Gongaga Yaoi: Diary [2005, June-September]

June 1st: Someone once told me that it was hard for them to trust other people because they’d been so betrayed in the past. They warned me it would take a lot of time to gain their trust.
I didn’t really understand. I didn’t have any bitterness, I couldn’t comprehend. I tried hard to be there for them, to remind them that there’s hope in life. And unthinkingly, while I was concentrated on helping this person, I inherently trusted them.
Well, life’s about learning, and apparently, that somebody was right. If you trust- and I mean completely, you give them the power to smash your trust into pieces.
It’s funny. The hands dealt to people in the past, the ones that caused them the most pain, are the ones they’re so quick to deal out in the present.

She's not the kind of girl
Who likes to tell the world
About the way she feels about herself
She takes a little time in making up her mind
She doesn't want to fight against the tide

And lately I'm not the only one
I say never trust anyone

Always the one who has to drag her down
Maybe you'll get what you want this time around

Can't bear to face the truth
So sick he cannot move
And when it hurts he takes it out on you

And lately I'm not the only one
I say never trust anyone

Always the one who has to drag her down
Maybe you'll get what you want this time around

The trick is to keep breathing

She knows the human heart
And how to read the stars
Now everything's about to fall apart
I won't be the one who's going to let you down
Maybe you'll get what you want this time around
I won't be the one who's going to let you down
Maybe you'll get what you want this time around

The trick is to keep breathing

June 2nd:

June 3rd: I wish my roommates would go to bed so I could just cry in peace. I mean, I can’t even muster the strength to be mad at them. Fine… Lurk outside my door listening to me sob. Why am I the only person online right now?
...
I guess the bad news just sort of set me off… It’s all the stress, piling up.
My mum ended up really hurting her back today. Apparently she was crushed by a gravel bin- I spent nearly an hour on ICQ trying to convince her to go to the hospital. But the moment she could walk and breathe again, she kept working.
She’s stubborn- like me, like Mike. It makes me so…. So… frustrated. I don’t know, I can’t stand being powerless- I can’t stand being unable to convince people. My arguments are falling on deaf ears.
I feel so sure I’m right.
If I could just say ONE more thing, give one good argument- appeal to them in PERSON. If I was THERE, if I was IN Sudbury, I could argue better. I don’t know if that makes sense… I just feel like I could sway people if I had more than useless, feeble words.
People can’t understand me unless I’m THERE. I can’t have a fair case from far away!
Am I going to spend my entire life away from the people I love, unable to be there with them, absolutely impotent to help them?

June 4th: So today I agreed to be dragged out to Toronto Island, mainly because the wrap party for the studio will be held there, and I wanted to get my trauma over with in the company of friends rather than work mates.
I met Dorian at his house, just as he was leaving. Apparently, I have completely lost my sense of time, and was several HOURS late.
Well, that's apathy for you.
We picked up a bit of food (read: way too much food), then headed down to the docks to meet Lynne, Duncan, Annabelle, Andy, Kevin, and half of the Shillolos.
The first ferry was less a boat and more of a barge. I found it a little nauseating, but overall not as alarming as it could have been. I have Andy and Annabelle to thank, who remain two of the most hilarious people I know.
After exploring the nude beach (thoroughly unimpressive, I'll tell you that. Lynne is right, the naked women ARE all in the YMCA change room), and the haunted light house (which is right beside a swamp, for those would-be ghost hunters... We all know what they're REALLY seeing), our party managed to find a nice spot on the beach.
We lit the fire, busted out an assortment of wieners (veggie being the most disappointing, and cheese-filled winning the "most alarming" title), and generally relaxed until nightfall.
Apparently, all it takes is three drinks and an assortment of smokables to get me drumming. That is to say, it wasn't great, but it certainly wasn't as heinous as it could have been. I can, as it turns out, hold a proper rhythm if I’m sufficiently inebriated.
Finally, by the light of giant candles exploding in the fire (SACRIFICE!!!) we packed up our things. Nothing was lost in the sand, and the load was a fair bit lighter after all the food we'd consumed.
Dorian and I had quite a time manoeuvring the wagon over sand, and came to the conclusion that Fisher Price never intended it to be all-terrain. Regardless, we managed it, with hardly any damage to the wagon (but much damage to our arm muscles).
Once we were back on the paved road, I hopped aboard, and made Dorian do all the work- Until he threatened to send me down a hill into the log flume.
The ferry we caught back was a proper one, and it was nice to sit up on the top deck and take in the site of Toronto's distance lights.
Despite my general hatred for all things nature, and fear of being more than twelve feet from a 7-11, it was an enjoyable day.
Next time, I'm definitely going to secure some fishing equipment, since I haven't angled in quite some time, and I must admit that I miss it. The island made me rather nostalgic for my camp, down on Lake Obabika, about seven hours North of here. So I suppose this is the closest I'm going to get.

June 5th: Ah, apathy. My greatest treasure. Today I attempted, in a half assed manner, to clean my apartment. I have officially descended into bachelorhood.
I found a CD floating in a half eaten bowl of cereal. I'm certain if I had a toilet, there would be socks in it. After that brief foray into cleaning, I attempted to do some work from home.
That was also short lived. I settled on watching porn.
That was the most productive thing I could muster, which is either the saddest thing ever, or the hottest thing ever. I can't decide which.

June 6th: Well, today was a bust. It's been quite some time since I've had a day that required repeated chanting to myself to stave off a complete meltdown.
First, I forgot my keys. Not a big deal, really. All it involved was fishing around for another house key to lock up before I left in the morning, then asking my landlady to let me into my room when I returned from work so I could get my keys back.
But, it gets worse. Spending the day without keys resulted in depending on workmates to let me in and out of the studio. Workmates who are already overheated and overstressed.
The insanity is building, and it seems like every problem with the show can be traced back to my department, and in most cases: me. It's not that I'm doing a terrible job, it's that I have a million jobs at the moment, all of which seem to be keening for attention.
This does not make for the most polished work. Especially when everything is due NOW, this very MOMENT, yes it's all priority SIMULTANEOUSLY.
So, with patronising message after patronising message, I started to get a little angry.
That may be the understatement of this millennium.
It was also hot in the studio, which didn't so much make me more agitated, as it made me nauseous. I was in terrible aching pain from forcefully trying to stop myself from vomiting all day. Not only that, but the pain in my hand has come back full force. I think the heat melted something in my keyboard, and made it so sticky I have to hammer the keys to get anything to work.
I gave up at 5:30 and went home.
I couldn't stand sitting there sweating and focusing all my energy on not barfing on the million people whining at me. All I wanted was to get home, relax in front of the computer. Surf a bit. You know, the usual.
But wait! That is simply TOO MUCH TO ASK. My new Toshiba has crapped out with the ONLY ailment I can't fix: the LCD display is shot.
I can't. Fucking. Believe it.
Bad luck doesn't come in threes. It comes in fucking SWARMS. It's official. I suck at life. But you know, I'm not letting it get me down. The one emotion that matters is still hard at work in me: bitterness. If anything, I'm more motivated.
Motivated to give the world a great big FUCK YOU. I get up every morning, put on my sexy face, set my bra to maximum cleavage, and strut like it's all glancing off me without a dint.

June 16th: Because people get all yappy if I don’t post, and nothing of interest is going on at the moment, you shall all be quote badgered!

Pretty Pain

Dorian

Pants Required:

Dorian

A Complete Guide to Online Dating:

Dorian

Statutory Masturbatory:

Dorian

Buttaface:

Dorian

Bukake Keyboard:

Dorian

Harry Potter and the Infuriatingly Itchy STD:

Dorian

Because Legolas was a Lush:

Dorian

Fact: Nutella does NOT go with everything:

Demand0r:

Dorian

June 17th: Today after work Dorian and I headed down to the Ryerson campus to audition to play zombies for the upcoming Land of the Dead promotion.
It was pretty fun- Dorian got really into it. Somehow I also got the job, even though I was doing it really half assed.
All they really did was ask why we want to be zombies, if we’d seen the movies, and then to do our best zombie walk. They didn’t even look at the resumes they requested. Pft.
So Sunday I’ll be roaming the streets in full undead makeup, and remaining in (zombie) character for over five hours.
Despite the twelve dollars per hour we get paid… That’s a lot of time to go without a cigarette.
At any rate, after we’d finished up with the interview, Dorian and I went to meet up with Lynne at her work.
We retired to Dorian’s house where Duncan met up with us. As we were chatting and looking up internet jokes, Lynne was kind enough to give me a massage- seeing as my hand was a bit sore.
Unfortunately, as Dorian explained to me later, Lynne uses Reiki technique with her massage.

Google, do your stuff:

Reiki is a technique for stress reduction and relaxation that allows everyone to tap into an unlimited supply of "life force energy" to improve health and enhance the quality of life.
An amazingly simple technique to learn, the ability to use Reiki is not taught in the usual sense, but is transferred to the student by the Reiki Master. Its use is not dependent on ones intellectual capacity or spiritual development and, therefore, is available to everyone. It has been successfully taught to thousands of people of all ages and backgrounds.
A treatment feels like a wonderful glowing radiance that flows through you and surrounds you. Reiki treats the whole person including body, emotions, mind and spirit and creates many beneficial effects including relaxation and feelings of peace, security, and well-being. Many have reported miraculous results. Reiki is a simple, natural, and safe method of spiritual healing and self-improvement that everyone can use.

Well, I was never one to believe in this sort of thing, but I must admit, Reiki does something alright. And for me, it completely debilitated my arm.
The original pain was in my finger, now my entire arm gets sharp pains if I use it. Apparently my crazy energy patterns don't like healing all up in their business. I really should abide by my no-touching policy.
And still, I would continue to be a skeptic if I wasn’t falling over and barfing so much today. I can’t seem to set it right either. Despite attempts at meditation, ignoring it, and good old fashioned drugs, I'm still stuck typing this entry with one hand between bouts of nausea.
...
Hrm.
This either involves a lot of study, a lot of help, or a lot of panicking.
I’m going with the latter for now. Using solely my left hand for everything does not bode well. It bodes… Explosive.

June 19th: Brains!
Today I became the undead. Around 4pm, Dorian and I headed down to the hotel where the zombie makeup was being done. They had obviously staggered the arrival of potential zombies, because some people were already in full makeup. There were quite a few “specialty” zombies, as they called them. There was a store clerk, a schoolgirl, a pregnant zombie (not actually pregnant, of course), a boy scout, and a bride and groom (who we lost halfway through the day. I theorize: honeymoon. “Oh honey, that bloody wound is so… Alluring!”)
The gig itself was easy. Basically the promotion people from Land of the Dead made us up like Zombies (ripped clothes, scars, and copious amounts of fake blood) and gave us posters to hand out.
We were dropped off by cab at the Much Music Video Awards, and instructed to not talk to people at all. Only in-character zombie type movements and utterances were allowed. This sounds much more difficult than it actually was. Shuffling around the crowds for over four hours wasn’t as bad as I had imagined. People were very responsive.
Some laughed, some were startled, and a few were downright scared- Particularly the young children.
My zombie cohorts and I delighted in scaring people and shoving posters in their faces until the crowds became too out of control, and we were dispersed.
The management didn’t seem all that organized, since they kept leaving us alone for vast periods of time. This resulted in people becoming separated from fellow zombies (we were supposed to remain in one menacing group to be better noticed by the cameras).
There were varying levels of zombie dedication. Many people became distracted and simply watched the awards. I had no interest in pop bands, so I was pretty in character, unless I was speaking to my zombie team and trying to organize them.
A choice few didn’t break character until they signed out. This, while amusing, was also annoying.
I kept trying to talk to my team when the crowds got out of control and we were unable to wander around. I tried to initiate everybody laying on the ground in a mass slaughter, with posters available to those who wanted some.
The people stuck in character ignored me, and the distracted zombies just wandered off to watch Justin Timberlake whack off with a sausage.
Great.
Finally, as the day came to a close, the bosses came back and massed us all. Promo photos were taken, and many people jumped out of the crowd to snap a few shots of their own.
It’s a shame we couldn’t all stay together properly, because that certainly garnered more attention than scattered undead.
Once we had signed out, Dorian, myself, and a few other zombies went out for drinks at the Hard Rock café. Though it was fun seeing the reactions of pedestrians and patrons of the bar, we were all way too tired to party long.
Shambling all day is very taxing.
So we headed home. At first, Dorian and I were on the same subway. People stared, but still laughed after we made zombie faces at them.
However, once I bid Dorian adieu and went off on my own, people started being much less friendly. Despite the fact I was carrying a Land of the Dead poster, I caught people looking horrified, staring, and attempting not to stare.
It was quite amusing, and I think I’ve scarred the St. Claire tram driver for life.
Safely back home, I started to take off the makeup. Now, I don’t care what you theatre peckers say: that silicone does not just “peel off”.
I’ve never waxed a part of my body before- But if I were to, I certainly wouldn’t have chosen my face. I ripped out half my eyebrow, and a good part of my cheek hair attempting to get this shit off my face.
And no, showering didn’t help. The remaining stuff that was still on while I showered simply turned into a huge ball of immovable glue which promptly cemented itself into my hair, having to be cut out later.
But, regardless of injuries sustained from fake burns, and encouraging the hatred of teeny-boppers everywhere; being a zombie was a damn good time.

And now, PICTURES!:


I think I sustained some battle damage	Chicks dig scars? How do they feel about gaping wounds?	Fake blood seeps through clothes, people	I have no idea why people kept shouting, "THE RING!"	Under every zombie is a sexy lady	Hay Guys, think I should get this rash looked at?	The question remains: Why did they make me darker?

June 22nd: Ow.
That's all I can say.
Yesterday I started feeling really shit. I mean, my muscles were aching in a way that made me certain today I would have come down with the flu. But when I got home, I was just vomitile for a few hours.
I started feeling better around one o'clock, and went to sleep.
For the first time in days I had a descent night's rest.
Well, up until the last bit. I can't remember what I was dreaming (which is unusual), but I do remember, at the very end, somebody was handing me something.
I recall seeing their hand very clearly, but I can't remember what it was they were presenting.
I said, in the dream, "yes", in a very resolute manner.
Apparently I said it out loud too, because I woke up to the sound of my own voice. I was groggy, and a few minutes later, as I was still sitting in bed, disoriented, my alarm went off.
I got up, went about my daily routine, and ended up shorting out my PDA in the exact same way as my computer. I.e.: Lots of unusual noise, then it just went really dark. It seems to have reset as well, meaning I lost all my information. It’s way too old to get fixed, but the point stands: it’s tremendously weird for the inverter on a PDA’s LCD screen to go.
Sigh.
MY ELECTRONICS!
Curse this hand! Curse it to the depths of hell! RAWR!!!!

June 23rd: Recently I've been listening to the Harry Potter audio book MP3s.
They certainly make the day go by smoother, but hearing the stories repeatedly has raised a question in my mind: why the hell are these novels so popular?
With the predictable story, glaring mistakes, and repetitive style, what exactly endeared the series to so many people?
I could write an essay, but nobody has that sort of attention span nowadays. Instead, I'll treat you to this poignant little list.

Five Easy Steps to Becoming a Great Writer
Even if You have no Talent

1. Make your novel about wizards
With this simple step, you can explain away a vast number of mistakes with excuses such as "a wizard did it" and "it's magic".

2. Aim your books at children
No matter how dull, repetitive, or uninspired your writing is, a simple style is widely accepted if you claim the series is written for young readers.
Note: This does not necessarily mean the material should be appropriate for children. Death, sexual innuendo, and graphic violence are still acceptable subject matter.

3. Your main character should be a non-entity
If the hero has no personality, nobody can criticize him. Therefore, none of your characters can be critiqued; the secondary characters aren't put to very high standards, and with a docile lead, no critic can complain.

4. Have a routine
With a basic formula which each book follows, you can avoid flack for being repetitive. Instead, refer back to step #2, ensuring those questioning you that repetition is the key to learning.

5. Secrecy
Don't actually reveal how anything in your fantastical world works. Details leave you open for nerd attacks: if you create a cogent universe with literal rules, some forty year-old chode will pick it apart like so much day-old pizza.
So long as you leave your readers in the dark, you can keep making up cockamamie excuses, and they can't say squat.
You can't criticize what you don't know.

Now go pen your homoerotic fantasies. I'll be waiting at Chapters.

June 24th: This evening was such a blast. Dorian and I walked through the college grounds and marveled at architecture on our way to the arcade. Yes, that sounds both very fruity and incongruent, but I'll take pictures of the buildings if I ever go back there. It really is worth checking out. And no, I won't bore you by writing haiku about the ironwork.
Once we were back on the main road, we stopped off at a comic shop, where we met up with Dorian's subway friend. I have no idea how that guy does it. I've never met a single person on public transit. Well, I've met people I already knew- but no spontaneous friendships, I'm afraid. I think it might be the horribly unapproachable look I wear whenever I'm not cemented in front of a computer. o_@
Eventually (one vintage toy store later), Dorian and I made it to the arcade, where we were both reminded that we're too old to DDR, and really suck at it.
There were kids there that must have spent upwards of 60 000$ on the game: heavy mode, double-mat, perfects all the way through. I have to hang out at the arcade more often.
"You may have better lip-gloss than me, but I can still win the wet T-Shirt DDR contest" - Me vs. Femme DDR Champ

Humiliation was followed by drinking (as it always is). Dorian and I headed down to the Hard Rock Cafe, and BOTH of us got carded. This is hilarious, considering Dorian hasn't been carded in years, and his driver’s license is so faded, it's completely illegible. When the server started questioning whether or not he should accept such a damaged ID, I piped up with "Show him pictures of your kids, Dorian!"
The server relented.
In good spirits, Dorian and I wandered around the city a bit more, finally settling on a nice Chinese restaurant. While we were eating, Deni called us, and the three of us headed out to Boystown. It was all a thither over pride tomorrow, which was crowded, but very fun to see.
"It looks as if we've stumbled into some gathering... Of homosexuals!" - Deni, being glib

After much wandering, the three of us stopped at a bar for last call. This was around 2am. For Pride last call was extended. Woo!
However, as a found out when I finally dragged myself home, public transit was NOT extended.
I met up with Larry at the St. Claire tram stop (very strange coincidence, really). We rode the tram halfway home, at which point we were kicked off. The trams had stopped running. We had to stay at the exact stop and catch a bus instead.
…
Toronto: What the fuck. What's the point of switching the service from trams to buses halfway through a rout? I know it's the weekend for pride in being gay, but the TTC should have some shame. :P
At any rate, I made it home, washed my feet (yeah, I had to DDR barefoot since I had ridiculous sandals on) and now bed. Zzz.

June 25th: The Naruto Rant!
I spent the entire day watching the remaining series. That’s 140 episodes and one movie that I’ve sat through- over the course of several weeks. I posted the review, but I still have some ranting left in me.
For the things I couldn’t eloquently put into a review (i.e.: My highly biased flaming of the characters), it’s time to sit back, grab a clipboard, and enjoy:

The Naruto Psychology Bonanza

Sasuke

Here’s a kid that has an Atlas complex if there ever was one. The entire world is on poor Sasuke’s shoulders- or at least, that’s what his raging neurological disorder is telling him.
You know, Sasuke-kun, there are people who live their entire lives with no purpose whatsoever. And there are even more people who don’t blame themselves for things that happened when they were SIX.
Most six year-olds are still wetting the bed and watching Teletubies. What exactly makes you think you’re responsible for being able to tackle a fully grown and trained ninja before you’ve even graduated out of pull-up training pants?
Prescription: Weed. Chillax, Sasuke, everybody hates you.

Sakura

The typical fan girl: she’s obsessive over Sasuke, and can’t seem to shake her unfortunate habit of stalking.
Sakura also displays an inability to see things through. Though she constantly pledges to better herself, she quickly loses drive.
This may be in part to Sakura’s delusional disorder. She relentlessly pursues an asshole that never validates her. Any sane person would have realized it was a very fruitless endeavor.
Like many highly intelligent people, Sakura isn’t in touch with reality.
Prescription: Porn and sex toys. Sakura needs to be self sufficient in the bedroom. And for the love of good, throw out those hidden-camera shots of Sasuke on the can.

Naruto

For a kid who has never had a functional family unit or any close ties during early childhood, Naruto is fairing very well.
Faced with death, destruction, and the love of a girl who completely ignores him, Naruto remains optimistic.
Perhaps it’s Naruto’s attention deficit disorder that lends him to this cheerful disposition. He also seems to have a major case of hyper-activity.
Prescription: Ritalin and a Gameboy. It’s easy to control kids if they have Donkey Kong Country.

Strangely, the rest of the characters don’t bother me at all. I was literally on the edge of my seat when Neji took a spill against the Sound 5.
YOU CAN’T DIE! YOU’RE THE ONLY CHARACTER THAT’S NOT A MISERABLE LITTLE COCK MONGER!
Of course, they say that any series that provokes emotion (even a negative one) is a good series. So I suppose I’m really enjoying it, even if I spent over half the time flipping Sasuke off, and praying for Sakura’s death.
Either that, or weeping for Lee’s misfortune. If ever there was a cuter character, I’m unsure. Maybe Haku. But he died, among much sobbing and Haagen Daas for me.
POOR HAKU! He was the shizznit. Even after I realized he wasn’t a chick.
At any rate, here’s hoping the next season features Kyuubi!Naruto vs Shukaku!Gaara. Hey, it’s not furry sex if they’re demons.
...
At any rate, we all predicted this would happen.
::Crazy wang hand seal::
BUMSEX NO JUTSU!

June 28th: Ah, what a day.
First, the “busrant”. It took me a full hour and thirty minutes to get to work today. I waited thirty minutes for a bus, in the sweltering heat and smog, only to have several full buses pass. The one I finally did board was a short turn, and booted me off at the subway station, where about six buses were piled up.
These were a combination of “out of service” vehicles, more short turn buses, and the regular Dufferin line. I finally boarded one, only to be left waiting for a tram at the next stop.

After work I had a blast, though. Dorian, DaveC, Laurel, myself, and a bunch of people I can’t be bothered to name (losers, that’s what you get for not saying goodbye!) went to see Howel’s Moving Castle.
Oooh, you’ll have to wait for the review to see just how deep I’ll ream it. I have not laughed that hard at a movie in months. Too bad it was supposed to be meaningful and provoking.
After I parted ways from my workmates and Dorian’s crew, Laurel, her friend (whose name, of course, I have forgotten) and I went out for drinks.
We reminisced over old Sudbury adventures, recalled people of times passed, and had a lot of “you KNEW that person? So did I!” moments. It’s strange, hearing about the Sudbury crew again.
Yet strangely compelling.
Well, seeing as we wrapped up at around 1am, and it’s now bordering on 2am, I’m going to turn in.
Ah, lame ending. Perfectly topical. [/Howel’s inside joke]

June 29th: The fruit flies are out of control. I saw a millipede in the bathroom the size of my foot. How is it possible I am both the most slovenly housemate, yet seem to be the only one emptying the dish washer?

Le French

Jaime

Internal Jokes:

Jaime

The Dementor's Asskiss:

Jaime

RE- Half Blood Prince's Cover:

Jaime

The Harry Potter Death Bet:

Jaime

Poker Face... Then Send me the URL:

Dorian

The Magic Lifestyle:

Dorian

Dorian vs. Orange:

Dorian

Logical Fagery:

Dorian

Why We Can't Return to the Petting Zoo, Part 1:

Dorian

God Help Me if I Find Pickles:

Dorian

Why We Can't Return to the Petting Zoo, Part 2:

Dorian

In Recent Studies of Wangology:

Dorian

Skullfuck Continued:

Dorian

That Explains Everything:

Dorian

A Same-sex greeting to you, my friend:

Dorian

June 30th: Today was a bit of a write-off at work. Seeing as the entire crew planned to head out to the island at 2pm, the morning was a little… Unfocused.
We departed just a little after two, and promptly got stuck in the Queens Quay traffic. In fact, Dorian (who was on foot and going by subway) BEAT Rob, Brad, Rug and I (who were driving).
It was sweltering in the city, but the island itself was nice. There was a perfect breeze from the water, and we all settled in a nice shady spot in the park.
The location had been set up by Shona beforehand, and was strangely positioned right across from the nude beach.

What makes this funny, other than the bizarre face I'm making, is that none of us are looking at each other. We're just hovering awkwardly.

Of course, we couldn’t actually see the beach through the bushes, but that didn’t stop people from walking over to investigate the view of middle-aged male wang. Though, to my knowledge, no SGS nudity was involved. We’re all disappointed. =P
Overall, the day was pretty lazy. We BBQed, tossed the Frisbee around, and wrapped everything up by going back to the nude beach one more time to set off a singular firework into the sunset.

The only sober one. I'm not paying 7$ for a cooler, god damnit!

Weird, yes. But also fun. What made the day was the banter, but I can’t replicate that.
A few of us returned to the studio afterwards. I was totally beat. Poker was played, but I was far too tired to focus on winning. Instead I ended up sitting outside with the non-poker peeps.
The after party was perfectly divided into the poker table inside and people sitting outside chatting.
I had the longest, most inane conversation with Scottie, Shona, and DK. I remember nothing but talking about sleep cycles, and discovering you can set off the flash of a disposable camera independently by slamming it against a chair.
I’m still seeing spots.

July 1st: OMGZ0R CANADA EH!?t;iwh
Current Mood- I can't get rid of the lemony aftertaste.
Current Music- P is for PuSSY!!!11one
It is so 3am, and I definitely woke up at 10am, WHY AM I NOT ASLEEP. My lapses into unconsciousness lately have ranged from terrifying to fitful. I've fully lost 3.5 socks.
I WENT TO WORK TODAY YES! It was awesome. Like a party in my pants. No, not really. But I got everything done, without posing the characters in naughty poses (excessively).
Then I came home!
And transcended spatial time!
No, pass me the RedBull. @_@ I need to re-wind the sleepness.
So I can get some shuteye.
1 + 1 = no dice, hand me the banana before I kill u.

PS: I wage war on the insects in my house.
I lose.
Fire ze missiles.

July 2nd: Ah, so tired. I got up ridiculously early, completely forgot what my plan was for the day, and sat in front of the computer clicking things for a good three hours before the ‘phone rang and shocked me out of my underslept stupor.
It was Dorian. We had dim sum. It was great- they had SMELT. I felt pretty good after eating it (like I feel after eating anything I regularly ate during my childhood). I haven’t had those happy little fish in SO long.
Deni was alarmed by the heads.
Dorian was alarmed by the eggs. “Is it stuffed with caviar… or… is it MADE of caviar?”
I <3 smelties.
I’m still tired. I did laundry when I returned, and Dorian and I watched South Park. Maury, you don’t know me. I run with twelve gangs. I do what I want. LoL.
Ok, since this entry is boring and 80% about fish, it’s time for a meme.

Top Three
(Because Top Ten was too Fucking Long)

Fears:
1. Newness
2. Dogs
3. Water/Drowning

Pet Peeves:
1. Dirty hands
2. Lack of personal space
3. Needless noise

Pastimes:
1. Drawing
2. Surfing the ‘net
3. Watching anime

Things that Make you Angry:
1. Prejudice
2. Crowd mentality
3. Uninformed decisions

Things that Make you Happy:
1. Creating
2. Dancing
3. Completing projects

Embarrassing Things:
1. Revealing something unintentionally while drunk
2. Unfamiliar people seeing me sleeping
3. Others knowing I’m afraid of unconventional things (the ones I didn’t just list, by the way. Har har.)

Foods:
1. Diet Coke
2. Hot sauce
3. Cookies

Animals:
1. Ratties
2. Capybara
3. Pretty much any insect

Colors:
1. Black
2. Puce
3. Pink

Places:
1. My basement
2. Wilson st.
3. Sunset Beach

Weather:
1. Warm
2. Windy
3. Cloudy

Physical Things you Like About Yourself:
1. Flexibility
2. Stamina
3. I’m not so bad to look at, I guess :P

Physical Things you Hate About Yourself:
1. Weakness
2. Crappy immune system
3. Inability to digest anything good

Mental Things you Like About Yourself:
1. Creativity
2. Ingenuity
3. Ability to appreciate things

Mental Things you Hate About Yourself:
1. Lack of empathy
2. Fear
3. Logical problems

Sayings:
1. “One should judge a man mainly from his depravities. Virtues can be faked. Depravities are real.” -Klaus Kinski
2. “I think that God in creating Man somewhat overestimated his ability.” – Oscar Wilde
3. “But the dead are selfish and reluctant travelers. They do not come back, no matter how greatly they are missed, no matter the need for them, no matter the grief they leave behind.” – Cassandra Claire

Songs:
1. Toshiro Masuda – Wind
Cultivate your hunger before you idealize
Motivate your anger to make them all realize
Climbing the mountain, never coming down
Break into the contents, never falling down

My knee is still shaking, like I was twelve
Sneaking out of the classroom, by the back door
A man railed at me twice though, but I didn't care
Waiting is wasted, for people like me

Don't try to live so wise
Don't cry, 'coz you're so right
Don't dry with fakes of fear
'Coz you will hate yourself in the end

You say, "dreams are dreams",
"I ain't gonna play the fool anymore"
You say, "'coz I still got my soul!"
Take your time, baby, your blood needs slowing down
Breach your soul to reach yourself before your gloom
Reflections of fear make shadow of nothing...
Shadow of nothing...

You still are blind, if you see a winding road
'Coz there's always straight way to the point you see

Don't try to live so wise
Don't cry, 'coz you're so right
Don't dry with fakes of fear
'Coz you will hate yourself in the end

2. Death from Above – Black History Month
Can you remember a time when this city was
A great place for architects and debutantes
A nice place for midwives and crossing guards
And on, and on...

Hold on children
Your mother and father are leaving

Do you remember a time when this pool was
A great place for waterwings and cannonballs
A nice place for astrologists and blow up dolls
And on, and on...

Hold on children
Your best friend's parents are leaving

3. Godhead – Deconstruct
I've fallen in far too deep
There's no fear of losing sleep
I'll never feel peace again in life.

There's no turning back this time
It's too late to change my mind
I'm trapped in this box of paranoia.

Close my blind eye
To what you've done to me
You've deconstructed me
So I will bleed your sickened life dry.

I'm killing your world outside
The walls you have fortified
Are crumbling down with your self pride
I'm taking the words you said
Repeating them in my head
Destroying your lies is my salvation.

Close my blind eye
To what you've done to me
You've deconstructed me
So I will bleed your sickened life dry.

Close my blind eye
To what you've done to me
You've deconstructed me
So I will bleed your sickened life.

Close my blind eye
To what you've done to me
You've deconstructed me
So I will bleed your sickened life dry.

I grow bored of this! Send in the naked harem!
[Pantless victory dance]

July 3rd: “There’s sand in my sandals.”, A.k.a., Another day on the island!
Dorian, Deni, Laurel, myself, Annabelle, Andy, Duncan and Dan headed down to the island, and were later joined by the Shilolos, Lynne and Mea.
We found a nice secluded little beach, thanks to Laurel, who had been to the island Wednesday and scouted out a spot.
Of course, “secluded” and “little” were the good bits. “Stagnant water pit” and “syringe” were the bad ones. After one incident with the lake spilling over the rock wall and into the fire, we relocated slightly further up the sand bar and set up the food spread.
It was a really nice area, really. Right in front of a meadow of sorts, and facing the lake.
Food was had, banter ensued, and we resigned ourselves that sand, indeed, would be everywhere.
We had the fire going all day for cooking needs (“Hand me a coat hanger and a wiener and I can make you anything” – Annabelle) and warmth for me. Although it was a nice day, the water was FREEZING. Laurel and I put our feet in, only to be chased out again by vigorous waves.
I have no idea what was causing the erratic water levels. I mean, it’s a lake- it doesn’t have tides, now does it?
Once dusk rolled in, we all decided to go to the meadow and play Frisbee. Don’t ask why we didn’t do this when there was proper light. It was much more challenging with next to not visibility.
Yes, we gave up on that quickly, instead deciding to build up the fire to a roaring blaze to give us enough light to pack up.
Our bonfire rocked every other fire’s ass, by the way- Despite the fact we decided against pouring the 2L jug of citronella on it (“This has all the makings of an after-school special” – Deni).
Once the fire had burned down, we headed out to wait for the fairy. The bugs, while not too bad with the candles burning, starting swarming us the minute we hit the road. There were literal stalactites of flies under every light.
I was intrigued. Deni was alarmed. We all emerged with bugs crammed in every orifice.
Annabelle: There’s a bug in my ear.
Me: Don’t smoosh it in further with your finger.
Annabelle: Smoosh it out with my finger, then?
Me: Use your inner finger.
Annabelle: My INNER finger?
This was followed by Andy’s appreciation for pre-ferry banter, and his assessment that it was four-star banter, because the only thing in the world that gets a full rating is the Droids cartoon.
We boarded the ferry which brought us back to the city proper. Strangely, we spotted a blue herring on the way. I didn’t find it odd, having grown up near secluded wilderness, but Deni was quite taken with it.
The ferry ride is really rather nice.
Laurel: They’re doing that irritating couples thing.
Me: I’m the most irritating couple ever- Screaming happiness and so forth.
Laurel: ::Hollering:: I won’t die alone, so I can be a colossal JACKASS.
Once we were back on the mainland, Annabelle was kind enough to give me a very… Elaborate… Ride home. This city truly doesn’t allow any left hand turns.
Annabelle: Now how do I get back into the city?
Duncan: Just U-turn here.
[We go about a meter, turn around, and go back where we came from]
Andy: “You should be a driving instructor. Mid street u-turn.”
Duncan: “U-Turn, then lean out the window with a compound bow while I wield the battle axe.”
Andy: “I love how you took it up to the next level with obscure weaponry.”

July 7th: One week to air season 3. Also, scroll up. I added pics to the BBQ entry. Further more, Lhasa rox my sox.

La Confession

Je n'ai pas peur de dire
Que tu me fais peur
Avec ton espoir
Et ton grand sens
De l'honneur
Tu me donnes envie
De tout détruire
De t'arracher
Le beau sourire
Et même ça
N'est pas pourquoi
Je me sens coupable
C'est ça le pire

Je me sens coupable
Parce que j'ai l'habitude
C'est la seule chose
Que je peux faire
Avec une certaine
Certitude
C'est rassurant
De penser
Que je suis sûre
Se ne pas me tromper
Quand il s'agit
De la question
De ma grande culpabilité

Je n'ai pas peur
De dire que j'ai triché
J'ai mis les plus pures
De mes pensées
Sur le marché
J'ai envie de laisser tomber
Toute cette idée
De "vérité"
Je garderais
Pour me guider
Plaisir et culpabilité

The Confession [Crummy non-rhyming translation. Just to stop people Bablefishing it up.]

I'm not afraid to say
That you frighten me
With your hopes
And your great sense
Of honour
You make me want
To destroy everything
To rip off
Your pretty smile
And even that
Isn't why
I feel guilty
That's the worst part

I feel responsible
Because I have this habit...
It's the only thing
That I can do
With a certain
Certainty

It's reassuring
To think
That I'm sure
That I won't be tricked
When he's agitated
Over the question
Of my grandiose self blame

I'm not scared
To say that I cheated
I put the most pure
Of my thoughts
For sale
I'm tempted to just let go
This big idea
Of "truth"
I'll just keep
As my guide
Pleasure and guilt

July 8th: It’s street party weekend for Toronto.
Dorian and I had plans to go see Rocky, but we meandered quite a bit. A little saunter through Chinatown, and a walk in the park later, we had the munchies for freedom.
(Well, I wanted oyster sauce.)
Once we were full to bursting, and assured that one hour later hunger would strike again, we went clothes shopping. Apparently, this season’s in-fashion is “hideous” and “multicolored”.
While in the food court, Dorian and I saw this mall cop (clad in gloves) inspecting what looked like threat notes. Crazy writing and so forth- we could clearly see them while riding the escalator. All stuff about the Dark Lord Satan. O_o Weird.
Afterward we met up with Lynne and ate crepes. The street party, though we passed by it, was mainly unspectacular. Toronto Community says that everybody seemed to be there for Broken Social Scene- and were alarmed by a show featuring a giraffe that crushed half the crowd (?? WTF… Second hand info much?).
At any rate, Café Crepe, while serving descent food, was ungodly expensive. And the waitress didn’t speak French. I was disappointed, and also agitated.
We left to find a bar, and ended up at Camron- which has the worst patio EVER. It was like a little wetbar facing the street. We drank crantinis and evaluated the people walking by.
Then we walked to the park. I played on the twirly slide and got totally baked, which spurred a ravenous eating of Subway cookies.
THIS IS THE BEST COOKIE I’VE EVER EATEN.
The stoned brain thinks everything is the most awesome thing ever ingested.
In conclusion, last night I ate the best Bok Choy ever, the best cookies ever, and had the best cigarette ever.
We never did make Rocky.
“OMg guys, we spaced on the date. Hurrrrr.”
But it was all worth it, because I finally remembered what I had been trying to think of the entire night.

Yes, it actually bothered me that I couldn’t remember the name of the Indian Legend forest demon that painted the mask on the raccoon; a myth I studied in grade five.

July 11th: Holy crap, it’s so hot. If the power grid goes down due to over taxation, I will fucking shit a BRICK. Worked all weekend to be on schedule- a hydro failure would so kick our asses.
All we have to do is rock it to make this deadline. And rockation won’t happen if the computers don’t work.
So YOU there, running your AC full blast so you can wear a turtleneck… DIEEEee!

A Cookie in the Bag is Worth 10... In the sack?

Dorian

Pack Rat:

Dorian

All Real Artists, All Real Odd:

Dorian

Hunker Down, Kids:

Dorian

The Miracle of Life

Dorian

That Sign in the Bathroom…:

Dorian

Remembering the Blackout Fondly:

Dorian

Hallmark Moment:

Dorian

Harry Potter and the Class Action Lawsuit:

Dorian

The Ladies Call me "Magic Fingers":

Dorian

10 000°C:

TGO

July 12th:

July 14th: I tend to make a point not to complain about having to do things, particularly when those things involve work. I’m so happy where I am.
I just wish I could have a little respite. There are a lot of things bothering me- Little things, niggling away. I can’t really talk about them here.
And I really don’t want to. I used to have an on-going argument with my ex about whose job was better, and for some stubborn (and most likely stupid) reason, I still steadfastly hold to that.
Deep down, I do have a good time.
But I need sleep.
I haven’t slept properly in weeks. Not a lot of people know, because I’m so willing to go the extra mile to get things done.
But I question how far I can go.
Insomnia is a misnomer. I could sleep in the afternoon. I could sleep any time: Any time except when I’m supposed to be sleeping.
I lay awake at night, so tired. So bodily tired that I doubt anybody that hasn’t experienced the inability to sleep can understand.
But I just can’t drift off.
I’ve tried every trick. Every single one, but I can’t. Once I do get a few hours of shut eye, it’s always so… Draining. I felt more awake when I went to bed than when I get jolted out of my uneasy sleep.
I’m sick of living with people. Every morning I’m woken up at 6am when they start clanging around. No, they’re not being that noisy, I’m just a supremely light sleeper. I can’t even look forward to sleeping in on the weekends because early Saturday and Sunday the kids get shunted in the back yard, right next to my room, in attempts to keep the other girls happy.
I’m too tired to be angry.
Too tired to complain.
Too tired to say no.
I just stare off into space. I have no idea how my work gets done, but it still does. Hauling twice my weight, and I’m still on my feet.

July 15th: So yes, I worked today. It was fine. Afterward Dorian, Lynne and I grabbed some energy juice, then headed home. I inducted Dorian into the Naruto fanclub, where much laughter ensued at Sasuke's expense. I'll try to remember direct quotes next time, but for now, here are some unrelated ones.

Harrowing News on the Apartment Front

Jaime

The Facts of Life, as Told by Jaime:

Jaime

Caricatures Gone Wrong:

Jaime

Toronto, Home of the Sex:

Jaime

July 16th: Wow, what a productive day. I did laundry, I cleaned, I worked on Blackaby, I watched anime. It’s amazing what you can do when you don’t sleep.
No, seriously.
The reason everybody out there fails to get things done is because they have that eight hours of uselessness. Try three!
TRY IT NOW!
@_@

July 17th: Last night I slept badly. I was in bed for over twelve hours, and only managed to spend three of them sleeping. The storm kept me up.
And I dreamed. I dreamed that I was happy.
Just happy.
There was no setting, or people, or theme.
And when I awoke, I realized that happiness is just something you do, like walking, or breathing, or speaking.
The hardest things to start are the ones you’re afraid you won’t be able to do.

All that awkwardness. I just started feeling comfortable. I hate new relationship energy. Not that it's a surprise- but I don't like that jittery weirdness that comes with new people.

I would hope that someone who feels "right" to you would also be someone who made you feel comfortable

Nobody puts me at ease.

I guess you said it right there - with these people you find yourself in a risky scenario where you could possibly open up to them and that's scary

It is! What a waste of time too.

It's not, though. It's part of the whole range of human experience. It's the excitement of what could be so potentially great that creates the risk. I mean, as distressing as the end of your last relationship was, would you take back all the good times? If you could would you sooner rewind it and have nothing?

Yes. In a minute. Yes. I would take it all back. It doesn't match, not at all. The good times were not worth what i gave up. Not by a long shot.

That wasn't the answer I was going for. And I'm surprised to hear you say it

Why would that surprise you? People who date me have no idea what they're getting into, and then they give up.

I don't think it's fair to you to paint generalizations like that. I wish there was some kind of guarantee out there - that someone was not going to give up on you. Unfortunately there isn't one. It's all down to the individual. of course the kind of person I hope you'd be with is someone who cared about the core you enough that they would not be phased by your eccentricities, who cared about you enough that giving up would just not be an option...

Maybe I'm a pessimist. And no, it's not fair. Somewhere out there, there's some dedicated person who would love me forever and support me without question.
I'd have to have really good luck to find that person. And as it stands, my luck is pretty poor.

I felt so secure that somebody had finally loved me. Me. Of all people. It sort of baffled me- I wanted to disbelieve it. It made me laugh sometimes, not just out of happiness, but because of the sheer audacity of it. But it seemed true. That's why it's so draining. Yes, that's the word- Draining. It's like that security is gone, and all my insecurities were proven true. That person I was when I was alone was the real me.
Maybe that makes no sense.
But I did change.
And now I've changed back.

In the meanwhile, try to deal with your self-hatred, because you're seeing phantoms of shit that noone else sees.

The scary thing is... I know.

July 19th: It was the SGS party! I don’t remember the details, mainly because there were free drinks. Everybody got a well-earned night off in which to become nicely toasted; co-mingling happened between stars and workers indiscriminately.
I stumbled home at 2am, and I’m not sorry. Muwah!

July 22nd's Update: I have now secured pictures! Thanks to Scottie who photographed the party, and the lovely Shona who shared the files with us, I now have proof that I was completely off my nut drunk.
First we have the aforementioned Shona, myself, Dave's friend (whose name I've forgotten), and Dave himself- our main artist at SGS.

And from screen left to right I'm sitting with our multitalented director/musician Denny and Don McKellar (voice of Jack). Scottie was also present for the conversation at the time, but wasn't prepared to do the self-lean-in. Such a professional. ^_~

July 20th: I was one of the first people into work today. Nobody is surprised, because there was no expectation for people to show up before 12. Ah, we work hard, we play hard.
And speaking of playing hard in a profoundly gay manner, I have fanart. Because Dorian demanded I draw him muscley like homicidal Jesus, because make-your-own-hero was pissing me off with lack of selection, and because we're nerdy Naruto fans who enjoy this sort of Mary-Sueism. (And yes, I did make myself from the Hidden Village of Rock. C'mon. Childhood in a mining town? Awesome.)

July 21st: After a fairly uneventful day at work, Dorian and I went to Dusk Dances in Dufferin Park. It was an interesting little affair with freestyle performances. The first was a more tribal sort of dance, which I appreciated a lot more than the post-modern tripe that seemed to be the majority.
Out of all those who came, Lynne, Andrew and I, who actually know a thing or two about choreography and dance, were slightly disappointed.
But it was worth it to get outside; and the trapeze was an impressive display of strength. Afterward Dorian, the kids and I went to Pizza Hut for a bite to eat. We parted ways shortly after, seeing as it was supremely late.

July 22nd: Today's entry will feature...

My Pretentious Criticism of Famous Authors and use of Unnecessarily Tricky Words

Half Blood Prince

What made the Harry Potter books great thus far? They're not high literature, nor are they particularly unique theme-wise. In my opinion, the books were enthralling because they inspired wonder. Every reader was treated to seeing a vast new world through a child's eyes.
It may sound convoluted, but the sweeping description of Hogwarts as Harry discovers the magical world is what endeared me to the series. It was a taste of Victorian style with a dash of mystery and folklore.
Thus, as Harry grows older, becomes jaded, and grows accustomed to his life at the castle, the moments of awe diminish.
The belief of infinite possibilities, as seen by Harry in the early installments of the series, are lost in the later books.
Now that Harry has begun to realize his place in the world, the story turns to a harsh reality, and happy endings are not par for the course.
Though this change needs to occur for Harry to become fulfill his destiny as a martyr, I found that Half Blood Prince embarked on the journey very sloppily.
As many have said before me, the novel was disturbingly similar to fanfic. There was a distinct air of Rowling placating her fans. The questions we've all quarreled over in forums were resolved in the first few chapters. And they weren't massive revelations, but little things like Blaise's gender, Snape's abode and parentage, and copious Malfoy-family subplots, which seemed to exist simply as fan service.
Once the story was in full flow, it was as if several books had been combined. The chapters featuring flashbacks from Tom's past and investigation into his Horxruxes were astonishingly well written. I'll honestly admit, that the night after reading about the inferie in the lake, I was spooked.
Unfortunately, these brief moments of compelling story and mellifluous writing are the height of the novel. Most of the pages are fluff: out of place romance, forced paragraphs of description, and a distinct lack of peril.
I left the book wondering, can the term "out of character" be used when it's the author's decision to change one of her creation's personalities?

And now, for those of you not big on reading my thesis, "Harry Potter and the Sexual Education Pamphlet", I'll break off for a little like/dislike list.
This is where the real spoilers follow.

My Dislikes

Out of Character Hermione: What, exactly, happened to Hermione in this book?
She seems to have suffered some brain damage, resulting in her becoming a vapid slut. I suspect that a breast enlargement charm misfired and increased her bust with gray matter from her brain.
Strangely enough, I found Out of Character Draco rather charming.
He's finally become a three dimensional character- and a pimping one at that.

Voldemort? Who Gives a Fuck: Where's the Lord of Darkness at? Nobody knows, and it seems as if none of them are bothering to search for him either. Sure, you've gotto find all the various pieces of his soul before killing him- but this isn't Dragon Ball Z, and we don't have 500 episodes to dawdle around. They could have at least been killing off his Death Eaters instead of cowering in wait.

Harry's Unstoppable Wang: The badfic fluff authors want their badly written characters back, Rowling. What the hell is with the romantic subplot? It was out of control. Yes, they're sixteen and hormones are running high, but these are emotionally unstable children living in a time of crisis.
I never pegged Harry as an exhibitionist, particularly after his harrowing life of tabloid fame.

Rowling's New Thesaurus: The dialog and most of the story seemed so forced, it pained me- Particularly Ginny's recounting of what happened to her during the Death Eater attack. I mean, honestly; after nearly being killed and seeing your brother's face torn off, would you really use the word "meanwhile"?
"What did you do last night?"
"Oh, I went to the pub. I got really smashed. Meanwhile, I sent my friend to pick up some smokes."
Wtf. No.

Harry not in Mortal Peril: In stark contrast with the last book, in which Harry was always on edge, HBP seemed to fall flat. There was really no threat, possibly because the Dark Lord was off nancing among some other schoolchildren, and letting Harry alone for the moment.

So Many Loose Ends: Yes, I realize this book has been called a two-parter, with the final volume as the latter half. But honestly- What happened with all those dementors breeding? Does anybody care about the Muggle world? Will Wormtail ever repay his debt to Harry? How will this series EVER wrap up in time?

My Likes

Sirius Not Returning: For all you Black fans who theorized his return, he's dead! He's as gone as somebody stuck in trans dimensional time can be! Thank god.

Dumbledore Coming out of the Closet: I found his purple suit quite jaunty, and his attempts to seduce Harry very brave.

Tom Riddle the Sociopath: Rowling described his behavior so well it filled me with glee. Never have I wanted to sex the Dark Lord so badly as now.

I think Jaime said it best when he told me "Rowling could write anything- what she had for breakfast and how many times a day she went for a pee, and I'd still read it and love it".
Though this installment was awkward, and should have really parted from the typical Hogwarts routine, I have high hopes for it setting up a phenomenal end to the series.

July 23rd: Last night was Dave’s b-day party, which was a blast. We ended up in this very “eclectic” bar on College. I didn’t stay long due to massive tiredness, but had a good time regardless.
Today I slacked off in the morning, then Dorian and I had another Naruto session. I’m dedicated to making him a rabid fan like myself. So far, so good. We’re nearly done the second story arc. Soon the Chounin exams, and excitement!
Leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! <3

July 24th: An uneventful lazy day- I did nothing but sit on my ass and watch cartoons. Oh, also Blackaby, but not a valiant effort on that front. The highlight of my day was a brief conversation I had with my Japanese roommate.
It’s a little difficult to understand her English, but it went something like this.
Me: How was the event you went to last night?
Her: Very nice, thank-you!
Me: What was it?
Her: Ah- Gay man. With condom!
Me: … O_O
Her: Condom? Condom! Yes.
Me: You went to a gay bar?
Her: Ah, how you say… Dress like women?
Me: Cross dressers?
Her: Yes!
Me: Ha ha, sounds fun.
Her: Very precious memories!
Me: LOL!

July 27th: Ah, the slow work week- How relaxing, how refreshing, how harrowing to think of the load when things start up again.
But while the calm lasts, I’ve been enjoying myself. Tonight I went to Dorian’s to watch Revenge of the Nerds, which I had somehow missed seeing in the 80’s, and has now been marked off the list of “Movies Viger Must See or Perish”.
And I’m glad I saw it. Usually I’m not thrilled with live action, but this was one of those feel-good comedies that instills every social outcast with false hope for forming a band of brothers.
Sadly, those of us with foresight know that people with no social skills to speak of stand very little chance of making friends.
In uplifting girly news, I had some fun with my hair today! I tried out that crazy new dye called “Pulse”. I’m sure you’ve seen the obnoxious ads on buses. I had very low hopes, seeing as the campaign is marketed at the “I want to be a summer slut” demographic.
But I’m pleasantly surprised. It’s a semi-permanent dye that comes in a pump-bottle (like shaving cream). So no mixing, no mess, and it’s reusable! This assures I shall never have ugly roots again. It’s all cherry from now on. Hopefully they won’t discontinue it come winter.
Just with my normal hair color, it turned out really vibrent. Don't mind the fact I look nice in the first picture, and like I'm dying in the second. The first picture is pre-insomnia, and I had actually made an effort to look presentable- not freezing to death in the middle fo summer with massive sweater on.

And finally, I’m a colossal moron. Yes, you heard me.
Somehow, I’ve come to contract a virus. And not just any virus! Seeing as it’s me, it’s an unknown virus, possibly a BugBear derivative (Oh if it is everybody who catches it gets to slap me full on for obvious reasons).
Let’s all do the infectious dance!
Do do do!
::High kick::
Do do do!
Oh, and somehow craptop was spared, which boggles my mind, since I use that sucker to do everything even remotely volatile.
I am truly the master of contracting oddities not easily dispelled.

July 28th: The highlight of my day was hearing a woman say to her daughter in passing, “Give some jelly when you’re ready to throw it down”, a la gangsta slang.
I left work early, due to extreme tiredness- I was up past 2am last night fiddling with my computer, so today was pretty harsh.
On my way home I had two simple things I needed: Shoes and a bra.
After searching several stores, I have come to the conclusion that the population is growing. Not just getting fatter, but becoming goliaths with gravy-boat sized feet and bosoms that encompass several city blocks.
In short, the smallest size in the shoes I wanted was a 7. In my second choice, it was an 8. My feet are a 5.
I am now mending my old sandals with glue and staples. Because, no, I would not like to look in the kids section. Yes, I like Hamtaro, but I don’t want him patterned all over my fucking shoes.
The bra situation was exactly the same. Why is the smallest size a C? WHY. Is this some sort of subtle encouragement for women to become more buxom? Because it’s not working!
I have a feeling I’m going to have to start shopping in those little boutiques that blonde people shop at.

July 29th:
I have all the time in the world.
Because I’m afraid of the end,
I’m not rushing toward anything.

I work just as vehemently,
As my fear that I’m doing it all to disguise,
That I secretly don’t know where I’m going.

July 30th: HUGS FOR ALL!
Tonight was awesome to the max (Topical eighties lingo!).
At around 10 I went to find Lynne at Bathurst station, but found Andrew instead! We hung around, eventually met Lynne, then went down to Funhaus- which was really deserted. This was all part of my Very Clever Plan, though.
We got stamped, went out to a bar to get drunk, then returned to Funhaus to dance.
At this point, Duncan had arrived, and voiced his displeasure that it was 80’s night.
I also had very few things motivating me to get on the floor- But that isn’t to say I didn’t have an excellent time grind dancing with Lynne to Everyday is Halloween.
But that eventually deteriorated into Kung Fu dancing.
… FATALITY!
Nobody in the club could make hide nor hair of what we were doing. That’s what happens when you get newly-inducted-to-Aikido-Lynne in the same room as Dodd. I joined in with my Dark Hokado Breakdown. KAMAHAMAEHA!
(Oh my god that’s actually a word! Spell check loves it.)
Once we had all taken a kick to the face, and were sick of dancing in ill-fitting summer footwear, we wandered around the city looking for 24 hour Dim Sum.
While meandering through the park, shouting about running with ten gangs, we observed that the homeless people sleeping on the benches would call police to remove us for being a noise disturbance. Bahahah!
We moved on, walking through the projects, during which we came to the conclusion that I would grow up to be an insane old woman with a crazy diseased rat named “Kitty”. Kitty skittered in and out of our conversation for the rest of the night- Including the scenario for Duncan’s next job.
Duncan: [Bartender] What can I get you miss Viger?
Me: [Old] Vodka soda. ::Extracts hissing rat from bathrobe:: and Kitty will have a tequila slammer.
We found Dim Sum at 2am- That place Dorian and I always go- I can’t remember the name (Rainbow grill or something?), but it was great. That meal between supper and breakfast should ALWAYS comprise of pork buns.
Of course I regretted eating them during the cab ride home. Duncan was nice enough to actually ESCORT me to hailing a cab- why? My god, I wasn’t drunk (surprise) I was falling asleep.
Insomnia + drinking + huge meal at 3am = sleep.
I should have drank more Redbull.
Redbull truck pulls out, defibrillator truck pulls up. Kzzt! Wha- yes! I’ll have the coffee cake.

August 4th: I haven’t posted in a while because nothing of interest has happened lately. Life has been uncomfortably warm and rather uneventful.
I had a very brief bout this week where I fathomed I would fall ill, and stayed home to stave it off- hence the lack of news.
The rest seems to have worked, and I’m now considering Dark Rave.
Wise idea?
No.
But I was never wise.
Speaking of which, the pain in my wisdom tooth is gone. I treated it myself with salt water, mouthwash, and excessive picking-at-it.
You heard me, doctors be damned! The answer is poking (heh heh…)!
I also solved my computer problems, with the help of Mr. Mach. See, the thing is, I’m an idiot. I kick myself for not knowing what I was doing.
I will now call myself on the ‘phone, and say “Is your refrigerator running- well if it is, it runs like you- Very homosexually”.
To overcompensate for my retardation, I went into a forum-reading frenzy, during which I brushed up on my PC know how, and have optimized a bunch of crap. Wait, that doesn’t sound impressive. I have OVERCLOx0RRed To teh MAXxxxxxxxx!!!!11one.
Least of all, I blocked SW pop-ups which were getting past Firefox, and set up a proxy for browsing- which is running like poo, but we can’t make everything awesome in one day.
In entertainment news, I’m so ridiculously addicted to RandomLJ. No seriously, it’s consuming my life.
I await the intervention.

August 5th: Ah, Toronto, the retarded bastard-child of big cities everywhere; I had an odd moment boarding the subway home. It was probably the last train, the station was empty, and the subway that pulls up is covered in iPod ads. Each car had a different colored ad, making it look like the Technicolor vomit comet.
The inside was exactly the same, and I sat, perched on the edge of my seat, alarmed beyond all reason.
Consumer whore accessories give me the willies.
… Anyway, here’s some stupid meme about how I’m the one picking through your trash.

The Name Viger

Literal meaning
"Destined-for-Ageing."

History
Taken from the underworld slang for "Stop kicking me to death, I left the money with friends" in a fit of terror, the name Viger was originally used imprecisely to refer to the Disney corporation, its subsidiaries and partners, before taking a bullet for the Pope.

Famous Vigers
Viger Grating, MA, of the generation which fondly remembers several of the more violent gypsy curses;

Viger Boonk, PhD, opponent of the early career of Roy Clarke; ghost-writer of Lady Macbeth's religious handbook and autobiography, DOCTOR! THE FORCEPS!;

Doctor Viger Tube-Ach ("The Mighty"), named in court as holding compromising material concerning the entertainment industry blacklist;

Viger S Quoits, exposed in the press as having swapped a child for the monkey cartilage gear system; ghost-writer of Yootha Joyce's phenomenally foul-mouthed autobiography, WONDERFUL TIMES, SELECTIVELY REMEMBERED;

Professor Viger Itching-Dindymene, proponent of Explode-O, the wonder bang dismantler.

Typical Viger motto
"Hello! You don't know me, but I've been going through your bins for a few months now."

August 6th: After showering and cleaning my place a bit, I went to Lynne’s to help her make sushi. Apparently, I am the lord of sushi, even though I only made it once before… But somehow, it turned out excellently, and my rolling technique has only improved.
Now I just need to master twirling the knife impressively without stabbing myself in the sternum. Once we had finished making two platefuls of sushi and a cake (it’s Mea’s birthday party tomorrow), Lynne and I went out to have a drink with Dorian.
Walking to the subway was insane. “Taste of the Danforth” is on, which is a vendor festival around that area.
It’s packed! You can’t even navigate the sidewalks for all the BBQs on it, people crowded around, and assorted kiosks.
We finally escaped into downtown, where we met Dorian and good times were had by all! Dreams were discussed, two bars were visited, and we ended it all off with a thrilling trip to the value mart for smokes and chocolate.
Huraah!

August 8th: Today's entry features the many uses of Freon10- and the somewhat related matter of how to keep your livestock from dying.
After finding http://www.inter-web.co.uk/secrets.htm, a list of house-hold secrets, apparently from around c. 1920, Dorian and I went to town on the suggestions.

Me: 148. How to get rid of shiny trousers.
Make a solution of 1 part vinegar to 4 parts water, soak a cloth in it, wring out cloth put over trousers and press slightly.
Me: I thought "throwing them in the garbage"
Me: is quicker
Dorian: haha
Me: Shiny trousers.
Me: Damn, is it too late to change my handle?
Me: LOL
Dorian: 51. Destroy desire for nicotine.
Take before breakfast, a half teaspoon of rochelle salts and cream of tartar.
Me: EW!
Me: That will destroy my desire to live
Me: or do anything
Me: at all
Me: ever again
Dorian: 55. The $25 beauty facial.
Spread man cream over face, let dry, cover again, let dry, remove with damp cloth, then apply some warm olive oil, then apply some ice cold witch hazel.
Me: Wait
Me: Man cream?
Me: You added that
Dorian: 66. How to clean your ties.
Put tie in jar with some carbon tetrachloride, shake, take out and let dry.
Dorian: WTF
Dorian: cuz I have carbon tetrachloride lying around?
Dorian: 70. Watermelon ripeness test.
Look for a creamy surface underneath the melon.
Dorian: like, on the table?
Me: LOL
Dorian: under the table?
Me: @ the ties
Dorian: 72. How to destroy fish smells.
Rub butter on your hands or wherever smell is to be removed.
Me: LoL!
Dorian: hey, honey, come stand over here with your legs spread for a minute
Dorian: 76. How to make mocha coffee.
Instead of milk or cream try some chocolate milk.
Dorian: Holy fuck. Did a 3 yr old come up with that one?
Me: LOL this must be so OLD
Me: because carbon tetrachloride is banned now
Dorian: is it!?
Dorian: 78. Eliminate popcorn duds -fast.
Freeze it first then it will all pop.
Dorian: how is this fast!?
Dorian: I dunno what their freezer is like
Dorian: but mine is far from fast
Me: It is
Me: Carbon tet, aka Freon 10, was banned in the 90's I think
Dorian: I assumed it was old because of all the advice for the care of my phonograph recordings
Me: LOL
Me: I like the one about how to make sure my runt pigs don't die
Me: (feed them from a muffin pan)
Me: ::PSL::
Dorian: Make sure Jemimah, the maid, always uses fresh cider vinegar from your local orchard when cleaning your china
Me: Oh my god again!;
Me: 118. Remove shoe polish from clothing.
Use carbon tetrachloride or rubbing alcohol.
Me: No wonder people died young back then.
Dorian: 84. An appetizer fruit - GOOD
Pineapple.
Dorian: seriously
Me: They were swimming in freon10.
Me: LOL
Dorian: they bought it in liter cartons, right beside the milk
Me: Tip 2000: Food on the go-
Me: McDonald's
Dorian: LOL
Dorian: 86. A fruit for constipation.
Raw apples.
Dorian: 88. Fruit for neutralizing acid.
Lemons.
Dorian: wtf...
Dorian: lemons ARE acid
Dorian: 90. A fruit fine for the nerves.
Bananas.
Dorian: - but they don't say how to use it
Me: Hahah no wonder they need all that deodorizing tips:
Me: 115. Really shine your kitchen floor.
Add some sour milk to your rinse water, it will shine!
Me: Mmm what's that dour.
Me: I need more butter.
Dorian: lol
Dorian: 110. How to clean glassware.
Clean with stale tea. If they spot, soak in buttermilk, let dry and wipe off.
Dorian: LOL
Dorian: step b - take bucket of buttermilk....
Me: clean floor.

August 10th: Well, life's been slow. Work is uneventful, and my free time is mainly taken up by Hunter x Hunter. I had that tornado dream again last night. It's the one reoccurring nightmare I still have.
I wonder what it symbolizes.
It's always pretty much the same, though the setting changes from time to time. In essence, the dream goes as follows: A tornado is about to strike, and I'm feverishly trying to pack all my belongings in a way to allow me to transport them into the basement I always wake up before the storm hits, but I'm never quite able to organize everything adequately.

August 11th: I've discovered the most awesome band in existence. Momus requires all of you to go download them!
Lyrics!

Pygmalism

Sometimes when it rains
I get pictures in my brain
My programming fails
I go off the rails
I see asteroids flare between the moons
Of Uranus:
Momus and Vangelis

And when I go wrong
Herr Professor Pig
Comes to train my brain with a song
Singing 'Daisy Daisy give me your answer do'
'How much is that doggy in the window?'
'She was only a greengrocer's daughter'
and 'The rain in Spain falls mainly on the plain'

You are my lover
You are my author
You are my father
I am your daughter
I'm your disaster
I'm your Viagra
I'm going to beat you at chess
Then plant my dagger in your breast
You filled me with your breath and your jism
Now I've come to bring you death, pig
Pygmalism

I only exist for Herr Professor Pig
As a figment of his huge imagination
Mirror, mirror on the wall
Who is the villain of them all?
The mirror will answer back 'Narcissus'
I'm your blessing but not your possession
Even what you make can drag you down

Sometimes in the night
I sing the songs Professor Pig has taught me
Cutting up with scissors
All the stupid sexy clothes he's bought me

Though my eyes are haunted
Though my memories have been implanted
No ancestors you can trace
An accent from no place invented

Sometimes in the night
I sing the songs Professor Pig has taught me
Cutting up with scissors
All the stupid sexy clothes he's bought me

You're my creator
You're my employer
My violator
You're my destroyer
But remember that the things we whip can whip us
The ones we strip outstrip us and the ones we make can break us
You filled me with your breath and your jism
You gave me life, I give you death, pig
Pygmalism

Sometimes in the night
I sing the songs Professor Pig has taught me
Cutting up with scissors
All the stupid sexy clothes he's bought me

August 12th: Anime night tonight! More Naruto on the way. It promises to be awesome. The day is cool and rainy; perfect for DDR as well.
Good times to follow.
Also this bit of insanity from the workday:
Me: That's ok
Me: Don't sweat it
Dorian: now I have to redo a bunch of my work
Me: I can entertain myself
Me: ::Goes to the bathroom::
Dorian: I have NO excuse to get out early
Me: Print me out some sexy photos of your mom
Me: Uh I mean
Me: Of...
Me: Shirley Manson?
Dorian: f u
Me: LOL
Dorian: you know
Dorian: my dad took sexy photos
Me: I saw them
Dorian: of my mom
Me: Remember?
Dorian: no
Dorian: did you?
Me: Weren't you there?
Dorian: I don't remember going through my albums with you
Me: Oh.
Me: Um.
Me: Awkward.

August 13th: These two nights have been polar opposites, equally fun, and both at Dorian’s house.
Last night we all got toasted and watched Naruto. Memorable moments included the buttorus, “stop trying to bake cookies, Lynne, you’re drunk”, and the chocolate chip run (rated R).
Tonight was a good deal nerdier. Duncan, Dorian and I set up characters for an AD&D campaign (Aahahahaha, we’re all remembering that “I want to cast magic missile” clip, aren’t we?). I’m playing a dwarf assassin. No, seriously. Ha ha ha >_<. But wait, it gets better- A dwarf assassin that specialized in survival in the Northern timberland, is highly intelligent and charismatic, but *can’t read*. AH HA HA HA. I picked animal lore over reading. But who cares when you have 94 strength. I don’t need to read. I can beat people until they read for me…
… Or get Dorian to do it. He’s playing Papa Murkin, the voodoo necromancer. I had much laughter over his familiar- a crow, who I keep insisting should be necromantic... Half dead, completely useless for spying due to the stench.
LoL, this is why I get kicked out of campaigns.
Well, that, and the insulting drawings I keep throwing out.
I ended off the evening with the LONGEST attempt to get home ever. Once the vomit comet finally came, I waited forever for the St.Claire line. That whole system is screwed due to construction- but I am enjoying having a bus down to the station rather than a tram.
Nothing beats rocketing down the street at 2am, shouting “GO SPEED GO!” at the top of your lungs.
And that’s the story of why I can no longer use the TTC.

August 14th: Even when life is difficult, when I wonder why I continue to push myself to get the work done, I always know that it's what I want to be doing.
Deep down I remember that moment I realized that there was a life path for me that was completely under my control: no outside expectations, and goals only set by myself for myself.
Sometimes I worry that it's not enough, that it's not grandiose, and I'll never make a difference in the world or see fame.
I often worry that it's a career that dumbs down my intelligence, that I'll never grow cognitively doing it, that I'll never amount to what many people expected.
All the time, when I was young, there would be adults saying that, with the father I had, I would be great.
Sometimes I wonder, can I be great in a field that has nothing to do with advancing science?
Will I ever make a discovery that changes the world?
But honestly, who really does make a difference? Everybody flits in and out of others' lives, and every person leaves some impression on those around them.
We all discover things for ourselves, and whether or not those realizations and inventions reach other people is trivial.
It may sound overly sentimental, but the most important thing is being happy for yourself, and living a life that gives you the feeling of accomplishment and contentment.
Sometimes I forget that, and I start seeing those old shadows again. But when I sit down and doodle anything, I remember, I once asked a good friend an important question.
I thought she was amazing, to be able to draw. Her sketchbooks always seemed free of mistakes, free of 'bad drawings'.
I was looking down at one particularly good sketch, partly jealous, partly in awe. I wanted to ask her how she did it. But I asked-
"Why do you do that?"
She was drawing as I asked her, and didn't even think for a moment to answer, "Drawing is fun, that's why I do it. You can't be terrible, and you can never be the best. Anything that happens on the page is still art."

August 15th: Today’s entry will feature: another TTC rant. It will make you realize: Toronto transit sucks sweaty monkey balls.
The best thing about Toronto is that when you see a bus going your way, you can get on it, and end up at your destination, sure that you won’t be carted off into some god forsaken alley and left to die.
Now, if everybody is happy with this, what the shit is up with the St. Claire line?
They’ve got all these little branch buses running that go up into residential nowhere. I’m too blind to read bus placards, you bitches! Stick to the one rout-one road system, god damnit.
The TTC seriously needs to start reading the users’ comments. Because a) Everybody knows trams suck balls, b) More buses with AC before I kill all of you, and c) Time based transfers so you don’t have to walk five miles in the winter if you miss your stop.
In conclusion, the Vaughan bus angries up the blood.

August 16th: Computer Iliad, version 2.0
I finally figured out what was wrong with my system.
It began with video driver crashes, which, naturally, led me to reinstall those drivers. This was followed by no further crashes, but complete system shut-downs.
I did all that pansy-tech crap with defragmenting and checking the disk, but to no avail.
Finally I googled the problem, and found that I have a relatively cheap sound card in my system, which has caused similar problems for people before me.
I reinstalled my sound drivers, only to have my computer shut down once more.
With the possibility of a virus out of the question and spanking new drivers, I was at a loss. My system was still randomly shutting down.
But wait- that’s where I stopped and thought. It really wasn’t all that random. It would run for a good three hours, then shut down. Subsequent shutdowns increased in frequency until I got fed up and left it shut down for the night.
In a strike of genius I checked the system temperature, only to discover it was a blazing furnace of hell.
The dénouement involves me worrying that an internal fan may be broken, and writing this with my system propped on two piles of books, with a cooling pack underneath.
This is quite possibly the least ergonomic position ever.

August 18th: I had a hilarious night hanging out with Beck. We met up for birthday drinks, then went down to Sneaky D's with Dorian and André.
The randomness of getting Beck and I together can't be expressed in words. All I can say is, one day we shall spawn the best sitcom known to man: The Veckerly Show.
It shall have flaming vomit bees aplenty.

August 19th: Today was just… Weird. Blame it on the full moon, or on the bizarre weather we had, I don’t know- I’ve just been off all day.
I woke up from a profoundly emotional dream- not emotional for me, but rather a heavily sad/anxious atmosphere that I could perceive, but not empathize with.
Work went slowly.
I really can’t shake this odd mood, not even after that 5g spliff- though I can’t imagine that helped.
I think I’m going to call it a night, and hope tomorrow returns to normalcy.
Odd.
Seriously.

August 21st: Yesterday night, I proved that singing is hard, and Amazing Grace should not be sung by me. It was not so sweet.
Naruto occurred. It was much more tolerable than my attempts at song. Lynne and Dorian will still join the cult of those who own real life forehead protectors.
But wait!
That’s not the nerdiest thing ever, no. My growing obsession with South Park is. This is weirdened (use my words!) by the catalyst of my interest: South Park slash.
Oh yes.
I went there.
I went there, took notes, and flew home already.

August 25th: I tried a Virginia Slim cigarette today. These were supposedly the choice smoke of my ancestors, over a glass of tonic water, while they took a break from whipping the slaves.
Verdict: Suspiciously Minty.
In other news, nothing is happening in my life.
I go to work, do the ninja shuffle, go home, watch porn, repeat as necessary.
I also purchase external hard drives.
I am officially 30% closer to that terabyte of storage I lust after. Why a terabyte you ask?
Because I don't have a penis.
And now for today’s Suggestion to Ensure your Welfare: MORE WARNING LABELS.
I find that in day to day life, I am constantly exposed to unknown peril. I would like to be more aware of said danger, and therefore become more anxious in general. A life without constant vigilance is one wasted.
I propose:
Pigeon Advanced Alarm- “prolonged licking my cause aspergillosis and/or mouth mites”.
Burger Cautionary- “eating can lead to excess cholesterol and heart failure.”
Truck Surgeon General’s Warning- “high velocity use of this product causes the death of 60% of North Americans per year.”
In conclusion, vote Viger for president of Earth, and choose the slightly less insane option.

August 27th:
Chapter One
If We Can’t Pilfer the Evil Sorcerer’s Loot, We’ll Join his Side- THEN Screw him Over

And so, with vague information about the Evil Manwitch and the treasure within his keep, Papa Merkin and Shtoultis set out on their adventure.
Arriving at the nearest town, Papa Merkin soon discovered that no amount of charisma will make religious peasants enjoy the company of a six foot necromantic priest, who insists on preaching The Obscenely Great Values of Evil… Particularly when he keeps bursting forth from the shadows at them.
A few false-starts later, Shtoultis suggested they find the shittiest part of town, where they would be less likely to be burned by rabid religious fanatics (and more likely to find 2GP hookers).
There they found loggings, and unsightly barmaids galore.

The following evening, well rested and replenished, Papa Merkin and Shtoultis set out on the town, attempting to find information on the Manwitch’s fortress and the possibility of infiltrating it.
Two gabbling students and one irate clergyman later, they gleaned very little, but became aware that the ziggurat of evil had become an educational tourist attraction- much to the chagrin of young students everywhere.
But Papa Merkin retained interest in the loot at Manwitch keep, and Shtoultis seemed to think befriending the evil incarnate would be a step in the right direction.

Before setting out, the two participated in the town’s market day- a trades and competition festival.
Papa Merkin used his disastrous “gaming” ability to try for sly bets on Shtoultis’ fights.
Though Papa Merkin failed miserably at fixing the games, Shtoultis more than made up for it with her brute strength and sexy shirtless fighting.
While competing, Shtoultis defeated a fellow dwarf. Several party kegs of ale later, Shtoultis gained a Shovel of Super-Sweet Digging and schematics of the Keep’s wall.

Meanwhile, Papa Merkin went shopping for candles.
Bags and bags of candles.

Outfitted with ridiculously expensive mules, more rope than strictly necessary, and all manner of random tidbits for the journey, the two prepare to set out for the Manwitch’s Keep.

August 30th:

Gluttony, Your Name is Cocoa Puffs

Dorian

Gluttony's Alias... PUDDING:

Droian

[IRL, I begin fishing out the last bits of pudding with a piece of sandwich on a fork]

Me: stop
Droian: stop what
Droian: being horrified?
Droian: no can do
Me: They were out of spoons.

Dating through Complex Schemes 101:

Droian

Later...
Me: If you want, I can call you at some point
Me: and we can pretend you're talking to somebody famous
Droian: OMG Sir Richard Attenborough!
Me: See, you'll look important.
Me: She'll be impressed.
Droian: no, don't call
Me: AHahahah
Me: I can see it now
Me: You: "I'm glad you finally want to ahve sex with m-"
[RINGTONE]
Me: You: "hello?"
Me: Me: [Manvoice] HULLO
Me: You: Viger?
Me: Me: [Manvoice] Nooooo
Droian: ...
Me: Me: [Manvoice] This is the Prime Minister
Droian: This is a bad time, MR MARTIN
Me: LOL
Me: ::Omg kneeslap::

Later still...
Droian: k, that's enough of that talk
Droian: or I will be TOO anxious on my date
Me: Ok
Me: Calming thoughts
Me: of commitment
Me: and long walks
Me: and purchasing coffins together
Droian: eww
Droian: no
Me: and the sweet smell of eachother's decay
Me: as you grow old
Me: entwined in eachother's age-spotted
Me: sagging
Droian: ok, that's too far
Me: wrinkly
Me: arm-
Droian: AHHH
Me: -s...

And the moral of the story is: a needlessly convoluted plan can solve all of life’s problems, especially if trickery of women is included.

August 31st: So I hung out with Dorian in the evening: played hopscotch with the kids, made some dinner, ate it, played some Donkey Konga, then went on my way.
When I arrived at St.Claire station a girl came up to me. She was Japanese, and didn’t speak a word of English.
Why she approached me in particular remains a mystery, but I suspect some major lucky blessings went on before she left Japan, because she found a Torontonian who is a) friendly, b) actually knows the city, and c) speaks enough Japanese to explain where to get places.
I have to find that priest and get some charms.
My life needs to be more magically delicious.

Sept 1st:
Current Music: The Short Bus
Current Mood: Nettled
Because I dreamed I had them suck in my hand.
I love sentence fragments.
Why aren't we living in pods yet!?
My grade 2 French teacher assured me that by year 2005, the Earth would be a desolate wasteland, and humanity would live in roving pods.
She even had us draw pictures of it.
Later I became an artist.
The Answer to Life’s Question: Is the bus half full, or half empty?
It doesn't matter, it still smells like a raccoon carcass.

Sept 3rd: Ah reminiscing… I took a “geek test” and was furious to see that my ‘net geekiness was relatively low (well, that is to say, I wasn’t extremely geeky in the area).
The only reason I can fathom for my score being low is the juncture that I came into the ‘net…

… Gather ‘round, children, for a story of nerdiness and a fondness for GUI systems.

I first logged on to the world wide web around ‘93-94.
Of course, the idea of LANs and systems being connected for information exchange was ancient at this point, but the commercialism and personal accessibility had just begun.
This time-frame was probably the most evenly divided between those who were browsing the WWW with Mosaic browser, and those old-school geeks who preferred the highly ordered (but static) Gopher system.
Being relatively ignorant about networks at the time, I chose Mosaic for ease of use. This browser would later conglomerate into Netscape Navigator, which allowed the unwashed masses access to the sparse sites and 8 bit animated gifs of the Early Internet.
Soon HTML became the preferred method of sharing data, and Gopher saw its decline.
Webpages of all description began to pop up, and Domain Names were being registered en mass.
To give you an idea of exactly how exponentially the ‘net grew, in 1993 our available search engine was Lycos, which indexed 800,000 pages.
One of these pages was my own, which was Sympatico’s first personal web page. That’s right, before their merger with Bell, Sympatico was a small ISP that did much head-scratching at my request for personal webspace.
Six years later, with our known search engines failing us for adequate archiving of the ever-expanding ‘net, we were all introduced to a new engine with an amazing search scope. This little known webcrawler was Google.
By that point, Google indexed 1.3 billion web pages.
From 800, 000 to 1.3 billion in under five years- the internet you’re browsing right now was born.
Spam began, pop-ups flew around unchecked, and commercialism took over a system that was originally designed with the intention of shunning all non-education material.
Looking back, all I can say is: LoL.

Sept 9th: Ok, so the week was uneventful. But Tuesday, while shopping, I met up with my roomie Charlene, who hung out with me for the evening, and we planned to get together, which is what happened tonight.
She was at some sort of fashion benefit, and didn’t know when she’d be back, so she texted me while I was on the bus.
This totally caused me to miss my stop while I was attempting to figure out how to message back. I hate predictive text.
I can’t figure it out. Perhaps I’m retarded.
At any rate, I got off the bus, laughing heartily at myself, and walked back home, typing in a message as I went (I finally figured how to just type normally without words filling themselves in).
She said she’d be back around 10, so I worked on Blackaby and ate a bit of dinner before Charlene came down to my room to get me.
We prettied up, and went out to Squirrely’s. Now, I had a vague idea where that bar was, but not 100%. We walked for quite a bit, before FINALLY getting there, much to Charlene’s high-heeled dismay.
We proceeded to get smashed on margaritas.
I marveled Charlene with my ability to eat all the jalapeño peppers off the nachos that we ordered. Yet she eats lime wedges whole.
Weird.
At one point, we did the girly thing and both went down to the bathrooms.
I was waiting for her in the corridor outside the loos, and she drags me into the men’s bathroom (they were just two rooms, one women’s one men’s) to show me the weird graffiti on the wall. Of course I have to tag as well, so I lock both of us in the bathroom and tag the wall among the others.
By the time we get out, there’s a whole lineup of guys waiting, who, of course, jeer and catcall as two girls stumble out of the men’s loo.
Charlene and I went back to drinking, me with a vodka soda (at the recommendation of our waitress), which Charlene was disgusted to find contained no lime cordial. She promptly took it back and had some added.
It was so gross, we took turns chugging it just to avoid the taste.
Once we were properly inebriated, I wanted to spark a j, but didn’t have my stuff with me- I had offered to lend it to Dorian, who had ended up not needing it. So I figured it was still at the office.
After walking, screaming drunk, to the office, we happened upon a completely empty studio. It was 1am on a Friday night- I was really surprised there wasn’t anybody there (well, except poor Simon, who was working).
Unfortunately, the weed was also missing.
So once we bid Simon a good night, we staggered off to the shop to buy some smokes, and on the way heard some funky music, which inspired us to dance.
One tram ride later, we were at Funhaus, excited about the 2$ shot deal. That shit ends at 12! We arrived just before two in the morning, and had to pay full.
We grudgingly got a couple of drinks, and hit the dance floor.
Charlene showed off her hot stripper moves, and I spazzed out as usual. Much grind-dancing ensued once a couple of sweaty guys started dance-macking on us.
See, they thought our duet was hot, until we got outside and started alluding to what Charlene and I would do when we got home.
But seriously, that girl is a crazy flirt. We had guys fighting, lined up, and swooping down, right outside the club.
When I dragged her away to buy non-alcoholic liquids, she started trying to get guys to trade shoes with her. It was absolutely hilarious.
Well, regardless of flirtatiousness, I was glad for her insanity, since she didn’t freak out at the Goth club, horny rocker dudes, the porn playing onscreen, and so forth.
Finally we caught the tram home, and stumbled in at half to five.
The sun was coming up as we arrived. It would have been sexily romantic if we hadn’t both been barfing on the curb.
Lime… Cordial.
Augh.

Sept 10th: Since Dorian got all pissy at my fake “soundtrack to my life” list, here’s one I actually put some thought into:

Opening Credits

Waking Up

Average Day

First Date

Falling In Love

Love Scene

Fight Scene

Breaking Up

Getting Back Together

Secret Love

Life's OK

Mental Breakdown

Driving

Learning A Lesson

Deep Thought

Flashback

Partying

Happy Dance

Regretting

Long Night Alone

Death Scene

Closing Credits

I still miss the point of doing this. Nobody will know half the songs I've chosen, or why, or ever bother to download them... But the joke list has things that you'd know- And since I still think it’s brilliant, here it is…

Opening Credits: Nickleback - Hero
Waking Up: Celine Dion - At Last
Average Day: Avril Lavinge - Sk8r Boi
First Date: Britney Spears – Overprotected
Falling In Love: Christina Aguilera - Genie in a Bottle
Love Scene: Celine Dion - My Heart will go On
Fight Scene: N'Sync - Girly Pop
Breaking Up: Will Smith - Wild Wild West
Getting Back Together: Lil' Bow Wow - Bounce with Me
Secret Love: Aaliyah - Try Again
Life's OK: Destiny's Child - Independent Woman
Mental Breakdown: Bananarama - Every Shade of Blue
Driving: Pink - Most Girls
Learning A Lesson: Vanilla Ice - Ice Ice Baby
Deep Thought: Myaa - Free
Flashback: Madonna - Die Another Day
Partying: Jewel - O Holy Night
Happy Dance: Bach - Ave Maria
Regretting: Mandy Moore - Wanna be with You
Long Night Alone: Avril Lavinge - I'm with You
Death Scene: Michael Jackson - Beat It
Closing Credits: Vitamin C - Graduation Song

(Ha ha ha the death scene. Omfg. I’m a comic genius. Musicians hate me. <3)
The real brilliance is, I don’t know HALF the songs I wrote down on the fake list.

Sept 11th: