON'T
      Me: You lie!
      Me: Lies upon lies
      Me: built on more lies
      Me: with a foundation of untruth!
      Me: ::Looks at icon::
      Me: Oh god the hat
      Dorian: omg, u must hate dogporn
      Me: ...
      Dorian: ok, sorry
      Dorian: I just assumed
      Dorian: my mistake
      Dorian: dogporn is ur fav
      Dorian: np
      Me: Ok revenge time
      Dorian: uhoh
      Dorian: ...
      Me: Oh yes
      Dorian: mmm
      You take bite- O NOES! RAISENS!: PHEr
      Dorian: corn... ?
      You take bite- O NOES! RAISENS!: IT'S RAISENS
      You take bite- O NOES! RAISENS!: YOU FUCKING
      You take bite- O NOES! RAISENS!: FUCK
      You take bite- O NOES! RAISENS!: FUk!!11
      Dorian: oh
      Dorian: yellow raisins, eh
      You take bite- O NOES! RAISENS!: God damn u.
      Dorian: if you really wanna freak me
      Dorian: get some weird injury
      You take bite- O NOES! RAISENS!: :: LISTNEING WITH RAPNESS:
      Dorian: like that photoshopped finger with the nasty hole in it
      You take bite- O NOES! RAISENS!: Oh
      You take bite- O NOES! RAISENS!: That's boring.
      Dorian: I don't like the taste of raisins
      You take bite- O NOES! RAISENS!: You want me to like... Photoshop a bug in your eye
      Dorian: but I'm not afraid of them
      You take bite- O NOES! RAISENS!: Or like, a scorpion coming out your ear?
      Dorian: nice name
      You take bite- O NOES! RAISENS!: Thanks
      You take bite- O NOES! RAISENS!: I wanted to go the whole 9 yards
      Dr.Dawg: classy
      You take bite- O NOES! RAISENS!: AH!
      You take bite- O NOES! RAISENS!: NO!
      Dr.Dawg: Dr,Dawg takes a bite out of disease
      You take bite- O NOES! RAISENS!: Raisins hide where you expect them least!
      You take bite- O NOES! RAISENS!: o/`
      Dr.Dawg: omg
      Dr.Dawg: like in your Diet Coke?
      Dr.Dawg: or in my...
      You take bite- O NOES! RAISENS!: That's not why-
      Dr.Dawg: kibbles n bits??
      You take bite- O NOES! RAISENS!: PSL
      You take bite- O NOES! RAISENS!: ::Disabled::
      Dr.Dawg: PSL
      Dr.Dawg: I kinda need a coffee
      Dr.Dawg: er
      Dr.Dawg: I mean
      Dr.Dawg: RI RINDA NEED A ROFFEE!
      You take bite- O NOES! RAISENS!: I am going to kill you
      You take bite- O NOES! RAISENS!: @_@
      Dr.Dawg: omg I ca't stop laughing
      Dr.Dawg: I'm delirious
      You take bite- O NOES! RAISENS!: ha ha ha
      You take bite- O NOES! RAISENS!: You're laughing at your own stupid icon
      You take bite- O NOES! RAISENS!: you should fix it
      Dr.Dawg: you want me to change it?
      You take bite- O NOES! RAISENS!: Oh god
      You take bite- O NOES! RAISENS!: I looked at it again


Jan 13th:
Current Mood: European Sluttery
Current Music: Because of you I went through Some Difficult Times- "O RLY?!" *bird*

It's Friday, I felt sick, I stayed home, I drank half a bottle of Greens+ Concentrate, now I feel full of PISS AND VINEGAR!

Top Ten Quirks List!
(Most of which were pointed out by Dorian- because WTF, truly quirky people don't see the crazy shit they do as odd. NOW HAND ME THAT USB CABLE I'M FEELING FRISKY!)

    1. I won't touch wet food or cheese of any kind.
    2. I can hear the frequency CTR displays make, and it drives me mad.
    3. I sit around for ages even after a small meal- particularly in restaurants.
    4. My interest in literature/film relies on how many gay pairings I see.
    5. To relax, I skip around in circles. Sometimes for hours at a time.
    6. I have an unhealthy fascination with insects.
    7. I love old technology to the extent that I have not owned a gaming consol since the SNES- and I'm an avid gamer.
    8. Essentially, my diet consists of candy.
    9. Cruel as it seems, I suffer from unstoppable laughter when I see animals inconvenienced in any way.
    10. I drink 2L or more of Diet Coke per day.
Oh noes! The bottom of the Greens+ container! IT'S ALL GOO ALL THE TIME.

Jan 21st: Where the heck have I been?
Good question. This week was absolutely insane. My parents were in town, so I fenangled my schedule so I could see them as much as possible.
This meant getting to work early (actually waking up around 7am) so that I could get enough stuff done to feel good about leaving early.
I left around 4pm every day, walked to Dundas and Yonge, where my parents were staying, and took them out to various restaurants.
Finally they have experienced actual Chinese food, after several decades of egg-rolls and chicken balls. We took the tram down to Traditional Bun and Rainbow Seafood, both of which were really well received by the ‘folks. :D
I also managed to convince them to try some Japanese food. Gyoza, edamame, and agedeshi tofu were all fan favorites.
Of course I also showed off my new digs- Sunday, the first night my mum and dad were here, I took them out for Dim Sum, then promptly dragged them here.
I’m so not used to having guests- I mean, I had to make coffee with a sieve and a precariously poured pot of scalding water. Apparently it was good coffee, though. Go figure.
But despite the week being insane on my schedule, and being out of the house from 9am-12am most nights, I’m really going to miss this.
I said good-bye yesterday over the ‘phone, since I was relaxing with Dorian + friends (an engagement I had made beforehand, and wasn’t going to break).
Apparently my parents decided on the 1am greyhound back to Sudbury, and since I haven’t had any alarmed ‘phone calls so far today, I assume they’ve made it.
: \ Just before the weekend, too. See, NOW I would have had time.
Ah well, don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.

Jan 21st: I went out clubbing with Lynne, which rocked. The Gladstone was hosting a big part of the drumming circle, who were invited to jam with the band (of course, I completely forgot their name).
It was a blast. In the other lounge they were having a karaoke night, which I really wanted to take part in, but the line was ridiculously long. It was packed from front to back!
But we had a good time, dancing and cavorting. We left relatively early too, which was good- because man, I’m drained.
I’m looking forward to doing absolutely nothing tomorrow.

Jan 22nd: My fucking 'phone is dead. I'll let everybody know when it's working again, but in the meantime, I have no other way to get calls. E-mail me instead.

Edit, 5:30pm: It's alive again.
WTF. Ok, I can't be arsed to see if I wrote about this before, but my 'phone has been real shite lately; first, it wouldn't ring. No matter which ringtone I set, it would not play during an incoming call, it would only faintly beep once. When I looked into it to rectify the situation, as I skimmed through the ringtone library, each of them broke as I clicked on them (as in, they would play for half a second, then either just buzz or be silent, and the icon beside the tone would go from a musical note to a ripped piece of paper, which I take it means "broken file"). At this point, the phone went completely blank- just a white screen. It shut off, then rebooted and everything was normal. My computer has also been acting strangely lately. It refused to revive from hibernation the other day, but after much coaxing, it rebooted. Also, yesterday, for the first time, it just crashed. I mean, Windows98-style crash. It just shut off, with the music that had been playing stuck on the same note over and over. I had traumatic flashbacks to 1990 between fits of OMFG MY LAPTOP! What the shit, people. What the shit. My stuff is crapping a virtual log.

Jan 23rd: Now a shitstorm of an entry, to match my shitstorm of a day.
Details aside, I’m going to be a minion for the rest of my life. Mild huzzah.
I voted for the first time.
My friends fucking peer pressured me into it- I wanted to get stoned and go to a titty bar, but no, I had to remain sober and go do the nationalistic thing.
Adam was nice enough to show me the polls- which were stationed in a Baptist church. It was insanely crowded and badly organized; I stood in line for 48 minutes, crammed in a corridor, surrounded by irate people and nearly suffocating with the smell of the “food for the hungry” soup kitchen stew. Charity should use less onion.
So yes, I voted, and after that insanity, my party of choice better win. Else I want that 48 minutes of my life back, and I’ll have to start the mass suicides again.
Is everybody cool with grape?
Also, quizzes.

    You are Wrath!
    The 3rd worst and the most common of the sins. It is unrighteous anger, hatred, revenge and denial.
    Punishment in Hell: Dismembered alive.
    Animal: Bear.
    Color: Red.
    Demon: Satan.
    What the hell, URIGHTEOUS wrath? MY ANGER IS PLENTY RIGHTEOUS, and any of you FUCKERS that thinks differently can kiss the FATTEST part of my ASS!

    Star Wars Horoscope:
    You are a powerful character.
    You tend to be possessive and lusty - which explains your greedy nature.
    You feel threatened when people try to order you around or control you.
    You are prone to suspicion and jealousy - but your resilience and passion get you what you want.
    Star wars character you are most like: Han Solo
    LOL WTF. "I love you". "I know".

    Purity Test:
    You are: 40.92% pure
    Average Score: 72.5%

    Self-Lovin': 21.7% Average: 64.9%
    Shamelessness: 50% Average: 79.1%
    Sex Drive: 50% Average: 77.4%
    Straightness: 5.4% Average: 44.2%
    Gayness: 42.9% Average: 83.8%
    Fucking Sick: 69% Average: 90%
    This one was confusing initially, but the percentages I got represent how PURE I am, so the remaining percentage is how corrupt I am. LoL. Now it makes sense. God damn numbers- how I hate things you can't sodomize people with.
    Also, apparently, I love myself. Often. With crazy inanimate things. YES. I'm gonna go plow me a piece of my own hott ass.


Jan 24th: The news reports it's the saddest day of the year. So here's some happy crack.

    Gaara for the Uninitiated:
      Jaime: Why does he have a giant clay nipple attached to his back?
      Me: It's a gourd
      Me: full of sand
      Me: with which
      Me: he attacks
      Me: ::Suppressed laughter at *clay nipple* ::
      Jaime: He throws sand at people?
      Jaime: GA-AAAAA-AY
      Me: Sort of, he crushes them into mush with sand
      Me: like... a wave of sand.
      Jaime: I'll have to see it sometime
      Jaime: I'm tragically behind on my anime watching
      Jaime: 'Bezerker' is still cool right?
      Me: ...
      Me: Poor Jaime.
      Jaime: My Mom thinks I'm cool...

    I Challenge Your Work's Validity, Sir:

      [Jaime sends me a clip of the show he works on]
      Me: AHH!
      Me: WHAT
      Jaime: She's a Faerie you see
      Jaime: Who helps a young girl discover the importance of altruism
      Jaime: While withstanding, and reforming, the other girls who taunt her for being new
      Me: Um...
      Me: What is she SAYING?!
      Me: It's like her mouth is packed with gumdrops
      Me: what they really should teach
      Me: is to swallow food before talking
      Jaime: Oh, and it's Christmas when this all happens... and the faeries, they work for Santa
      Me: even if it is to a giant lady bug you've got nestled in your bosom
      Me: which is disturbing enough in itself
      Jaime: She sounds like that the whole way through
      Jaime: It's like she's just taken a speed suppository
      Me: "Arubl shuf tluuwu!?"
      Me: Kids are going to be retarded.
      Jaime: Kids ARE retarded
      Me: You are personally making kids retarded.

    Rhythmic Breathing with Billy Bison:

      Me: You've sold the following things through cartoon
      Me: retardation
      Me: obesity
      Me: and Christmas.
      Jaime: As well as demented, and gender confused, animals who teach toddlers how to do yoga
      Jaime: I couldn't even make this shit up
      Me: I don't think I ever saw the animal yoga.
      Jaime: I'm trying to find it... it was terrible
      Me: I don't know, did you watch it high? Did it get better?
      Me: LOL Stella Songbird has a musical score flying out her armpit

    Chapter 69, Jaime's Worst Memory:

      Me: If I were poor, I wouldn't want my horrible life on TV.
      Jaime: Last time it was a children's camp for physically challenged kids
      Jaime: They built them cabins and such
      Jaime: A blind kid sang 'Amazing Grace' to thank them
      Jaime: I had to leave the goddamn room
      Me: OMG you're so irate about this.
      Jaime: EVERYOBODY was crying
      Me: LoL
      Me: I'm sorry your irateness is hilarious
      Jaime: Hey, I mean, I support the idea in theory
      Jaime: Building houses for poor kids, that's fantastic
      Jaime: Making everyone cry about it is just cruel
      Jaime: Especially when you cut to a contact lens commercial afterwards

      Jaime: Seriously, I don't want to have to visit you in an oxygen tent
      Jaime: *glare*
      Me: It'll be fun
      Me: you can bring me Diet Coke.
      Jaime: And feed it to you with a complex throat device, you ninny
      Me: Not THAT throat hole... The other one... Oh yah... That's the spot
      Jaime: If you get cancer and die, I'm totally saying "I told you so."
      Jaime: During your eulogy
      Jaime: On top of the casket
      Jaime: Naked
      Me: Hot
      Me: send me the footage- oh wait
      Me: Brain me the footage
      Jaime: Devil: "Veege, mail came for you, some kind of video."
      Veege: "Oh?"
      Devil: "It seems to be your funeral and... OH! What is.. is that a raisin?"
      Me: lol wtf
      Me: Why on earth is it a closed casket?
      Me: Is there something I should know?
      Jaime: You attempted to smoke in the hospital room... nearby an oxygen tank
      Jaime: They could have saved you, but the explosion took out the burn ward
      Jaime: Including the burned orphans... Who were having a house built for them at the time
      Me: (OMG)
      Me: (PSL)

    Bananaphone (If you don't know already... Be thankful):

      Jaime: That was so creepy
      Me: I'LL CALL MY CAT
      Me: Ringringringring...
      Jaime: And it's going to be stuck in my head ALL DAY
      Me: Bananular phoooneeee
      Me: when I first watched that, I was with my friend Angie
      Me: Angie: wasn't that funny?
      Me: Me: That was insane.
      Me: Angie: Lawl
      Me: Me: Ok, I gotta go.
      Me: Angie: I'll give you a ride.
      Me: [We get in the car]
      Me: Angie: Can you put that disk on the seat in the CD player?
      Me: Me: Ok
      Me: [Disk queues up]
      Me: Me: Omg that video. It's stuck in my hea-
      Me: CD player: RINGRINGRING
      Me: Me: WTF
      Me: Angie: LOLOLOL!
      Me: CD Player: Banana phooooneee!
      Jaime: LOL
      Me: Angie: [Nearly crashes with laughter at me]
      Jaime: That's AWESOME

    Fanartist's Beauty Secrets:

      Me: Snape's hair is ALIVE
      Me: with STYLE
      Jaime: The secret is to soak it overnight.. in cruelty
      Me: Would Pabst be ok?

Jan 25th: BFFx0r! XD
I AM DRUNK AND LONELY! Omg writing a blog intro is so fucking hard when I can't talk about my boobs. PLZ WATCH THE SHOW, HERE IS SOME CAMHO. Lovelovelove. PICTURES OF MY CAT. The end.
Blogging = Rocket Science. Why is it you never see dead pigeons in the city? BECAUSE I CAN'T CATCH THEM! BAHahaha omg. I have invented the Voghurt. It is the best drink evar. It's like... When you run out of Bloody Mary mix... And use RAGU instead.
I should go to the store and pick up some more of these banana chips. THEY'RE SALTY. THEY SHOULD CALL THEM TASTICLES.
Ok back to work. Nuuu nuuu nuuu nuu... Help me write this! I SEE FAMOUS PPL OCCASSIONAL. IT IS KEWLIES. :D :D :D BLOG SMILIE. JOIN MY BLOGOSPHERE. IT'S BLOGTASTIC. I NEED SOME MORE BLOGRUM.
AHAHAHA BLOGTASTIC= actual word. What the FUNKIN' WAGGLE. Now I can use it. MY BLOGTASTIC PROPOSAL: MORE LIME CORDIAL.
WHERE IS MY SOCK.
I'd better end this before I start to ramble.
Actually, I'll take the sweater.

Jan 28th: After a total write-off morning, I walked down to Dufferin mall to do some grocery shopping. Since funds are running low, I went to No Frills, the super market for the financially challenged.
I personally hate shopping there, but I didn’t have much of a choice with the cupboards completely bare (except, of course, the standard condiments that adorn ever bachelor’s ‘fridge).
I also had to run a few other errands for fresh food- that needed to be done last… With 42 pounds of groceries in my backpack. That would be literally FOURTY TWO.
After walking home (16 city blocks. I generally don’t pay attention, as I’m off in my little world while walking, but this time it was hard to miss) I weighed myself with the groceries, then without.
FOURTY TWO POUNDS.
That’s so close to half my weight in food.
Now I’m sitting here in my PJ pants and tank top, and I feel like I could jump a million feet in the air. And use a massage- but that’s beside the point.
On my journeys, I was tempted into buying something I never have before: Cosmopolitan magazine.
...
Come on! I was curious.
But it wasn’t a hard sell with Beyoncé on the cover (yah, she’s tripe, but what a fine ass).
So, once I regained consciousness after passing the perfume sample page, I had to ask myself: ladies, what the shit?
This magazine sucks a nad- and then tries to tell you how to do it better.
At least half of it is “sex tips” that seem to apply solely to fat people. Such as, “put marbles in the bed for a great sensation!”. Um, no, that sounds like a sure way to get things lodged in my ribcage.
Another brainer was “do it on the floor, it’s so thrilling!”. Yes, thrilling like a broken spine and bruised butt-bone.
Here’s a tip you can actually use: date somebody who’s the opposite weight from you. Because thin + thin = fractured hip bones and pointy elbow hugs. And fat + fat = wenis scavenger hunt.
But by far, my favorite article was the hard-hitting, “Your guy’s porn habit can tear you apart”. Ok, first off- “porn habit”. How do these things go together? That’s like saying “your man’s eating habit is making him fat”. Are ladies that turned-off by the hot naked antics of silicone-riddle women? Because, seriously, there’s something out there for everybody (hay, I should write for this shitty mag). I mean, I’ve personally got over 30gigs of porn, and it’s all specified to my crazy ideas of “hot”. I’m sure ladies that don’t like seeing the deep throat can find some sort of romancy-fluff film that results in sensual massages, consensual love-making, and cuddling at the end while the credits roll and the fluffers get themselves a soda.

Jan 31st:
    Get Mental with Next Gen:
      Jaime: I wonder what other words I could make up... Perhaps "ROFLACON - Evil Robot of Web Humor"
      Jaime: "LMAOGROPHOBIA - Fear of Spontaneous Orgasm By Laughter"

    More Tail Penetration:

      Jaime: Wooh! Despite some revisions, I was just told my work is 'fucking awesome'
      Me: GREAT!
      Me: Congrats!
      Jaime: *no pants dance*
      Me: Now, I assume this is animation, and not degenerate furry porn
      Me: that you're being complimented about
      Jaime: Yes, though I think those are appreciated as well

    Narutard:

      Jaime: What's the name of the main character from Naruto?
      Jaime: With the orange get-up
      Me: ::EXPLODES LAUGHING::
      Me: His name is...
      Me: Get ready for this...
      Me: "Naruto".
      Jaime: .....
      Jaime: *hangs head in shame*

    .....:

      Jaime: My Grandmother used to whisper into my cradle "If you pull it, it will grow."
      Me: .............................

    Fizzags in da Cazar:

      Me: But I do have to remind you about the constant, unbearable whining from me from Sudbury
      Me: I can't believe you forgot that : P
      Dorian: what whining?
      Me: Omg!
      Me: You seriously don't remember
      Dorian: "I can't find the remooooote"
      Me: "Dorian, I'm so bored in Sudbury, I wanna work"
      Me: "I wanna WORK"
      Me: "I WANNA WORK"
      Dorian: "my fags are in the caaar"
      Dorian: right
      Me: "SUDBURYYyyy RAHhhh"
      Dorian: I remember
      Me: LOL
      Me: wtf
      Me: "my fags in the car"
      Me: is that like "Brothers in the house"
      Dorian: lol
      Dorian: my homies are in da club
      Dorian: and my fags are in the car

Feb 1st: What am I even doing.

Feb 2nd: Jesus see me through this! Jaime, the quotes, I have them, they are posted, we will never again be elected.
    Lipstick on his Collar, Dogfur on your Shoulder:
      Jaime: We have one new French guy named Louis... I'm not sure about where he stands
      Jaime: I think I'll send him a link to some furry porn and see if he chokes on his coffee
      Me: just walk up very calmly
      Me: and over top of his keyboard
      Me: put the Nessie + lighthouse violation
      Me: gage his reaction
      Me: don't forget to check his crotch

    Here's a Memo:

      Me: Your antics belong in a newspaper comic
      Me: Like Dilbert
      Me: but with more penis.

    Coin Purse and some Change:

      Jaime: Heh, 'The Wily Adventures of Studio Life'
      Jaime: Chapter #1: The Intern Gets Drunk
      Me: Oh yes
      Jaime: It has a surprise ending
      Jaime: I'm not sure what it is... but it's surprising
      Jaime: .....
      Jaime: I've got nothin'
      Me: Surprise ending = mpreg
      Jaime: It would be embarrassing to try and discover who the father was... Especially after the movie marathon/orgy
      Me: Circle bang
      Me: all reach around
      Me: all the time
      Jaime: That's a bit unfair though... some wouldn't be able to see the television
      Jaime: "Ahem, excuse me, but your balls are blocking my view of this delightful car chase."
      Jaime: In my world everyone's amazingly polite during sex
      Me: Yes
      Me: With tea
      Me: "oh my, your coin purse is in my saucer, good sir"
      Me: "prolific apologies to you, my friend"
      Jaime: wtf? Coin purse?
      Jaime: Now I can't get the word 'jingle-jangle' out of my head
      Me: "What is that delightful rhythm, my lusty chap?"
      Jaime: "If you may be so good as to refrain from such vigorous percussions upon my bottom."
      Me: You win at gay love, Jaime.
      Jaime: WOOH!
      Me: You officially have my blessing to receive penis in the bum.
      Jaime: Somehow, my victory seems a hollow one
      Me: Not hollow anymore! ::Eyebrow!::
      Jaime: ZING!
      Jaime: Yes, I am FILLED with a sense of accomplishment
      Me: And slight discomfort

    Breaking PR! CAMHO BOOBS:

      Jaime: I don't know if it's useful, but here's the blog from Fatkat
      Me: What the FUCK lol
      Me: It's a shit storm of party photos
      Me: doesn't blogspot have cuts?
      Jaime: Oh, it probably does
      Jaime: I can't recall
      Me: "here is the hot girlz in my office"
      Me: :: Camho
      Me: :: Camho
      Me: :: Camho
      Me: Today we animated
      Me: :: Camho
      Jaime: Riveting, isn't it?
      Me: yes.
      Me: I read 2 words
      Me: I didn't bookmark
      Me: and didn't friend
      Me: they lose.
      Jaime: HA! Fatkat was voted off the island

    I'm Fantastic:

      Me: ::Laughing in the middle of work::
      Me: YES I'M LAUGHING YOU PEOPLE
      Me: ...
      Me: ::Stares at them::
      Me: God I'm gonna be that gay blogger
      Me: "omg u run the blog"
      Me: "u fail"
      Me: aughh
      Jaime: PSL
      Jaime: I had to bite my fucking hand
      Jaime: *wipes away tears*

    This Explains Everything:

      Me: It's contagious
      Me: I have this smirk
      Me: that makes me look batshit.
      Me: It wont' go away
      Jaime: Yes, it's...uh...definitely the smirk
      Jaime: And not, you know, your words or actions
      Me: Or the fact I burst out laughing maniacally at odd intervals with no apparent incentive
      Jaime: You also have a very odd stare when you're listening to someone speak As if bugs are crawling out of their nose, and you're wondering whether you should mention it
      Me: See, people keep telling me that- but I don't believe them, because once they get to know me, and I feel comfortable enough to ask about it, they always say "I never noticed".

    If Only Jerking was a Job! Oh wait...:

      Me: Buh.
      Me: I'm just- rugh. I like the idea of Jackblog tho.
      Me: so great.
      Me: Might pitch at the next meeting
      Me: or may just give up, go home, eat corn chips and masturbate
      Me: ...
      Me: the latter is much more likely.
      Jaime: LOL
      Jaime: Oh jesus

Feb 3rd: Right, so earlier this week, I found this awesome AC unit for cheap from a seller who was moving.
I thought I had it all planned out, and everything was going to work out fine- getting the thing from Lansdown back to my place, that is.
Flash forward a couple of days, to yesterday.
I had been feeling pretty down, so I decided to take myself out on a date (yes, it’s sad, but… Fuck you, whatever). I went shopping, got some nice new clothes, made myself a dinner, dyed my hair, had a shower, got dressed up, danced, and had mad hot sex (oh you wish I camhoed for that).
Now, as much fun as it is to read about my lonely debauchery, it sort of sucks.
I’ve been telling myself, for nearly a year now “hey, it doesn’t matter if I’m single, I’ll always have my friends to cheer me up”.
The complete lack of truth in that came up today, as my carefully arranged plans for picking up the AC fell through (on a side note, Beck, you’re still a trooper for trying, but I’m a little glad we didn’t go careening down the road with only 2 hours of sleep).
At a loss of how I was going to do this on my own, I approached upwards of ten people, TEN “friends” and asked for their help.
For the record, that’s ten times I got shot-down. Apparently, even with the temptation of free drinks, dinner, and spending some awesome time with yours truly (in all my glory), was not enough to sequester ONE person into giving up an hour (at MOST) of their time.
WOW.
I suck!
Holy man.
How do all those cultists do it? Apparently getting people to KILL THEMSELVES FOR GOD is easier than getting a hand MOVING.
I finally understand that joke.
The boobs- they do nothing.
So, this leads me to my next step in life: I am joining an online dating service in hopes of procuring:
a) a boyfriend, for heavy lifting and carrying home groceries for me
b) a girlfriend, for dying my hair and hot boobies
c) a dragqueen, so I can shout “GIRLFRIEND!” at people, and get into fabulous clubs that reject me for being lame as is
So yes, let’s get drunk and write a profile. It will involve the word COCK more than once. It will make references to BOYS HAVING SEX WITH BOYS.
And I predict that I will get responses based SOLELY on my butt.
God damn, I am such a loser. I mean- the Star Wars posters should have given me a hint, but online dating?
I cry for all the cool people who could do something great with this body.
Me, I’m gonna auction it off on e-bay.

Feb 5th: Yes, so, I spent the day doing chores. Then Deni and her boy, whose name I’ve forgotten (again) met up with me to go to Adam’s party.
Of course, the guy who lives 2 meters away from me, had to have the party in LANSDOWN lol.
Deni, Nick (OMG is that it? I wanna say Nick) and I spent upwards of thirty minutes wandering, lost, around the crack-head infested industrial streets, with only a vague notion of where to go, in the pouring, wind-driven rain.
We got there, drenched, but in good spirits. The cake, made by the Shilolos, was awesome- and in the form of a body cavity. With white chocolate ribs.
>_< Ahahah. I’m still WTFing at “Muffin Drippings”, though.
I left pretty early though, a) because I needed assistance finding my way out of Lansdown, and b) because I was gradually becoming hypothermic. It was SO COLD in that place.
Living in an apartment that’s 30°C has the drawback of completely bitchsmacking acclimatization out of me.
Anyway, I got home at 12:30ish. Took a cab with Arnon to Funhaus, where he was headed to party, and I walked home.
In the RAIN, yes. But it was far less insane by the time I was outside.
Now it’s nearly 2am, and I’m reading Diplomatic Relations smut. :D
HOORAY.
Ok, one more smoke, then bed. My feet are still cold.
Jjjjjjjjj. That’s me shivering.
I can’t stop thinking of that Family Guy episode where Peter works as Lara Flynn Boyle’s night-time heat.
Lawl, I need to hire somebody for that.

Feb 5th: Finally, I have THE HOLY GRAIL!
Lynne and I went to pick up the AC, it wasn’t too traumatic, and while we were waiting for a cab, who other than Arnon walked up. He was there to purchase a few choice items as well.
We all crammed into the cab- yes, with a huge dog cage, AC unit and a chair. Lynne, it was cozy. Sorry the chair was jabbing you, though. That’s gotta put a damper on things. ;P
After dropping Arnon off, Lynne and I went out for dinner at a sushi restaurant. It was delicious, good times were had, and we came back here for tea. Three hours later- ah, LOOK AT THE TIME.
Still so much crap to do, though.
WHERE DID THE WEEKEND GO.

Feb 12th: I just got back from Penatanguishene, where I hung out for the weekend with Lynne, Duncan, Elizabeth, Dorian and the kids.
It was so nice up North. There were snow-laden trees everywhere, and no noise whatsoever. When I went outside in the morning, there were chickadees.
I totally took things like that for granted when I lived in Sudbury. There’s just something about being able to walk around, knee-deep in snow, surrounded by pines.
But enough nature-humping, and on with the blow-by-blow travel log.
After much procrastinating and wondering where everybody was, Dorian arrived here where we waited for Duncan, who was driving Lynne and I. As I was bringing my bags down to the parking lot, they arrived, complete with a skeleton in the back seat. Granted, it was fake, but it was still a bit of a shocker. Lynne had brought it along (yes, everybody can WTF along with me) for the whole two hour voyage. A life sized realistic replica of the human bone structure. O_o LoL? I climbed into the back seat with this thing, and we set out on the journey.
Dorian and his brood went first, and we followed. This “plan” turned into a game of ‘phone tag, as we played “guess which exit we’re supposed to take”. Needless to say, we did not win Round One. Yes, we had maps. But there were several pit stops (something which I should have foreseen since there were kids traveling).
It made the journey there SO much longer than the journey back. I hate traveling. So. Much. It’s fine when I get there, but the motion sickness- Augh.
Luckily, after the first pit stop, I managed to convince Lynne to let me have the front seat as to prevent vomiting.
We arrived without incident (although there was a lot of slipping from city kids not wearing proper boots and one case of muscle-relaxant-induced muff diving), and unpacked.
With the kids tucked in, we watched some TV, and had a tour of the B&B. It’s a huge place- Three floors, plus a livable basement, which, unfortunately we couldn’t use because the caretaker lived down there. This assed us out of a bed, and Lynne and I were put up in the attic.
It was a bit of a downer when Dorian gave us the tour. We arrived on the ground floor, which had an ornate sitting room, a huge, fully stocked kitchen, and a beautiful living room.
The second floor had three bedrooms, the King room, where Dorian and Elizabeth stayed; the bed was as wide as it was long, there was a little sitting area, and an attached bathroom with a huge Jacuzzi. Next we saw the Queen room, where Duncan stayed; it had a massive canopy bed and a view of the back yard, complete with window-adjacent couch.
The kids were in the Double room, which was similarly nice.
Then Dorian opened a door which I previously thought was a closet. This turned out to be the STEEPEST set of stairs ever built, leading to the attic. The light in the stairwell didn’t work, so we had to blindly ascend the steps. At this point I remind you: muscle relaxants.
We arrived in the attic, which had two lights, no heat, and was: an attic.
Dorian had described this as his “mom’s apartment”. I probably shouldn’t have made assumptions, but it was: an attic. With boxes. And loose cloth. And no furniture.
Poor Lynne took the foam bed, and I had the single mattress (on the floor). It’s a shame I didn’t know about the space heater for the first night. I couldn’t sleep a wink because I was so cold. I had to have the covers over my face to stop my nose from freezing, and that didn’t make for very comfortable slumber.
The next morning started with the kids arguing- which was slightly better than pigeons spazzing, so I guess I should count my luck.
Things picked up from there, though, as Dorian made a huge brunch of French toast and bacon.
Afterward I lazed around for the afternoon, because I had no energy whatsoever.
Everybody there probably thinks I’m such a downer- but it’s really hard to get excited about things when you’ve had 30 minutes of sleep. Then five minutes of rest on the couch, which was stolen between songs.
The music was constantly blaring (what the hell, am I the only person left who’s not DEAF?)- in the car, in the B&B. I like music, I really do, and I generally listen to it constantly. But after this weekend, I’m sitting in blessed silence, in my cozy, WARM… Warm… apartment… Of warmth.
Anyway, after eating, Duncan, Lynne and I went grocery shopping for dinner. Duncan and I were doing a combined meal: I made veggie casserole (mainly for Lynne, who wouldn’t have had food otherwise) and Duncan made a huge roast with potatoes and carrots.
We started cooking at around 7, while everybody else watched movies. Mid-way through, Dorian put the kids to bed (they had eaten earlier), and we ended up sitting down to dinner at nearly 10 o’clock.
It was delicious, though- and I’m SO glad I didn’t have to cook it all myself. Particularly with the lack of OVEN MITS. Duncan and I both left with burns on our hands- and with more than half of my casserole.
Next time, I want “lunch duty”, which means sitting around watching TV, because nobody eats lunch.
At any rate, after eating, the night wrapped up with four hours of drunken karaoke. It was a blast- and Lynne can freakin’ BELT. She was easily the best singer there, just as I was easily the worst- especially when I tried to sing “Wind Beneath my Wings” with Duncan heckling me in the Krusty voice. >_< Ahh! Singing Laugher!
The second night I actually managed to get a bit of sleep after I warmed up the attic slightly with the space heater. But that thing was so old I didn’t want to leave it on, and had to keep waking up to turn it off.
Finally, today, we returned to the city.
I was probably obvious with my excitement to leave, but after laying on the couch trying to sleep, and having Queen blared in my ear without relent, I packed and asked obvious questions about estimated departure time until Lynne and Duncan agreed to leave early with me.
Now, call me grumpy from lack of sleep and searing neck pain from sleeping on a rock, but- I can’t believe how great it is to SMOKE INSIDE. I loudly admit bitterness that, while relaxing on vacation, all the weed-smokers can laze in the warmth of indoors and smoke, while the cigarette-smokers have to go out into the cold.
And this is up-North cold.
Yah.
It was a fun experience, but I’d rather hang out with my friends in the city, where I can return home to comfort.
And speaking of which: sleep. Oh sleep. It’s been a while. I missed you.

Feb 14th:


Feb 16th: At one point, I could actually write a cogent sentence and express my thoughts through things like poetry and prose. I tried to compose something, but it was so painfully bad that I couldn't stop laughing for five solid minutes. So no more words, only cryptic doodles.


Feb 17th: Anime night returns!
Dorian and I went to the market and returned with delicious foods. Adam, Ebeth, Dorian, Lynne and I managed to eat two whole trays of fully loaded nachos.
Post dinner cookies were had, substances were smoked, and we all managed to stay slightly conscious through four episodes of Naruto.
Things are getting exciting, and the newbies to anime are catching on. There will be a test on the political relations of Suna on Monday.
DORIAN.
Naw, I’m razzing you. I know there was a bug in your eye and you were just trying to suffocate it.

Feb 19th: Heath came over today, since it’s study week and she’s staying in Oakville- which is slightly closer than Kingston.
We had a grand old time at the Chinatown Centre, where we poked and prodded the useless crap they sell and witnessed the horror of cropped, sleeveless fur vests. Afterward, I introduced Heath to Traditional Bun, where we loaded up on dumplings and pork sandwiches.
When we got back here, we made it through 30 minutes of a truly terrible anime, then gave up and surfed online comics before growing tired of other people’s psychosis, and deciding to create our own.
Heath wanted to try out my stylus, so we played “guess WTF I’m trying to draw”, at which I am surprisingly poor. Hilarity ensued, good times were had, and majesty encompassed all.

Feb 20th: Ah, another uneventful work day... Do you know what this means? It's time for a sexy party! Oh- no, no wait. Quotespam. Right, that's the one.
      Me: Nice one, Gomez
      Me: I like that you have your bald patch represented
      Jaime: Hey, Gomez Adams remains a childhood hero
      Me: That's very heroic of you
      Jaime: *steely glare*
      Jaime: True to form I also captured your sunny disposition

    Hourly Creaming:

      Jaime: There is this cream, I have seen, that warms/tingles when applied to the nipple for several hours
      Jaime: I'm still waiting to test it, but my preliminary forecast calls for sweet nipply fun
      Me: Anything tingles when applied for several hours.
      Jaime: Er....damn you and your clever eye for grammar

    Henceforth, Unlimited Money:

      Dorian: I'd want, like, a dozen supremely talented celebrity lookalike whores
      Dorian: with no limits
      Me: I would pay scientists
      Me: to invent brain transplant
      Me: I would then take insane advantage of this
      Me: living for millennium
      Me: until I became corrupt with power and the insanity of immortality
      Dorian: sweet
      Me: then I'd dig up your grave, past all the hookers put in there with you
      Dorian: and THEN the whores?
      Me: and have a final hurrah
      Me: before transplanting my brain into a goat
      Dorian: o_0
      Me: as the final step
      Me: Then I'd join Fleetwood Mac
      Dorian: er
      Dorian: thanks for thinking of me?
      Me: Anytime.
      Dorian: what instrument would you play as a goat?
      Me: I said GOAT not SATYR
      Me: :: Kills you with goat kick::
      Dorian: wtf
      Dorian: I mean in Fleetwood Mac
      Dorian: what instrument would you play?
      Me: LOL
      Me: PSL
      Dorian: what did you even think I meant?
      Dorian: (something ribald, no doubt)
      Me: lawl
      Me: I thought you meant like... As a goat..
      Dorian: I did
      Dorian: you said you would have your brain transplanted into a goat
      Dorian: and then you would join Fleetwood Mac
      Dorian: did you mean you would join as a goat
      Me: I did
      Dorian: or did you mean that your brainless body would join
      Dorian: and in either case...
      Me: mean that I WOULD join as a goat.
      Dorian: what instrument?
      Me: THE PAN FLUTE
      Me: ok
      Me: Christ.
      Dorian: ...
      Dorian: I feel a Photoshop moment coming on.

    Punchin’, Dancin’, Romancin’:

      Dorian: apparently the plan
      Dorian: of doing it in private
      Dorian: was a scam
      Me: ...
      Me: PUNCH HER
      Dorian: she is only playing 1 game
      Me: PUNCH HER RIGHT IN THE FACE
      Dorian: and she's getting really good at it
      Me: RIGHT SQUARE IN THE FACE
      Me: Dorian, why don't I have a girlfriend : (
      Dorian: uhhh
      Dorian: could be the facepunching
      Me: PSL
      Dorian: OKCupid question #23943458
      Your girlfriend and you have a disagreement. Do you...?
      a) let her have her way
      b) insist on your own way
      c) work out a compromise
      Dorian: d) punch her in the face
      Me: e) RIGHT IN THE FACE
      Dorian: f) all of the above

      Me: What in the HELL is that!
      Me: that you drew there?
      Jaime: Well, in retrospect, not a very good sketch of you...
      Jaime: Rather rushed, and I ran out of space
      Jaime: But I think Cupid came out nicely
      Me: I look like I'm killing a baby!
      Jaime: ....
      Jaime: Well, I'll be darned.

Feb 22nd: The Insomnia Rant!
Cause: Can’t sleep, clown’ll eat me.
Also, Dorian’s loud accusation that I was diabetic, due to my whining over hunger. It all ties in.
Many a time I’ve been accused of being a complete buzz-kill for not wanting to stay out past 1am. I remember my ex-roommate inviting me out to go clubbing when she got home, at TWO AM, meaning we would go to an after-hours club and party all night. I declined, because that would have destroyed me.
She called me an old fogy, and I never got those sweet peaches.
Maybe I am a bit like an old person- I’m often concerned about children on my lawn, I mainly eat oatmeal, and I don’t sleep properly.
In fact, for the past six years I haven’t had a full night’s sleep.
Now the rant starts; so read it! READ IT! And stop pestering me, people. You don’t understand what “tired” means.
Let me tell you a little story about how improper sleep effects your day.
Firstly, if I go to bed at 10 o’clock and get up at 8 o’clock, the maximum number of hours I’ll sleep is five. It takes me close to two hours to fall asleep. I never sleep for more than two hours at a time without waking up. The LEAST amount of time I stay awake during these times of consciousness is twenty minutes.
Sometimes, if I wake up at a reasonable time, between midnight and 2am, I’ll go out for a walk around the city (or my building if it’s below 10 degrees) and tire myself out. If I do this, I can sleep straight through until about 6am.
Now, at this point, people predictably say, “Wow, you must be TIRED all the TIME!”. No, not really. I have low days, I have hyper days, I have some in between. That’s really not how insomnia (or acyclic sleep, if you want to get technical, since I DO actually fall unconscious during the night) works.
What actually happens is I have no reserve energy. When I’m hungry, I have to eat, IMMIDIATELY. When I’m tired, I have to rest, IMMIDIATELY (and I say rest, as in relax, not sleep). And when I AM going to sleep, I need an unusual amount of time to do it.
I have never pulled an all-nighter.
If I don’t listen to my body, I get ill (seriously ill. See “nearly-dying-from-bronchial-infection” rant).
The plus side of all this, is I know exactly what I need to do to remain healthy. It took me four years to perfect the delicate balance of surviving on empty, and I’m goddamn proud of it!
And THAT, people, is why I won’t go out for drinks on a Wednesday (now that I look back on it, that explanation seemed a bit superfluous… Oh well, here’s some camho to make it worth your while).

Feb 23rd: Tomorrow I’ll be heading down to Sudbury to see my mum before she goes to Montreal for an eye operation.
I’m really worried. I know it’s not a serious operation, per se… But this whole thing is making me think about how alone I would be without my parents.
I essentially have no other family; only child, no close extended relatives, and only one friend I’m really willing to talk with heart-to-heart. And unfortunately, she lives in another city.
I have a really close relationship with my parents; I tell them everything and respect them so much for what they’ve done. I really can’t picture my life without them- it may make me sound soft, or maudlin, or whatever- I really don’t care.
I’m going to wish my mum luck, and then proceed to worry for the next week over her.

Feb 24th: I got up early, went into work, and got as much done as I could before my bus left at 12:30. I cut it really close getting there, too. Basically, I was getting ‘phone calls about things going awry until I set foot on the tram (which was late!).
I ran into the bus station, and caught the greyhound, JUST as it was pulling out. I can’t believe I made it.
The ride itself was smooth. The coach was nearly empty until we loaded the Yorkdale passengers. Then it filled up, but with the tried-and-true method of “pretending to be asleep with headphones on”, I managed to have my own seat for the full trip.
I slept, I didn’t puke, so I count it as a victory.
When I got into Sudbury, I called my dad on the car ‘phone and he came to pick me up.
I spent the night chatting with my mum and generally having a good time. : ) I feel better seeing my parents before they leave. It’s such a long trip for people who never break their schedule…

Feb 25th: Ah, the Saturday routine: grocery shopping, a late lunch, then soup for dinner.
Let me tell you, having gone outside properly for the first time today, it is FREEZING, and the snow is OUT OF CONROL. You can’t see over the banks when backing out of the driveway, and most of the side roads (like the one I live on) are reduced to one lane by the amount of shnee piled up in the ditches. There are no sidewalks in Sudbury, I might mention, so the snow just creeps into the road until it melts. >_<
My mum and I also worked on my Anime North costume. It went really well- we did team sewing to get some fishnet attached to a shirt. That’s pretty hard to do, especially when the fishnet is smaller than the shirtsleeves.
But we did it with cooperation! WOO!
We also had to use Team Work on the sewing machine, which chose today to start being weird about staying on. It would only work if somebody held in the plug: that somebody was me, since I have no idea how to use it, anyway.
It only took about ten minutes to hem a huge swath of cloth too- and I had planned to stitch it by hand (OMG!).
Then I was introduced to properly wrapping a sarong. This costume is easier than I imagined. ^_^

Feb 27th: I’m back. And my parents are off soon as well, on their eight hour ride to Montreal.
The bus ride back into Toronto was god-awful. It was SO packed. Every seat was full, so I couldn’t lay down. My back is in agony. Not to mention, I was sitting beside this disgusting guy who kept attempting to talk to me, even after I had made it clear I wasn’t responding and had no interest in chatting during the trip.
He also kept trying to pitch his book to me, because it was written by Marilyn Manson, and was about an underground cult that stalked women.
I was like; YAH! THIS IS GREAT TOPIC.
Sometimes I wish murder wasn’t quite so illegal.
The bus also got stuck in rush hour traffic- aughhhh. I finally got home an hour past the “estimated arrival time”. Which was a gross estimate, at best.
Now, it’s time for jumping around like a loon and trying to sleep despite the fact I reek of bus.

Feb 1st: It’s been a nerve wracking couple of days. My mum went into surgery today, and I spent every hour at work on edge.
Finally, I got the call that she was fine, and everything went as planned. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so drained, yet relieved.
After work I went to Dorian’s to hang out and just unwind. We watched anime, played Guitar Hero, and set up my new external drive (300gigs, huzzah!). It was really fun, and easy-going; just like old times. =)

March 4th: And now, a semi-inebriated, and possibly rambling post I like to call:
    Bored is Better than Sad
    The Hilariously Depressing World of Online Dating

    When does a person even know that they’re ‘ready’ to start dating again? I have no idea.
    But, like most things, I sat around calculating and socially dissecting everything for ages before deciding that going out a couples times a week wouldn’t be a bad thing.
    In fact, it really sunk in after the first date since my last relationship. That particular date happened to be a good one- but I was so horrified when I got home.
    It was indescribably depressing to think that I was back to square one, and that there’s a possibility that I’ll be stuck there forever. There are some things I may never find again.
    I like goals, and I like getting things done. You could go so far to say that I’m obsessed with everything falling into place just so.
    Things I can’t control frustrate me, and things I can’t do challenge me. But this isn’t a situation that can be rectified by outside learning.
    So, I told myself to stop being such an emo pecker, and went out again- repeatedly.
    It’s all been laughs- some because I met great friends, and some because of the sheer audacity of the situations I find myself in.
    But that’s good.
    I’m back.
    I’ve managed to school myself back to my two comfortable, manageable reactions: laughter and anger.
    I’m not a psychologist- I’m not entirely sure how attempting to find somebody would “fix” everything, but hey, I’m not going to complain.
    I’m also probably not going to continue doing this, now that I’m feeling better. I came to the realization a while ago that I don’t really give a fuck about finding somebody new.
    I’ve also noticed that, well, I have no particular feeling about meeting new people. I’ve been told by all my dates that they were nervous meeting me. I’ve had more giddy anticipation for BBQ Pork Buns than I’ve had for these dates.
    But what the hell- that giddy spark was fun, but it’s not worth the trouble. Now it’s all under control.
    And isn’t that what I was whining about having?


March 5th: Naruto night rocked. I've discovered my way of the ninja.
Your cookie radius will never surpass mine!
Yes, I am very... Very bored.

March 6th:
There's a nail in the door
And there's glass on the lawn
Tacks on the floor
And the TV is on
And I always sleep with my guns
When you're gone

There's a blade by the bed
And a phone in my hand
A dog on the floor
And some cash on the nightstand
When I'm all alone the dreaming stops
And I just count sand

What should I do I'm just a little baby
What if the lights go out and maybe
And then the wind just starts to moan
Outside the door he followed me home

Well goodnight moon
I want the sun
If it's not here soon
I might be done
No it won't be too soon 'til I say
Goodnight moon

There's a shark in the pool
And a witch in the tree
A crazy old neighbor and he's been watching me
And there's footsteps loud and strong coming down the hall
Something's under the bed
Now it's out of my hands
There's a big black crow sitting on my window ledge
And I hear something scratching through the wall

Oh what should I do I'm just a little baby
What if the lights go out and maybe
I just hate to be all alone
Outside the door he followed me home
Now goodnight moon
I want the sun
If it's not here soon
I might be done
No it won't be too soon 'til I say
Goodnight moon

Well you're up so high
How can you save me
When the dark comes here
Tonight to take me up
The mouth from woke
And into bed where it kisses my face
And eats my head

Oh what should I do I'm just a little baby
What if the lights go out and maybe
And then the wind just starts to moan
Outside the door he followed me home
Now goodnight moon
I want the sun
If it's not here soon
I might be done
No it won't be too soon 'til I say
Goodnight moon
No it won't be too soon 'til I say
Goodnight moon
I love Post Secret, it's so insightful. And yes, it's supposed to be anonymous- but to hell with that. I want to show off the photograph.

March 8th: Well, hell. When it rains it pours.
One of my wisdom teeth has been causing me agony lately- the pain is on and off, but when it’s on, it’s crippling.
So, I decided to call the dentist today. In the morning, I left a message at the clinic. Then I called again at noon, since they hadn’t returned my call.
The receptionist informed me that they had become a denture clinic, and my dentist no longer worked there. So she gave me his ‘cel number, which I called.
Turns out he works in BRAMPTON now.
Although that’s a pain in my ass, he was really nice and recommended a clinic to me.
After the Interactive Meeting, I went up to the new clinic. Turns out they SHUT DOWN for March Break.
What in the hell?
They couldn’t see me until the END OF THE MONTH.
Now my only option is freakin’ “emergency surgery”. That sounds like it involves a tire iron and a bag full of roofies.
Also, in computer news, my laptop is being a piece of shit again and giving me the blue screen of death whenever I try to play a DVD.
Gr.
Double gr.
Why is it things can’t stay great for longer? I had like… Two days of relaxation, and now THIS idiocy.
Anyway, long story short, all the updates to the page are early, because Friday will leave me PCless once again.

March 9th: So, I went to the dentist today. It’s just a little gum infection, and I’ll be starting some antibiotics for it. Eventually, the tooth is going to have to go- but that can wait, now. I’m happy, because I’d like to go to my Sudbury dentist for that. I’m out 70 bones, though… What an assrape of a profession. Guh.
But the whole thing wasn’t so bad. Dorian was nice enough to escort me, AND wait, which was great. My notorious fear of any clinic was abated. =D
Sadly, tomorrow the computer goes into the shop, so, as a parting gift to all of you, I give you QUOTESPAM.
    While Walking #1, Gay Galleons:
      Me: I have to go to the bank.
      Dorian: Oh, your fagbank.
      Me: Yes, we have all the GAY money, the money that's been cradled between asscheeks.
      Dorian: Everybody loves ass money.
      Me: But we also have the bills that have been smooshed between two pairs of boobs.
      Dorian: That's how lesbians pass each other money?
      Me: ... Yes, exclusively. It's not such a good idea in the cold, though. You could get stuck.
      Dorian: Oh, let me pass you this bill- er-
      Me: You can let go now.
      Dorian: Sorry, I was eating jam naked.

    While Walking #2:

      Dorian: Let's go to the Lesbian bakery.
      Me: I wonder if they'd take payment in muff-diving.
      Dorian: Did you remember to bring your goggles?
      Me: I don't need them.
      Dorian: No?
      Me: You know, when you swim in a pool long enough, you get used to keeping your eyes open under water.

    Hilarity on the Count that Dorian is a Hippy, and Forsakes his own People:

      Dorian: I think you're just the kind of person
      Dorian: who needs a lot of sleep
      Dorian: - Sasuke
      Me: I DON'T GET A LOT OF SLEEP
      Me: OH MY GOD MATH
      Me: USE THE MATH
      Me: JESUS BUTTERED CRHIST ON A CRUMPET
      Dorian: maybe you need to yoga your sleep glands
      Dorian: or, like, massage your inner chakra
      Dorian: or something like that
      Me: Okay, first of all, I have tried it ALL
      Me: and second, everything else wrong with what you just said.
      Dorian: I may not be a narutopath
      Dorian: or knowledged in holographic medicine
      Dorian: but I think I know a sleep gland that needs yogaing when I see one
      Me: ...
      Me: Wanker.
      Dorian: what about shock therapy?
      Dorian: like...
      Dorian: I'll sit by your bed
      Dorian: with a car battery
      Dorian: and when you wake up
      Dorian: I will shock u
      Me: That's for people with electrical brain pro-
      Dorian: ZZAP
      Me: I don't see...
      Dorian: ZZZAAAP
      Me: ... how negative conditioning would help.
      Me: Positive conditioning would be stronger, because sleep is good, and I like it, and yet, I can't stay asleep.
      Dorian: so I shouldn't get a car battery
      Dorian: I should get a hooker
      Dorian: and