Feb 1st: In the wake of SMSBB and the world-wide Macbook Air gangbang that’s going on…
“Undertow developer Chair Entertainment has secured the rights to create video games based on Orson Scott Card's science fiction classic, Ender's Game.”
YES.
1000x yes. That is the best thing I’ve ever heard short of an Ender’s Game anime wherein Bean and Ender sodomize each other for at least 50% of the screen time.
Also, unlike everybody else in the WORLD, I’m looking forward to this Dragon Ball movie. Why? Because it will be AWESOME.
Everybody’s ragging on the characters not looking right and that it will suck and Holly Wood will rape it- well GOOD. DB wasn’t good in the first place, it can only get better, funnier, and over 9000 (NINE THOUSAAAAAAAAAAAAAND –vegeta-).
What the world needs is more video game to movie adaptations. Point and case, Devil May Cry OAV? I think SO!
I just RECENTLY heard of this and I’m already fapping.
Also, Castlevania- yes, it’s going to be a movie, and yes, it will be better than the games.
I’m basing this solely on the fact that I will trollingly defend these things FOR THE LULZ.

Feb 6th: We all know my love of geek blogs is nearly unparalleled- there’s nothing like a sense of community when it comes to this little niche that houses the social pariah of the world.
But social retardation aside, the amount of zealousness over OS’s is getting ridiculous. I’ve ranted about this before, but it’s about time to send it out into the ether again- I’m tired of being asked what my “favorite” operating system is.
Like any functioning adult, I don’t have one. They all come in handy at one time or another. So, here it is, set in stone.
Mac- we use these at the studio in the render farm. When you need to process 3D animation, put together digital video or DIP, OSX is really the best choice. It runs Flash with reliable stability, and the exports are quick and generally crash free. Why don’t I use it as my main OS? It’s just a personal preference- I find the UI a bit too restrictive, but then, I’m an advocate of homebrew as well as some oldschool aps that I’m just too lazy to Xover every other day.
*Nix – this is my default OS for workhorse machines. I can customize it to do exactly what I want, when I want. I don’t want to have to check on whatever thing they’re compiling/processing/doing every day, and *Nix gives me peace of mind that I won’t have to deal with unexpected reboots or crashes.
Windows- and here we arrive at my every-day OS. Oh, how disappointing, another Windows users. Well, at some point you’ll have to come to grips with the fact that the MAJORITY of people use it, and it just makes life simpler to go with the crowd, at least in this case. I enjoy not having to dick around with new hardware installation. If I had time to set aside for this, I’d use *Nix without question, but the fact is, Windows is easy.
In the end, a bit of humor is great- I certainly wouldn’t want to see everybody walking on eggshells and choosing their words like a British fop meeting the queen.
It’s fine to poke fun at Mac users for being fruity, or Windows users for being dumb, or Linux users for never getting laid, but it’s when you start getting EMOTINAL over it that it’s gone too far.

Feb 7th: This whole “girl gamer” movement is starting to get under my skin. To be clear, I obviously don’t have a problem with ladies playing video games- it happens, it’s just rare.
I think it’s idiotic to pretend like it’s the norm.
But the self proclaimed girl-gamers out there are getting on their high horses over the lack of respect for their skillz.
I’m sorry to break this to you, but playing WoW every day, or having handled a wii-mote once does NOT make you a gamer.
Personally, I hate the term “casual gamer”- I don’t call myself a “casual scientist” because once and a while I look up the chemical composition of something. And you certainly wouldn’t call somebody a “casual vegetarian” if they only ate meat once and a while.
Do you own one or more consol? Did you play video games as a kid?
If no, you’re not a gamer.
Real gamers can wax idiotic about their favorite game for hours, they’ll get angry in the real world if you kick their ass at Soul Caliber, they’ll neglect social functions just to play SMB or FF variants, and they will shed their normally quiet demeanor while playing Halo to issue forth an impressive soliloquy of cursing.
I’m tired of getting my hopes up when That Other Girl Over There starts calling herself a gamer, and upon erupting in a joyous WAS TURTLES IN TIME NOT THE BEST TMNT GAME, being met with silence.
The fact you jiggle around while playing Wii-bowling may convince the men in the audience, but I need to see you complete Megaman to be convinced.

Feb 8th: Earlier this week we booked a car to drive down to Sudbury for my parent’s 25th wedding anniversary. In a perfect world, the auto-share place would have picked Jaime up at work, he would have driven to meet me, and we would have left without incident.
In the real world, they called him at the last minute to explain he was out of their fabled Pick Up Zone, and would have to come grab the car himself.
So, off he went, only to discover that, unlike every other car rental agency in the WORLD, this one required a passport in order to acquire the car. So he calls me, asks me to bring the passport and the luggage and meet him there.
I start to pack and get ready, only to get another call ten minutes later informing me that they close at 6pm- in TWENTY MINUTES.
So I say fuckit to the bags, as we can pick them up later, and sprint out the door. Twenty minutes to get from the annex to some shithole on West Dundas.
I jogged through the subway, boarded the train, then sprinted the final few feet, making it JUST in time.
Sadly, because we were so late, they didn’t have a small car for us, instead they informed us that the only thing left was a minivan- A BRIGHT RED minivan that may as well have had #1 Mom emblazoned on its side.
But we had no other choice, so we took it, and went off on our adventure- in the BLIZZARD.
Like all city folks, we think that whatever is happening in Toronto is happening everywhere else in the world, so the beautiful clear night we had was uplifting… Until we hit The Snow Belt.
Traffic slowed to a crawl, not only for safety, but because we were stuck behind a grater/salt truck.
Let me paint you a picture… A picture made of horror and words~
Highway 69, which we so intelligently chose to drive, is a two lane highway- meaning the only thing protecting you from oncoming traffic is PRAYER.
In a choice that can only be called insane, the on-coming lane is also a passing lane (meaning you make sure no cars are barreling down at you then drive into ONCOMING TRAFFIC in order to pass the guy in front of you).
The on-coming lane WAS NOT PLOWED, so it was a giant, slippery mess of snow and ice.
Despite this, people kept choosing to go into that lane to PASS. IN THE STORM. WITH ZERO VISIBILITY.
And that’s not the end of the stupidity either. After going 40 mph for quite some time, there was a HUGE slow-train following us (essentially it went: grater, two semi trucks, us, GIANT LINE OF CARS GETTING PISSED OFF). These people behind us, not being able to see the grater through the cascade of snow following it, were getting impatient and decided to start crawling up the SHOULDER to pass us.
One guy kept blinking his hi-beams at us, trying to get us to speed up. I was like WTF, we can’t go anywhere, what does he think we’re going to do? So we just stayed the course, and eventually he starts going right past us, ON THE SHOULDER- half in the ditch. Of course once he got far enough ahead of us, not only did he get boxed in by the two 18 wheelers that were ahead of us, but found that he couldn’t pass them because the grater’s shovel extended into the shoulder, which he was so intelligently using as a lane.
AUGH.
I thought we would surely die when the inevitable pile-up happened and we got caught up in it not unlike a giant Katamari ball.
At one point, while on a corner hill, this semi truck that had been behind us sped up and attempted to pass. It managed to get right in front of us before starting to fishtail all over the place. Luckily we had slowed down and were a good distance away to avoid the scads of ice and snow that were blowing off the top of it.
But, despite all this, we made it- it took a long, slow while, but we were intact, and thoroughly amused. Some memorable quotes…

[Starting to pass a low crazy-looking vehicle]
Jaime: What IS that.
Me: It’s a grater.
[Massive amounts of salt and gravel hit the side of the van]
Me: It’s a grater and a salt truck.
Jaime: Oh man, let’s just follow this thing.
[We drop behind it, going about 50mph]
Me: The whole way? For five hours?
Jaime: Yes.
Me: We’ll return the van looking like swiss cheese…
Jaime: It’s safest when salt’s being shot right under our car.
Me: Good thing there’s 0 deductible on this thing.
[Sound of salt hitting the front of the car]
Jaime: The engine will be full of salt- it’ll start coming through the vents.
Me: Deer appear out of nowhere when we return it to lick the side of the van.
Jaime: Majestic.

[In the storm, guy behind us flashing his brights]
Jaime: WTF, why is he flashing at me.
Me: There’s no way he wants to pass, I can’t even see in front of us.
Jaime: Maybe I have my high-beams on.
Me: … He’s behind us.
Jaime: My rear high-beams?
Me: … LOL. What?
Jaime: I don’t know- it’s a van! Maybe it has rear high-beams.
Me: Ahahahaha- that would only serve to piss off the people behind you.
Jaime: And if I ever had to drive backward.
Me: At night… In a storm.
Jaime: Yes.

Feb 11th: We spent a peaceful time in Sudbury- went up to Verner to celebrate the anniversary and had a delicious dinner including moose, which was surprisingly good. We had initially planned to leave right after, but there were major snow storm warnings, so we stayed an extra day.
Monday we managed to hit a clear patch, and went on our way. Some of the roads were still pretty bad, especially around Barrie, where it was slippery as all hell. At one point we saw a car, wedged sideways (passenger door toward the sky) in a snowbank, surrounded by emergency vehicles.
I have made a pact to never drive around in the winter months ever again.

Feb 15th: So I write this post to you from my new computer- the first desktop I've owned since leaving home seven years ago. I can't even begin about how great it feels to have a real computer again.
It's been years.
Years of hating laptops.
~Hazy memory fade~
My first encounter with laptops was when some of the first “portable” computers came out- I put portable in quotes because they were essentially 50lb chunks of plastic you were expected to cart around.
This is why businessmen needed cocaine in the 80's.
It was around this time that I realized I hated working on laptops. Adding parts is like fisting an android chick. Putting them back together is worse. I like the analogy of when you empty out a cereal box to get the prize at the bottom, then try to stuff all the frosted flakes back in, and end up with a mangled box that's all bowed out at the sides.
I lived happily with towers, never really appreciating the ease of upgrading until I moved out and was forced to buy a laptop for convenience sake.
I must have sent that thing to the repair shop about half a dozen times, because I refused to work on it.
The laptop in question was a shitty Compaq Presario, which hated all of its components with a vengeance.
Eventually I was forced to buy another computer- yet again, a laptop (I was still globe-trotting and couldn't move a tower around with me). This time I didn't want to get a lemon so I did some research and heard great things about Toshiba Satellites.
Never believe what you read on the internet, kids. That computer was shittier than the first one.
Two heat syncs and one LCD later, it still had cooling problems and would sometimes fail to recognize the DVD drive, as well as suffering from a mystical PCI conflict that would manifest at random.
Recently, the Satellite's transistors started to fail, resulting in an increasing number of thin lines on the screen, which made watching anything on it extremely irritating.
I had been poking around Craig's List for a while, eying possible systems I'd like, and finally closed a deal on an all-inclusive tower/LCD/speakers/keyboard/mouse two days ago. Jaime and I went to pick it up, and the following day I bought a DVD-RW combo drive and an extra gig of memory.
Installing them was incredibly easy- once I figured how to crack it open.
You see, back in my day, computer cases were unwieldy and required the whole shell to be lifted off.
When faced with slot-less factory screws in the back, I had a few head-scratching moments before realizing civilization has come a long way, and now include the easiest twist-keys to loosen the side of the case.
The rest was just plug and play, fantastic, no drivers required.
It took about a day to streamline windows and set up all my preferences (as drive imaging wasn't an option), but now all is well- and in the nick of time.
As I was working on the tower, I was watching movies on the Satellite, which decided to randomly shut down in protest.
I cannot WAIT to throw that thing out. If I end up smashing the shit out of it in a final furious retribution, I shall film it for the internets.

Feb 28th: I've been hit with some shitty bronchial infection- I was hoping to escape this year unscathed, but last Friday I started feeling run down. Against better judgment I went to Beck's baby shower on Saturday, but left early due to not being able to stay awake any longer.
All week I've been convalescing, and complaining.
So in the interest of keeping the bitch and moaning to a minimum, it's time for... [Queue merry tune]
Hilarious Spam Hour!

Subject: Believe it or not – here is a Doctor approved, FDA approved pen1s enlargement formula
Hm, yes of course. But spelling “penis” with the number one makes me question your credibility.

Subject: My DICK? It's my favorite organ, and it's HUGE
My heart is MY favorite organ, and it's HUGE too- oh wait! No, that's terrible news.

Subject: Give the girls something to stare at
This one came without anything in the body of the e-mail, which makes me question their master plan for selling whatever it is that will make people gawk at you. I'm assuming it's roaming the streets with your pants round your ankles yelling about your new “cukhard”.

Subject: Be the King of the bedroom with your new scepter
The poetry and imagery in this one almost has me convinced.
This is what happens when writers unions go on strike, and they're forced to seek employment ~elsewhere~.

Subject: More howls than you can shake a shiver at
“Shake” a “Shiver” at... Is this selling cock pills or old Muddy Waters LPs?

Subject: Total penetration is now assured with your new huge schl0ng
Now this one is aimed at gamers. “Total Penetration”? That's an XBL Achievement if I've ever heard one.

Subject: orphanage
The body of this one was “VI AG vqs RA $1 !”. Hm, yes, orphanages and erectile medications. I need to stop signing up for PedoBear Quarterly.

Subject: Voted most effective male enlargement supplement product by MYSPACE users
Oh wow. MYSPACE users... With the capslock firmly down. Well, if they can maintain an erection while listening to Linkin Park, this may be the first legitimate ED pill yet.

Subject: Bam. A rocking baller cock in your pants
Wat.
Rocking Baller Cock. What does that even MEAN? To my knowledge a baller is some dude who claws his way up from the streets and henceforth rolls with the bitches (to quote Webster's Dictionary).
I was unaware of their notoriety for having telltale rocking in their pants.
Though that would explain the spike in Singing Rectal Thermometer sales.

Subject: Always wanted to shaft your shaft deeper into her? Now you can.
Fantastic- now we've reached the unemployed Harlequin romance writers, doomed to compose spam for the rest of their days. “shaft your shaft deeper”. Throw in a little yearning and some love canals, and you're all set.

Subject: Do not bow to nature It is possible to extend your manhood up to SIX inches
Considering the average size is 5-6 inches, that is a TERRIFYING offer. Make sure to pick up some pain meds from the OnLin3 Ph@r/\/\acy for your girlfriend first.

Me: maaaan now that I know you'r home having fun, I want to leave and join u
Jaime: You'd be welcome to, it's just boys here right now, hanging out, talking about cars and touching our testicals in a manly fashion
brb sausages
Me: Hahahahaha.

May 18th: So after playing Megaman ZX and absolutely loving it, I went looking for a new game to take up my time.
I had never played Bomberman before, and it's a fairly well known name in gaming, so I gave it a whirl. I don't know if it's the DS remake, but good god it was dull. I'm not one for that type of game, though, so I won't pass judgment.
Next I gave the new Star Fox a chance. I've always been a fan of the series -adored the SNES version- and was sad to see the DS raped it of all fun by making it stylus controlled. Generally I hate using the stylus unless it's a throw-away game that's meant specifically for that (see: Cooking Mama).
Being forced to control my plane using the teeny DS pen made my hand seize up into an unusable claw- which was fine, because the portion of the game that wasn't flying (that weird map-discovery shit they added) was a huge pile.
Wanting a respite in a fighting game, I loaded up Marvel Nemesis - Rise of the Imperfects. Sweet holy fuck that is a TERRIBLE game. The characters move around like they're on ice, the fighting is mainly button mashing, and the 3D camera enjoys spinning around at random intervals. I give props to the multi-level stages, but all merit this game could have earned itself swirls down the toilet with the non-player AI.
Hay, hay, Electra, get your fine ass back here and fight me. What are you shooting at?
Finally- FINALLY, I found a game that seems promising. I had heard a lot of grief over Metroid Prime Hunters. Fans of the old game seem to hate that it's been turned into a FPS, but you know, it's not half bad.
I've played my share of FPS, so it's not an alien feeling to control a game in that way, and it seems pretty intuitive so far. I'll wax idiotic on this a bit more once I've played through, but I'm quite enjoying it so far.

May 18th: ROCK BANNND!
Dorian was kind enough to invite Jaime, Hennessey and I over to play rockband. Joined by Duncan, Anabelle and Andy, we made a formidable band... When the dog wasn't excitedly pulling out the wires.
The drums- were awesome. Absolutely fun and challenging. They're intuitive, though, so it's not the FUCK, FUCK THIS SHIT “challenge” of so many other rhythm games.
The guitars are pretty much the same as Guitar Hero, so those of us who whiled away countless hours honing our embarrassing pseudo-instrument skills [haha PENIS JOKE] can still strut our stuff on the ukulele sized controllers.
Lastly, the singing bit- maybe it was just our group, but it seemed a mad dash to get AWAY from the mic every time a new song queued up.
I think the blatant lack of pop songs had something to do with that- rock ballads are surprisingly difficult to sing.
Then again, so is Gimme More- because I am not a robot.

May 22nd: The Legacy of Terrible Pies
Lately, I've been wanting a coconut cream pie. I have been desiring it like a man at sea desires a good meaty woman. But like that sailor I've had to resign myself to beating it to the poorly done tattoos on the peg boy's back.
Apparently Toronto bakeries do not sell coconut cream pies.
So, feeling sorry for me -or possibly murderous over my constant winging over “I want pie”- Jaime decided to make me one from scratch.
I had forgotten, possibly blocked out, the first time Jaime made me a pie, so I was eager to dive in [... this all really sounds like an awesome euphemism... within a euphemism... about fanny bandits].
So the filling burned a bit, and it seemed a little... Chunky... and upon a pre-pie taste test of its goopy innards I was less than impressed, but the promise of ~everything will come together once it sets~ kept my hopes up.
Finally, after hours in our circa 1920's freezer, the pie was ready.
The first forkful left me wondering, the second nearly confirmed it, and the third had me regurgitating cream like a colicky infant.
I have never eaten anything so rich in my entire life of consuming pastries in lieu of meals.
That is, until it all came flooding back to me in a terrible montage of skor bars and cool whip.
When Jaime was first ~courting me~ he decided to make me a birthday treat. Considering my hatred of cakes, he decided to make me a Skor Pie.
The recipe included the following:
Pie crust.
Cool whip.
Pieces of Skor.
Caramel.
I am still unconvinced that an eight year old didn't make this up.
Perhaps he made a triumphant return with the coconut cream pie recipe.
Pie crust.
Cool whip.
Pieces of coconut.
A WHOLE BAG OF FLOUR.
Cream.
Urp. It's still with me.

May 24th: Jaime and I attended Anime North today, just for the one day, and this time as panelists.
Without a doubt, this is the way we'll be doing it in the future- Saturday is the prime day regardless, and signing in as a panelist saved us the ARDUOUS two-hour process of standing in line for badges. Plus, we got our money back for doing three lectures [which we spent ten fold on retro games and smutty comics].
We signed in well before our first panel, and had time to look around the selling floor. It was much larger than previous years, as was the attendance.
The doujinshi caterwauler made his triumphant return, screaming at the top of his lungs about RED HOT BOY LOVE, much to my amusement and Jaime's irritation.
Wherever we went, it was literally an OCEAN of people in costume, most of which we didn't know. “Awesome, what is that from?” easily overpowered our usual “oh dear god, are those HAMS in that Fey Valentine outfit?”.
Our first lecture was about shopping in Tokyo- it went quite well, despite the audience being pretty mute question-wise. We discussed getting around Japan, where to lodge, and the best stores- as well as a brief bit about currency and how bank machines work [always important when you will be OVERCOME with the desire to spend THOUSANDS of dollars]. I ended the lecture with “BRING MONEY” and “Japanese pizza has mayo and eggs on it”, which I think sums up the country in two sentence fragments.
We then had a pause to wander, shoot photos of interesting cosplay (notably, Count of Monte Cristo, which we have been watching recently), eat terrible and overpriced hot dogs, and witness the general craziness of the con.
There was an impromptu rave in the parking lot, a gigantic Naruto photo-shoot, a full-sized Onix snaking through the crowds [piloted by several tired looking guys] as well as T-Shirt ninjas skulking about.
The fangirls were out in full force as well, squealing and reminding me why ONE DAY is certainly enough.
The last two panels we did were back to back- Animation Today, and 2D vs 3D. It's lucky we attended, as the two other panelists were quiet, reserved, polite people that would have had a civil discussion if it weren't for my spitting rage about the industry and 3D respectively.
You need at least one pig-headed asshat in every argument to make it great.
I'm happy to say I crushed at least thirty dreams of potential animators by revealing the dark underbelly of not getting paid, being worked to death, and suddenly being fired for no reason.
The weirdest part was one older woman in the audience who kept asking questions about budget, which type of animation is least expensive, and how animators are to be properly motivated.
I expect there will soon be a really great studio opening- or a really terrible one, depending on which one of us she listened to.
We also had one guy come in and ask if “somebody had a really great idea, and told animators about it, would it be made”. I was quick to field that one by saying, no, nobody ever listens to “it's like Family Guy but...” as pitched by a nervous stranger approaching them on the street.
After the panel, quite a few people came up and asked our names- particularly Jaime, who was a favorite among the hopeful lady animators.
We made our exit, pausing only briefly to be humped by a Hard Gay cosplayer.
Next year I'm definitely signing up for a gaming panel, as well as at least one yaoi pairing discussion. Two words: Hagrid/Lucius.
I guarantee MAYHEM.

Cosplay Photos:

"My fiancee has forced me to box up all of my dvds and put them in the closet... she doesnt want them out on a shelf... she thinks it looks like a boys dorm room. Ugh... the things we guys do for love"

"I feel for you too man. My last girl tried to do the same with my games (nes, snes and dreamcast) and dvds too and it actually led to the downfall of our relationship. These are memorial statues to our bachelorhood i feel they intimidate and scare our women by reminding them of the crazy people we all once were. In response it cause's them to strike down the statue with militaristic accuracy and prejudice."

This post is full of sad, defeated men: http://gizmodo.com/393980/how-my-wife-castrated-my-dvd-collection

Saying things like , "oh it wasn't so bad", "we did that too", "I do not miss my Thundercats VHSs", "I am now bett.er.for.it.I .. love.. my ... wife."

And this just steams me: "Someday, when you have a sexual partner of your very own that's not attached to your arm, you'll understand that sometimes we all have to make some very painful sacrifices."

This is what makes other geeks think that they are DOOMED to dating a bitch who is attracted to the money they made inventing virtual paper dolls.
NO.
Stop it.
You fucking... Fucks. MARRY A NERD GIRL, or I will hunt you down, put your DVD collection back in thrice it's glory, and watch as your orange wife tears you a new chloeaca with her 500$ acrylic nails.

June 2nd: So I've been sampling a bunch of games in preparation for being trapped on a plane for 10h. Here are a few first impressions:

Pokemon Dash
Oh sweet, Pokemon!
Aww, listen to Pikachu's cute little "pika pika"s.
I haven't played this since Red & Blue. Oh, wait, it's a racing game. Well, I suppose that could be a hoot.
Hm, stylus controlled, I guess I can deal with that.
What- I have to KEEP sliding the stylus to make him move?
Pika pika my ass, GO YOU RETARDED RODENT.
I am now drowning you.
You are still Pika-ing.
SHUT UP DAMNIT.
My hand hurts and I am angry.

Dig Dug
What is going on? Why is this art so bad? When do I get to play the game?
I've heard so much about this, there must be something I'm missing.
... Seriously, when do I get to play the game?
This plot is tiresome and unskippable.
YES, finally, gameplay.
...
Oh, I've died. Squished by my own hubris. Let's try again.
Hm, apparently some monsters can't die.
DIG YOU FUCKER.
DIG.
Ugh, I have to listen to the plot EVERY time I restart?
Skip, skip, skip...
Dig, dig, dig...
Die.
FUCK THIS.

Wario Ware
Ha ha ha, this plot is kind of funny. Look how deliciously evil he is... So, what's the game here?
Oh, I see, mini-games at random intervals.
Two second mini-games.
Cut snot out of a crying woman's nose? Who the fuck is this aimed at- NO TIME FOR THAT, another mini game.
Rush, rush rush.
Jesus, now he's flying off into the sunset.
Is this what children like now-a-days?
Fuck, it's too fast.
What is going on.
There are too many colors.
The bubbles are burning my tongue.
GET OFF MY LAWN.

June 6th: Off to Vancouver! The week leading up to this has been Intense With Planning, what with the pet-sitting and various appointments to get things settled, as well as working my ass off at the office to minimize the amount of shit people have to do in my absence.
But today we left Toronto, and all my worries behind [... Okay, a small portion of my worries behind].
Flying West Jet was fantastic, though. I had always been an Air Canada snob, but fuck. Fuck them, right in their sour little faces. Why West Jet rocks:
- Free TV
- No meals [yes, this is good. I don't like smelling their disgusting Airport Sauce]
- Super friendly staff
- Seats shaped for human beings, rather than Tetris pieces
The flight itself was exceptionally fast- not sure if it's the perspective gained from the Japan flight or the sweet satellite TV, but it was over before I knew it.
We landed, were greeted by cold rainy weather and happy glad tidings from Jaime's family. His parents were kind enough to take us out to eat at a local bar [not unlike Crazy Moe's, with a whole bunch of shit on the walls- albeit interesting shit], and we regaled one-another with stories.
By the end of it, though, I was struggling to stay awake- having woken up at 7am, and not slept at all during the flight. Jaime and I crashed at around 1am Van time [4am our time... Ung].

June 8th: The past couple of days Jaime has taken me site-seeing around his hometown. We went up to the Abby, one of the highest points in Mission. Jaime explained that's how the town originally got its name; the missionary school.
Way on top of a mountain there's this huge cathedral that's one of the only Canadian churches blessed by the pope. There's some sort of stipulation about it having to be made of one ongoing piece of stone- which is impressive in itself.
The whole thing was surrounded by foliage, and after traipsing through the trails, we came out on a cliff that overlooked the whole valley. Right through the middle you could see the Fraser River, looking as majestic as any shit-brown body of water can.
All along the edges there were mills, surrounded by huge floats of logs.
Jaime also took me to see the forest near his high school- it is SO lush and dense. Also, very moist. By the time we finished running around, getting smacked around by leaves, we were soaked, and my pants were muddy up to the knees. It was all worth it, though. The trees were HUGE, moss-covered monstrosities, and all you could hear was bird-song.
I also saw some slugs, which were quite keen.
Also, I was not meant to write travel logs.

June 10th: We've been visiting Jaime's various friends and family. It's really been a hoot- there's never been a more gregarious bunch of people. Jaime's new D&D books arrived in the mail, and we headed over to his friend Sean's place to play a game. We didn't actually end up doing anything, half because we spent the time talking, and half because of all the changes to the system [which Jaime had to figure out before we could play].
It's odd finally putting faces to all the names I've heard so much about- it stands that my mental image of people is consistently wrong.

June 12th: Jaime and I have traveled into the city twice now- once to go out to dinner with his family on the seawall, which was quite scenic and nice. This time we explored the newly restored downtown core, which has been getting polished for the Olympics. I barely recognized China Town- it used to be mostly empty, save for a few wandering vagrants. Even though we witnessed a shoe less whore being kicked by her pimp, a screaming crazy dude, and one persistent beggar, that's a massive step up from what used to go on down there.
Even Victory Park [notoriously shitty and full of drug dealers] was pristine.
After taking a good look around, and buying some souvenirs, we headed down to Wreck Beach, and the five-thousand steps heading down to it. We milled around there, picking up shells and enjoying the ocean view until sunset, at which point we drove to Jaime's friend's Nintendo party.
I have a feeling Jaime, Mat and I essentially ended the party by refusing to stop playing Golden Eye and alienating everybody else.

June 13th: Today Jaime's parents showed us around the surrounding villages and mountains; we saw llamas, a baby donkey, tonnes of sheep and cows, and vast spans of mountains. We drove up to Harrison, a little collection of cottages built around natural hot springs. It's literally nestled in the side of a mountain, covered in old growth forest.
We even saw a waterfall, right on the side of the road.
To give you an idea of how dense and expansive the forest is- this is where Sasquatch is said to be spotted, and there were quite a few homages to the hairy cryptozoid- inns, trails, sculptures, paintings.
We ended off the day in the first ray of sunshine to hit since our arrival- the four of us went down to the creek where Jaime and his siblings used to swim as kids. It was covered in white rocks, everywhere, with the water winding through them. Tucker [the family dog] went for a swim, but it was WAY too cold for anybody else.
On the opposite side from us there was another dog in the water, catching salmon [there were HUNDREDS of them!].
We returned home to get ready for a fancy dinner, courtesy of Jaime's wealthy relatives, and then adjourned to their gigantic mansion that overlooks the whole town. Jaime and his friends frolicked in the hot tub, while I played with the assortment of show dogs that were there [like I said, WEALTHY].

June 14th: After a huge family dinner -all of which was prepared by Jaime's mum- we met up with Mat and his girlfriend to go catch a movie. We ended up seeing The Incredible Hulk, which was actually not bad. I enjoyed it [despite being in the second row]- it was much better animated than the first one, and actually had an engaging plot. I especially liked the first portion detailing how he built a new life for himself in South America.
Also: Zanzibar is in it more than the Hulk's girlfriend.

June 15th: We left bright and early at 7am to our first day of sunshine since landing.
This time around there was a layover in Calgary, so we took off, were in the air for about an hour, landed for an hour, then took off again.
I managed to sleep a bit, but only due to severe exhaustion- I hate sleeping on planes. HATE.
When we got into Toronto there was this huge lightning-spitting black cloud in the distance. It was like a wall of evil hovering just outside the airport.
We landed without incident, but just as we disembarked, a typhoon hit and the baggage handlers weren't allowed on the tarmac for another two hours.
Unfortunately for us, Jaime had packed four bags full of books, so we had to wait for the rain to pass before we could get our bags.
It did briefly, but started up again during the cab ride home. The driver, being the only cautious cabbie in the T Dot, wouldn't go over 20 the whole way home.
Finally we arrived, to find my plants still alive [YAY, operation Water the Fuck Out of Them worked!] and everything as it was.
Most of the stuff I packed survived, except one shattered pot of chili [how they managed to crush a Tupperware container like that, I'll never know] and my seashells, most of which came out as a fine fishy powder.
Finally, after a few hours of toil, I'm unpacked, and officially out of shelf space.
June 16th: The return to work wasn't half as bad as I was expecting- yes, there was a lot of it, but it wasn't overwhelming. Luckily last week was slow, and I think my cohort in provisioning secretly did a lot more work than she let on.
Jaime was home to greet Hennessey, who was dropped of at 9:30am, looking happy, healthy and extremely glad to see us.
I came home early and took him for a walk. It seems like the time [however brief it was] with other dogs calmed him down.
Though he still has a psychobilly phreakout at squirrels.
Tomorrow, I shall re-acquire my rat, and all will be well.

June 21st: So after a crazy week of catching up on work, homestuff, and collecting my pets, Jaime and I unwound today by sleeping for twelve hours, then heading off to the Video Games Live concert.
It was a free event [sponsored by Futureshop, as they told us on multiple occasions] in Dundas square.
We arrived a bit early, at which point there were a fair few people milling around the Wii and Xbox 360 booths.
Guitar Hero competitions and cosplay contests were held- I was sort of miffed I didn't dress up, as I could have pwned the non-cannon characters who participated [Mario sans mustache, Peach and Cloud with the wrong hair, etc]. Luckily a fair try at Kid Icarus won, so I can't fault them too much.
The concert itself was fantastic- they started out with some classic pieces [non video game] set to clips of some arcade favorites.
They followed up with scores from Civilization, Myst, Metroid, Mario, Halo, Sonic, Tetris, and a fair few others I can't recall at the moment [YouTube-ing it will definitely get you samples].
The choir was absolutely fantastic- as was the pianist, who was able to play blindfolded and at incredible speeds.
It all culminated in an encore of One Winged Angel- which ended to tremendous applauds and a torrential downpour.
Jaime and I walked home in the rain, grabbed some fast food to satiate our ravenous hunger, and after reading a bit of The Hobbit [our current book] turned in for the night.

July 1st: Happy Canada Day! We celebrated by playing Knights of the Old Republic. And now, some other unrelated things.
Me: Man I can't get the super creepy vocies from Fox and the Hound out of my head
they are haunting me
u have shown me the devil's animation
Jaime: I'M A HOOOUUUND DAWG
Me: OOOWooOOowow
WrryUDoo THAAT
CUSOANWERHGH
what
CUZI'MA'SUPPOS'TO
wat
OWOOOwooowoo
Jaime: Marmaduke, NO!
Me: roflpsl
* LuLz brought to you by this meme

Me: what does the team fortress lady say
when u win
mission compelte?
something something
Jaime: Ooh... I'm not sure
I know when you lose she says 'Mission Failed!"
Me: lol
a lot has been revealed about u and your team

Jaime: Cool, I have iSquint now
Me: wtf is that
some sort of thing where Steve Jobs shoots a load in your eye
Jaime: It's the program that converts videos to mpeg4
Me: I was right
Jaime: I just tried it, it's very fast
Me: The analogy just keeps on going
Jaime: >_<

July 5th: Jaime, Dorian, Duncan, the rest of the crew, and I went to the Island Today. We brought Hennessey- we've never seen him swim before, and wondered how he would take to the water. It turns out: like a fish.
The moment we got down to the beach he ran to the shore and in [with Jaime].
After a bit we saw he could be trusted to recall, which I've been teaching him every day, and took him off the leash.
He was quite good, going to the water when he was too hot or thirsty, and running around when he was bored.
He had the time of his doggy life, and I was quite proud that whenever I called, he would come barreling back to me.
We stayed until nightfall, at which point even the fire couldn't warm up Jaime [who had been in the water], and we bid our friends adieu and headed for the HORROR that is the ferry ride back.
We stood in line with kids screaming bloody murder and idiots listening to music on boom-boxes for a good thirty minutes.
I could not have been more glad to get off that boat. It was crowded full of people, whose origin shall remain nameless, that hated my dog.
Therefore, I hated them.
THAT'S MY BOY, BLUE.

July 9th: Finally, Jaime and I have busted out my sewing machine. I asked for it as a gift some time ago, but have been too... "apprehensive" ... to use it. [Read: I am a chicken shit.]
During that period of time, I somehow lost the manual.
"No problem!" Say Jaime and I, "we are intelligent, mechanically-minded people, we can figure this out".
So, we plug it in, turn it on, and try to thread it.
This will be boring and tedious for those of you who know nothing of sewing. For thsoe who do: this is comedy GOLD.
So there we are, with the machine, a spool of thread, and a bunch of bobbins that came with it.
Jaime: You have to wind the thread on these.
Me: No you don't, you just put them on top.
Jaime: Fine. But I took home ec. You just had ~computer technology~.
[Jaime threads the machine]
Me: Wow. How did you do that!
Jaime: There are numbers on the side that tell you how.
Me: ... So there are.
Jaime: Put the thread through the eye of the needle. My fingers are too fat.
Me: Okay, there.
Um.
How do I get the shirt in?
Jaime: Lift the foot.
Me: How?
Jaime: ... It... Um.
Me: [Tries to lift it. Tries the various knobs.] Are you sure we don't just shove the shirt in there?
Jaime: I guess...
Me: [Shoves shirt under the foot.] How does it go?
Jaime: What?
Me: The shirt is stuck! How does it move forward... To be... Sewn... Sewed.. Sewanated.
Jaime: The teeth do it.
Me: Dear god. [Presses peddle. Shirt moves forward]. WOO! It's working!
[We both peer at the end of the shirt coming out. There is 1 stitch, and a big long loose piece of thread.]
Jaime: It didn't work.
Me: The shirt is stuck.
Jaime: Lift the foot.
Me: We already know it doesn't do that.
Jaime: Then just...
Me: [Keeps sewing it. It slowly moves through the machine.]
Jaime: ... Do that.
Me: Uh- Wat.
[Shirt is now trapped, by the neck, between the sewing machine's foot and the back of the machine.]
Me: HAHAHAHAH
Jaime: Get the scissors.
[SOME TIME LATER]
Me: Ugh. This foot HAS to move. It's too stupid if it doesn't. [Lifting it manually, still pushing levers.] Whoops. [Foot falls off the bar.]
Jaime: ...
Me: It's little foot fell off.
Jaime: LuLz. Here, let me thread this bobbin. It needs to be on here.
Me: Okay. Oh, wait! [Pushes another lever, whole foot lifts this time.]
Jaime: YAHHH!
Me: BRODOWN.
Jaime: In a minute, I'm still winding this bobbin.
Me: Fag.
[We now have a bobbin on the top, threaded through, and the foot lifted.]
Me: Looks good.
Jaime: Looks right.
[We sew. No stitches go through.]
Me: WRY!
Jaime: Okay, I'm googling it.
Me: This is the devil's instrument.
Jaime: All of these forums are full of "dropped stitches" and "thread dispensing rates".
Me: [Pressing peddle] I think this bobbin is supposed to be spinning at least. It's not.
Jaime: [Reading forums] UGH this is useless! "Thread machine according to manual".
FUCKERS.
Me: Is the thread just supposed to dangle out like this. It keeps getting sucked back into the machine. [Pulls it out.]
Jaime: That's it, I'm calling my mom.
Me: I hope this doesn't break it.
Jaime: They're sturdy machines.
Me: Meant to have everything torn out backward?
Jaime: No, we're probably ruining it. I mean it's easily fixed. [On 'phone] Hello?
[An hour later of patient maternal explanations]
Jaime: So the bobbin goes in the bottom of the machine... And the spool goes on top...
Me: Oh my god it's sewing!
Jaime: I AM A GENIUS... Thank you mom.

July 11th:
Windows 3.11 to Sing its Last (MIDI) Song On November 8th, 2008
In a short and slightly poignant posting on his MSDN blog, a Microsoft systems engineer has announced that Windows 3.11 will be officially discontinued four months after XP's unceremonious removal from the consumer market. The secret to 3.11's 15-year lifespan was the embedded space, where it has dutifully provided a platform for countless low-horsepower cash registers and train schedule displays.

I just read about this on Gizmodo- I hadn't realized support had been alive for so long, but what sad news regardless. The comments brought TEARS TO MY EYES. And the screencap of the desktop... ;__; Oh Windows 3.11, you introduced me to the internet as we know it now [no I'm not counting BBS].
A moment of silence for that kick-ass OS that enriched so many of our lives, and made us forget everything about command line.

July 12th: Last night Jaime took me out on a lovely date night involving fine sushi, Hellboy, and a long walk back through the throngs of woohoo girls and orange douchbags.
We took the subway down to Hiro sushi, which had rave reviews; the food was fantastic. Authentic Japanese chef, made all his own sauces [including the soy sauce, ginger and wasabi]. It was SO good, but extremely expensive.
Afterward we went up to Dundas Square and lined up for Hellboy. We arrived an hour early, and were still caught in line. Luckily we managed good seats [as opposed to when we went to see The Incredible Hulk and ended up in the neck-breaking first row].
Hellboy was a great action film- fantastic fight sequences, only marred by the fucked up love-in they decided to include. I have to say, I HATE Liz. She is a little cunt that needs some Midol crammed down her throat.
I was also peeved that they made Abe fall in love -with an Elf no less- he's supposed to be ASEXUAL.
He was adorable as an awkward intellectual. Once he became an amphibious gonad, I wanted to punch him in the neck.
This installment also seemed to “pay homage” to a lot of things- the Elfspeak was fully ripped from LotR, and the Tree God ambled straight out of Princess Mononoke.
Granted, they're both awesome additions, but the sense of deja-vu floored me more than the overly salted popcorn.
But would I see it again? Fuck ya. Would I continue to rage at it- surely, good sure. Surely.

July 15th: And now, a short, concise list of the DS games I've played and hated [mostly]:

Shit Games:
Harry Potter GoF - dumbfuck AI, terrifying art, control is shit; repetitive
New Super Mario Brothers - Disappointing as a Mario title; would rather play SMB3
Bratz, Forever Diamondz - just as shit as expected; can now apply mascara quite well
Starfox DS - Bad stylus control, mini games designed by retards
Pacman DS - 3D world was ass; Pacman design gave me nightmares
Tetris DS - Features no actual Tetris
Marvel Nemesis - Bad AI, control, attack response; flaming rage imminent
Dynasty Warriors DS - Low on tactics, high on repetitive drone killing; frustrating map
TMNT3 - Steep learning curve; enemies too hard even on easy; LAME mini-games

Good Games:
Yoshi's Island - Nice add-ons to original; still includes fucking frustrating end
Super Princess Peach - Good interface, levels; intuitive; embarrassing to be seen playing
Space Invaders Revolution - Includes original + new; more difficult than I remember
Megaman ZX - Nice interface, levels; map system is ass, requires googling
Metroid Prime Hunters - Intuitive, good challenge level; excruciating hand cramps
Mario Kart - Is Mario Kart; is good
Kirby Canvas Curse - Intuitive, just frustrating enough to keep your interest

Alright Games if You're Exceptionally Bored:
Elite Beat Agents - Frustrating rhythm aggravation
Cooking Mama - Cannot master pouring water into pot
Electro Plankton - Fun for about 5 seconds; not an actual game
Pokemon Dash - Frontal lobe injury a prerequisite; barring that, drugs

Not My Style:
Big Brain Academy - Memorizing random numbers isn't a game
Dig Dug - FUCK YOU
Bomberman - Like playing snakes and ladders with gramma
Warioware Touched - Welcome to the Ritalin Room, enjoy your ADD

Also this:
It seems like Kellogg's Canada is offering a Guitar Hero toy. There are four different ones. The Guitar Hero prizes can be found in Mini-Wheats, Frosted Flakes, Fruit Loops, Corn Pops and Rice Krispies.

Fucking kids these days get all the breaks- video games that don't make you want to rip your own eyes out [to the same extent as say... Megaman or Battle Toads], portable gaming systems with charges lasting longer than 20 minutes, and SWEET ASS BREAKFAST CEREAL PRIZES.
You know what we got? We got felt tipped pens.
That's what we got.
GO USE YOUR IMAGINATION.

August 21st: My geek friends, I bring you news of the real world, in particular, the office world.
After being around Normal Folks for some time now, I've compiled a list of peculiarities that have made me LOL, in my mind, as to not draw undue attention to myself and my cubicle.

Normal Folks are aware of the internet. However, unlike us, their knowledge of it is somehow frozen in the year 2003.
It is still hilarious to send people horror scream videos and/or games. Even more puzzling- the victims are unaware of what's about to happen.
Tricking people into visiting deviant sex sites is still “a hoot”. Many office workers have no idea that The Internets contains pornography.
The fabled 2girls video is mentioned behind whispered hands. Some people admit to Not Having Seen It.
Internet meme Fail has become widely popular. They have yet to discover My Rectum Prolapses to Beautiful Music, The Song of My People, I Can't Let You Do That Starfox, and other more contemporary macros.
FWD chain mails are still sent office-wide.

Normal folks play video games, but not in the same way we do.
While they will be willing to briefly speak of recently released Wii games [the ladies] and 360 titles [the fellows], mention of older games, non-import games, or discussing achievements for more than five minutes garners terrified stares and attempts to leave the conversation.

This job is also my first exposure to Quintessential Ladies.
Fanboys, lend me your ears, for the rumors are true. Jen from the IT Crowd is horrifyingly accurate.

Ladies will:
Speak to you, at length, while you are in the loo.
Have conversations about shoes and/or clothing that lasts more than one sentence.
Approach you without prompting and comment on your clothing.
Ask baffling questions about “Brand Names”.
Take personal offense to any commentary about Sex and the City that isn't “it's brilliant”.
Will assess exactly how much you weigh, and begin conversation that defies appropriate rebuttal.
Become upset when you cannot produce a satisfactory response for “what is your natural hair color.” Explaining it in hexadecimal will only make the situation worse.
Randomly compliment you when you least expect it, very likely when your mouth is full of Bretzles.

August 27th: We've officially moved out today, after many, many days of toil and ordeals.
It began Saturday, wherein we received notice that we could move in- we promptly painted, and ferried a few shopping cart loads of stuff. That quickly became very tiresome and loud, and I lost all feeling in my arms.
So Sunday we rented a moving van. The only one they had left, since apparently EVERYBODY had chosen this weekend to move, was a HUGE cube truck.
Jaime deserves accolades for only backing into a stone wall twice with it.
After 'phoning our two friends, and finding that they were busy, Jaime and I decided we needed to make more friends.
Also, we set to work, moving an entire apartment's worth of stuff by ourselves.
Somehow, and with many pains, we managed it. We moved the bed, the shelves, the giant solid wood dining room table, and dozens of boxes.
The only casualties of the move were my goat skull, which Hennessey managed to eat when we weren't watching him [somehow, he hasn't died from that... But then again, he survived eating one of my hair clips once]. The other loss was a giant shelving unit, which Jaime was wheeling out of the elevator on the dolly, when it tipped over and promptly shattered into A MILLION PIECES.
I was outside guarding the van when it happened, and saw him emerge with an armful of splintered wood.
“What's that”, I inquired.
“Your shelves”, he replied.
And we laughed. And laughed. Mainly because we were so fucking tired by this point.
With that stress level running steady, I met my new neighbors for the first time by yelling at them.
Hennessey was tied up in the truck with me, and he saw another dog. He promptly LEAPT OUT, with his leash still on, and hung by his neck for a few minutes while I struggled to un-clip his leash. I couldn't manage it, but luckily he was wearing a clip collar which I unfastened.
Nonplussed by his brush with death, he promptly ran off to pee in this old lady's bushes.
She started yelling about “people who don't control their pets”, and I blew up at her like a drill sergeant.
WELCOME TO THE NEIGHBORHOOD.
When the day drew to a close, we were both so exhausted that we literally had no strength left, and had to leave a few odds and ends at the old place- including my computer.
That was remedied today, as we went to fetch it. We couldn't manage to wheel it to the new place in a shopping cart, as is our ghetto way, so we called a cab. The desk took up the whole back seat, so Jaime rode up front, and I jogged the few blocks to our new home.
I arrived at the same time as the cab, much to Jaime's surprise and man-humiliation.
At this point, we're about 90% unpacked. Of course, that doesn't count the things we need to buy for the new place, including a workstation for Jaime.
All in good time- but damn, this place is looking fine.

August 28th: I bought Jaime some shelves today for his new workspace, and he started releasing his toys from their cardboard prison.
A few were semi-crushed from the move, and being the industrious sort, Jaime started repairing them with instant super glue.
I was in the other room at the time, so I'm not quite sure what happened, but after a moment of silence, Jaime let out an exclamation and emerged from the kitchen with a dejected look on his face.
Jaime: [lifts up his right index finger, to which a thumbtack is glued, pointy side out.]
Me: What?
Jaime: It's stuck.
Me: [Inspects it.]
Jaime: NO, don't pull on it! Do we have any paint thinner?
Me: No.
Jaime: Nail polish remover?
Me: No.
Jaime: [Wail.] [Paces around a bit].
Me: Time will heal all wounds.
Jaime: I know. I once glued two of my fingers together.
Me: HAHHA.
Jaime: I'm glad my pain amuses you so.
Me: OMG.
Jaime: Okay I'm googling it. [Types very awkwardly.] It says... Hot water and soap.
Me: Brilliant.
Jaime: [In the bathroom sobbing.]
Me: You're like a gimpy Wolverine.
Jaime: [Sadly makes a poking motion with his finger.]
Me: And it's your RIGHT HAND?
Jaime: Wryyyy.
Me: HAHHAHH.
After much lulz, I remembered this horrifying sunblock I have. Now, bear with me- back in the day, I used to wear bright red nail polish and fear the sun [more so]. One day I was applying the stuff to the back of my hands, and to my horror, when I looked down they were completely red.
I thought I was having some allergic reaction, but it turns out the sunblock somehow dissolved the nail polish.
I instructed Jaime to put some on his thumbtack- and VOILA. Off it came.
Sept 1st:
Me: AHHHHHHH
AHHHHHHHHHHH
OMG WHY HAVE WE NOT EATEN AT MCDONALDS RECENTLY
right now happy meal toys are CLONE WAR related
and next it's BATMANLEGOOOO
BATMANNNNNN
BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB
AAAAAAAAAAAA
TTTTTTT
MAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
NNNNNNNNNNNNN
LEGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
James: LOL
Picollo looks like Cell
Me: Picollo looks like a dried out turd
So mcdonalds tonight y/y?
i'll buy u a drank
James: He needs his turban
Are you going to take me on a date?
Me: yes. a date to the Mc D Lounge
and then we'll play with our clone wars prizes
pew pew pew pew
u r not storng with the force
nom nom nom
and the fries wll be delicious